Begin again
by Myweakest-link
Summary: Set after season 2 finale and slightly AU after that. A story about how Paige and Emily become closer again as Paige helps Emily overcome her grief and how their relationship grows. A mix of fluff and angst with some highs and lows of the Paige/Emily relationship. Ultimately a Paily love story.
1. Chapter 1

This is a** Paige/Emily** story set 2 weeks after the finale of season 2. Even though this _is _a Paily story I'm not going to shy away from the feelings Emily has/had for Maya as I want this to be realistic, that said, I am a sucker for Paige and was so excited to see her in the last episode so expect my Paige love to shine through.

I'm not really sure where I am taking the story at the moment, is tend to decide as I'm writing. Please give my story a chance and I promise it will become more light hearted later on!

There aren't a lot of Paily fics on this site so hopefully Paily fans will enjoy :)

* * *

"Em" my mom's voice was quiet as she perched on the edge of the bed. She had been trying for days now to get some sort of response out me but all attempts had failed to get anything more than a mumble.

"Honey do you want something to eat? I could make you some pancakes?" She tried a soft approach knowing I was still vulnerable.

I didn't move from my safe place under the bed covers whilst she spoke.  
"I'm not hungry" I mumbled back to her despite the fact I knew this would make her face to twist in concern further.

"Honey, please just try and eat something, maybe some toast? And come down stairs for a bit... We can put a movie on?" She tried again, this time pulling the covers down gently to look at my face.

The light hurt my eyes but they finally adjusted and focused on my mom's face. She looked extremely stressed and it would have broken my heart if I didn't feel like it was already shattered into pieces from losing Maya. My mom had dark bags under her eyes and her hair was tied limp in a low ponytail. I knew she only wore her hair like that when she was seriously preoccupied with something.

"Please Em, I'm worried about you" She spoke softly again as she stroked a hand against my gaunt face. It was clear I had lost weight as I hadn't eaten properly since the night they found Maya.

I wanted to put up a fake front of strength to my mom and my friends so they would stop worrying about me, but I didn't have the energy to do it. I didn't want them to suffer in the same way I knew I had to but it seemed that they already were. I took in my mom's pained face once more and felt a surge of guilt run through my gut, I knew I should start somewhere and accepting some toast seemed like an easy enough step.

"Ok..." I gave in but I still spoke quietly, however a small but cautious smile crept onto my mom's face at the fact I was actually saying something slightly positive.

She took my hand and led me out of bed, as she did she got her first full view of me for a few days.

"Honey, you need to shower!" She laughed lightly and I suddenly realised I hadn't showered for days, I also realised I had no idea what day it actually was.

She led me to the bathroom and I followed without protest, she sorted a towel for me and turned the shower on full so the hard jet of water splashed loudly against the shower floor.

"Shower" she said nodding her head in the direction of the shower. "And I'll get you some toast and some coffee ready downstairs okay?"

I just nodded my expression still blank.

Her face was full of concern as she let her eyes search my face for the emotions I kept locked away. I knew she hadn't always been supportive of me being gay, but the way she was looking at me now I knew she realised that I really had fallen in love with Maya and everything I had told her was a hundred percent real. I knew she had seen the pain I was in the last time I had lost someone I loved, it had almost destroyed me and no one had witnessed that more than her. I knew she was petrified that this time I wasn't going to make it back, and as she stood there with her eyes filling with tears I wanted to say something to show her I was going to be ok. But I couldn't. I was helpless, I felt like my arms were too heavy for me to reach out and hold her. I felt like my jaw wasn't mine, like if I tried to move it to speak I wouldn't be able to. I wasn't sure I was going to get through this at all.

"Em, sweetie" she stepped closer and put a hand either side of my face. "You'll get through this, we'll get through this. It'll be okay in time I promise." She kissed the top of my head gently.  
"I love you honey" she spoke before she left me alone in the bathroom to have a shower.

I knew she was only trying to make me feel better but I couldn't help resent her words. How did she know it was going to get better? How did she know it was going to stop hurting, how did she know anything?

I pulled the tank top I had been wearing for the last two days over my head and removed the rest of my clothing slowly. As I stepped into the hot shower and let the water run over my body I let out a deep sigh.  
The shower felt good against my skin but I turned it up to full power so the water hit my back almost painfully.  
I wanted to feel pain that wasn't heartbreak; I wanted to feel something other than the dull ache in my chest.

I wanted to feel everything until I couldn't take it anymore.

I allowed the memory of Maya's face to flood back into my mind. Her sleek skin, her smile and the way her lips curled so deliciously in the corners. The sound of her voice and the way it sounded wrapped around my name. My stomach churned when the memories twisted and changed and all I could think of were the memories of that night. Seeing Maya's body draped in a cloth like she was nothing but another nameless murder victim being shipped off for evidence made me want to cry or vomit, I couldn't really decide which.

I knew in some ways Maya made me who I was today; she gave me confidence, hope, patience and love. Maya was special but I was never going to see her again.

I realised I hadn't moved for the past 5 minutes but didn't really care. I couldn't care about anything anymore so I just let the water carry on hitting me hard. I tried to concentrate on the feel of each individual jet of water hitting me imaging each was a bullet and how easy it would be for it to penetrate my skin. I tried to imagine the pain. The pain of dying; But all I felt was the numbness that warm water brought on and the dull ache in my chest where I imagined my heart used to be.

I wished I had the chance to change everything that had happened the last night I saw Maya, I wished I had the chance to just grab the other girl and tell her how much I'd loved her one last time. Kiss her again. Hold her close and let her know how important she had been to me. I hit my head against the tiles in the shower cubicle not caring about the pain it caused.

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Maya the girl who was my first love. I didn't have time to let go… I couldn't let go.

Maya was dead. I repeated the words to myself internally until they burned a hole into my mind. I felt the sting behind my eyes that I always forced away, the sting that meant tears. I hadn't allowed myself to cry anything more than the small tears that would leak out whilst I was sleeping and leave my pillow slightly damp when I woke up. I didn't want to give in to them because I knew once I did it would be almost impossible to stop.

"She's gone" I whispered the words into the steamy shower cubicle, finally saying them out loud and letting the meaning sink right into my soul.

Now it just hurt too much.

Before I knew it I was sobbing, long hard sobs that rocked my whole body and I sank down to the floor overwhelmed by a fortnight's worth of tears. I tucked my legs into my chest as I shook in time with the sobs. I couldn't see anything and I couldn't think about anything, all I could do was cry until it felt like my heart would give out.

I must have been sat there for longer than I thought because I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door and my mom appeared slowly at the side of the shower. Suddenly I was aware the water had ran cold; In fact it was now freezing and I realised I wasn't just shaking due to my tears.

She didn't speak she just turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around the whimpering mess on the floor which was me, pulling me into a tight embrace.

I cried into my mom's chest letting all my tears soak into the fabric there.

"Why?" I spluttered between sobs.

"I just... I don't understand" my sobs were still strong and my words were barely audible between them

"it's so unfair" I cried into her chest and she stroked my hair lovingly.

"I know baby. I know" she didn't say anything else but I was glad she didn't try and comfort me any more than this.

Right now I didn't need comforting, right now I just wanted to cry because the girl I had been in love with was dead, and in some ways… so was I.

* * *

It was Monday morning and I had finally managed to drag myself downstairs and I now sat at the kitchen table while my mom was moving around quickly making breakfast.

It was the first time I was going to school again after what had happened and I knew this made my mom feel better, like things were finally going back to normal.

To me though, nothing was normal.

My mom was still flashing me looks of concern every now and then from her place at the other side of the kitchen, it was like she was waiting for me to break down again any minute.

I checked my phone and found messages from all my friends as expected. They had been texting and calling a lot, always the same sort of message asking me to talk to them, telling me it'll all be ok. I read the messages with a sigh.

**Hanna -Hey Em, just checking in. How you holding up? Do you want to drive to school together? X-**

**Aria - Hope you're doing ok Em, we're all here for you if you want us, remember that ok? See you at school! X-**

**Spencer -I'm stopping for coffee before school I'll pick you up your fave? Really happy you're coming to school today Em, but if you need to talk about it all I'm always here. Hope you're ok? x-**

I sighed and placed my phone back on the table a little harder than intended resulting in a concerned look from my mom.

"Is everything okay Em?" I suddenly felt like I was going to explode from frustration. I knew I couldn't be angry at my friends and family for being worried about me but I wished they would stop asking if I was okay. I wasn't okay, not even a little bit and no one seemed to understand that however much they asked me or looked at me in concern or offered toast and tea and long talks the pain would not go away because Maya was never coming back.

It would never be okay.

I didn't reply to my mom even though she continued to look at me with her eyebrows raised, instead I stood up and grabbed my backpack, swiftly swinging it over my shoulder before I headed out of the kitchen.

"I have to pick Hanna up" I shouted behind me ignoring my mom's protest that I had to eat breakfast before I go to school.

Out of all my friends I knew Hanna would be my best option if I was to avoid the dreaded sympathy eyes. I laughed despite my miserable mood when I imagined Aria's big bambi eyes open wide in empathy or Spencer's attempt at an inspirational speech. I got in my car and pulled out of the drive way trying hard to keep my eyes focused firmly on the road in front of me, not letting them fall on the house where so many things had happened. The house where two girls I had loved were found dead.

I shivered at this thought.

I arrived at Hanna's house in what seemed like no time at all, I was driving in autopilot as my mind was too preoccupied to focus on where I was going.

"I'm here" I typed a text out to Hanna but after a few minutes I still didn't get a reply so I got out of the car and let myself into the Marin household like I had done hundreds of times before.

I walked into their familiar kitchen and stopped awkwardly as I saw the two people in there.

Caleb had Hanna pressed up against the kitchen counter and they were kissing passionately as Hanna had her hands wrapped in Caleb's hair. This was definitely too heated for before school I thought with an awkward smile.

I didn't know whether to leave or not as they obviously hadn't realised I was there and I didn't really feel like being in the company of a happy couple right now. I turned quietly to leave before they could notice me but as I did my bag hit the door causing a loud bang pulling the two people apart.

"Oh my god, Emily" Hanna shot off the counter straightening her hair with her hands and ran to my side with an apologetic look on her face.

"I didn't know you were coming over" she said with a big smile before opening her arms cautiously to hug me, obviously trying not to be too pushing for affection from me.

I returned the hug as I suddenly realised I had missed Hanna a lot. Even if I was beginning to become fed up with the constant worrying from my friends I had to admit that I needed them badly, Hanna especially.

"You sent me a text?" I asked, slightly confused. "Asking to drive to school together?"

Hanna just smiled awkwardly. "I just thought 'cos I hadn't heard from you... That you wouldn't be coming… So I asked Caleb and..." She started blushing as she looked at the boy.

"Sorry" I began, realising I probably should have text her back. I looked at Caleb who smiled at me awkwardly; obviously he was here to go to school with Hanna.

"Yeah I should have text you back" I smiled a little "I'll just see you at school" I said turning to leave again.

Hanna grabbed my arm before I could.

"No Em wait, I'll come with you" she smiled at me warmly.

"Caleb, I'll see you later?" She said to her boyfriend whilst leaning forward for a quick kiss on the cheek before he nodded and left the kitchen with a smile in my direction.

"Nice to see you Emily" he said with a soft sympathetic smile before he walked towards the front door.

"Hanna, honestly it's fine I can just meet you at school" I said, looking at Caleb as he was about to leave, even if I was doomed to an eternity of being alone, it didn't mean Hanna had to be.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "No! My best friend needs me today!" She said with a soft smile. "And I miss you" she added with a soft touch to my arm.

I just smiled back at this. I had been ignoring the blonds calls and pretty much not speaking to anyone, so I was glad that Hanna wasn't offended and understood I just needed time to myself.

"Thanks" was all I said.

After Hanna had fixed her hair for the third time and applied another coat of lip gloss we left the house and got in my car.

Hanna started speaking as we were halfway to school, "How are you doing Em? I heard Maya's memorial service is this week. Do you think you'll be able to face it?" Hanna was speaking softly obviously cautious of my vulnerability on this subject.

I felt the familiar pain in my chest as I heard Maya's name being spoken out loud. I had known that her memorial service was coming up this week but I had tried to push it to the back of my mind. Her funeral had taken place last week in California because her parents wanted to be close to their family. On Wednesday the school was holding a memorial service organised by a few of Maya's friends from jazz band who she had made during her time at Rosewood. A memorial service due to the tragic death of a student, it was just like Ali all over again and it made a lump form in my throat.

Saying goodbye to Alison had been hard enough when I had had a year to accept never seeing her again, but saying goodbye to Maya when the pain was still so raw... I just didn't know if I could do it.

Hanna was still looking at me cautiously trying to assess my reaction.

"I don't know" my voice was shaky as I answered her question, I could feel the sting behind my eyes that always appeared when someone asked me how I was or when I had to speak about Maya.

"I still feel..." I began to speak but the lump in my throat was making it hard for me to continue. Hanna placed a soft hand on my arm reassuringly as I took a deep breath.

"Han, I don't think I can talk about it. Not yet anyway" I answered her honestly. "Can we just talk about something else?" I knew I was bottling things up but it just hurt too much to let all my emotion out, to deal with things and talk to my friends about it made it all too real and I wasn't ready to accept it was just yet.  
Hanna nodded at me, I knew she must know that I was bottling up my emotions and that she probably thought I had to talk about it eventually, but right now I knew she was going to do what I asked and change the subject.

"Sure" She nodded with a small smile.

"I was going to ask you where you got that shirt anyway, it's cute" Hanna smiled as I let out a small laugh. Typical of Hanna to pick fashion as the new topic of conversation I thought to myself but I couldn't help but be thankful that this topic was the furthest from death and worrying we could get; sometimes I really loved Hanna.

* * *

"Em, Emily…EMILY!" Spencer was waving her hand in front of my face trying to get my attention. I suddenly realised I was stood at the front of a long queue of people waiting to get their lunch staring blankly at the lunch lady. I looked down at the empty tray in my hands feeling a surge of embarrassment run through me when I realised I had not been paying attention to what I had been doing; I didn't even know how I got here. Spencer was stood with her tray full of food and a worried expression on her face.

"Em, what do you want to eat?" She said softly.

"Erm… I'm not really hungry" I looked apologetically at the long queue of people and slid my tray back down whilst averting Spencer's gaze. I had been thinking of Maya's lifeless body covered in the sheet again. I shook my head to rid the images that were haunting me but it was no use.

It was Wednesday and I had been back at school for three days now. I hadn't really been paying attention to anything that was going on though, all I knew was today was Maya's memorial and if I could just make it to 4 o clock without another breakdown that would be a start.

Hanna had found me crying in the toilets twice already and I was starting to feel ashamed of how weak I was being. I still wouldn't talk about it though; instead I would take long deep breaths, shrug my shoulders and force my friends to change the subject. If I didn't talk about it, I was sure it would go away.

I sat down on one of the chairs opposite Aria on our usual table in the courtyard, she and Hanna had stopped speaking when I had come near and I knew they must have been talking about me.

Hanna's face went serious. "Are you going to go?" I knew she meant the memorial without her saying so, It was the elephant in the room, the topic that no one wanted to bring up to me.

"I think so" I surprised myself when I said the words but I felt better as I did, I knew it was important to say goodbye.

My friends all nodded in support and Spencer patted my hand gently. "We'll be there with you" she said.

3 hours later and the four of us were huddled together outside the large room which was lined with rows of chairs, a smiling picture of Maya sat at the front on a small table. The room was already half full and people were whispering quietly between themselves, no one wanting to break the quiet atmosphere in the room.

"We should go and sit down, are you ready Em?" Aria asked.

I took a deep breath and looked into the room. It was the same room Alison's memorial had been held just a few months ago the only thing that looked any different was the picture of the girl at the front. The familiarity of the situation did nothing to numb the pain in my heart, if anything it just made it worse and filled me with a sense of nausea I had never felt before. I could feel the acid burning my throat and I had to swallow hard to stop it from surfacing. I took one more look at the picture of Maya taunting me from the table and let out a long breath.

"Ready as I'll ever be" I answered.

A few minutes after we sat down our principle stepped to the front and cleared his throat causing any last minute whispering to end.

"It's a sad day that we gather here again to remember one of our beloved pupils who is no longer with us" I felt my heart tighten at his words.

"Her time at Rosewood was short but I'm sure those of you who knew Maya St Germain knew what a kind, caring and passionate person she was. It's such a great shame to be standing here in front of you all on an occasion like this. I would like to ask our school jazz band up here to say a few words of their own." He stopped talking with a nod at the few people who were sat closest to the front.

3 girls and 2 boys stood up clutching instruments with sad looks on their faces. I felt a guilty feeling flow through my gut when I suddenly realised I didn't know a single one of their names. Even though Maya claimed she didn't make friends easily these people had been close enough to friends and had been people she had spent a lot of time with, but still I knew very little about them. It made me shiver to realise there was so much about the girl I hadn't known and now would never have the chance to find out.

The small blonde girl started speaking quietly "There's so much we could say about Maya and how happy we were to meet her, but we thought instead we would play her a song, because we know that if she was ever in doubt she would turn to music; music made her happy." She looked to the tall sandy haired boy next to her.

"So, this is for you Maya" he said with a sad smile, looking up towards the ceiling subtly.

As they began to play the music caught me off guard, it was beautiful and soft and utterly heart breaking. I could feel the sting behind my eyes again and I felt like the room was spinning. If I'd thought I was strong enough to deal with keeping my composure in a room full of people I was wrong, I knew I was about to crack.

I stood up quickly and despite Spencer's hand reaching out to me in confusion I darted for the door swiftly. The music was loud and I was close enough to the door so I was able to slip away without causing a scene. Once in the hallway I heard I was being followed before I turned to meet Spencer's concerned gaze with my eyes already full of tears.

"Em, it's okay" Spencer began pulling me into an embrace.

"I can't go back in their Spencer" I said through tears. I wanted to run away and cry in peace, but I didn't want to upset Spencer by disregarding her efforts of comforting me.

Spencer smiled sadly. "I know" She said.

"I… I need to go" I gave her one last tight hug and turned to leave before she could protest; I just needed to be alone right now. Spencer watched me leave without protest, perhaps she understood I had to deal with this in my own way.

I found myself making a beeline for the swimming pool. It was a Wednesday and there was never a practice on a Wednesday so I was confident the area would be empty. As I pushed open the doors I found I was right, the area was deserted. I let the smell of chlorine wash over me as I headed for the edge of the pool where I curled up and let the tears flow out. They came in a large wave that left me sobbing and I was thankful that no one could hear me and that the loud drone of the water filter was competing with my sobs, it made me feel a little better that my sobs weren't the only thing making a noise in the large space.

After what must have been ten minutes I realised I had stopped crying and suddenly felt an unusual sense of calm wash over me, I hadn't been near a swimming pool in a few weeks and realised I missed the smell of chlorine more than anything. It was strangely comforting to me.

I let the smell fill my senses until my breathing returned to normal. It wasn't even that late but the tinted windows in the gym cast a dark blue light over the pool area and made it seem later than it was, there was no lights on and I suddenly realised it was quite dark in here.

I jumped a little as the heavy metal doors I had come through before made a loud noise as they swung open. I felt selfish but I really hoped it wasn't Spencer, I really didn't want to talk right now especially as I had just managed to stop the tears. It wasn't Spencer though and I felt an odd emotion at seeing the girl who was walking through the doors towards me, Paige McCullers.

"Emily!" Paige's face seemed slightly shocked when she took in my figure on the floor, however through the darkness I saw a small smile creep onto her lips. As if she had just taken in the red puffy ovals that were my eyes her face changed dramatically to an expression of anguish.

My hands rose to my face automatically in a feeble attempt to disguise the damage my crying had done to my eyes though I knew it was no use, even in the dark light of the gym I knew I must look a mess.

Paige's face was twisted in concern as she stared at me for a few moments; I guessed she was probably unsure what to say. "Are… are you okay?" She asked. I was sure we both knew it was a ridiculous question, of course I wasn't okay, but I couldn't say this to her when she was only acting out of concern.

I felt my body tighten up as I mentally prepared myself for Paige's words. 'I'm sorry for your loss' or 'it will all be ok' I knew the script that was bound to play out and I didn't want to do it again.

"I didn't think anyone would be here" I answered, avoiding the other girl's question.

"Sorry… I… I didn't think anyone would be here either" Paige's usual tone was gone and instead was replaced with the soft sympathetic tone I had heard so often these days, it made Paige's words seem different and didn't suit her. "I always try and get an extra practice in on Wednesday's" She filled the silence.

Paige stood awkwardly with her swimming bag over her shoulder, she seemed to be looking at the space next to me on the floor deciding if she should sit down or not. With a small thud her bag hit the floor and she took a seat next to me.

I was staring at the still surface of the pool for a moment letting it hypnotise me into calmness as Paige began speaking.

"I was going to call you this week, check how you were, but I wasn't sure you would want to speak. I saw you at lunch but…" she trailed off "I know it must be hard being back in school and everything, if you need to talk or…" I knew she was unsure what to say next so I cut her off.

"It's okay, we don't have to do this." I spoke, surprising myself with my own honest words. I didn't want Paige to feel guilty about not calling me; I didn't want her to feel like she had some sort of responsibility to check I was okay. I hated feeling like a burden on my friends, feeling like that with Paige was something I definitely wanted to avoid. But above all I couldn't talk about it. It wasn't just that I was fed up of having this conversation but also the fact that I just couldn't talk to Paige about what I was feeling. I couldn't talk to Paige about Maya, the two of them just didn't exist in the same world.

"Do what?" Paige asked, even though I was sure she understood what I meant.

"Sit here while you say reassuring words and I nod and sigh and you tell me it'll be okay and then you look at me with those concerned eyes like I'm about to have an emotional breakdown" I found herself speaking with a small smile on my face, I didn't know why I was smiling.

"Thank God" Paige replied her face still locked on the water. "I'm not really good at that stuff anyway" she broke her gaze with the water and her eyes met mine for a second or two, letting me know she understood.

Paige's usual tone had returned now and I felt a sudden fondness for her then, she hadn't protested or tried to urge me to open up. I was glad for once that someone understood I didn't want to talk about how I was feeling.

There was a long silence while the two of us focused back on the pool watching small ripples move over the surface caused by my finger tips that had been twirling slowly in the water as we spoke.

"You must feel like shit though" Paige spoke quietly and I stopped my twirling.

"Yeah" my voice cracked as I said the simple word, Paige was right I felt awful; I hadn't slept properly in days and felt exhausted from all the crying. I was thankful Paige didn't acknowledge the new tears forming in my eyes as I tried to blink them away. "I just never thought you could feel this sort of pain for so long" I admitted, shocked again by my own words and the fact I was actually letting someone, Paige, into my head.

"Was the memorial hard?" Paige asked, not darting around the subject like everyone else but asking the question directly.

"Yes" I answered. "They played this song for her" I felt a lump forming in my throat. "I just couldn't deal with it."

Paige just nodded. We sat in silence for another minute or two.

"I know you said we don't have to do this, but I really do understand how you feel" She said the words as a statement and she wasn't looking for a response from me so I didn't reply.

I thought about rolling my eyes and saying something harsh about the fact I doubted Paige knew what I felt even a little bit, but I didn't. Something about Paige's shaky tone and hardened eyes made me believe her so I paused and listened to what else she had to say.

"And I know right now you can't really talk about it properly and that's fine, but when you can you need to remember you have lots of people who care about you Emily. You're not alone." She placed a hand on mine cautiously and gave it a light squeeze.

For the first time in a long time I smiled properly, it was only small but Paige's words had affected me. Maybe she was right, I wasn't alone really.

I watched as Paige ran her fingers through the water this time, the small ripples pulling me into a trance like state.

"I've missed the pool" I admitted with a sigh.

"It's relaxing isn't it?" Paige smiled as she continued her twirling. "You should come back to practice, when you're ready. I've missed having someone who's actually a challenge to beat. Well, I guess with the amount you've been swimming lately you wouldn't be that much of a challenge" she added with a small wink in my direction.

I laughed lightly. "Don't bet on it, I could still take you" It felt nice to be joking around like this again.

"Don't YOU bet on it Fields, I've really been upping my game recently" she added with a small laugh of her own.

"We'll see" I laughed lightly again.

We sat in a comfortable silence as we watched the ripples until Paige's voice broke the silence. "Don't be a stranger okay, if you ever want someone to talk to or someone to yell at or just someone to time your laps. I'm here okay?" She smiled at me after she spoke and I felt the calm I always felt in her presence wash over me, it was similar to the way the smell of chlorine made me feel.

"Thanks" I said as Paige stood up and swung the swimming bag back over her shoulder. "What are friends for?" she replied with a smile.

"And talking of friends, I saw yours a few minutes ago looking quite worried. I realise now they were probably looking for you" She laughed lightly as I sighed.

"I'm sure you could slip out of the emergency exit" she suggested with an eyebrow raised as if she had realised I was tired of being asked how I was.

I laughed a little before I stood up to join her and shrugged. "I can't run away forever" I said.

"True" Paige nodded. "I sometimes think it would be easier though"

We stared at each other for a few seconds longer before Paige nodded "I'm going to go change, get a few laps in before my dad comes to pick me up, but I'll see you around Emily."

"Yeah, hopefully. Bye Paige" we both smiled before Paige left the gym.

For some reason I felt a little bit better, the events of the day hadn't broke me like I thought they would and talking to Paige had lightened the deep weight I had felt pressing in on my chest earlier. I took a deep breath again and headed for the doors; I should probably go and find my friends... I really couldn't run away for ever.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, please review... It makes me very happy to hear feedback! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and especially those who reviewed, it really means a lot :)**

**Here is chapter 2. I was on a roll today and just couldn't stop writing so thought I would upload all this in one chapter. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I normally loved Saturdays but today I woke up with a feeling of dread in my stomach. No school meant no distractions, and no distractions meant I might spend the whole day like I had last week moping around my room and re-living all my nightmares. I got out of bed quickly eager to not let myself fall back into that deep pit that was so hard to get out of. I showered quickly and towel dried my hair, I looked out of the window and let a little smile spread across my lips as I noticed the sun that was already strong for this time in the morning. It might not be a completely awful day after all.

I stood and assessed my options, I could hear my mom downstairs and knew if I stayed in the house I would have to face the usual interrogation about my health and how I was sleeping so I quickly ruled that out. I thought about putting on my sneakers and going for a jog, but I never really enjoyed running at the best of times so when I was feeling like I was at the moment that didn't seem like the best plan either. I sighed and picked up my phone, I guess I could text my friends and see if they were free. I couldn't deny I felt bad about the way I was being with them at the moment, I knew they were only looking out for me and I knew I should probably meet up with them and remind them how grateful I am for them. I typed out a message and scrolled through my contacts to add the 3 girls' names. As I was scrolling to reach Spencer's on the long list my eyes caught sight of Paige's name and her words from the other day ran through my mind. 'Don't be a stranger'.

I paused for a moment and wondered if it was a good idea to text Paige, after all it hadn't been that long since Paige had tried to kiss me or when we had sat together at the dance talking about having a connection. But no, that was before any of this. Still, I didn't want to use Paige if there was any chance she still had feelings for me, but deep down I knew she was telling the truth when she said being my friend was important to her. A sudden urge to see Paige and go for a swim so I could feel my muscles working again ran through me and I made my decision.

I typed the message quickly. **Hey Paige, are you free today? We could go for a swim? x **

I knew with Paige I wouldn't have to explain myself and I wouldn't have to discuss what I was feeling unless I felt like it, with Paige I could relax. But I didn't even know if the other girl would reply, I knew we had settled on being friends at the dance and that Paige had seemed fine with me the other day but I still didn't really know where we stood.

I was beginning to regret my text, almost doubting she would reply when my phone beeped in my hands startling me slightly.

**Hey Emily, yeah I am, that sounds great! What time? X **I smiled as I read the text.

**I'll pick you up in 20 mins? X **I replied.

**Perfect x**

Paige waved through the window before she got into the passenger side of my car. I suddenly remembered the first time she was in here and had kissed me in the parking lot of our school, I pushed the thought out; now was not the time to be thinking about kissing Paige.

"Good morning" Paige smiled to me and I returned her greeting as I pulled out of Paige's driveway.

"So swimming on a Saturday… You finally realise you need to step up your practice if you want a chance of beating me again next season?" Paige said with a wink.

I laughed "I could beat you without practice, I already told you that" I joked.

"Whatever you say Fields" Paige shook her head still wearing a grin.

There was silence for a second while I remembered my real reason for wanting to swim today. "Honestly though, I just wanted a distraction. You probably understand how chlorine can clear the head" I said, slightly regretting my words as they seemed to remind us both of the pain I was still in despite the laughter.

"Best medicine there is" Paige responded, an underlying understanding in her tone.

We were about to reach a cross roads where one way let towards our school and the other headed out of town when Paige spoke.

"I have an idea" Paige said and I raised an eyebrow in question. "It's such a nice day, we don't want to be stuck inside that horrible old school gym" she said with an almost mischievous look on her face.

"What's your idea?" I asked my eyebrow still raised.

"Well…" Paige began. "I know a place where we can swim, it's not much but I always find it relaxing. It's a small lake just out of town, hardly anyone even knows it's there" she smiled and so did I.

"That sounds great" I said, the thought of swimming outside in this weather was really nice and the way Paige was smiling as she spoke was having its usual effect on me.

"Obviously, it won't provide chlorine… but I'm sure you'll like it!" Paige said enthusiastically with a small laugh.

"I think I'll survive without the chlorine" I joked just before we reached the crossroads and on Paige's instruction instead of turning left like I normally would, I turned right. Paige was smiling contently next to me and I couldn't help but feel like the girls positivity was rubbing off on me. For the first time in weeks I actually felt like I wasn't in pain; the day actually seemed bearable with Paige by my side.

* * *

"Where are you taking me?" I asked again with a laugh. We had been walking for the last ten minutes down a grassy path after parking my car at the side of the road. "This seems like the start of some badly made horror movie" we both laughed at this.

"Calm down were nearly there" Paige laughed just before we reached a big tree that was blocking the path.

"Here we are!" Paige exclaimed.

I looked sceptically at the tree and Paige rolled her eyes pushing me lightly around the trunk to the other side where my eyes fell on the lake in front of me.

Paige had been right, it was a relatively small lake but definitely big enough to swim in. The water looked clear too with smooth rounded pebbles lining the floor. Paige however had failed to mention how beautiful it was and I suddenly felt myself let out a sigh in awe at the small flowers that lined the banks.

"Nice, isn't it?" Paige asked almost like she was proud of the lake.

"Beautiful" I agreed.

I heard a noise behind me and turned to see Paige pulling her clothing off quickly already wearing her swimsuit beneath, I was glad I had done the same and pulled my clothes off quickly too. Before I had finished though Paige had ran past me and jumped straight into the cool water of the lake sinking beneath the surface with a loud splash. Just as she rose to the surface I jumped in right next to her splashing her face with a spray of water causing her to choke.

"Thanks!" she said sarcastically after she had caught her breath and she splashed me lightly in retaliation. After a few minutes of more laughter I finally allowed myself to stretch my muscles which hadn't done a lot of exercise in the last few weeks. I swam quickly to the other end of the lake reaching the opposite bank quickly. I swam back and repeated this until I saw that Paige was copying my motion. Before we knew it we were both competing against each other to see who could swim the length the fastest, it was clear to me that Paige was right, the lack of swimming recently had really taken my edge away. Or maybe it was just that Paige had improved, she seemed to be flying through the water with no effort at all. I didn't care though just being in the water felt good enough for me.

After a long time, I wasn't really sure how long we had been swimming for, I felt my limbs grow tired and I swam back towards the shallow bank and sat on the smooth rocks lining the floor.

I was breathing heavily as Paige swam up to me grinning. "Told you, you need your practice" she joked. I splashed her for this and we both laughed.

I shivered as I sat in the cool water, despite the sun there was still a breeze that was enough to cause Goosebumps on my skin. Paige rose out of the water quickly and walked across the grass to the bags we had left next to our clothes, she reached for her own towel and then for mine before she headed to the edge of the lake again.

"Here" she said as she handed me the towel. I stood up and wrapped it around myself tightly. "Thanks" I said before we both sat down on the soft grass slightly away from the bank.

We sat in a comfortable silence again, something I was starting to realise was common with Paige, but it wasn't awkward at all. I honestly quite liked it that we were both content not filling every silence with unnecessary words. I felt more relaxed than I had in weeks as I threw my head back and looked up to the sunlight through the trees.

"It's so peaceful here isn't it?" Paige said and I could feel her eyes on me. I just nodded in agreement. "Almost so nice it helps you forget that the world sucks most of the time" she added with a small laugh, but I could tell she didn't really find it funny.

"How did you find this place?" I asked, opening my eyes and turning to meet Paige's gaze that I knew was still locked on me.

I suddenly saw her skin go a little pale before she took a deep breath as if she was steadying herself. "My dad used to bring us here when we were kids, me and my sister Lily used to spend hours here" her face was still pale even though she was now smiling.

I nodded for a second before I lowered my eyes in confusion slightly. I never knew Paige had a sister. I was sure she was an only child. In fairness I had only really known Paige well for a few months, before that she was just a member of my swim team who kept herself to herself. But Paige had only been on the swim team for about a year and a half, before that, I tried to concentrate to think but I really couldn't remember much about Paige before this. I had been so wrapped up as a kid in my own 4 friends that I never noticed other people much.

"I didn't know you had a sister?" I said noticing instantly the look on Paige's face as I said the words; realisation ran through my gut as I thought about the reason for her pale face; this wasn't going to be a good story.

"Yeah" Paige looked like she was forcing a lump in her throat to clear so she could speak. "She died two years ago" she let the words hang in the air for a second before she continued speaking.

"She was fine when I saw her before we went to bed and then, in the morning…" she had to stop before continuing "she just didn't wake up." I suddenly felt my mouth opening and closing as I tried to find some words, I wanted to say something to comfort Paige but I had nothing.

"Doctors say it was something called 'sudden arrhythmic death syndrome', basically her heart just stopped" Paige smiled sadly as she reached for my hand.

"See Em, I really do mean it when I say I understand what you're going through"

I felt tears forcing to break out of my eyes now at Paige's words, the pain I was feeling right now Paige had experienced too. I even wondered if Paige's pain was worse, if losing a sister after having them with your whole life was some sort of pain I couldn't comprehend. I was an only child but I could imagine it felt like losing a limb. I forced the tears to stay at bay as I spoke, I couldn't cry now.

"Paige, I'm so sorry" I was trying hard to fight back the tears now, practically squinting my eyes to keep them from leaking. I had never known this about Paige and I felt guilty, I wondered who had been there to comfort her when she was going through this. My stomach felt sick with guilt and sympathy for Paige but simultaneously my heart tightened in my chest as if it was reminding me that it needed attention too.

Paige gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, as if she could see the effort I was going to not to cry

"It's okay." Paige said. "I really want to tell you that it gets better but I don't think you'll believe me" Paige said with a small smile. I wanted to smile too but I was still fighting the tears behind my eyes. I didn't want to cry now in front of Paige, I wanted to be strong for her, right now it wasn't all about me and I couldn't be so selfish.

"When Lily died, every day was a constant battle to not break down, every day I tried to force back tears and try and put everything out of my mind. I know what you feel like Emily. After two years it still upsets me when I think about her at times, but then most of the time I can remember her in a good way. I guess I try to keep her alive that way. It does get better." The way Paige was speaking made me think that she hadn't spoken to many people about this and I wanted to say something, thank her or comfort her… but I just held her hand tighter.

"Emily, it's okay to cry you know. You don't have to be brave for me, I'm all healed up. I'm more worried about you now." As she spoke the words I couldn't help the tears from breaking free and they ran down my cheeks quickly, I wiped at them as they did.

"I'm sorry" I said lightly. "I really don't want to cry, I'm so sorry about your sister" my breath caught on my words.

Paige just nodded. "It's okay Em" she said quietly rubbing my hand with her thumb.

"Life is so unfair" I almost hissed at Paige but she didn't back away she just nodded and continued speaking.

"I know, I guess it is and it doest make sense... it always seems like its the good people"

I felt anger flow through me that all these bad things had happened to such good people and my tears turned from ones of quiet despair to ones of anger. "I'm fed up of being so upset when I'm actually just so angry" I let the words flow out. "Why do good people die, your sister didn't deserve to die, Maya didn't deserve to die." I felt the tears running down my cheeks. "I just feel like I don't know what to do with all this anger, its eating away at me inside. I feel so helpless that I couldn't do anything to save her" I was speaking honestly for the first time since Maya's death and was surprised by even admitting I was angry made me feel significantly less angry instantly. I let out a long breath that turned into a sob somewhere along the way and I felt myself be pulled close against Paige.

It was a strange but welcome sensation to be comforted by Paige in this way, she held me tight against her and I was aware of our hearts beating. Paige didn't say anything but I felt unexpectedly comforted by the close contact, and I buried my face into Paige's neck as she continued to hold me tight. It was a long time that we stayed like that until my breathing returned to normal. When I finally felt I had stopped crying I knew I should probably pull back from the hug but my position in Paige's arms just felt so right, so I stayed there another minute until Paige finally broke the hug and smiled lightly at me.

"How about we go get some ice cream, my treat?" I couldn't help but laugh a small hearty laugh. This is what made Paige so different than all my other friends, she had the ability to lead me into calmness; but she didn't let me dwell on things. She was honest and open and never for a moment would she let us sit around feeling sorry for ourselves.

"Sounds perfect" I agreed as I followed Paige back to our pile of clothes where we gathered our things and left the beautiful lake behind.

After a few hours of walking in the park and eating 3 scoops of ice cream, Paige was a bad influence when it came to ice cream, we were now sat in my car parked outside of Paige's house. I was trying to think of the right words to say to thank Paige for everything she had said to me today but I was having difficulty getting them out, instead I settled for something simple.

"I had a really nice day" I said. "Thank you"

"Even if I made you cry?" Paige smiled.

"I definitely needed that" I laughed.

"Well I had a really nice day too, we should do it again sometime." Paige grinned.

"I promise to keep the crying to a minimum next time" we both laughed at this. I still wanted to thank her or try and express what I was feeling. But in all honesty I wasn't really sure what I was feeling. Part of me was still hurting but another part of me was just thankful I could be friends with Paige, even if our friendship was different than any I had with anyone else, it was special. Instead of thanking her I settled again for something simple.

"See you at school?" I said with a smile, part of me knew that the barrier that was broken between us before when we had hugged was back up now, so I didn't go in for a hug goodbye.

"Yeah, see you then" Paige replied before she left the car and headed inside.

I sighed as I watched her go. Watching Paige made me realise that the pain I had been feeling all this time didn't have to be forever, if I could just try I could start to move past it.

* * *

"I hate algebra!" Hanna slammed her notebook and bag down on the table angrily while she carried on mumbling something about her math teacher's bad roots and awful fashion sense. I exchanged an almost amused look with Spencer as the blond continued her mumbles.

"Han what's wrong?" Spencer laughed as Hanna reached for something in her notebook, she passed the piece of paper to Spencer roughly and sighed again.

"An F! how can it be THAT bad!" Hanna exclaimed "I'm sure something I wrote must have been right" I watched Spencer take in Hanna's test while a small smile crept onto her lips.

"It could be worse…" Spencer tried to make her feel better but I could still see the amused look on her face. I took the test from Spencer and saw that Hanna had completely failed to grasp the concept of algebra, it looked like she had just jotted random numbers down in a hope one would be right.

"See… you're only a little wrong here Han" I tried to encourage her but she just stared at me unimpressed. Spencer smiled smugly. "I've told you before I'm happy to tutor you but you're just too stubborn to accept my help."

Hanna rolled her eyes at this. "Spence only losers get tutored by their friends. Everyone knows you only agree to let someone tutor you if they are an insanely cute, remarkably smart jock or something. It's the law of high school" she was smiling as she spoke.

"Exactly." Spencer began "Spencer Hastings: Insanely cute. Check. Remarkably smart, check." We all laughed at this and Hanna rolled her eyes again. "Fine! I'll accept your help… but don't hit on me" she joked and we all laughed loudly again.

I carried on eating as Hanna shoved the test into her bag before she started speaking again. "Em, did you do much at the weekend?" she said casually, getting an apple out of a plastic bag.

"Not a lot" I answered quietly and the two of them exchanged a small glance, I think they thought I wouldn't notice but I did. "What?" I asked as I took a sip of water.

"Nothing" Hanna said but Spencer had opened her mouth to speak so I looked at her to continue. "We just… we noticed you didn't call any of us again and we just don't like the idea of you hiding away in your room all weekend. We're worried about you Em".

I took another sip of water. I felt guilty all of a sudden for not calling any of them all weekend when they were worried about me and I felt equally as guilty about the fact that I had wanted Paige's company over theirs. I hadn't mentioned Paige because… I thought for a moment, honestly I didn't really know why I hadn't. I never really told my friends much about Paige, when I thought back I hadn't told them much about what had happened with me and Paige or about Paige coming out to her parents, I hadn't even told them I was friends with Paige again and I didn't really know why I hadn't. Part of me wanted to keep Paige at a safe place in my head where I could think about her without the interference of other people. I knew that Spencer hadn't really forgiven her for what had happened at the start of the year, that whole thing seemed ridiculous now. Paige was a completely different person, but I didn't know if I was ready to justify to Spencer and the others just how different I thought she was. My feelings for Paige weren't something I could explain, so if I just didn't mention her I guessed I didn't have to. But I didn't want to lie about being her friend again; there was no reason for me to. I swallowed my sip of water before I spoke.

"Sorry" I began "I know you guys were worried, and I should have called but I'm ok." They didn't look like they believed me. "I swear. I actually wasn't in my room all weekend, I went for a swim with Paige" I took a bite of my sandwich.

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "McCullers?" She asked her eyebrow still lifted. I just nodded.

"You two friends now then?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah" I nodded. "She's been good to talk to" I didn't mean to sound harsh as I spoke but I suddenly realised it almost sounded like I was implying Hanna and Spencer weren't good to talk to. "I just mean, she's been through a lot, so it sort of helped to talk to her" I added, Spencer and Hannah only smiled back at me though so I was relieved.

"That's's great" Hanna said with a small smile "It's good that you are starting to feel like you can talk about it."

"Yeah, it is" I saw how my small smile had relaxed their moods a little, they really were concerned about me and it just showed how lucky I was to have friends like them.

"Thanks guys" I added with a sincere smile and they both looked at me slightly confused. "For what?" They both asked at the same time.

"For being great friends, it's really nice to know I have you guys looking out for me" I made a mental note to make sure I thanked Aria the next time I saw her too.

"Em! We'll always be looking out for you, it's our job" Hanna flashed me a smile. "We just want you to be okay".

I thought about what Paige had said by the lake the other day and I tried to picture myself in a few months. I tried to imagine the way Paige had described things and how I would feel better in time, even if I didn't feel it now. I nodded before I spoke. "I will be, I promise" I made the promise to them, to myself and to Paige, if she could do it so could I.

* * *

The bell rang to signal the end of the lesson and the school day and I scrambled out of the classroom quickly, I couldn't wait to get out of the stuffy confines of the small room. It was Wednesday and this meant that all my friends would be busy. Aria always went over to see Ezra on Wednesdays because he finished early and Spencer had hockey practice, Hanna, well Hanna had made Wednesday's into her and Caleb's 'date night'. I walked to my locker and dumped the books I had been using in there. I caught a glimpse of the sharks sticker in its prime location on the locker door and a smile spread across my face, it was Wednesday and I knew Paige would be getting in some extra laps in the pool. I checked the back of my locker and found my spare swim kit sitting there, _it would be rude not to_ I thought with a smile.

I shut my locker and walked in the direction of the pool, I considered the fact that she might not want me interrupting her weekly routine but I quickly pushed the thought out when I thought about how nice it would be to get in the pool and swim a few lengths with her. How nice it would be to see her for an hour or so.

As I pushed open the doors to the gym I could hear that she was already in the water due to the small splashing sounds. I walked over to the side of the pool nearest the door and waited for her to come up for air. I waited for quite a few seconds laughing quietly to myself; this girl was like a fish or something. Eventually she brought her head out of the water a few meters away from the edge and caught sight of me smiling down at her. I must have surprised her as she seemed to breath in quickly taking a mouth full of water with her straight into her lungs, she spluttered comically until she reached the side of the pool I was standing at.

"Trying to kill me?" she laughed after she had stopped choking. I rolled my eyes as she coughed again for dramatic effect.

"I thought I would come check out the competition" I smiled at her. "I guess you're good, bit sloppy on that last lap" I joked and she raised her eyebrows.

"Well why don't you come and show me how it's done, superstar?" she flung herself back into the water and kicked her feet so that she propelled away from the edge of the pool, splashing me slightly in the process.

I laughed and headed quickly over to the changing rooms where I changed in less than a minute, I walked quickly back to the pool and dived in right over Paige's head. I hadn't been swimming in a proper pool in weeks and it felt wonderful. The smell of chlorine in the water made me light headed but I loved it.

I came up for air about half way across the pool to find Paige swimming towards me. She stopped a few meters away and we both stayed still treading water. I don't know if it was the strange way the light hit the pool or the smell of chlorine that was messing with my head but something about this moment felt dreamlike, it felt like I was staring at Paige and the way her hair hung wet against her cheeks for an eternity as we both rose up and down in rhythm in the water. The feeling disappeared just as quickly as it had arrived when Paige moved and swam past me to the other side of the pool.

"First to ten laps?" she shouted at me when she reached the other side. I smiled and swam to meet her.

"You're going down McCullers" I tried to flash her my most intimidating glare but it turns out I don't do intimidating well, all I managed was a slight frown which just earned a laugh from Paige.

After about half an hour we were both exhausted and we pulled ourselves out of the water in sync.

"I totally beat you that last time!" Paige said with a grin.

"No way!" I protested "my hand definitely touched the side before you were even close" We both knew it was useless arguing over this. We swam at exactly the same speed and there couldn't have been more than a second difference in our times, but still it was fun to argue our case.

"Agree to disagee?" Paige was still grinning.

"Agreed" I held my hand out to shake hers and she looked at it for a second, almost like she didn't know what I meant by it. I held it awkwardly in the air for a minute until she seemed to click on and moved her hand to shake it, our hands met almost clumsily and we both smiled.

"Agreed " her grin returned.

"I should text my dad" Paige said as she stood to walk to her towel "I told him I would let him know when I was done so he could pick me up" She said before she wrapped the towel around her.

"I can give you a ride?" I offered to her and her face lit up quickly, it made me smile.

"You sure?"

"Of course" I wanted to add that I really just wanted to spend more time with her but I didn't really know how to word it without sounding ridiculous or needy.

"Thanks"

We headed into the changing rooms to change back into our clothes, we both picked the private cubicles to get changed in; it just seemed better that way.

Once we had made it back to Paige's house my body was really feeling the exercise I had just done and I was thankful I didn't have much homework to do tonight, it would be nice to have an early night.

Paige thanked me again for the ride before she left the car and I pulled away towards my own house, once again feeling in a better mood solely due to Paige's company.

That night I only had one nightmare, less than I had had for weeks. For the first time I actually slept well, instead of my dreams being full of death and despair I just dreamt about the pool and the moment that had seemed so dreamlike before. It was a welcome change.

* * *

I was stood at the counter playing with my phone aimlessly scrolling through the same feeds I had already looked at a hundred times when the guy behind the counter called my order.

He placed the two hot cups of coffee down with a big smile "Careful, they are _extremely _hot" he said softly to me with a wink making no attempt to hide his flirting. He was a tall guy with strong broad shoulders, the sort of guy I knew my mother would approve of. I laughed softly trying hard not to roll my eyes. He always attempted to flirt with me when I came in here despite the fact he had seen me in here with Maya numerous times. "I'll be careful" I said back matching his tone sarcastically. He didn't get this and smiled almost triumphantly before he turned to face the next customer in line. I laughed again to myself as I walked out the door of the coffee shop with my drinks in my hand. Boys were so easy to impress.

It was a warm day and I suddenly regretted the extra layer of clothing I was wearing but I knew I could take it off as soon as I got to my car that was parked just down the street. As I began walking in the direction of my car I saw Paige heading towards me from the opposite direction.

She was wearing tight fitting gym clothes and sneakers and was jogging quickly. I corrected herself with a laugh, that wasn't jogging, the girl was more like sprinting her way torwards me head down and her earphones in.

"Paige" I tried to get the girls attention but her music must have been too loud. At the last second Paige glanced up from the floor and caught a glimpse of me stood smiling at her. She stopped running instantly.

"Emily! Hey!" she said through deep breaths, although the speed she was running at I was surprised she could even managed to speak. The girl was fit.

"Hey!" I replied unable to stop the smile that was spreading on my lips. "You were really going for it then" I laughed lightly as Paige shrugged.

"I like to run, it's relaxing" she smiled back as she stretched her arms behind her casually. I couldn't help but glance down at the girl's body then. It was glistening in a light layer of sweat but for some reason this didn't gross me out like it normally did when I saw the football team with their shirts drenched in sweat, then I felt like I needed a shower myself just to make myself feel clean again. But Paige looked good. I had seen her body a lot as we had been swimming together for years, but for the first time I really _noticed_ how lean the other girl was. I noticed how her arms were defined with muscles and her stomach flat, but she still managed to keep a wonderful feminine look to her body. I took a small gulp at this realisation, Paige McCullers was hot.

I tore my eyes away guiltily; I knew I shouldn't be looking at Paige in this way when it was me who was so adamant on us remaining just friends. I didn't want to be caught checking Paige out, that was really not a good idea right now.

Paige asked me a question as she carried on stretching. "So what you up to?" She seemed to glance at the coffee cups in me hands. "Two cups… I'm guessing you're meeting someone… or you're just really thirsty" she smiled at me with the usual big grin she wore after she made a joke.

"Spencer" I answered with a laugh "I'm on my way to Spencer's house to do some homework"

Paige nodded. "I could use a Spencer Hastings to help me with Chemistry, you got any other super smart friends going spare?" she said with a smile and I returned it.

"I might let you borrow her one day… if you're lucky" I said with another light laugh. Although I knew that wasn't true, Spencer definitely wasn't Paige's biggest fan. Spencer Hastings didn't find it easy to let things go.

"Thank you" Paige replied "Any way I'll let you get going, don't want your coffee to get cold".

"Not much chance on a day like this" I pointed to the strong sun in the sky and Paige nodded in agreement. "But if you want…" I looked down at the coffee before moving it in the direction of the other girl. "You can have it so we're completely sure there's no chance it'll go cold."

"Steal Spencer Hastings coffee? I'm sure that's punishable by death" Paige joked.

"What she doesn't know can't hurt her" I replied with a laugh before Paige accepted the drink warily. "Thank you" she said bashfully, I could have sworn I saw a blush creep on her cheeks but it could easily have just been due to the exercise she had just been doing. We both took small sips as we moved over to the edge of the sidewalk avoiding the steady flow of Rosewood residents out in the sun.

My eyes couldn't keep still and I kept finding them dart down quickly to Paige's exposed stomach. _Oh my God _I cursed to myself internally. I needed to get a grip. I took another sip to give myself something to do.

Paige was still smiling at me, for the first time I was feeling slightly awkward in her company and I knew it had everything to do with my thoughts. I had to stop this.

"So, I haven't seen you much this week around school" I began a topic casually.

"Oh no, I've been away for a couple days visiting some colleges out of state. My dad seems to make his sole purpose in life to have me introduced to every swim coach this side of the Atlantic" she rolled her eyes as if she found it funny but I sort of caught the underlying resentment in her tone.

"He's keen on you getting a swim scholarship?" I asked, knowing the answer already. Paige's dad was the pushiest parent I had ever come across; of course he was 'keen'.

Paige laughed. "You could say that, he has It all planned out" she was still smiling but I couldn't help feel sorry for her. My parents were supportive but Paige's seemed to go too far.

We both took another sip of our drinks.

"I can't even think about colleges right now" I added. "All seems so far away doesn't it?"

"Totally" Paige agreed through a sip of coffee.

We spoke for a few minutes longer until we had both finished our drinks.

"Right, I really have to get going I can't keep Spencer waiting much longer, she gets impatient" I laughed, but I really didn't want to stop speaking to Paige.

"Yeah" Paige nodded "I better go take a shower anyway. Thanks for the drink"

We smiled at each other a moment longer "See you around Emily" Paige said, I responded with a goodbye before she returned her earphones and walked away. I watched her walk down the street before she sped up and started running again. Her feet thudding against the side walk in time with my heartbeat.

I needed to get a grip.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, I hope you liked this chapter. Pretty pretty PRETTY please review. It makes me happy to hear people's comments :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is the next chapter! **

**Thank you so so much for everyone who reviewed, I really do appreciate your comments. **

**getlostandruncici - Thanks for the mention about a third party and a bit of jealousy from Emily. I was already planning what happened in this chapter but I am definitely considering shaking things up for them further in future chapters.**

**carola76, Anita, Annie etc - Thank you for all the nice comments about the pacing. It was really important to me to deal with everything realistically instead of just throwing them together. So thank you for appreciating that too.**

**Any way this A/N is getting too long so I will stop and say: I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

The noise rang out brutally in the crowded room meaning it was time to dive in, but I was ready for it. I dived swiftly into the pool my body the perfect shape to glide through the water without any resistance. I swam fast, automatically moving my arms and legs in perfect patterns which were propelling me through the water with such ease. I was the first one in the relay and I already knew I had left the competition behind; the sharks were going to be victorious today if I had anything to do with it.

A few seconds later I reached the side of the pool and took in a deep breath as I hoisted myself out just in time to see my team mate hit the water to continue the race, the swimmer I had been against was still a few meters away from the edge of the pool. I smiled when I met Paige's eye where she stood waiting for her turn. She gave me her usual grin and mouthed 'well done superstar' to me, I laughed but I couldn't help the small blush that crept onto my cheeks so I hid my face in my towel subtly to hide it.

It had been just over two months now since Maya had been found, two months since my life had fallen apart. I had fell into some sort of comfortable routine with Paige, we would meet after school every Wednesday to swim for about an hour and then I would give her a ride home. Sometimes we would stop for coffee, other times we would just sit in my car and talk for half an hour. There was something about anger and sadness that made swimming a hundred times more rewarding; I would find myself in the pool whenever I had the chance. Most of the time Paige would join me other times I would swim alone. My times were improving and my coach had nothing but praise me for, I knew my friends sort of missed my company but they saw how swimming was helping me so they let me have my time in the pool.

If I was honest though, it wasn't swimming that was helping me... it was who I was swimming with.

The race was nearly at its end and Paige was making her way to her diving in position, the other team had closed the large gap I had provided early on but we were still in the lead. I had no doubt we would win with Paige being our final swimmer, she was faster than me these days.

As she dived into the water I watched as I was proven right, she moved almost magically through the pool twisting round at the other side in one fluid motion. Before I even had time to admire her further her hand was pressed firmly against the side of the pool and one side of the auditorium erupted in cheer. We had won.

I was pulled into a tight embrace by a member of my team, their body was soaking wet against mine which had dried off a little. I smiled triumphantly. After many hugs I came face to face with Paige and she was just grinning at me widely.

We hugged quickly and I inhaled the strong smell of chlorine in her hair. "Not bad" I joked at her.

"Not bad yourself" she joked back before we headed to the changing rooms to dry off.

This was the last swim meet of the season that would be held in Rosewood, the next, which we had just qualified for would be at some other school out of town. I was really happy to be back swimming on the team; there was no feeling quite like winning.

After we had all showered and changed we were stood around in the hall discussing the race, one of the newest members of the team Ashley came bounding down the corridor grinning.

"My parents are out of town this weekend, how about a party at mine tonight! Celebrate our win?" She looked round enthusiastically as her idea was met with nods and happy cheers.

"Sounds great Ash!" One girl Mollie said with a smile.

"Prefect!" she clapped her hands together happily. "Invite whoever you like… within reason" she added with a laugh.

I turned to face Paige who was also nodding happily. She caught my eye and smiled, "You up for it?"

"Of course" I answered back, I hadn't been to a party, let alone been in a big group of company since… everything, but I felt in such a good mood right now I couldn't think of anything I would rather do. And Paige would be there, that made me happy all by itself.

"8 o clock" Ashley said with a big grin "See you all later"

I was giving Paige a ride back to her house like usual and as we got in the car I turned the radio on letting it fill the car, we were good at sitting in a comfortable silence listening to music.

After a few minutes the song ended and the radio presenter starting talking about something I didn't care about, I turned the volume down.

"Should I give you a ride later? We can go to the party together?" I asked as Paige pulled her attention away from the window she was staring aimlessly out of.

"Are you sure? That'd be great. I'll get my dad to pick me up though, he has some stupid rule where I'm not allowed out past 11:30 in swim season" she rolled her eyes. "I don't want you to have to leave early 'cos of me"

"That sucks" her parents really were strict, I didn't really realise how much before now. I finally appreciated how much of a big deal it must have been for Paige to come out to her parents, parents that didn't let their daughter stay out past 11:30 on a Friday night. I thought for a moment before I spoke, probably knowing it was a bad idea. I really wanted Paige to be able to stay at the party though.

"You could stay at mine? Then we could just come home when we feel like it, your parents wouldn't know" There was silence for a moment and I glanced to the side taking my eyes off the road to see Paige's expression. It was like she was deciding very carefully what her answer should be.

"Are you sure that's okay? I mean, will you mom not mind?"

"Course" I smiled. "She lets me have friends to stay all the time" I smiled at her, but I felt the way I said that wasn't quite right, I don't know why because we were just friends and having a friend to stay over was okay wasn't it?

"Thanks" Paige responded after another second or so. "That'd be really great. If we just stop at mine I'll pick up some things and just get ready at yours so you don't have to come back for me?"

"Perfect".

After a few more minutes we pulled up outside Paige's house, a place that was pretty familiar by now, from the outside at least.

"Do you want to come in and wait?" Paige glanced to her house for a second.

"Yeah, sure" I suddenly felt intrigued at the prospect of going inside Paige's house, at the opportunity to see more of the girl's world.

We left the car and Paige fumbled in her bag for her house keys finally pulling them out and opening her front door warily.

As she pushed open the door my eyes took in the perfect cream carpet lining the floors and the spotless white walls, everything seemed too perfect. The contrast against Paige who's hair was now dyed a dark reddish brown and who wore tight black skinny jeans made me laugh.

Paige took her shoes off and left them on a stand by the door, I did the same.

Just as we were heading up the stairs a woman's voice rang from the other room.

"Paige, is that you, will you come in here?" Her mother said.

"I better just go and speak to my mom, tell her I'm staying out tonight" Paige smiled at me. "Erm…If you want, you can just wait in my room. It's the second door on the left" She smiled again as I nodded.

She left down the hall towards the kitchen as I made my way upstairs.

I sat down on Paige's bed and a small sigh escaped, I knew I probably shouldn't but I couldn't help letting myself sink into the soft covers. I suddenly felt quite tired from the hard day of swimming and it must have taken its toll on me as I could feel the muscles in my back were tense. However, I felt oddly soothed by the feel of Paige's soft bed covers beneath me and I had to resist the urge to turn around and bury my face in them. Everything in Paige's room held her familiar scent and I couldn't explain exactly what it was but it was sort of intoxicating, It almost reminded me of being underwater where the smell of chlorine is so overwhelming, it reminded me of where I felt most at home.

Paige's room fascinated me as I had often wondered what it would look like. I had imagined her having numerous swimming trophies and awards lining the walls, by her parents' insistence of course, but it looked like I was wrong.

Paige's walls were a simple white and she had a large picture of an ocean view hanging on the main wall. It wasn't a typical view though as there were no palm trees or bright sunlight, just the blue ocean with big waves that pulled you into it, it was quite mesmerising. On the other wall Paige had posters of bands that I had never heard of and more photos of what I could only guess were Paige's family, I saw a picture of Paige and a girl who must have been her sister and I smiled sadly at it. On Paige's desk was a complicated looking camera and I eyed it questioningly, I had no idea that Paige even knew how to work something like that.

I was stirred from my gaze when I heard the bedroom door open and I quickly sat up straight on the bed before Paige entered wearing an apologetic grin.

"Sorry about that" She began, "My mom was just giving me the usual post swim meet lecture" she rolled her eyes.

"It's fine, I was just admiring your room" I admitted and Paige looked around with an eyebrow raised, her eyes focusing on a pile of clothes on the floor.

"Em, my room is a mess, I didn't think I was going to have company" she laughed while trying to tidy the floor in a feeble attempt. "But thank you, I guess" she added with another grin and again I thought I saw a small blush creep on her cheeks.

I couldn't help but get a strange feeling in my stomach when Paige smiled at me like that, I knew the other girl well enough to know she didn't smile at people that much, but for me she always wore a big grin.

"Is this yours?" I had stood up now from the bed and made my way over to the camera, careful not to touch it.

I turned to Paige and I noticed her face had become shy suddenly. "Err, yeah" she replied fidgeting with her fingers almost nervously.

I smiled at her, finding this sudden shyness sort of endearing. "I didn't know you liked photography?"

"Yeah, it's just a little hobby" Paige replied.

"Are you any good?" I asked sensing by her tone that it was probably more than that.

Paige shrugged, "I'm alright I guess" she laughed but this wasn't enough of an answer for me.

"Just alright? Come on, I bet you're just being modest, have you got any photos I can see?" I could see that Paige was shy about this but I couldn't help that I wanted to know more about what made Paige _Paige. _

She laughed slightly, giving in when she realised I wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Well I took that" she pointed casually to the ocean picture I had been admiring before and I let out an impressed 'wow'.

She looked at me cautiously for a second then almost as if she was weighing me up, deciding if she wanted to share this with me. My eyes fixed on hers while she was silent; I tried to show her that I was really interested in what she was going to show me. She smiled and reached into a draw and pulled out a pile of large prints.

"But I prefer taking pictures of people" she tried to stay casual, but her fingers were still fidgeting.

"I took these the summer before last" she laid them out as my eyes looked them over.

The pictures were mostly of her family, and the girl I had presumed was her sister Lilly featured heavily. There was one where this girl was hanging upside down from a tree that made me smile instantly.

"And these are more recent" she said as she pointed to other pictures of some people I didn't recognise such as an old couple on the beach and one of a busy music concert. I could sense Paige was slightly nervous next to me, I guessed she hadn't shown these pictures to many people.

"But yeah, I just take them for a bit of fun sometimes" She shrugged, staying casual again as she began to gather them back together.

"Paige" my hand fell on Paige's and stopped her from gathering the pictures together before I looked her in the eye, a smile spread on my lips before I spoke.

"These are amazing" I smiled wider when Paige blushed. "Seriously" I picked the one of Lilly up carefully and admired the beautiful contrast between the auburn hair of the girl and the bright green moss on the tree. "You have a serious talent." I said truthfully.

Paige's seemed to fidget even more at my words; she bounced up and down on the spot slowly as a slight smile crept onto her face.

"Thank you" she said sincerely. "It's nice to hear that"

"My parents don't seem to agree" She added, her tone was sad but had an underlying bitterness to it. I looked at her sympathetically; I understood what it was like to seek your parent's approval so badly.

"I've never really told anyone this but…" she paused before continuing. "I've sort of always wanted to study photography, maybe get a good internship and eventually set up my own company." She shook her head before continuing. "It's probably a stupid idea; I mean it's not exactly a guaranteed career… and my parents definitely wouldn't approve"

"Do you parents know you want this?" I asked.

"I don't know. But in my family it isn't a career path that's acceptable. My Dad wants me to swim, and if that fails study Law, I guess that's my two options; photography can just be a hobby." Her smile was sad but accepting.

My expression was full of understanding as I took in Paige's words, I felt sorry for her but I also wanted her to believe in herself.

""Well parents aren't always right" I began as I stared at the pictures again. "I think these are amazing" I ran my thumb over one of them carefully. "and I think you're amazing, and I know you could do it"

The room seemed to be silent for few seconds too long as my words rang in the air. I didn't look directly at Paige because I didn't want to give anything away with my expression; I had already done too much by saying I thought she was amazing.

I did think she was amazing but I didn't know what that meant. She was different, she was funny and charming and caring. She was a good friend at the moment and I wasn't ready to risk losing that for the sake of some unplanned feelings that would just complicate our friendship. We had agreed to be just friends.

"Thanks Em, that means a lot" She broke the silence and I risked catching her eye for a second, a glint of something I didn't quite understand was visible in her eyes. It was like she really believed me.

She put the pictures away and I moved back to my position on the bed, this time though I sat cautiously at the end.

She rummaged around in her wardrobe for a few minutes and finally settled on a black and red shirt and a dark denim skirt. She sorted the rest of her outfit into a bag and added other random items she would need for the night.

After about five minutes she was all packed and she looked at me expectantly.

"I'm ready, shall we go?"

"Sure" we left her house quickly and avoided her mom's further questioning about the party tonight. A little lie every now and again didn't hurt anyone.

* * *

"Em, it's already 8:15" Paige was sat impatiently on the end of my bed, what was left of the pizza we had ordered for dinner was lying next to her in a cardboard box.

I came out of the closet with a different shirt on.

"Relax, we'll be fashionably late!" I joked to Paige but she just rolled her eyes.

"How about this one? Does it look better than the blue?" I asked as I looked in the mirror with my eyebrows lowered. Paige rolled her eyes again before speaking.

"They both look nice, and so did the other five hundred you tried on before" she mocked but I still looked at the mirror.

"For a lesbian…you're such a girl" Paige grinned but I rolled my eyes this time. "For a girl… you're such a lesbian!" I responded, knowing my joke didn't really make sense but not caring.

Paige let out a laugh "you look nice in any of them, I promise. Can we just go?" She grinned at me again and I couldn't help but grin back. I checked my reflection one last time and patted my hair down. I would do.

Twenty minutes later we arrived at Ashley's house where there were already people sat outside in big groups and we could hear the music coming from her house even in the car. I smiled at Paige as we got out; there were definitely a lot of people here.

Once we were inside we headed over to a table that had a big range of drinks, some alcoholic and some not. I reached for a glass and picked up the coke before a hand stopped me. It was Ashley and she had a serious look on her face but I could tell she was a little drunk.

"I should just warn you that I don't think that's just coke." She smiled warily. "Some of the guys got a little happy with the vodka before, just thought I'd tell you in case you're driving." She smiled before she grabbed the coke and poured a large glass for herself. "Cheers" She raised her eyebrows at me and Paige "Here's to winning!" She took a big gulp and twisted to leave, joining the rest of the already tipsy guests.

I caught Paige's eye and laughed, picking up one of the cans of soda that were next to the big bottles. Definitely a safer option. Paige copied me and picked up her own can.

"You don't have to not drink just 'cos I'm driving. I don't mind" I smiled.

"No, trust me; it's probably for the best. I'm an embarrassing drunk" she laughed and I couldn't help but feel intrigued as to what Paige would be like when she's drunk. I laughed too; maybe it was for the best.

We found our way into the kitchen where a big group of our team were chatting and laughing. The conversation was easy and everyone laughed as one of the girls told a story about her boyfriend and his comical run in with the principal at a heavy metal concert. It felt nice to be in a big group again, socialising like I hadn't in months. It helped that I had Paige by my side too.

After a few minutes I tapped Paige, who was now mid-way through her own story that I had already heard, on the shoulder as I pointed to my cup.

"I'm going to get another drink, do you want one?" I asked with a small smile, she smiled back but shook her head.

"I'm good, but thanks" She said staring at me for a moment before she went back to her story.

I ducked out of the circle and headed to the other room where the table of drinks was; I picked a can of soda out of the big pile and emptied it into my cup. I looked around at the people in this room. I didn't recognise some of them; they seemed older and were obviously taking advantage of the free alcohol.

One of the guys caught my eye from across the room and I looked away awkwardly, I really didn't want him getting the wrong impression. Too late though.

He made his way over and approached where I was stood with a flirtatious smile. He was obviously a jock as he had that air of confidence they always had, like they were a gift from the gods.

"What's a gorgeous girl like you doing stood on your own?" He winked at me as he filled his own cup up with the vodka and coke mix. I sighed heavily, I really couldn't be bothered being nice to this guy but then again he hadn't really done anything wrong.

"Just getting a drink" I held up my cup and he smiled.

"Hope that's not just soda" He winked again, it was starting to creep me out how much he was winking at me.

"Yeah, I'm driving" I nodded as I tried to think of a way to get out of this conversation and return to the kitchen to join the other people who I actually knew.

"Shame" he flashed me a big grin. He had some sort of pathetic teenage moustache growing on his upper lip and I could tell he was proud of it.

"My names Tyler" He held out his hand and I just looked at it before he realised I wasn't going to shake his hand. "You got a name?" he asked putting his hand back down but not stopping the grinning.

I didn't like it when he grinned like this, it wasn't like when Paige grinned at me and it lit up her eyes and made me feel instantly happy, his grinning just put me on edge and made me think he knew some joke that I didn't.

"Emily" I said after a few seconds.

"Ah, so you ARE the one the guys were talking about" I raised my eyebrows sceptically at his words. What did he mean, what had the 'guys' been saying about me.

"The 'lesbian'" His grin was bigger than ever and I rolled my eyes at his words, I really didn't need this right now.

"Don't worry it didn't put me off, I didn't believe it. You're far to pretty to be gay" He winked again and I took a big gulp of my drink trying to hide the disgusted noise I wanted to make.

"I have to go" I turned to leave but his hand on my wrist stopped me.

"Hey, come on have a drink with me, I'll make it worth your while." he licked his lips and I rolled my eyes again.

I pulled his hand off my wrist and looked at him seriously "No, thank you. And the 'guys' were right, I am a lesbian… but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't have a drink with you" I smiled at him and he laughed.

"What's wrong with girls these days, all the easy ones are ugly, all the hot ones are man-haters" he downed the last of his drink and grinned at me again.

I didn't say anything I just turned around and walked away, from behind me I could hear him laugh and mutter small insults, I think I made out the word 'dyke' in there somewhere but I just ignored him.

I wanted to just get back to Paige and forget about him, as I entered the kitchen again I scanned the room for a sign of her.

I found her stood in the corner in a conversation with a brunette I didn't recognise. She was laughing at something this girl was saying and they were stood close. Too close, and the girl now had her hand resting on Paige's arm. I got a weird feeling in my gut as I watched the two girls talking happily. Paige must have seen me out of the corner of her eye because she stopped laughing and waved at me, calling me over to join them. I went over reluctantly and stood at her side. I could now see the girl Paige had been speaking too and her expression seemed to fall when she saw me.

The girl looked like she was a year or two older than Paige and I and she was pretty. Too pretty and I found myself searching for a flaw on her face, finally deciding her nose was slightly too big for her face and feeling better.

"Em, this is Ashley's cousin Sara…but we already know each other from summer camp a few years ago" The girl smiled at me.

"And this is Emily… my friend" Paige said. "She's on the team with me and Ashley" I suddenly felt the feeling in my stomach return as I took in Paige's words. That's what I was; Paige's friend, and to a stranger I could be described as easily as someone who was just on the swim team with her. It scared me that this description bothered me so much. We were just friends; so why did this not feel right.

"Hi" I found myself smiling back at this girl who I didn't even know but found myself resenting.

She nodded back and then turned her attention back to Paige.

"It was great catching up with you Paige" she lingered for a few seconds smiling at the girl again as her hand returned to her arm. "I can't believe how grown up you are now!" She added with a laugh, "You're hair looks really good like that" I had to fight back rolling my eyes as this girl was obviously flirting.

"Yeah, it's been a while" Paige responded with her usual enthusiasm, however she did seem oblivious to the obvious flirting.

"Well, I would _love_ to catch up some more, maybe the weekend sometime?" She paused as she got a piece of paper and a pen out of her bag as Paige just nodded. "Here" She said as she scribbled down a number. "Here's my new number, call me sometime, if you want?" She smiled as Paige took the number with a nod.

"Cool. I will" she smiled and put the paper in her pocket. The girl was lingering like she was waiting for Paige to say something else but Paige was just smiling.

"Okay, well I look forward to speaking to you soon?"

"See you around" Paige responded and she nodded. Before she left she turned to me with a smile. "Nice to meet you" She said before she spun on her heel and left.

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh and Paige looked at me confused.

"What?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"See you around? That's your big line?" I smiled, despite the fact that the whole situation made me feel an odd emotion I was trying to pretend wasn't jealousy, the fact that Paige was so oblivious just made this funny.

"What are you talking about?" She laughed at me her face still confused.

"She was obviously flirting with you Paige" I laughed as Paige's face changed to one of shock.

"No she wasn't!" Paige defended but her face was giving her away as she seemed to consider the possibility. "Was she?" she shook her head. "No, she doesn't even know I'm gay" Paige let out finally.

"Is she?" I asked with my eyebrow raised and Paige nodded. "Well… yeah… I think so... but that doesn't mean she was flirting with me!" Paige tried to defend the situation and I just laughed, despite the feeling that was still in my gut.

"Face it Paige, she was"

"I don't believe it" Paige said.

"Why? Why wouldn't she flirt with you?" at my words Paige seemed to think for a second and then shrug her shoulders.

"I just got flirted with" she did a little dance in triumph and I rolled my eyes. "You're such a dork" I pushed her slightly and she threw up her hands in defence.

"Hey, don't hate. You're just jealous it wasn't you" My stomach did a flip and a blush crept on my cheeks as I tried to pretend her words hadn't affected me. She was right, I was jealous. Not that that girl hadn't flirted with me but that she had flirted with Paige. This realisation caught me off guard and I didn't answer straight away and Paige looked at me apologetically.

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking. Of course you're probably not ready for all that yet anyway" she looked down to the floor regretfully, part of me was thankful that she had misinterpreted my silence, but another part of me felt guilty that she thought that the silence was due to the fact I was thinking about Maya. The fact that I hadn't shocked me further and I totally lost the inability to speak. I coughed and tried to find words.

"It's fine" I let out a little laugh. "It was just funny how oblivious you were" I added, trying to get the attention away from what I had just realised.

Paige rolled her eyes and pushed me this time. "Sorry I'm not the flirting expect! I'm new at this"

"Shall we get another drink?" Paige asked as she held up her empty cup, mine was still full from my trip before and I really didn't want to go back into that room and face the jock.

"You can have this" I held my cup out and she raised an eyebrow.

"I'm avoiding someone in the other room" She laughed and nodded, not asking any further questions as she poured half my drink into her cup and passed the other half back to me.

"Come on" she said as she pulled me by the arm further into the kitchen. "Let's go find Ashley, see how drunk she is"

I laughed and followed her.

A few hours later the party was winding down with people either sat slumped on the floor because they were too drunk or sat bored because they were too sober. The music had been turned up louder by someone and I could no longer hear what Paige was saying even though she was close to me.

I pointed outside and she nodded, we left and sat down on the front step of the porch. The air was cool and it was nice to be out in the quiet.

"So…" Paige said into the quiet. "It was nice tonight wasn't it; just to come to a party with the team like normal?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it was. I've really missed just doing things like this." We sat in silence for a few seconds and I thought about how nice it had been to have Paige with me tonight, I knew I probably wouldn't have come if it wasn't for our new formed friendship.

"Thank you" I said into the silence and Paige looked at me.

I guess she must have understood what I meant as she didn't ask me what for.

"I'm glad were friends Em, even though the circumstances haven't been great, these last two months have been really nice" She smiled at me and I felt my heart do a little flutter in my chest. I knew I had been through a lot these past few months but I couldn't deny she was right, if anything good had come from this it was my friendship with Paige.

"I'm glad too" I said as we sat in silence again. My mind wasn't relaxed this time though and it ran through the events of the past few months and I suddenly doubted everything. Paige and I had agreed on being just friends a long time ago. These feelings I was having for her now were something I hadn't planned on having again, and maybe they weren't a good thing to feel.

Paige had seemed pretty happy when I had pointed out the fact that girl was flirting with her, maybe that's what she wanted. Maybe she wanted a fresh start with someone new and interesting who didn't have a load of emotional baggage to deal with. Maybe she did just want to be my friend and her old feelings for me were gone. Maybe she wanted someone like that girl in there who hadn't rejected her and provided a wall of mixed signals along the way, maybe she didn't get the same butterflies as me when we touched. Maybe she wanted someone else who wasn't a complete and utter mess.

I let this sink in and suddenly realised that it was just selfish of me to want anything else. I couldn't be what was right for Paige, I was too emotionally unstable to be any good for her, and I had too many fears to commit myself to someone once again. I had to let my feelings for her go and concentrate on being her friend.

It was what was best for us both.

Paige yawned next to me breaking the silence and I felt myself yawn too. We both laughed at this.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked with a smile and she nodded. We stood up and headed for my car; I suddenly felt the tiredness hitting me and was glad I was finally going to get the chance to sleep.

* * *

"Are you sure its ok, I mean I can totally sleep on the floor if you want more room?" Paige asked for the third time and I rolled my eyes.

"Paige, seriously its fine, the beauty of a double bed is no one has to sleep on the floor" We were both dressed in similar pyjamas, tank tops and long cotton bottoms. Paige smiled and I was glad she had finally given up her protests. I settled into my side of the double bed careful to position myself far enough away from the middle so I didn't accidently brush into Paige; if sharing a bed was going to work I needed some boundaries.

Paige stretched her hands above her head and yawed again. "You're bed looks so comfy" she laughed as she got in next to me and settled down.

It felt so nice to have her here in my own bed next to me; I closed my eyes and tried to imagine if the situation was different. If I wasn't Emily whose girlfriend had died and we weren't in this weird complicated friends' zone. If things were simple. I imagined what it would be like to shuffle closer to her and wrap my arms around her waist, bury my face in her neck and kiss the soft skin that was there as she ran her fingers through my hair. I snapped my eyes open and forced the images away. Thinking like this wasn't going to help with my new plan.

"Good night" I spoke quietly into the dark room and Paige responded at the same volume.

"Good night Emily" I closed my eyes and tried to forget the fact that she was so close to me. I had to concentrate on what was important, Paige. Paige was important and if she got involved with me I couldn't help but feel like it wouldn't end well. I didn't want to hurt her by getting close to her and then being too scared to give myself to her, or worse I didn't want something to happen to her. I knew it was irrational to think like this but I seemed to be full of bad luck when it came to falling in love. Everyone always got hurt some way or another.

_I walked down the familiar hall way of Rosewood high; actually, maybe I was running. I looked down at my feet and I wasn't wearing any shoes, my bare feet were slapping against the cool floor as I ran. I didn't know where I was running to, and I couldn't seem to find my bearings despite the familiar surroundings. Everywhere looked the same. I saw a flash of dark brown hair whip around the corner and I sped up to try and catch her._

_I knew if I could just force my feet to speed up I could reach her._

_As I turned the corner she was gone, I carried on running to the end of this hallway and found myself pushing through heavy metal doors I couldn't remember being there before. I had to find her._

_I shouted the girls name into the silent room until I heard it bounce back at me off the dark walls. The walls seemed far away and the air smelt damp and musty. It felt like it was choking me._

_Another flash of her dark hair caught my eye and I span round quickly, feeling the blood rush to my head._

_"Maya?" I shouted again into the silence._

_The silence was broken by a soft familiar laugh that seemed to echo round the room. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up._

_I searched for the source of the laughter but I could only see a few feet in front of me in the darkness._

_"Ali?" My voice was trembling._

_She appeared in front of me suddenly with a wide smile on her face. It was the smile she wore when she knew a secret you didn't and she was going to tease you with it._

_"You won't find what you're looking for Emily" her voice sounded sickly sweet and it almost burned my ears._

_My mouth was dry and I was shaking. "I just saw her, she must be in here" I looked round frantically and Alison laughed louder._

_"Poor Emily" She was even closer to me now and her eyes were dark. "Always losing things" I could smell her breath and it smelt musty just like the room, it was definitely not what it normally smelt like._

_I stepped backwards to escape the smell that was making it hard to breath and my foot caught on something hard behind me._

_I stumbled as I turned around warily, taking in the shape on the floor._

_A black cloth was draped over a figure lying on the ground. My stomach churned as a flung backwards away from it._

_Alison laughed again but this time it was high pitched and nothing like her usual laugh, I fell to the floor as my stomach churned again; I felt sick._

_Alison was beside me again this time her face was full of concern and she whispered my name softly._

_"It's too late" She was stood next to me and she was looking at my face but not meeting my eyes. "You can't do anything now Emily"_

_She was almost whispering and I looked at the figure covered in the cloth again, my heart twisting in my chest. "Maya" I breathed as I scrabbled up from the floor. I was about to run towards the figure when Alison began to laugh again, the same high pitched screech._

_I span round as I heard her laughter change to coughing. She was stumbling as she held her chest tightly, her mouth filling up with something I couldn't quite make out. It was dark brown and she was spitting it out onto the floor. Soil._

_She fell over onto her knees as she continued to cough, her eyes focusing on mine with a terrified expression. I was frozen to the ground as I watched her choke._

_"Emily" She got out between a cough. "Help her" I was completely frozen still and confused by her words. She was coughing and pointing over my shoulder. I twisted around and saw the figure under the cloth was now surrounded by a pool of water; it was rising up from the floor and submerging my feet in a green musky liquid. It was drenching the cloth and I ran over to it splashing through the cold water with my bare feet. My fingers curled round the edge of the fabric as I prepared to lift it back and take in Maya's face. I pulled it back and my heart stopped in my chest, it wasn't Maya._

_"Paige" I screamed into the silent room. Paige's face was pale and lifeless as she lay motionless in the pool of water. Her eyes were open and unmoving as I pressed my hands hard against her chest. "Paige" I was almost sobbing as the girl still wouldn't respond. The water was getting deeper and was starting to cover her face as I tried to lift her up out if it but she wouldn't move. My hands couldn't lift her, in fact my hands weren't near her anymore, I was moving backwards somehow and she was being covering in water more and more. Something was holding me, stopping me from going back to her._

_I felt arms around me and I heard another loud cough and realised Alison had pulled me away, she was laughing again._

_"See, you always lose them in the end Emily" her eyes were dark again and the coughing continued. Huge amounts of soil were falling to the ground from her mouth and my heart was pounding in my chest. Alison fell to the ground and her whole body shook, I closed my eyes and screamed again as my heart rattled inside of me._

_"Emily!" A voice broke through my screams quietly. "Emily, Em!" The voice was getting louder. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and the musky smell disappeared. I could breathe again._

"Emily, it's alright, shhh" The voice was familiar and my eyes snapped open to find Paige's concerned face staring down at me.

My room was dark but I could still make out Paige in the dim moonlight, I grabbed onto the bed sheets that were warm and soft beneath me. I breathed quickly as I took in my surroundings. I was safe. It was just a nightmare.

Paige's face was flushed and her eyes were staring intensely at mine. The complete opposite of how I had just seen her face.

"Are you okay?" She still had a hand on my shoulder as she spoke.

I nodded and found my voice somehow. "I… I had a dream" I spoke quietly and Paige nodded.

"You were shouting pretty loud" Her face was still twisted in concern and I felt a pang of guilt run through me, I really didn't want Paige to have to witness me having a nightmare; I thought they had stopped but obviously I was wrong.

"I'm sorry" I began but Paige cut me off.

"No Em, don't apologise, I'm just worried. You were shouting, something about Maya and… my name" she bit her lip as she looked at me and I didn't know how to explain the nightmare.

"I've had the same one before" I admitted as she looked at me still concerned. "Actually I've had it quite a lot and it normally ends the same way… but this time it was different" I shivered. I couldn't explain it to her; I didn't want to relive the images that haunted me. "I can't really explain"

She moved her hand and placed it over mine under the covers. "No, it's fine you don't have to" She was closer to me now on the bed and I could still feel my heart beating fast in my chest.

"You should talk about it though" Paige began still holding my hands. "You pretend you're over it all, but I know you're not." She briefly touched my face with her other hand. It was a simple touch but it conveyed a lot to me, it made me feel vulnerable but completely trusting of her at the same time. I closed my eyes briefly as she continued to look at me.

"You can't be brave all the time"

I took in her face and saw complete sincerity there it made my heart beat fast again.

"You seem to be able to though" I spoke quietly and she smiled slightly.

"I'm nowhere near as brave as you think I am Em" She said as she brought her other hand to meet our hands under the covers. We were silent again as we just let our eyes stare at each other through the darkness.

"Do you believe that good things happen to good people?" I asked Paige after a moment and she seemed to think my question through before she answered.

"No" She said quietly. "Because I know that sometimes the worst things happen to good people" She paused before she continued.

"But I do believe in fate. I think that things happen for reasons we don't understand, things we don't want to happen and things that seem so heart-breaking at the time they don't make sense. But I believe it's not all for nothing, I think there must be a bigger plan involved and I know that good things do happen. I know that good things will happen to you Em" She squeezed my hands again as I smiled into the darkness.

I liked her words, I liked how she didn't just say everything was okay; she understood that things weren't always simple.

"How do you know" my voice was quiet again.

"I just do, okay" she laughed lightly and closed her eyes. "I'm Paige McCullers and I'm always right" We both laughed at this and I felt my heart beat slowing down back to normal.

We were both silent again and this time I knew that we weren't going to break it with words again and I closed my eyes. Paige pulled her hands away from mine and moved slowly so she was on her side of the bed again.

I knew I probably shouldn't and that it wasn't fair on Paige but right now I just wanted to feel her close to me. I grabbed her hand again and pulled it towards me so she was forced to move back to my side of the bed. She didn't protest as I twisted around and pulled her arm over my waist. She tightened her grip so my back pressed against her snugly and we settled into the bed, I couldn't help but notice how we fit together so perfectly.

In the morning we could go back to being just friends, but right now I needed her to hold me like this. In the morning we could go back to reality.

**Thanks for reading. Please review it makes me smile :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Again, Thank you THANK YOU for all the amazing reviews, favourites and alerts. They really do make me happy! **

**This chapter I wanted to move things on a bit and try and show how both girl's feelings are progressing, I do apologise if people just want them to be together already... but don't worry, I promise it WILL be worth the wait. **

**Yana and Sora Yagami: You mention wanting to see Paige's inner thoughts and I must admit I have wanted to write them for a while, I just haven't known when to start. Hopefully this chapter will give you a little taste and there will be more of Paige's point of view to come! **

**I could thank everyone for their comments individually but I will just say a big I LOVE YOU GUYS to you all and hope you will accept it.**

**p.s- chelseaxlee - hope this update is still in time to set your week off right! :)**

* * *

I woke up and was suddenly aware that I was too close to Paige; In fact my legs were tangled with hers and my arm was hanging over her loosely. I held my breath as I took in the moment for a second or two, how Paige was still breathing slow and rhythmic in her state of sleep and her face was calm and peaceful. She looked beautiful.

I let my breath out slowly and forced myself to go back to reality. Paige couldn't wake up and find us in this position or find me staring at her like a creep, I don't know if I could deal with that.

As slowly as I could I moved my legs from the position they were in and lifted my arm carefully. Paige didn't stir and I let out a relieved sigh, I shuffled slowly further over to my side of the bed until I was a safe distance away.

I was still for the next ten minutes listening to Paige's breathing until eventually it changed and she moved positions as she turned to sit up her eyes meeting mine as she smiled with a small yawn.

"Morning" she said and I noticed how her voice was huskier than normal as it was full of sleep.

"Did you sleep ok?" She asked as she rubbed her eyes. "No more nightmares?" Her face was cautious and concerned until I nodded with a smile and she relaxed a little.

"I slept great" I didn't add that the reason I slept so well was that I had Paige holding me tight. I had a feeling we weren't going to talk about that.

I got out of bed and pulled the curtains open, it was raining but I didn't let that ruin my mood. I wasn't in the mood for swimming today but I was sure I could find something to do, we had a lot of junk food in the house and it had movie day written all over it.

I really wanted to have a shower and try and regain some control over my hair that was sticking out all over the place, but I also wanted to be a good host to Paige.

"Do you want some breakfast? We have cereal, or toast or I could make pancakes, or eggs… or I think we might have some bacon in, I mean I don't really know what you like?" I stopped speaking as Paige smiled at me.

"Em, cereal is fine." She was still smiling as I felt myself blush.

"Perfect" I replied. "I'm really good at making cereal" my joke caused her to laugh and I felt my heart do a little flutter again. Seriously, this was happening a lot and it wasn't good.

An hour later we had both eaten breakfast and showered and were sat in my kitchen. My mom was out and my dad had just started another month away so the house was empty apart from us.

I didn't want Paige to go home and I was just about to ask her if she wanted to watch a movie when the doorbell rang. I raised my eyebrows thoughtfully; I wasn't expecting anyone.

I pulled back the door and was greeted by Aria's small frame; she was dressed in another one of her weird outfits I loved so much with a big shell necklace finishing the look off. The sort of thing only Aria could pull off.

"Aria, hey!" I greeted and she smiled widely at me.

"Hey Em. I was wondering if you were busy? Hanna fancied going to the mall and I thought I'd stop by and see if you fancied it too"

I smiled back but glanced into the kitchen where I knew Paige would be.

"I actually have company, Paige is here… well she stayed last night 'cos we went to this party and…" I was rambling. "One second come in" I added and Aria followed me into the house and into the kitchen.

Paige did a little wave to Aria as she entered the kitchen as she mouthed the word 'Hey' with a smile. Aria did the same and then the room was silent again.

I didn't want the silence to become awkward so I started speaking quickly.

"Paige, do you fancy coming shopping?" I hadn't asked Aria if it was okay for me to invite Paige but I didn't think she would mind, also I couldn't exactly not invite her.

"Oh actually I probably should get going soon, I promised I would help my mom today with this bake sale she has at church." She smiled at her own words. "Wow, I just realised how boring my life is" she joked and both me and Aria laughed.

I couldn't help but be a bit disappointed I wouldn't be able to spend the day with her some more.

"Could be worse, at least you might get to eat some cookie dough" Aria offered and Paige smiled at her words.

"True" she nodded laughing. "Any way, I will leave you two in the safe hands of the mall" she joked as she stood up from the chair and reached for her overnight bag that was resting against the wall.

"Thanks for letting me stay Emily"

"Do you need a ride home?" I had walked to follow her towards the door.

"No honestly it's fine, I could use a walk after that MASSIVE bowl of cereal you gave me" She winked at me and I felt the flutter inside me again.

"Are you sure, I don't mind at all" I tried again; I sort of wished she would say yes so she didn't have to go so soon.

"Em!" she said rolling her eyes with a smile. "I promise, I'm fine it's not far. I'll see you soon" She smiled at me again before she turned and leaned around the corner to wave at Aria again.

"Nice to see you" She said to her and Aria copied her goodbye with a wave of her own.

She opened the front door and with one final wide grin in my direction it was shut behind her.

I made my way back into the kitchen and Aria was typing something onto her phone with a smile. I guess it was Ezra.

"So you ready to go now?" I asked her pulling her attention away from the device in her hand.

"Sure" she said. She looked at me with a small smile before she spoke again. "So you're pretty close with Paige now then?" I nodded at her question.

"I guess, we've just been hanging out a lot 'cos of swimming that's all." I could feel a blush creeping its way onto my cheeks so I turned and busied myself with tidying away the breakfast dishes so Aria wouldn't see.

"It's nice… I mean that you've got a good friend on the team and everything" I nodded again before I dumped the dishes in the sink. They could wait until later to be washed.

"Shall we get going?"

Aria grabbed her purse from the table and we headed out, the blush finally leaving my face.

* * *

**Do you want to come over tomorrow? **The message popped up on my computer screen and I smiled as I saw the little picture of Paige next to it. It was late but we were both still awake, I knew she was a late night person like me.

**It depends, you're not going to ask to hang out and then have me sit and watch you do your homework again are you? ;) **I laughed as I remembered how Paige's idea of fun had been having me help her with homework.

**Hey that was once! And you're good at Math, I needed your help! I promise we'll do something fun :D ** I didn't know what she had in mind but I guessed she would leave it up to me to decide like always. I would pick tomorrow.

**Sounds great :D Text me in the morning when you want me to come over**

**Will do, I need sleep, but I'll see you tomorrow. Night Em xxxx**

**Good night :D xxxx**

I turned my laptop off and got into bed. I smiled when I thought about seeing Paige tomorrow, even though I saw her at school and swim practice seeing Paige out of school was completely different. She was always more relaxed when she wasn't worrying about work or improving her times in the pool. I loved the days we would spent together just the two of us, I even loved watching Paige do her homework even if I would never admit it; she just looked so damn cute when she was concentrating. I rolled my eyes before I turned off the bedside lamp and shut my eyes tightly. Why did Paige have to make the simplest things look endearing, like holding a pencil between her teeth. It really wasn't helping me keep my mind clear… or my heart for that matter. Paige McCullers was not easy to be 'just friends' with. I needed to remind myself of the reason why being just friends was the best option for both of us right now.

I opened my eyes and glanced over at the picture of me and Maya I knew was on my desk, even though I couldn't see it clearly in the dark of my room I knew what it looked like perfectly; I had spent enough time staring at it the past few months. It wasn't that what had happened to Maya still hurt me like it used to, it was just that this picture was a constant reminder to me of every way you could get hurt and how badly things could go wrong.

I felt like I had finally stopped hurting and had begun to feel normal again. I was finally happy for the first time in a long time, since Ali, since Maya… everything now was simple and it felt nice. It felt nice to enjoy Paige's company and get to know her without being so vulnerable to being hurt again. Right now I wanted to keep my heart safe. I didn't want Paige to be hurt either, the girl was one of the best people I had ever met and she deserved more than someone like me who was too scared to give her everything, too scared and confused to be what she wanted. She deserved someone to worry about her feelings. So Paige and I could only ever be friends, however cute she looked with a pencil between her teeth.

I closed my eyes again forcing myself to sleep and forget about Paige for the moment, I knew I'd be seeing her in my dreams though however hard I tried to not think about her. I was happy that the nightmares had stopped now but in their place were dreams of Paige; the sort of dreams that made it hard for me to look her in the eye the next day.

_I felt her toned body pressed against mine as she kissed me passionately, my hands were wrapped up in her hair as I felt her press harder against me._

"_Paige" I let a moan escape my mouth as she moved her lips to my neck_

The sound of my phone ringing tore me away from my dream brutally; it was too early for this I thought with a grumble. I looked at the caller ID and saw Spencer's name flashing on the screen.

"Spence! It's seven in the morning… on a Saturday!" I grunted, my voice full of sleep still.

Spencer didn't seem to care about my negative tone and just laughed in excitement. "Then time to wake up sleepy head! We have planned a surprise day out!" she said eagerly.

My head was still foggy with sleep and I had to take a moment to respond. "Sorry what? Who's 'We'?" I asked.

"Me and the Queen of England" Spencer replied sarcastically gaining an eye roll from me even though she couldn't see it.

"Me, Aria and Hanna! We thought about what we could do that's a bit different, a bit exciting…" she was still speaking with the excited tone. "we know you're still feeling a little stressed about… everything…" she spoke the code word for Maya, but in truth I wasn't in too bad shape these days, not since Paige anyway. But I hadn't exactly told my friends this so I let Spencer continue speaking. "So we thought it would be fun if we went…" She paused dramatically. "PAINTBALLING!" she almost cheered waiting eagerly for me to do the same.

"Paintballing?" My tone was surprised, I had never been paintballing and I didn't really know a lot about it.

"Yes Em, Paintballing! You get to run around like a crazy person shooting people, and then in the end the only harm done is a bit of paint in your hair. Sounds like the perfect stress reliever right?" I could see where she was coming from; it did sound like fun.

"Yeah, that actually sounds really great!" I admitted, my tone now closer to Spencer's.

"Great!" She replied. "Well Hanna invited Caleb and Lucas and Toby said he wants to come too so we should have enough to make it fun"

"Great!" I answered as I suddenly remembered my plans with Paige and I paused for a moment to think. I knew that Spencer hadn't exactly been Paige's biggest fan since everything that happened so long ago but surely she would be over that by now right? Spencer knew that I was close to Paige now and surely inviting her along would be no trouble, I knew I couldn't cancel on Paige… I didn't _want_ to cancel on Paige. Paintballing with all my best friends together would be fun.

"I just remembered I made plans with Paige today, would it be cool if I brought her along?"

"Totally! Then we will have an even number! Oh my God we need to decide on teams!" Spencer squealed, something that Spencer Hastings never does, she must be really excited about paintballing.

I laughed. "Great, I'll see you guys later! I can pick you all up if you want?" I suggested.

"Great, Ten O clock Fields! Don't be late!" Spencer laughed down the phone as I hung up with a smile.

* * *

"I pick Spencer" Hanna shouted before anyone could say anything. All Spencer had done was say 'let's pair up and have 4 teams of two' and Hanna had ran straight towards Spencer.

Spencer smiled, obviously smug at getting picked first as she stood arrogantly with her hands on her hips.

Caleb pouted as he watched Hanna stand contently next to the other girl. "Thanks Han" he joked.

"Caleb, I love you… but Spencer is a GOD at these sorts of things" We all laughed as Spencer tried to hide the satisfied look on her face.

"Fine. I'll go with Toby, sure we can handle two _girls" _He joked again earning a pout from Hanna this time and a glare from Spencer.

Aria looked between Paige and I who were still laughing at Spencer's glare. "Em, Paige, are you two on the same team?"

I could see Paige was trying to stop her laugh at Aria's choice of words but it came out anyway in a small chuckle. I caught Paige's eye for a moment and fought back laughter myself.

"Yeah, is that okay?" I asked and Aria nodded with a smile before she turned to Lucas with an expectant grin.

"I'll protect you til the end, scouts honour" Lucas joked as he saluted with his hand causing a laugh from Aria.

Paige turned to face me as everyone else went to grab their overalls and paintball guns. "I think we have a pretty good chance of winning, if we can just find a way to catch Spencer off guard I'm sure we could take her, as for the others I have no doubt we could take them we just need a strategy." She was whispering as she glanced around suspiciously at the others despite the fact they were well out of ear-shot.

"Okay we need to stay together and find somewhere where we can take cover but still shoot…Maybe somewhere high up." Paige continued rambling as I looked at her with an amused expression.

"What?" Paige asked, finally noticing my expression. I laughed.

"You're even more competitive than Spencer, I didn't even think that was possible. A strategy, really?" Paige's face twisted in protest which just caused me to laugh more.

"I am not that competitive!" Paige pouted and I just looked at her with an eyebrow raised, she was definitely competitive. "Sorry that I like to win okay, is that such a crime?" she was smiling now too, my expression must have been weakening her resolve.

"No" I admitted. "You're competitive, I think it's cute" I admitted without thinking.

"Cute?" It was Paige's turn to raise an eyebrow now. I blushed slightly but I guessed it was hardly noticeable to Paige with my dark complexion, I tripped on my words as I tried to respond.

"Yeah, you know… just… it's just funny, and erm… cute." I was thankful when Paige laughed again and headed off towards the big pile of overalls the others were all crowded around only turning around when I didn't follow her straight away.

"Emily, are you coming? We still need to work on that strategy!"

"Yes maam!" I joked as I made my way towards Paige and the pile of overalls.

* * *

The game had been going on for the past hour and I had finally realised that Paige had been right; we really did need a strategy. This game was brutal. I hadn't realised before how much being hit by a paintball could hurt and it seemed like they could come from every direction… but especially Spencer's. There were random huts and raised towers dotted around the course but Paige and I had managed to find a small hut tucked away behind a tree. It wasn't in a very good position for attacking any other teams but right now all I wanted was a rest from being bombarded with the small bullets of doom.

I pulled Paige in by the hand and shut the door quickly which caused her to groan behind me.

"Em, we aren't going to win hiding in her" Paige was breathing fast and she seemed pumped up on adrenaline; she was in her element here and I could tell how much she wanted to win.

"Okay just five minutes, I'm not as good at this as you are I need a break" I begged and she gave in quickly.

I laughed when I looked at Paige closer; the girl had a large smudge of mud on her right cheek which must have got there when she was doing one of her army rolls.

"You even managed to get mud on your face, action man" I said with a light laugh. Her hand shot up to her face and she rubbed at it but completely missed the mud.

"I prefer 'Combat Barbie'" she joked still rubbing the wrong cheek.

"Well _Combat Barbie" _I said with a grin "You're completely missing the mud, it's the other cheek"

She tried again but she still didn't get it right, I rolled my eyes comically taking a step forward and moving my hand towards her face. "Here" I said as I wiped the mud with my thumb.

I had moved without thinking and I suddenly noticed how close I was now stood to the other girl. The shed we were hiding in wasn't very bright with only the sunlight seeping through the gaps in the wood panels lighting the space; however I was now close enough to see every freckle on Paige's nose. The shed suddenly seemed very small.

Paige's face had changed as soon as my hand had made contact with her skin. Her lips had parted slightly and her eyes had become a little glazed over, I felt my face was holding a similar expression as I tried not to let the effect the feeling of Paige's warm skin had on me show but I couldn't help it. I cursed myself for looking like such a dork at a simple touch.

I was aware that my hand was still resting slightly on Paige's cheek but I couldn't seem to move it. I should really move it. My thumb was still touching the soft skin of her face and I was aware that it was only inches away from her lips. Just a slight movement and I could run it over her full pink lips; lips that were parted slightly so adorably.

I was staring now. I needed to stop staring.

Paige seemed to be holding her breath as my hand lingered just a little too long on her face. I was staring unblinking at her lips.

I knew that if I just leaned forward slightly I could capture Paige's lips in my own, just this thought made me kick myself internally. You don't kiss your friends.

I forced my eyes away from Paige's lips and met her eyes, melting into light brown orbs. I shouldn't be this close to Paige but I couldn't move myself away. I wanted to kiss her.

The feeling came from somewhere within me but it overtook my body and made me act without any self-control. I tilted my head slowly and inched closer and Paige didn't protest, in fact her eyes fluttered closed at the last second. I was almost close enough to feel Paige's soft lips on my own again –

"What the fuck!" Paige jolted sideways and stumbled away from me. "Owww" she cried out holding her head with her hand. I was confused.

Paige dropped her hand and I saw bright yellow paint in her hair, she had been hit.

"Little bastards" Paige cursed in a mumble.

We both looked in the direction it must have come from and saw a wide gap in the wood panelling. I moved forward to look through the hole cautiously, it didn't seem like anyone was there but as I looked further out I saw Spencer chasing what I assumed was Aria, from the dramatically oversized overalls, they had just come from the direction of the shed. It must have been a stray paint bullet from Spencer. I don't think they knew we were in here.

I looked back at Paige with a sympathetic smile. "I think it was Spencer, are you okay?" I looked concerned as she rubbed her head again.

Paige just laughed "I'll survive, Combat Barbie is tough" she winked.

There was silence after a few seconds as we both thought about what just happened, what _nearly _happened.

Paige looked like she wanted to say something to me but I spoke before she could say anything.

"I'm sorry" I began, stuttering a little on my words. I knew I shouldn't have done that, it wasn't fair to try and kiss Paige when I had told her I only wanted to be friends.

Paige's face fell a little and she stood with her hands at her sides awkwardly. "No, it's fine you don't have to apologise…I" she stopped speaking as if she didn't really know what she wanted to say. She cleared her throat and made a joke, humour, I was starting to see Paige did this a lot in situations like this.

"Saved by the paint ball I guess" she laughed lightly earning a small smile from me, I didn't feel like I really meant it though.

I was stood staring at Paige and I felt conflicted, part of me knew it was wrong of me to mess Paige around like I was, pushing her away one minute and trying to kiss her another. But I couldn't help being drawn back to the girl every time we were together. Today Paige looked amazing, even though she was just wearing paint covered overalls and her hair was tied back messily, she looked stunning. She was gorgeous in the most casual way and it made me get butterflies in my stomach. I knew I might be trying to make the whole 'just friends' thing believable to myself but there was no point denying that Paige was hot. I wasn't stupid enough to think it was okay to find your friend this hot.

I didn't know what I wanted to say to Paige, I felt bad apologising all the time or lying about how I felt but I would feel equally as bad letting her know what I was really thinking when I didn't even know what I wanted from her, from us. I was scared. But I had to say something.

Just as I was about to speak there was a loud bang and the door of the shed opened ferociously. Aria came crashing into the tiny space that we occupied breathing heavily with a terrified expression.

"Oh my god" she squealed in a very high pitched tone as she realised the shed was occupied. She flung her paint ball gun down on the floor and brought her hands up in front of her, palms facing out.

"Please don't shoot me, I surrender" she begged and both Paige and I laughed. Aria obviously hadn't realised neither of us had our guns in our hands.

"Aria, relax. We won't shoot" I said with a smile.

After another worried look Aria looked like she decided to trust us and lowered her hands, moving further into the shed turning to face the door defensively.

"I HATE this game" she spat out "and I HATE Spencer Hastings" she added with a scowl.

Paige looked at me and we both laughed silently, Aria looked hilarious in her overalls and it was obvious that Spencer had been targeting her all day.

"Anyway what are you two doing in here? Hiding? I don't blame you with Hastin-ator on the loose." she was still facing the door so didn't see the blush form on both mine and Paige's cheeks.

"Yeah, just hiding out waiting for the best time to strike" Paige answered, avoiding the fact that we had just been stood in awkwardness after a near kiss, Aria didn't need to know that.

I nodded in agreement. "Quite neat in here isn't it"

"I'll say!" Aria agreed "I might just stay in here forever" she laughed.

Paige shook her head. "No no no! I think it's about time we got Spencer back, don't you?" Her question was directed at Aria but she looked at me as she spoke, I watched the way her hair was moving in the light breeze coming through the cracks in the shed.

I noticed how her gaze was lingering on me and felt my mouth go dry, Paige staring at me like that made me feel dizzy; like the world was spinning.

"Yes!" Aria agreed enthusiastically. "Three against one she won't stand a chance" we all nodded and picked up our guns.

"Go on then…" Paige said to Aria as she pointed towards the door. Aria looked back sheepishly. "Will one of you go first?" she asked.

I laughed at Aria's nerves. "Combat Barbie will go first" I teased, aware that Aria might not get the personal joke so I locked eyes with Paige again. I felt my heart skip a beat at the look Paige was giving me, I guessed she wasn't even aware of the effect it could have on me.

"My pleasure" Paige spoke before she put her gun up to her shoulder and pushed the door open.

"Spencer is going down!" she smiled as me and Aria followed her.

* * *

"Girls. You need to learn the first rule of paintballing. _Never _underestimate Spencer Hastings" Spencer was striding smugly in front of Aria, Paige and I with her gun flung over her shoulder. The three of us were walking along looking defeated covered head to toe in bright yellow splodges. Spencer was GOOD at paintballing.

Paige turned to me with her eyes wide. "Your friends scare me" she said as she opened her eyes wider for comic effect. Aria made a small sound in protest at this.

"Hey! We're not all like Spencer okay! Some of us are actually human" she joked causing all of us to laugh until we reached the small changing rooms of the complex.

Hanna and Caleb were stood laughing at the state of Lucas, he matched me, Aria and Paige perfectly and it was obvious Spencer had gotten the better of him too.

Spencer was stood chatting to Toby now, who unsurprisingly seemed pretty clean. She had obviously had mercy on him.

After we had left our overalls in the cart outside we headed into the lockers to retrieve our things.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Paige pulled a blue hoodie over her head, not bothering with the paint in her hair as it was already drying. As she lifted her arms up her tank top slid up and revealed her toned stomach beneath. I _had _to stop staring, but that stomach was incredible.

"Em, are you going to shower here or just wait 'til you get home. The showers do look pretty disgusting" Hanna's voice pulled my attention away and brought me back to reality.

"Ermm" I had to concentrate on the girl's question. Hanna waited expectantly; she was obviously torn as I knew Hanna hated nothing more than being messy, well nothing except unhygienic showers.

"Home" I said to Hanna, earning a thoughtful nod, she ran back to Caleb, obviously with her answer.

The car ride home was pretty quiet, it was just me, Paige and Aria this time as Hanna had gone back in Lucas' car and Spencer and Toby had gone on Toby's motorbike. Aria sat in the front and Paige in the back, I couldn't help but keep glancing in the rear view mirror every now and then to catch a glimpse of Paige. I tried to do it sneakily and I didn't think Paige had noticed.

Paige had her eyes fixed on the view out of the window anyway.

We were five minutes away from town now and I couldn't help resent the fact that Paige's house was the first stop on the way back. I really wanted an excuse to be alone with her again so I could explain what had happened earlier. However I knew if I dropped Aria off first it would look ridiculous as I would have to literally drive past Paige's house to get to Aria's. I laughed at myself, why was I being so pathetic; I could just ask Paige to come over for a bit or something. I thought it through for a moment and realised it might not be the best idea if I was trying to keep my signals clear. I had no idea what signals I was trying to give, but inviting her back to my house, having her in my room again… on my bed. No, that was definitely not a good idea.

"Emily" Aria began speaking quietly. "Would you mind dropping me off at…" her eyes darted quickly to Paige before she continued "Ezra's?" she added, saying Ezra quietly, obviously still cautious about the fact that not everyone knew about their relationship. I knew Paige wouldn't care, and even if she did she would never tell anyone.

"Sure!" I said enthusiastically, I was happy as this now meant that Aria would be getting out of the car before Paige, I would get some alone time with her after all.

"Thanks" Aria said as we pulled up in front of the apartment block a few minutes later.

"I had fun today, thanks for organising it with the girls" I said to Aria before she leaned forward to hug me. "No problem Em" Aria said with a laugh "If you had fun I guess the bruises are worth it" she laughed before pulling away from the hug.

"Nice to see you again Paige, thanks for trying to take down Spencer with me" the small girl said to Paige.

"Anytime!" she laughed back. "Nice to see you too" she waved as Aria left the car and headed into the apartment block.

"So she really is screwing Fitz" Paige smirked "I thought it was just a rumour"

I scowled at her through the rear view mirror at her crude analysis of their relationship.

"Sorry" Paige began with a sheepish but mischievous smile, one that caused me to smile too.

"Get in the front" I said, it wasn't really a question. "I feel like a cab driver riding around with people in the back seat" I laughed as Paige came round to the front.

As we drove along my plan to discuss what happened earlier with Paige fell apart, I didn't know what to say. Every time I thought about supporting my decision to just be Paige's friend I seemed to run out of reasons why it was the best idea. All I could think about was the fact I wanted her so bad. Instead our conversation was light hearted as we both avoided the subject.

"Your friends are great Em" She said with a smile. I loved it when Paige called me Em, it wasn't like it was unique as a lot of my friends and Family called me by that nickname but it just sounded nice in Paige's husky voice.

"I'm glad you like them" I replied. "I had a really nice time today"

We both smiled widely at each other for a second before I had to put my eyes back on the road.

The radio was on quietly in the car and the song changed during the silence, Pink started playing and both of us grinned at the memory of the song.

_I guess I just lost my husband  
I don't know where he went_  
_So I'm gonna drink his money  
I'm not gonna pay his rent_

My hand pushed at the volume button and put the sound up louder. The night me and Paige sang Karaoke to this had been one of the only nights in my life I had felt completely free and at ease. I would never be able to thank Paige enough for that night.

The song reached the chorus and we both looked at each other as if we were assessing whether the other one was about to sing.

"So, So what? I'm still a rock star, I got my rock moves!" We both sand at the top of our voices, I was thankful that no one in the street or passing cars could hear our out of tune singing. But In the car with just the two of us, it didn't matter.

The song ended just as the car pulled up outside Paige's driveway. Paige looked at her house with a sigh, I felt like sighing too, I was sad the day was over.

I was too sad.

The feeling I felt in my chest wasn't normal to feel for just a friend. I knew I had to say something, anything to let her know how I felt about her. Even if I just told her the truth and that I was scared but that I wanted… _needed… _her so much. My heart was beating fast and I suddenly felt nervous, however I knew I just had to come out and say it to her.

"Paige" I began speaking into the silent car just as the loud message tone of her phone beeped.

Sorry she said as she fumbled with it in her pocket, "I forgot I put it on loud before" she must have turned it down as when it beeped again this time it was quieter.

"Sorry" She rolled her eyes at her phone. "What were you saying Em?"

The sound of her phone had caused me to lose the sudden burst of courage I had felt moments before and I needed a second to get back there. She still hadn't read the message and I knew it would gain me a few seconds.

"It's okay you can reply to that first" I said with a smile, happy to take the time to plan how I was going to word this.

"No seriously, it's not important" she said waving it off but I just nodded at her again showing her I didn't care.

She looked confused as she looked at her phone and she didn't reply. "What?" I asked trying to decipher her expression.

"Nothing" she said but I asked again. "It's that girl Sara, you know from Ashley's party. I don't know how she got my number though, I never text her" Paige played with her phone in her hands and my stomach dropped.

"Oh" I said not finding any other words easily. "What… what did she say?"

Paige shrugged her shoulders before replying. "She just asked me for coffee" she said casually before she put her phone back in her pocket. She still hadn't replied.

"Anyway, what were you going to say Em?" Paige's eyes were focused on mine intently and I was very aware of the seconds that were passing without me speaking.

I don't know why but the sudden knowledge that this girl wanted to go for coffee with Paige had stopped the courage I had. I felt conflicted. I knew if I told Paige what I was feeling it would complicate things, I knew it might make things different but I didn't know how. I also knew that Paige deserved to be happy, and maybe she could be with this girl.

I felt a little sick and my head was confused, I really didn't know what to say now.

"I just wanted to say…" I began. "I'm sorry about what happened in the shed. I shouldn't have done that, it's not fair to give you all these mixed signals… I guess I just got caught up in the moment" I knew my words were only half true, I did get caught up in the moment but it didn't make it any less meaningful, I had wanted to kiss her. I _still _wanted to kiss her. But my words came out before I had chance to stop them and now it was too late to change them.

I felt my heart tighten a bit at the look of disappointment I thought I saw creep onto Paige's face for a moment, maybe she did feel the exact same way I did… but it was gone so quickly I couldn't be sure.

Paige's eyes were avoiding my gaze as she looked down at her hands. "Em, you don't have to explain. I understand, we're still just friends… right?" There she goes again; 'Em'. I couldn't help the butterflies I got in my stomach at this. I should have just had the courage to say no, I didn't want to just be her friend. Not even a little bit but I couldn't do it, the words wouldn't seem to form in my mouth. My heart wasn't ready to be so vulnerable again, so I couldn't act on my feelings… I just couldn't.

"Just friends" I confirmed the words Paige had said but they felt cold and heavy in my mouth and I felt like I was betraying myself. Why couldn't I be brave? If the words had the same effect on Paige as they did on me she didn't let it show. She smiled a small smile and nodded before she spoke again.

"I'll see you at school then?" She asked as she pushed her hair behind her ear, finally meeting my gaze again.

I wanted to see Paige tonight, I wanted to see her tomorrow, I didn't want to have to wait all the way until Monday to have her calming but exhilarating presence in my life. Paige made me feel like everything was going to be okay, she made me see the good in things and most of all she made me feel safe, I would have her with me at all times if I could; But it wasn't fair to ask anymore of Paige when I didn't have the courage to give her anything in return. Not yet anyway.

"Yeah see you at school" I spoke back stopping my voice from cracking at the last second.

Paige nodded and opened the door to the car hesitantly.

I watched Paige leaving and I wanted to reach out and hold the girl in my arms or at least touch her hand, but I didn't. I let her leave and the door banged closed before Paige turned to wave. I pressed the window down and called Paige's name as she began to walk towards her house.

"Thanks" I said with a smile when she had turned back to me.

"What for?" She asked her voice quiet.

"For coming today, for being a good friend… for being you" I watched as Paige's soft smile reached her eyes.

"You're welcome" was all that she said before she turned and headed back to her house.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"You're welcome" Was all I could manage before I had to turn and head to my house.

I heard Emily's car pull away just as I got my key in the lock, my eyes were already hazy with tears as I stepped into the house. As I reached the first step of the stairs the first tears had started making streaks down my cheeks. I headed for the shower, to clean the paint off, to escape my parents… but most of all to cry because of what I had to learn to live with.

Being just friends with Emily would never be enough for me.

I padded up the stairs and flung the door of my bedroom open a little too fiercely letting it swing violently in its hinges. I hated feeling like this.

I grabbed the towel that was hung on the back of my door and headed for the shower, maybe I would find some peace in there.

The warm water did nothing but agitate me further and I had to turn the water down cold to shock my body into any different response. The cold water took my breath away and I almost choked on a hidden sob that had been working its way up my throat.

I clenched my hands into fists. I really didn't want to break down like this; I really wanted to be strong and not get my head lost in Emily Fields.

I let out a deep breath. Emily Fields.

I hoped she hadn't seen me staring at her like my eyes were going to pop out of my head in her car but I couldn't help but admire her perfect features. She really was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, I had to gulp hard when I had seen her tongue dart out and lick her lips quickly. She was so hot.

_Shit Paige _I cursed myself internally. Emily saw me as a friend and I had to accept that.

I'd had feelings for her for so long now though that I had begun to forget how _not _to like this. I would be lying if I said I was telling the truth the day of the dance when I said I wanted to be friends with Emily, right then I hadn't wanted anything less. I had seen her at the dance and my heart had literally stopped dead in my chest and I had to pluck up all the courage inside of me just to talk to her.

But the day I walked in on her crying at the pool everything had changed. When I had seen the broken and vulnerable girl with puffy red eyes something had changed inside of me and all I wanted to do was take her pain away. I had promised myself that day that if that meant being her friend then I would do it. I would put my feelings aside and help her in any way I could.

Since then I really had been confused. Part of me had grown different feelings I hadn't had for her before when I got to know her more. Feelings of friendship. Now I craved her company to talk about my day or laugh with her at stupid quotes from movies, normal things that friends did. But I also craved her company so I could see her do that little smile she does when I make a bad joke and the way her eyes sparkle when she is laughing. I craved the feeling of her brushing her arm against me accidentally as we were walking or especially the feeling of her pressed tight against me like the other night. I had seen a vulnerable side to her and it only made me love her more. Yes. I loved Emily Fields, that I was certain of.

I loved her as a friend, I loved her as something more; I just loved her.

But I couldn't think about that too much, I had to ignore it otherwise the disappointment would just be too much to cope with. I knew I had no reason to be disappointed though; I may have all these strong feelings for Emily but I knew to her we were just friends and I had chosen to accept that hadn't I?

My mind was flipping over and over as a little part of me was confused about what had happened today. Emily was about to kiss me, that was for sure. I just didn't know why, or what that meant. In the car I had hoped for a second when Emily had said my name that she was about to tell me something. But then I got a message. My stupid phone and that stupid girl with her stupid oversized nose and her stupid flirting. I didn't want anyone other than Emily.

When she had apologised I wanted to say that she didn't have to apologise for nearly kissing me, I _wanted _her to kiss me more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I was in too deep I couldn't see what was staring me blatantly in the face. I'd had my chance with Emily and she hadn't wanted it the same way I had. Now we were never going to happen and I should just accept this.

I turned the water off with a big sigh and got out into the cold bathroom, it felt fitting for my mood. Despite feeling emotionally drained from spending my whole day avoiding my feelings I couldn't deny I had a good day today. I had never felt part of a group of friends, and even though I wasn't exactly part of their group, it felt close. I normally had one friend in each class, or a friend from tennis club, and friend from debating society, a family friend… but never a group of friends. Not only this but I got to spend the whole day with Emily and I would be lying if I said I could think of anyone I would rather spend my time with, being with Emily was magical. Even if it was just as friends.

I went to my bedroom and didn't bother to dry my hair. It wasn't even late but I pulled my curtains shut and settled down into my bed, I wanted to sleep.

In my dreams things weren't so complicated, in my dreams Emily loved me just as much as I loved her.

* * *

**I know that wasn't a lot in Paige's POV but it's where I wanted this chapter to end.**

**Pretty pretty PLEASE review... you know you want to :D **


	5. Chapter 5

**I know it was only yesterday that I updated but I couldn't help but want to treat you all for all the wonderful reviews I received for the last chapter (also I just couldn't get Paige and Emily out of my head and the words of this chapter literally jumped out of my head and demanded I wrote them down). Your reviews make me really happy, seriously! So please keep reviewing. Also I do find it helpful reading the reviews and seeing where people want me to take the story, so if you do have ideas let me know! They don't go ignored :)**

**Any way, I'll stop boring you know and let you read the new chapter.**

* * *

I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me from downstairs, I checked the time on the clock next to my bed and I must have totally slept through my alarm. _Shit _I thought to myself, I was meant to be meeting Emily for coffee before school and I was running very late.

"I'm awake!" I shouted to my mom down the stairs as I ran into the bathroom jumping into the shower quickly. I barely had time to dry my hair and throw on some clothes when I saw my phone flashing in the corner of the room.

**Hey, I'm here already. Should I order now or wait for you? :D**

I rolled my eyes at Emily for always being on time, she was so perfect.

**Sorry Em I'm going to be a little late, give me 10? : ) **

I hit send, grabbed my bad and ran down the stairs two steps at a time ignoring my mom as she shouted at me from the kitchen.

"Paige" I heard as I was already making my way out of the front door. "You need breakfast!" I heard her shout.

"I'll eat at school" I shouted back, knowing the face she would be pulling at my attitude but I didn't really care.

I arrived at the corner we usually met at slightly out of breath and I tried to make my breathing return to normal so Emily didn't notice the fact I had literally ran all the way here. I thanked my running ability at that moment as it wasn't that hard for me to return my breathing to a steady pace.

"Good Morning!" I said when I saw Emily turn around and smile at me. My attempt at not seeming out of breath failed as soon as I opened my mouth to speak and my words came out in a breathless exhalation.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked and I managed a casual laugh as a put my hand on my stomach where a sudden ache of cramp was appearing.

"Fine" I said, still breathless.

Emily raised her eyebrow and I felt myself blush.

"I woke up late" I admitted. "Very late, so I ran" I said with a shy grin.

"Paige!" Emily began. "You could have just said, you didn't have to come if you were late" she looked slightly guilty.

"No!" I protested. "I wanted to see you" I said truthfully. "And I really wanted some decent coffee" I added when I suddenly realised that made me seem a little too keen.

Her face held an expression I was becoming more familiar with, where it almost looked like she was trying to keep it neutral but failing. It was adorable.

"Good" She added with a small smile. "I'm glad you made it".

It was my turn to try and hold a neutral expression but I knew I wasn't as good at it as Emily so I just let the grin spread on my face.

* * *

I sat down in the cafeteria at a table alone, unlike the majority of teenagers I didn't have a problem with eating alone. In fact I quite liked the quiet and time to just read a bit or think things through. Today I was reading a book I had picked up from the library a few days ago that I hadn't really gotten into yet. I had picked it because the cover was pretty; I was really bad for doing that every time. But the story was just miserable; it was some stupid love triangle romance where two girls were fighting over the affection of one badly developed male heart throb.

When I was reading I just found myself either wishing the two girls would forget the guy and get together themselves or I would find myself thinking of Emily. I thought of Emily the most. I would be reading and then my mind would just go to her, something she had said or done before, or I would think of her laugh or her eyes. I had it bad.

I put the book down and decided it definitely wasn't going to keep my attention for long. I took a bite out of the boring ham sandwich from the cafeteria and sighed.

I pulled my phone out of my bag which had been on silent all day as I had been in class and saw two unread messages. I hoped one would be from Emily.

It wasn't. The first was from my mom.

**I have to work late tonight and your father is away on a business trip until the morning. There is left overs in the fridge. Don't be too late home x**

I sighed at the message. My family pretty much didn't exist anymore. I only spoke to my father when it involved my future career plans or my swimming. I only spoke to my mom when she wasn't working and even then we didn't really discuss things. Everything had only gotten worse since I had come out to her. She had surprisingly understood, she even said she wasn't surprised. But since the day we had first talked about it she rarely brought it up, which I was glad of.

She only occasionally raised an eyebrow in question when I introduced a new female friend until I dismissed her by letting her know they were just a friend, and then she seemed relieved and would just nod. It was how things were and I wasn't really bothered by it anymore.

The second message made me sigh again. It was from Sara and I opened it a little bit worried about what I would find there.

**Hey Paige, I know you couldn't make coffee the other week but I wondered if you were free sometime this week? I'd love to see you. – Sara xxx**

I rolled my eyes, she just didn't get rejection. She had already asked me out for coffee twice and both times I had come up with some excuse and failed to text her back when she had asked when I was free. She really needed to read the signs… maybe she thought I was playing hard to get.

I tapped against the screen of my phone whilst I thought her message through.

If I thought about it objectively she was a nice girl, she was pretty and friendly… and she was interested in me. I knew that it would probably be the right thing to give her a change but I didn't really want to. I only wanted Emily.

I tapped my phone again feeling my mind twist in confusion. I couldn't be with Emily. Maybe she did feel something for me but she would never admit it to me, I knew that and it made me angry.

Even though I understood how she must be feeling after losing two girls she had loved I couldn't help but just wish she could let me know she cared even a little bit. If she did at all.

I wondered what she would do if she found out I was going on a date with Sara, part of me feared she wouldn't care at all. Maybe she would be happy that I had found someone else so I wasn't bugging her all the time with so much attention. However I couldn't help but feel like part of her would be jealous, even if she wouldn't let it show.

_No Paige _I told myself, it was just cruel to go on a date with Sara to assess Emily's reaction. I couldn't do it.

But why couldn't I go on a date with Sara? Maybe I should. Maybe I would have a nice time, maybe she would be good for me. I rubbed my hand against my head and knew I had to make a decision. What I was doing right now wasn't getting me anywhere, something had to happen. I typed the reply with a sigh.

**Yeah I'm free most nights this week, what do you have in mind? –P xx**

Only a couple of seconds passed before I got a reply; she was keen.

**Great : ) Movies tomorrow night? Xxx**

**Sounds great, see you tomorrow : ) xx**

I felt my stomach drop a little at the fact that I was definitely going on a date now, but I pushed the feeling out. This might be a good idea if I just went into it with a positive attitude.

I had just put my phone back on the table with a sigh as I heard the chair next to me scrape against the floor, I turned and saw Emily smiling at me from across the table.

"Hey you" She said with a smile and I smiled back automatically, forgetting the plans I had just made for tomorrow.

"Hey" I said as Emily picked up the book that was lying closed next to my tray.

"Any good?" She asked me as she read the back.

"Not very" I shook my head as I watched her read, the way her face went when she concentrated was sweet.

She put the book down and picked her apple up and took a bite, I was staring at her mouth as she did this but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

My phone beeped again on the table and it pulled me away from staring.

**Also, shall we meet there or should I pick you up? Xxx **I read Sara's message and couldn't help the way my face went. Emily seemed to notice.

"What?" She asked as I tried to make my face expressionless again. I thought for a moment whether it was a good idea to tell her or not, but I knew I had to.

"I'm just not good at dating etiquette" I began, not really sure what to say. "That Sara girl asked me to the movies tomorrow" I explained and I avoided her eyes for a second or so.

When I finally looked at her, her face was expressionless and her lips were pushed together tightly. I didn't know what this meant.

She nodded before speaking. "Oh… cool" She said, her tone not giving anything away either. I felt like rolling my eyes at how good she was at providing a blank expression. I thought for second, maybe the reason she was so good at it was that it didn't really bother her.

"Did you say yes?" She asked taking another bite of her apple.

"Yeah" I answered watching her face carefully. "I thought I might as well" Her expression remained the same still and she just nodded.

The cafeteria was becoming more and more quiet as it was approaching the end of lunch, we sat in silence as we both finished our food.

The bell rang and we both stood up and gathered our stuff in our hands. The awkwardness was noticeable and it felt an odd thing to feel in Emily's presence.

"Erm…so swimming tonight?" I asked with a hopeful smile. It was Wednesday and I hoped our usual routine wasn't going to be changed.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it" Emily replied, her face actually showing some sort of expression now; a smile.

"I'll see you later then" I grinned at her before I turned and walked in the opposite direction to her.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I watched Paige walk away and I finally let my face drop into the expression I had been hiding as I had to sit and listen to her tell me she was going on a date.

I was glad not that many people were around, I didn't want people to see my face like this.

I felt like my heart was going to crack and crumble in my chest. My day had been so perfect up until then and it was like her words had hit me like a truck travelling a hundred miles per hour. She was going on a date.

I knew I should be happy for her, I knew I should be happy that she was doing something like this but I couldn't seem to find the courage to feel happy for her. I just felt jealous.

Tomorrow came quickly as my mind was always occupied with thoughts of Paige. Yesterday's afternoon swim had been just like always and we didn't mention Paige's date again, I think we were both avoiding it.

I only had one lesson left today and I left the cafeteria and walked slowly to my next class, I knew I would be late but I didn't really care right now.

I knew I had been so stupid letting Paige go the first time when I should have just waited for her to be ready to come out and now I felt like I was making the same mistake all over again. I was losing her… even though I never really had her this time. She was going to go on a date with someone who didn't send mixed signals and actually let her know how they felt...she was going to realise it could all be a lot easier than I make it.

I let out a big sigh as I pushed the door to the classroom open. I got a glare from Mrs Montgomery and I whispered an apology which she accepted with a small eye roll. I slid in my usual seat next to Hanna and she smiled at me.

I couldn't bring myself to smile back; I felt completely and utterly drained.

The lesson was boring and I found myself not listening to a single word instead I was thinking about Paige.

I thought about the way she had ran to meet me yesterday morning and it made me get butterflies in my stomach, she was so adorable I couldn't even deal with it at times. Today she had been wearing the shirt I had picked out for her when we had gone to the mall the other week and it looked so good on her. I let her face fill my mind and I admired it for a few seconds before I remembered that she was going on a date tonight. My stomach churned.

I tried to picture what she would wear for her date and how she would be anxious and do that little thing she does with her hands when she is nervous. Nervous about someone other than me.

I felt Hanna tap me on the shoulder and I turned to face her as I snapped out of my thoughts of Paige.

"Em… are you okay?" She asked and she looked concerned.

My face must have been giving me away, I nodded casually. "I'm fine" I lied but Hanna wasn't convinced.

After the lesson had ended and we were stood out in the hall Hanna grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into a bathroom.

She checked in the stalls and found they were all empty, and then she turned to me and folded her arms.

"Something is up. Come on Em, spill" she said with a smile.

I bit my lip for a second while I decided if I should tell Hanna the truth about what I was feeling until I came to the decision that it wouldn't hurt to talk this through with someone.

I began speaking carefully, not really sure where to begin. I wanted to explain everything to her clearly so she would understand.

After a few minutes I had pretty much told her the whole story and she had just nodded every now and again.

"So, now she is going on the date tonight and I don't know what to do. I mean I'm not even sure if I _should _do something , I don't even know if she feels the same way"

I finished speaking and Hanna smiled at me.

"Em. Trust me, she does feel the same way." I shook my head at her words.

"You don't know that" I argued.

"Emily, it's so obvious! I've seen the way you two are together, it's like there's this chemistry you can't really describe. Also I've seen the way she looks at you. Trust me; she has some sort of feelings for you at least."

I let Hanna's words sink in and the feeling that Paige might feel the same way filled me up with an amazing emotion, but I was careful not to get my hopes up to high.

The higher you are the more it hurts when you fall.

Hanna pulled me into a hug and I let myself relax into her familiar arms, she smiled when she pulled away finally.

"Em I think if you feel this strongly you should tell her, I think you'll only regret it if you don't"

I nodded and was suddenly glad I had told her; she had put it all into perspective for me.

Sometimes I really loved Hanna.

* * *

I walked the full length of my room again turning when I reached the door. I had been pacing for the last twenty minutes glancing at the clock on my dressing table every few seconds.

8:45. It had only been fifteen minutes since Paige's date with Sara had started but my mind was already racing. I tried to calm myself down and make myself relax but thoughts of Paige enjoying a date with someone else, someone who was brave enough to flirt with Paige and ask her out were driving me crazy.

I sat down on my bed and began to play nervously with the phone in my hand, my mind still on Paige. I knew the movie started in five minutes and they would be sat close together, sharing popcorn, their hands probably touching. Sara seemed like the type of girl who wouldn't be afraid to make a move, at some point she might lean in for a kiss and their lips would touch, this thought made my stomach drop.

I could hardly think clearly and for the first time in my life I realised what it was like to be jealous, truly and properly jealous. It felt like it was eating me up and I wanted to scream and run into the movie theatre and drag Paige out by the hand. It should be me who took her to movies; I should be me who gets to kiss her. Not this stupid Sara girl. I needed to tell Paige before this feeling in the pit of my stomach was permanent.

Before I could stop myself I had typed out a message and hit send.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"We should probably go and buy our tickets before we get snacks" I said as we made our way over to the already long line of people. "Last week when me and Emily came here they all sold out before we got any" I added and Sara just nodded. There they were again, thoughts about Emily when I was trying to focus on the date.

We waited in the long line and when we got to the front Sara turned to me and put her hand on my purse to stop me.

"It's fine, I'll get them"

I didn't really know what to do, I had never been on a proper date with a girl before so I just nodded like an idiot and accepted her offer.

"I'll just grab some popcorn and we'll head in yeah?" Sara said to me with a smile.

I nodded back to her whilst returning her smile. I felt weird though and not like smiling at all.

"Oh" I called after her. "Can you get the sweet popcorn, Emily insisted on getting the salted one last time and it's horrible" I bit my lip after I spoke. Why did I keep bringing Emily up? I needed to get a grip.

She just smiled and nodded at me as she went to the popcorn stand. My phone made a small noise even though I was sure I had put it on silent in preparation for the movie and it interrupted my thoughts.

**Can we talk after your date?**

My heart did a little hop when I saw Emily's name and I felt like running out there and then and going straight to her house. I glanced over at Sara who was buying a large tub of popcorn and I looked down at the two tickets I held in my hand. I couldn't just leave.

I read the message a few times trying to uncover what Emily meant in her text, unsure what she wanted to talk about. _Why would she want to talk to me so urgently? _I asked myself, trying to push any thoughts about me and her to the back of my mind. _She's my friend _I justified to myself _she probably just wants to talk to me about how my date went_ I added, not really convincing myself. Maybe she really was jealous. I took a deep breath and replied.

**Of course, I'll stop by your house on the way home?**

I returned my phone to my pocket and tried to focus back on Sara and our date as the dark haired girl returned with a huge tub of popcorn and another smile.

"You okay?" she asked with a shy look at me. I hadn't realised but I must have still been in deep thought about Emily and her text as my face was twisted in thought. I nodded my head shaking thoughts of Emily aside and returned her smile. She was being nice to me and it wasn't fair to not be nice back.

"Shall we go find our seats?" I asked leading the way towards the screen our movie was playing in; Sara nodded and followed my lead.

As we settled down and the opening credits began to play I cursed myself for ever agreeing to this date in the first place. I tried to hide my shock when I felt her hand find mine and hold it softly, it felt weird and awkward to me even though I knew it probably shouldn't, in comparison to the butterflies I got the other day when my hand had just brushed Emily's it did nothing to me. I fought with the idea of faking illness or making an excuse up so I could leave early and go and see what Emily wanted to talk about, but I knew I couldn't do that to Sara, not after she had paid for my ticket.

An hour and a half later the credits were rolling and I checked my watch for the third time throughout the film, I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn't just jolt for the exit. As we made our way to the parking lot I could tell Sara could sense my want to get away and it made me feel guilty, she didn't deserve me behaving like this but I couldn't help it I wanted to see Emily too much.

"Do you want to go get some ice cream… or something?" I asked, unsure what people were meant to do to extend a date that didn't involve making out. I really didn't want to make out with her.

Sara laughed, "It's okay Paige, I had a really nice night but I can tell your heart isn't really in it." Her words shocked me but to my relief she didn't sound annoyed as she spoke.

I looked slightly embarrassed as I replied "Sorry" I began "It's just erm… I've had quite a long day today" I lied.

She looked at me as if she wasn't buying it as she raised one eyebrow.

"Honestly, it's okay I understand" She said with a little laugh.

"This Emily girl is lucky though" She added and I opened my mouth in confusion.

"What?" I stuttered as I spoke.

"I mean it's just a guess but I have a feeling you'd rather be on this date with her" She still didn't seem annoyed and I felt myself feel even guiltier.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked embarrassed. She just laughed and shrugged.

"I am quite good at reading people… but yes, it's that obvious"

"Sorry" I began again. "But I really did have a really nice time too" I didn't want her to think it was her that was the problem because it wasn't at all, It was Emily.

"I know" she nodded "You should tell her though" She added and I laughed lightly.

"Probably not how a date should end?" I asked as she stood playing with her car keys.

"Not really" she joked as she leaned in to give me a brief hug. "But it's okay"

"Friends?" I asked with a smile, this time I really did mean I wanted to be just friends.

"Friends" she confirmed. "See you around Paige"

"Yeah see you soon Sara" I said before I turned and walked away, it was time to go and speak to Emily.

* * *

I rang Emily's doorbell with my shaking hand relieved to nearly be out of the rain.

I heard Emily's voice shout in her house "It's okay mom I'll get it" I smiled at her voice just before the door swung open and she was stood there smiling at me.

"Hey" I said wiping the rain off my face and she looked at me with her face full of concern as she pulled me into the dry of her house by the hand.

"Oh my god!" she said as she looked at me. "You're soaked"

I shrugged my shoulders with a smile. "It's okay, I'll dry" I joked and she laughed.

"Why did you not have a coat… or an umbrella!" I always found it adorable when she worried about me like this.

"I didn't know it was going to turn into Rosewood monsoon season tonight" I could feel my hair dripping with water and I felt a little cold all of a sudden. I shivered and Emily pulled my jacket off me and pointed towards the stairs.

When we got into her room she got me a towel and moved over close to me and rubbed at the bottom of my hair with the towel. I don't know why but this little gesture gave me butterflies in my stomach and I had to gulp hard.

After a minute or so my hair was much drier and she seemed satisfied that I wouldn't catch phenomena anytime soon.

We both settled onto the edge of her bed as I listened to the rain hitting against the window, It felt nice to be in the warm familiar surroundings of Emily's room.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I listened to the rain as it hit hard against the window pane, it was quite relaxing and it made what I was about to do seem a little easier; my heart was still beating fast though.

"How was your date?" I spoke the words, not sure where I was going with this.

"It was… okay" Paige replied, the same curious expression still on her face as she stared at me. I could feel the fact that I was shaking and I knew I probably looked flustered to her, I was just thankful she couldn't hear how fast my heart was beating.

_Okay. _I repeated the word in my head trying to understand if that was a good word to describe a date or not.

"Cool" I replied and tried to hide my nerves with a smile.

"What did you want to talk about?" Paige asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Oh…" I began looking down at my hands before taking a deep breath; This was it.

"Because you know you can talk to me about anything?" She said before I could continue.

I just nodded and opened my mouth to continue.

"I just…" I began but she cut me off again.

"Whatever it is I don't want you to be nervous about it, I promise I'll always be here for you no matter what."

I smiled at her words because they were really sweet but I also cursed her a little for talking right now. Right now I needed to tell her how I felt.

I sighed and nodded and began again.

"Is it something I have done?" She seemed to be just as nervous as I felt and I wanted her to just be quiet.

"Paige!" I grabbed both her hands and she stopped talking instantly. I couldn't help but let out a little laugh at this before I spoke but my voice was still full of nerves. "Just shut up for one second okay?"

She nodded dumbly with a strange expression on her face. I took a deep breath and I knew it was now or never.

"Paige" I paused to take a breath as she began speaking again.

"'Cos if it is something I have done I'm really sorry" She began and I knew this was getting me nowhere I needed to just tell her quickly.

"I can't be your friend anymore" I blurted out and her face changed instantly. It went from confusion to hurt and she let her mouth drop open a little bit.

I realised suddenly what it sounded like I was saying and I shook my head quickly to let her know that wasn't what I meant.

"No I mean, I can't be _just_ your friend any more Paige" I took her hands in mine again carefully, I knew if she rejected me it would hurt like hell but I was here now. I had to do it properly and tell her exactly how I feel.

"It's driving me crazy, I want to be with you" I didn't pause before I continued, I had to get all my words out now out of fear of messing them up. "Seeing you go on a date tonight made me so jealous you wouldn't even believe it. I was so stupid for not admitting to myself how much I feel for you but I was scared, I'm still scared. I'm scared that I don't deserve you and I'm scared of getting hurt. But I can't lie anymore Paige, I need to tell you the truth. And the truth is I want to be with you more than anything I have ever wanted in my life" I took a deep breath as I watched her face take in my words.

She seemed to be frozen still and her eyes were glazed over as they fixed on mine. I wanted her to say something, anything. I needed her to respond to me or I felt like I was going to explode with nerves; but she was still frozen still.

"Paige?" I asked in almost a whisper when she still didn't respond.

"Are… are you sure?" She was staring at me with her eyes watering. "Are you sure you want to be with me, I'm not all you think I am Em. I'm impulsive and competitive and clingy and I tell really bad jokes… I mean are you sure?" she was breathing heavily.

"Paige!" I laughed softly at the quiet rant Paige was giving me. "That's why I want to be with you" I saw the other girl take a deep breath as I spoke.

"I just want you… even with all your bad jokes" My words came out in a whisper and I saw the effect this had on Paige, her eyes seemed to become misty and her lips turned into a small smile but were still shaking.

"Really?" She asked almost breathless. I couldn't help but find it adorable how much it shocked Paige that I wanted her.

I nodded slowly, smiling now at the nervous girl in front of me. I laced our fingers together rubbing my thumb over her smooth skin. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath; I could tell this was making her nervous.

"Paige?" I wanted her to look at me and know it was okay.

"Sorry" She said after another deep breath "You just make me really nervous Em" she opened her eyes and I almost got lost in her deep brown orbs as she stared at me.

"Paige McCullers gets nervous, I don't believe it" I mocked with a small wink, breaking some of the tension in the air when Paige laughed, but I could tell she was still nervous.

"You make me nervous too" I admitted as I took her other hand and placed it against my chest so she could feel my heartbeat.

"See" I said as I felt my heart beat faster, I hadn't realised how Paige's hand against my chest would increase my heart beat even further until I did this and I felt my cheeks blush at the effect Paige was having on me.

Paige stared at our hands that were resting on my chest and a small smile spread across her lips before she finally met my eyes again.

"I want you too Em, more than you know" She breathed, the mist in her eyes returning as she glanced down at my lips. I fought the urge to lick my lips as I saw the look in her eyes.

I moved closer to her with our fingers still interlocked until our bodies were nearly touching. I could hear her breathing was getting faster and I realised I was staring at her lips now too. I had never realised how great her lips looked before, they were perfect. As if it was acting on its own, one of my hands found its way up to her face and cupped it gently as she relaxed into my touch. An almost silent moan escaped her mouth but it was enough to send me crazy, I needed to kiss her. We both moved forward together causing our lips to meet in the middle.

It was soft and I took a moment to enjoy the feel of Paige's full lips against my own. I could feel her soft breath on me as we pulled apart and I smiled at the sweetness of the moment. Before I opened my eyes again Paige's hand had found the back of my neck and she pulled me in for another kiss, this time I could feel the intensity in her lips and it was a pleasant surprise. She tilted her head as she moved her fingers from my neck to rest on my face too pulling me further into the kiss. My head felt dizzy at the feel of Paige's lips on mine and her hand on my face.

I had kissed her before but the previous times hadn't felt anything like this. I didn't know if it was the fact that we'd both had a bit more experience since then or the fact that now my feelings for her were so intense. I guessed it was the latter. This kiss felt amazing, I felt like I could feel the sparks between us.

I wanted more of her so I parted my lips slightly as I kissed her bottom lip and she moved her tongue so it met mine, the feeling made me dizzier still. I could hardly breathe but I didn't care about oxygen right now all I wanted was Paige.

Our lips moved in sync like we knew exactly what the other was about to do, Paige's hands were now either side of my waist holding me close and this made the butterflies in my stomach flutter even faster. Finally we both had to pull back for much needed oxygen and our eyes met, Paige wore the same goofy grin I'm sure I was wearing.

"Wow" Paige almost breathed. Her cheeks were blushing slightly but I could tell she was no longer as nervous as before. "I have wanted to do that for SO long" she laughed lightly and the confident and funny Paige I had known for months was back, it made my smile become even bigger.

"You have?" I asked with a small laugh, feeling less guilty about the dreams I had had about Paige for the last few weeks. She nodded with another smirk before she leant in for another quick kiss.

I smiled at the contact and we both stared at each other for a few moments as we rested out foreheads together.

"Probably not how you thought your date tonight would end?" I asked with a small laugh and Paige laughed too.

"No" she smiled. "I never hoped it would end this well" she grinned again. "I actually spent the whole 'date' thinking of you" she replied with a small smile. "She actually noticed and pretty much told me I should tell you how I felt"

I felt my heart flutter in my chest.

"We're stupid aren't we? I mean for avoiding our feelings for so long"

Paige just shrugged. "I guess, but we were just scared. It's scary feeling like this isn't it?"

I nodded and interlocked our hands again, now that I had her I really didn't want to let her go ever again.

Paige bit down on her lip as if she was thinking her words through before she spoke. "You now I would never hurt you don't you? It's okay to let yourself feel for me okay?" She was speaking tenderly and stroking my hand softly. "I promise Emily, I'll never let you be hurt again"

Her words were almost too much for me and I could feel my heart about to burst, she was just amazing.

I didn't reply straight away I just kissed her cheek softy. "I know" I whispered quietly and she smiled back at me.

We stayed like this for a few minutes more and we talked about what we had felt for each other, finally being honest for the first time felt like a welcome change.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked after a few seconds of silence as Paige ran her fingers over my hand softly again.

"Well" she looked out at the rain with a small frown. "I go home, and you go to sleep. And then tomorrow I'm going to take you out"

I felt my lips curl into a smile. "Like, on a date?"

"Exactly like a date" she confirmed with a grin. "I want to do this properly" she added stroking my hand again. "So you believe it's for real and that I'm not going anywhere"

"I already know it's for real" I answered truthfully, because I really did. "But I like the sound of a date; that sounds really great"

We smiled at each other again and Paige let out a sigh.

"I really need to go home though; my mom will go mad if I'm not back soon."

I looked at the weather out of the window and dragged Paige to her feet reluctantly.

"At least let me drive you home? You'll catch pneumonia out there"

Paige didn't take a lot of convincing and we left my house and ran to my car quickly. Once we were inside I turned the radio on and let the soft music fill the car.

I pulled out of the driveway ready to make the short journey to Paige's house; I put the car into drive and then reached over to Paige's lap and took her hand in mine. She squeezed my hand between both of hers and began to play with my fingers. We stayed like this whole journey.

As we pulled up in front of her house I couldn't help but feel relieved at how different everything was this time we were both sat outside here.

Now everything had been said, now everything was perfect.

"So, what are we going to do on our date?" The feeling of saying this to Paige felt wonderful and made my heart do a little dance.

"It's a surprise" she said with a grin as I pouted.

"I hate surprises" I moaned.

"You'll love this one" she said as she pulled me closer to her so our faces were inches apart.

"I know I will" I almost whispered before our lips met again.

I was getting lost in the kiss and didn't want to stop but Paige pulled back grinning at me again.

"Good night Emily" She said as her eyes seemed to sparkle.

"Good night" I managed to get out but I still felt breathless from our kiss.

She turned and placed her hand on the door handle before she seemed to change her mind and turned back to give me one last small kiss on the cheek.

Then she had left the car and was running towards her house through the rain.

I watched her go inside as she gave one final smile in my direction and my body felt electric. I felt like all my nerves were awake and celebrating feeling this alive again.

I got back to my house a few minutes later and had just made my way upstairs when I heard my phone beep from my pocket. I sat down on my bed as I pulled it out and felt a smile spread on my face when I saw Paige's name.

**Tonight was amazing. Good night and sleep tight : ) xxxx**

I read over it again before I typed my reply.

**It really was, I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams. Xxxx**

I changed into my pyjamas quickly and slid under the covers. I knew one thing for sure; my dreams tonight definitely would be sweet.

* * *

**Yes? No? Please review? - Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Sorry it has taken me a while to update, I have had a pretty crazy week as I have had exams and busy shifts at work. BUT I have finally got chapter 6 up for you guys and it's quite a long chapter so I hope you're all happy. **

**I want to keep this story going for a while and I do have lots of ideas running around in my head to mix things up a bit and not make it boring. It all seems a lot of fluff at the moment but sometimes you just have to give in to the fluff, especially when its Paige and Emily 'cos they are so damn adorable. **

**Anyway: I loveeeeed everyone's reviews about the last chapter so please keep them coming.  
**

**Anita7 - You asked what the time difference is - I'm in the UK so only like 1 hour. I update at crazy times though because I'm a student and I have crazy shifts so I'm sort of nocturnal.**

**Sora Yagami - I must admit I LOVED reading your review, it made me smile. **

**Anyway - on to the new chapter...**

* * *

I woke up with a smile on my face, the same smile from last night that I couldn't seem to shift. Last night. I smiled even wider and scrunched the covers tightly in excitement when I thought about it.

Emily wanted to be with me.

I still couldn't quite believe everything that had happened, I was trying to process it in my mind and let it soak in but it seemed too big and amazing to fit in my head.

I pulled the covers off and was about to head for the shower when I saw my phone flashing from the bedside table.

**Can I give you a ride to school? I want to see you : ) xxxx**

I smiled into the text as I read it.

**You're too good to me! That would be perfect xxxx **

30 minutes later I walked down the stairs two at a time and arrived in the kitchen still smiling like I had been all morning. I pulled a bowl out of the cupboard and filled it with cereal as I hummed the song from the commercial. I stopped as I heard my mom come into the room dressed in her standard two piece suit; today it was dark blue.

"Good morning!" I greeted her and my words came out more enthusiastic than I expected and she raised her eyebrow as she took in my unfamiliar morning cheeriness.

"You're in a good mood" she observed as she let out a little laugh and filled her mug up with coffee.

"Life's good" I said with a smile as I put another spoonful of cereal into my mouth.

"I like it, makes a nice change to have a little positivity around here" she stirred her coffee letting the spoon hit the sides noisily; normally this little thing annoyed me but today I quite liked the sound of it.

I had to try and not laugh at myself. What was Emily doing to me? She was making me a morning person… I hate mornings. I guess this whole love thing really does beat it all.

I finished the cereal and lifted the bowl to drink the last of the milk. My mom made a disapproving noise and muttered something about having no manners and telling me not to do that before. I didn't listen to her I just carried on drinking.

I ran upstairs again to put a jacket on and brush my teeth, I checked my hair in the mirror and sighed. It really didn't look anything special, nothing like Emily and her perfect hair, but she seemed to like me enough; this made me smile.

I heard my phone and checked to see a message from Emily telling me she was outside. I was already downstairs when I shouted a goodbye to my mom and pulled the door open quickly.

Emily smiled at me from the front seat of her car and I grinned back, for the first time in a long time I felt like I could really smile as much as I wanted to at the sight of her and it felt wonderful.

I pulled open the passenger seat and slid into her warm car. It always smelt so nice in here, a mix of strawberry from the fruit shaped air freshener hanging on the mirror and Emily.

"Good morning" she said to me before I had a chance to greet her.

"It really is" I said before I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, I could see she blushed slightly at this and I couldn't help but smile at the fact I had this effect on her.

We just stared at each other for a few seconds smiling. It felt different being with Emily like this in daylight, last night had been amazing but it had also felt like some kind of dream; now it felt real.

"Can I not get a proper kiss?" She asked with a small smile before she looked down slightly as if she wasn't used to speaking like this.

Her tone and her choice of words caused me to gulp hard and I found myself biting my lip.

I moved forward and lifted her chin with my hand and I smiled when ours eyes met. I didn't say anything I just leaned forward further and pressed my lips against hers slowly. I could feel her smile under my lips and this caused me to smile to.

Kissing Emily was amazing, I would have stayed kissing her all day if I could.

I pulled back and I heard Emily moan a little in protest causing me to laugh a little, she pouted and I just smiled at her.

"We've not even had our date yet" I said with a smile as I stroked Emily's cheek with my hand. "I don't know much about dating etiquette but I know you usually wait until after the date to make out" I teased and Emily pouted again.

"We've totally gone past the first date stage Paige" she said trying to sound serious but she was smiling. "If I'm right this will be like our…" she stopped as she thought. "Third date? I'm sure we could allow ourselves a few more kisses" She raised her eyebrows at me and it caused butterflies in my stomach, the fact she wanted me so much was hard for me to accept but I wasn't complaining; it felt amazing.

I leaned in quickly and kissed her again but only briefly. "You'll have to wait for our date. I like to do things properly" I felt a rush from teasing her like this and I knew it would be fun to make her want me more.

She rolled her eyes at me but she was still smiling "Fine!" She said sarcastically and I chuckled triumphantly.

The drive was the same as it normally was if Emily gave me a ride except today I had Emily's hand in mine and I stroked the skin of her fingers as we drove along listening to music. Her hands were so soft and they seemed to fit so perfectly in mine. Before I had come out and I was dating guys I used to find it weird when a guy would hold my hand and it would fit awkwardly next to mine, the skin so much tougher and thicker than my own. Emily's hands were like silk.

We pulled up to the parking lot too quickly for my liking, I would have been happy staying like this all day with Emily's hand resting in mine. We got out of the car and I suddenly felt a rush of fear come over my body. I didn't know what I was meant to act like around other people when I was with Emily. I didn't know if she wanted to tell her friends about it first, I realised I hadn't told anyone about me and Emily. I didn't know what it would mean to our team mates or how I should act when I was in company. I wasn't used to this, coming out was one thing but _being _out, being with someone was totally new for me. I stood unmoving in front of Emily's car and she must have read my expression because she came up to me slowly and linked our hands together.

"It's okay" was all she said before she pulled me gently in the direction of the school entrance.

I felt the feelings of fear wash away when as soon as I felt Emily's hand in mine again. None of that really mattered, all that mattered was that I was with Emily; the girl I loved. I felt myself smile again, I felt so happy.

All I had to worry about now was organising the date tonight, I felt my smile turn to a slight frown when I realised I still had no idea what to do. I wanted it to be special, Emily deserved to be treated like she was the most amazing person in the world because she really was.

As we got nearer to the steps that led up to the front of school I heard someone shout Emily's name and we both turned around to be greeted by Emily's three friends.

Aria, Hanna and Spencer were stood in front of us with different expressions on their faces. Hanna seemed to be grinning approvingly as she took in my hand laced with Emily's. I had a feeling Emily must have told Hanna something about us. Aria just looked a little shocked with her eyes open slightly wider than usual but she was still smiling as she stared at our hands. Spencer, Spencer just looked confused. Spencer Hastings had always intimidated me if I was honest and I found myself desperate for her approval in this moment. It was ridiculous, but I really wanted her to think I was good for Emily and I wanted her to like me.

"Hey guys" Emily said smiling and I felt her hold my hand tighter stopping me from letting go like I had been about to.

"Hey Em" Hanna said with a big smile. "Paige" She greeted with a nod and another big smile. Aria waved at me with a smile of her own.

"Hey" Spencer said to Emily but she didn't really acknowledge me that much.

"We were just about to get coffee before class" Spencer spoke for the group. "You two want to come?"

Emily looked at me as if to ask if I wanted to join them. I thought for a second and then realised I actually had to get to my class early as I still hadn't finished the end of my report that was due in later; also I knew it was properly a good idea to let Emily talk to her friends alone.

"I actually have to get to class to finish some work, but you go" I smiled back at her.

"You sure?" She asked and I nodded.

"Course, but I'll see you later yeah?" I asked and she nodded back with a smile.

"Of course" I let her hand go slowly as I turned to walk away with a little wave to her friends as I did.

I smiled as I walked to class. I was dating Emily Fields and life was great.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"So it went well then!" Hanna was clapping her hands together excitedly as soon as Paige was out of earshot.

I just nodded as she clapped ever harder, I couldn't help but smile.

"Sorry" Spencer started speaking. "What went well? What's with you and Paige?" her face was full of confusion and Aria and Hanna both laughed.

"Emily told Paige how she felt" Hanna clarified like it was obvious.

"I didn't know you 'felt' anything?" Spencer was still confused.

Aria rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Spence it was SO obvious, she never stopped talking about her"

I felt a big grin spread on my face. "And she got _that _grin on her face every time you mention her" she added as she pointed to my face. I let my grin fall a little but I was still smiling. I couldn't really argue with her.

"So what happened?" Hanna had stopped clapping and she took a step closer to me so she could hear me better.

"I just told her the truth"

"Which was?" It was Aria's turn to question now and I suddenly felt myself become embarrassed.

"That I wanted to be with her" I said finally.

"And" Hanna pushed for more.

"We're going on a date tonight" I couldn't stop the grin as I spoke, Hanna smiled too.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know, she said it's a surprise" Hanna started clapping again and Aria put her hands over her chest.

"Oh my god that's so cute!" Hanna sighed. "Sometimes I totally wish I was gay so I could date a girl, Caleb doesn't do romance that much" I rolled my eyes at Hanna's stereotype but couldn't help but smile. It really was cute.

"I'm sorry but I really can't believe that I missed this? It can't have been _that _obvious!" Spencer interrupted.

"It really was" Hanna replied for me and I let out a little laugh in Spencer's direction.

"So, I guess it was just me and you Spence who didn't realise how I felt" I joked.

"I mean I knew you were closer to her now but I didn't know it was anything serious." She replied with a small smile. "Are you sure you're ready for all this again Em?"

This sort of question from someone else might have annoyed me but I knew Spencer well and I knew that all she really cared about was protecting people; that's why she was so defensive of her friends because she felt like it was her duty to make sure no one hurt them. I couldn't blame her; she didn't know Paige like I did. She didn't know Paige was the most incredible, kind and caring person I could ever meet, she didn't know her at all so I couldn't blame her for being worried. I thought the question through for a second before I answered. I knew I was ready, I was okay again, my heart had healed and even though it was still fragile I knew it would be safe in Paige's hands.

"Yeah" I began with a soft smile. "I really am. Paige is amazing, she really is" Spencer nodded at this and then smiled.

"Then I am really happy for you, for you both" Spencer saying this felt nice, her approval was something I always wanted.

She smiled to Aria and Hanna, "I can't believe you guys didn't let me in on this little 'Emily likes Paige' secret"

"Because it wasn't a secret!" Aria laughed back. "You're just bad at seeing these things"

"I take offence at that!" Spencer joked. I knew how much she hated being bad at things.

"Oh my God we can go out for dinner on a group date!" Hanna interjected suddenly and the three of us looked at her as if she was joking. When we realised she wasn't we all laughed and shook our head.

"Hanna, were not 40." I laughed as this sounded like something my parents would do.

"Well I don't know, isn't Ezra's birthday coming up this month?" Spencer teased at Aria and she glared at her and hit her on the arm lightly; me and Hanna just laughed.

The bell rang for the start of school and we all walked inside still laughing.

I was glad my friends were so supportive, having them accept Paige was important to me.

I sat down in my usual chair in first period history and wished it would be the end of the day already; I wanted to be with Paige now, not learning about 1940's Europe.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"You haven't got a single table?" I asked again my tone becoming more and more annoyed at the idiot on the other end of the phone, for a restaurant this expensive they really didn't do customer service very well.

"Our restaurant is very popular, especially on Friday nights. Maybe in future it would be wise to book in advance… to avoid disappointment" his tone was patronising and I knew he was only speaking to me like this as he could tell I wasn't his usual clientele.

"I'll make sure I do that. Thanks for all your help" I said copying his tone before I hung up.

I crossed the restaurant off the list I had made on the back of my math test. I was sat on the wall outside of school and I had been trying to plan my date with Emily for the last half an hour.

It turns out that it's hard to make a grand romantic gesture when you only have half a day and a very low limit on your credit card.

I clicked the pen in my hand and bit my lip as I thought. I knew that Emily wouldn't really mind what we did, it was me who minded; I just wanted to impress her. I wanted this to be the best date she had ever been on, I wanted to treat her like she deserved.

I was just about to give up thinking for the moment and go and grab a bite to eat when a poster on the opposite side of the road caught my eye. I had to squint to read the words on it properly but it made me smile. _That could be fun _I thought to myself before I put the list I had been making into the trash.

* * *

It was nearly seven O clock, the time me and Emily had planned to meet for our date. I checked my hair in the mirror again and decided it actually looked alright today. I flattened down the black shirt I had decided to wear, it was my one item of clothing I thought suited me quite well and for the first time ever I thought I might not look completely stupid stood next to Emily.

I hopped down the stairs happily again and made my way into the kitchen where my mom was peeling vegetables for dinner.

"You look nice!" She exclaimed as I rummaged in the refrigerator to find a drink.

"You sound so surprised" I joked and she shook her head.

"Don't start that! You always look nice, but tonight… you look like you've gone to a lot of effort"

I laughed, I knew my mom's dream was that I would one day put as much effort into my appearance as she does; I doubted she liked the reason I was doing it as much.

"Thank you" I said sincerely, compliments from my mother were hard to come by so I had to take any I could get seriously.

"What time are you going on your… what time are you going out?" I had to fight back rolling my eyes. She was doing it again the thing where she almost says something and then stops herself; I knew she couldn't bring herself to say the word 'date' when she knew who I was going with.

"I'm picking Emily up at 7" I answered as I took a big gulp of coke from the can. My mouth was suddenly dry as the nerves of the night were starting to settle in.

"Thanks again for letting me borrow your car" I thanked her and she shrugged her shoulders at me.

"I still don't understand why you couldn't have let her drive"

"She doesn't know where we're going… and I sort of wanted to surprise her… and make it special" I felt myself blush, talking to my mom about this felt weird and made me slightly uncomfortable.

She just nodded and put her carrot peelings into the bin before she came back to stand near the counter again to start peeling some potatoes. She didn't stop what she was doing and didn't look at me as she started speaking.

"When you told me about yourself, I didn't guess you would be the boy in the relationship if I'm honest" Her tone wasn't harsh, if anything she looked like she was almost smiling.

I wanted to laugh at her but also scream at her because she totally didn't understand this at all.

"Mom, it's not like that at all. It's not like one person has to be a boy and one person has to be a girl" I tried to explain.

"It always ends up like that though doesn't it? I mean look at Ellen, she's obviously the man in that set-up"

"Mom, do I look like Ellen Degeneres?" I was almost laughing even though I was mad. "And also, even if someone doesn't look exactly like a girl it doesn't mean they are a _man" _

She still hadn't looked at me and I knew it was pointless to argue this with her.

"Mom I'm gay, not a boy" I said in one final attempt. I could tell me saying the words 'I'm gay' so casually had affected her as I saw her expression chance ever so slightly even though she tried to hide it.

"Can you pass that other bag of potatoes" she said to me, changing the subject as she pointed over my shoulder.

I fought back a sigh and nodded as I passed her the bag.

She checked her watch and started speaking as if to confirm the fact that the subject was well and truly changed.

"Your dad's late again" she said and I just nodded, what was I really supposed to say to that.

I checked my own watch and saw it was time for me to leave if I wanted to be on time.

"Right, I'm going" I said as I picked my mom's car keys from the hook they were hanging on.

"Don't be too late home!" she looked at me seriously and I changed her words in my head to _Have a really good time _just to see what it would be like for a minute to have a supportive mother. I didn't buy it.

"I know!" was all I said before I turned round and left the house with a smile, I wasn't going to let my mom's attitude change mine. I was going on a date with Emily Fields and nothing could ruin this night.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Wow" I let the word escape my mouth as I took in Paige as she stood on my front porch. It wasn't that she didn't normally look good but tonight she looked _amazing. _She was wearing a shirt that showed just the right amount of cleavage and a tight short leather look jacket. I felt myself blush when Paige grinned at me.

"Hi to you too" She smiled as she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"You look gorgeous" She said to me and I felt my heart skip in my chest, Paige speaking to me like this had such a big effect on me.

"Well you always do" she added almost bashfully and I returned her smile.

"You look pretty good yourself" we stared at each other for a moment just smiling until Paige jingled the car keys in her hand.

"Shall we?" She asked and I nodded.

It felt odd to be in the car with Paige and not be the one driving; it was a nice odd though. I took the opportunity to study her face as she stared straight ahead.

A few moments later she laughed and looked at me briefly.

"You're making me nervous staring at me like that" I could see a blush creeping onto her face and I apologised with a smile. She was so adorable.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked, all I knew was that Paige had told me to bring a jacket; so it must be something outside.

Paige smiled almost like she was a little embarrassed.

"I hope you don't think I'm a total dork when you see where were going, but I think it could be fun" She didn't give much away.

I asked again but she wasn't giving in.

"You're so impatient" she laughed at me and I knew it was true, I didn't like not knowing things.

We drove out of town and I was surprised at how busy the roads were around here at this time, it wasn't normally this busy.

The car slowed down as we joined a queue of traffic that was twisting round a bend. I looked at Paige with my eyebrows raised in question and she just smiled back at me.

I could hear distant noises like cheering and some music playing as we moved further along the road slowly. I tried hard to think where we were going.

I wasn't really sure what was around this area, I hadn't been here much. The last time I remember being anywhere near here was when I was about 12 and my parents had brought me to the fair that was only a mile or so from here.

My mind clicked into place and I looked at Paige with a big grin.

"We're going to a fun fair!" I asked as she nodded back at me with a smile.

"Totally corny?" She asked as she bit her lip.

"Yes" I laughed back "But I love it".

A few minutes later and we had reached the entrance to the car park and Paige found a place to park the car and we made our way over with the crowd to the big gates that led to the fair.

As we waited in the line I felt Paige's hand find mine and interlock our fingers. I smiled at the contact and leaned closer to her so I could place a soft kiss on her temple; I felt her smile at this too.

"Two please" Paige said to the man in the ticket booth as she handed him some money.

"Paige it's fine I can pay" I tried to stop her but she just shook me off with a laugh.

"Em, this is meant to be a proper date… I'm not letting you buy your own ticket" she flashed her usual grin at me and I smiled; I had to admit it felt nice to be treated like this by Paige.

We walked further into the fair and I felt my heart beat speed up automatically as I took in the numerous stalls selling colourful candy and all the flashing lights of the rides. I heard Paige chuckle next to me as she stared at my face; my excitement was obviously visible there.

"Can we go on this!" I almost squealed as I spotted a stall where you had to knock coconuts off a stand to win prizes, I pulled Paige by the hand towards it as she continued to laugh.

"Sorry" I looked slightly embarrassed towards Paige. "I get so excited about fun fairs" I admitted with a bashful smile. "I'm such a kid at heart"

She just smiled back at me. "It's adorable" was all she said before she pulled me closer to the stall.

She handed some money to the man behind the table and he gave her five balls in return, she turned to me and handed me three of them.

"Let's see how you do, superstar" She winked at me.

I stretched my hands out in front of me in an attempt to look competitive which just made Paige laugh again so I grabbed the balls off her and turned my attention to the coconuts.

"You have to knock all three off to win a prize!" The man said to me before I threw the ball.

I missed. The ball landed pathetically a few meters away from my desired target and I cursed myself, I was normally good at things like this. I sighed and turned to Paige.

She stepped closer to me and pulled her own ball up to her shoulder, her eyes focusing on the target.

The coconut fell to the floor as she hit it head on with the ball. She did I celebratory fist pump and nudged me.

"Your go"

I was determined this time and I planted my feet apart slightly on the floor to get the best position.

I missed again.

I heard Paige laugh next to me and I turned and hit her lightly on the arm.

"Not helping" I couldn't help but smile when I looked at Paige's face.

"Hey, not my fault you're so _awful" _She joked.

Paige threw her ball again and the coconut went crashing to the ground like last time. There was only one more to get now and I had the last ball.

"You better do it" I admitted to Paige as I looked at the coconut and then to the soft white ball in my hand. She shook her head though and moved closer towards me.

"No you can do it" She moved so she was stood directly behind me. "Here" she said as she pulled my arm up and moved it into a throwing position.

I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up at the feel of Paige's breath on my neck; she was so close I could feel the heat of her body against me. I could feel that my body had tensed at her movements towards me and she had obviously noticed too.

"Relax" she spoke into my ear.

"You're not making it very easy" I heard her let out a little laugh at this as she moved closer to me still.

"Just focus on where you want it to go and then move your wrist like this" She moved her wrist to show me. "Okay?"

I hadn't really been paying attention to what she had been saying "okay" I lied.

I focused and then I tried to move my wrist like she had said. The ball left my hand and a moment later I heard the sound of a coconut hitting the floor.

I squealed as I turned around to hug Paige squeezing her a little too tight. I really shouldn't be this excited winning a fun fair game.

"Well done ladies" the man spoke to us "Take your pick" He pointed to the big line of stuffed animals behind him.

I looked at Paige expectantly and she just shrugged her shoulders "You threw the winning shot, you pick" She smiled at me and I rolled my eyes, I knew she didn't like picking things like this.

I pointed at one that caught my eye and the man retrieved it for me.

"Girls don't normally pick this one" he laughed as he handed it me.

"I have a thing for sharks" I laughed back to him. The toy shark wasn't that big but it was fluffy and grey and it had an over the top toothy grin. It reminded me of Paige in a weird way.

"Really taking the school spirit to the next level" Paige laughed as she obviously got my reference to our school swim team as she stroked the soft toy in my hand.

"Do you want it?" I asked her but she shook her head quickly.

"No, I think he would be happier with you" She tried to look serious before she grinned at me.

"Come on, let's go on a ride" she added as we interlocked our fingers again and headed further into the crowd.

About an hour later we had stuffed ourselves with cotton candy and been on numerous dubious looking fairground rides before we arrived near the Ferris wheel and I grinned at Paige.

"Oh my God I _love _the Ferris wheel. It's my favourite!" I said excitedly "Shall we?" I asked and Paige nodded as we joined the queue of people already in line.

As we got into our seats and the ride started moving I moved closer to Paige and pressed myself against her keeping our hands together between us. I felt her settle her head briefly on my shoulder and my heart beat fast and steady in my chest; this was all too romantic not to let it affect me. As we reached the top the ride came to a stop as people got off at the bottom, from up here we could see the whole fair and the trees that surrounded us.

"It's so beautiful" I said as I looked down at the ground.

"So beautiful" I heard Paige agree next to me but when I turned to look at her she wasn't looking at the ground but at my face.

I felt myself blush at this and she moved her face closer to me so our lips met. The air was pretty cold tonight so the feeling of her slightly warmer lips against my own was pleasant. I parted my lips and let the kiss deepen naturally, appreciating the warm familiar taste of Paige.

The ride started again as we continued to kiss but we carried on anyway until a sudden jolt made us pull apart.

The loud buzz that was coming from the ride before was gone and now it was strangely quiet.

"What the hell?" Paige mumbled next to me and I found myself leaning forward to peer over the edge to look at the people operating the ride. They were all gathered together as a man in a florescent jacket made his way over with a tool box. _Shit _I thought to myself with a frown, something was obviously not right.

"Do you think it's broken down?" I asked Paige as I carried on looking at the commotion on the ground. "Look there doing something to that box" I pointed at the ground and pulled Paige closer to the edge to look. She seemed to look briefly over and nod before she settled back in her seat.

I looked to Paige and her face had gone a shade or two paler. "Paige?" I looked at her face as it was growing even paler. "Are you alright?"

She smiled and nodded but the smile seemed forced and she looked nervous.

I asked again and she fidgeted with her fingers. "I'm not really the biggest fan of heights" She admitted with a little laugh but she still looked pale. "And now were stuck at the top of a Ferris wheel a million feet from the ground for god knows how long" She was still fidgeting.

"Paige" I moved back closer to her and took both her hands in mine. "I didn't know you were scared of heights, we didn't have to come on here" I felt guilty all of a sudden.

"No!" She protested with a small smile. "It's your favourite, I wanted to go on it with you" I felt my heart flutter a little at this.

"I'll be fine" she added as if she had noticed the guilty look on my face. "Just don't look down" She said this with a laugh as she closed her eyes.

"They might not take long to fix it" I offered with a shy smile. "We'll probably be down in a few minutes"

Paige nodded at this and smiled at me, this time it looked real. "I guess it could be worse, I guess I'm quite lucky to be stuck on a Ferris wheel with Emily Fields" She flashed me a grin and I couldn't help but lean in and kiss her.

"This is a nice distraction" she spoke quietly when I pulled back slightly to look at her face.

"Happy to help" I added before I kissed her again.

I heard it before I felt it, the sudden downpour of rain erupting from the sky and hitting the thin canvas that was covering our seat.

"It just got worse" Paige said with a frown.

I stole a look over the edge and saw people abandoning what they were doing to find cover away from the rain. A steady flow of people could be seen heading back towards the cars.

The sudden rain was heavy and the thin covering was offering little protection from the rain that seemed to be coming from all angles.

I felt Paige pull me closer to her and I wrapped an arm around her. The minutes past and I could feel Paige getting more and more agitated next to me.

"Do you think it's going to be hard to fix?" She would ask every few minutes. "How long do you think we'll be up here?" "How long has it been now?" "Can you see what they're doing down there?" "Do you think the rain will make it harder?" She kept on asking questions and I would answer with whatever would keep her calm.

I felt the complete opposite of Paige, I actually felt strangely content sat stuck up here in the rain snuggled into Paige.

About fifteen minutes later the loud buzz returned and the ride sprung back to life as people cheered. I heard Paige let out a contented sigh.

The ride moved slowly back down as it stopped every few seconds to let another pair off. Finally we reached the ground and we stepped out onto the now soaked ground.

"This reminds me exactly why I don't like these things" Paige laughed as she glared at the Ferris wheel, I laughed at her and interlocked our fingers again.

It was raining really heavy now and the fair was becoming more and more deserted as people were giving up and going home. Neither me or Paige were dressed for weather this bad and my hair was pretty much soaked now.

"Should we head back to the car?" Paige asked and I nodded as we walked quickly through the now pretty much empty area to find the car.

We slid inside the dry car and Paige turned the heating on full to help dry us off a little. I placed the shark toy I had won next to the heater in a feeble attempt to dry it.

"Well this definitely wasn't part of the plan" Paige said pointing to her wet hair as she sighed.

"I did have a part two to the date but the plan is pretty much ruined now" she added with another sigh.

I just smiled back at her; I had had a really nice time and I didn't want her to feel like the rain had ruined it.

"Part two?" I asked with a hopeful smile. "Can we not just do it anyway?"

Paige smiled back at me and pointed outside. "It sort of involved being outside… but not in this" she thought for a moment biting her lip as she did. "I guess we could go and just stay in the car" She smiled again.

I nodded and let her reverse out of the parking space and head down the road to another unknown destination. I didn't normally like surprises but Paige seemed to be pretty good at the whole surprise thing, so I sat back and let her drive me.

About ten minutes later we stopped and pulled up down a little side road off the main highway. It was dark and the rain was heavy so it was hard to see but I could just make out bright lights in the distance through a clearing in the trees. We seemed to be on a hill and we were looking down at the town.

Paige stopped the car and turned off the headlights, surprisingly this meant I could see more clearly as the lights weren't meeting with the rain and blocking the view. You could see for miles from up here and the lights of the town almost looked like stars.

"This is normally a really great spot to look at stars" she said, looking up to the sky with a frown. "But tonight there's just clouds and rain" I didn't like hearing the disappointment in her voice; I knew she probably wanted this to be really romantic.

She looked at me before she reached into the back seat and pulled out a basket with a rug around it.

"I brought this as well" She said as she pulled back the blanket. Inside there were two glasses and a bottle of something sparkling, some strawberries, candy and some cupcakes. I looked at it and my heart fluttered in my chest at the effort Paige had gone to for me.

"Well it would be a shame to let it go to waste" I smiled at her before I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek quickly, I couldn't help it she was just so adorable right now.

"A picnic in my mom's car, how romantic" She joked before she shrugged and pulled the glasses out.

I grinned at her as she opened the bottle, which I could now see was some sort of grape juice, and poured it into my glass.

After she had poured hers we both took a drink and I laughed at the moment. It felt weirdly romantic even though it wasn't how Paige had planned, it still seemed pretty special to me.

We ate the food as we laughed about my pathetic throwing skills from before and debated on the perfect name for my new shark toy; turns out it's hard to name a shark when all that springs to mind is Jaws and Finding Nemo.

It was still raining hard but we were now pretty much dry from the heating in the car and the rain now looked sort of inviting.

I looked at Paige with a somewhat mischievous grin and she raised her eyebrows at me in question.

"Shall we go and look at the view?" I asked and Paige looked out of the window to the rain.

"It's sort of raining a little bit Em" She said sarcastically and I just shrugged.

"So!" I laughed. "Come on, a little rain never hurt anyone" I bit my lip after I spoke and tried to asses Paige's reaction, she just looked at me with a smile on her face.

"Suit yourself" I said before I pulled the car door open and stepped outside where the rain hit me instantly, It was heavier than I thought and it felt like stepping into a shower.

I heard Paige shout to me from the car "You are crazy!" I heard her say but I could tell from her tone she was probably smiling at me.

I walked forwards with my hands out in front of me, palms facing upwards, letting the rain fall on me. It felt sort of amazing to stand in the rain like this and not care at all.

I opened my eyes and from here I could see the lights of the town more clearly and I admired them for a moment before I heard the car door slam shut from behind.

I twisted around to see Paige making her way towards me her hands up on her hair trying to stop the rain getting there; I laughed at her failed attempt. When she reached me I took her hands in mine pulling them away from her head and pulled her forward to look at the view.

"The lights look like stars don't they?" I spoke into her ear so she could hear me through the rain.

"If I get sick because of this I'm blaming you!" She spoke back into my ear and I laughed before she stepped behind me and wrapped her hands around my waist resting her chin on my shoulder.

"But yes, they do." She kissed the skin just near my ear which made me shiver even more than I already was in the cold rain. "They look amazing, just like you" She kissed my neck this time and I felt a rush of electric shoot down my body. My body seemed to tremble at the warm touch of her lips on my cold and wet skin.

I twisted my body to face her and her hair was hanging in her face wet and heavy. I moved a strand out of her eyes and wiped some of the rain away from her eyes.

"Thank You, for tonight" I stroked her face and she smiled. Suddenly it didn't really matter that we were stood in the pouring rain all that mattered was that I was in this moment with her and I had to thank her in some way that she would understand. I crashed our lips together and my hands wrapped around her neck pulling her close. Her hands ran over my back as I pushed us both backwards towards the car, we reached the hood and stopped as our kiss continued. I was pressed close against her and her hands were on my waist securing me there.

I don't know how long it was that we stayed like this but I never wanted to stop kissing her, it felt almost magical with the rain running down my face. I shivered when a drop of rain found its way down the back of my neck and ran down my back. Paige pulled away from the kiss as if she had felt the shiver.

"We should get out the rain" She said with a small smile.

I didn't want to stop this but I knew she was right, I was completely soaked and so was she.

I nodded and kissed her once more before we both moved to go quickly back into the car. I slid into the passenger seat but Paige didn't return straight away and I saw her opening the trunk and pulling something out of it before she ran to the door.

As she got into the car I saw two hoodies in her hands that I recognised as the hoodies she would wear after swimming.

"Here." She handed me one with a smile and I took it gratefully. The heating in the car was back on but I was shivering in my wet clothes still.

I pulled my own jacket off and put it at my feet awkwardly, I felt bad for getting Paige's moms car wet but I didn't really have any other choice. Paige did the same and then we were both just in our shirts which were also wet as the jackets had offered little protection.

Paige pulled her shirt off in one swift movement and I found myself staring at her exposed stomach and her chest which was only covered by a bra. It felt a little strange to be staring at her like this and not feel guilty about it; I guess she was my girlfriend now I could do this. She was my girlfriend. I smiled at this as I was still staring at Paige, I hadn't realised she had already pulled her hoodie over her head and was looking at me with an amused expression.

"What are you smiling at?" She asked.

"You're rather hot you know?" I answered truthfully and this made Paige blush a bit but she smiled back at me. "Thanks"

I copied Paige and pulled the soaking wet shirt over my head and pulled the warm soft hoodie into its place.

Paige was smiling at me now. "You're rather hot yourself" She smirked back to me before she turned the ignition and turned the car around to head home.

The whole journey back I sat playing with Paige's fingers like she had with mine when I had been driving, her hands were incredible.

Before I knew it we were pulling up outside of my house, the rain had eased off a little and was now no more than a light drizzle.

"I had the most amazing time tonight" I said to Paige as she turned to face me.

"I'm sorry it didn't go exactly to plan"

"It couldn't have been better" I admitted truthfully, because all I really wanted was to spend time with Paige, none of the other stuff really mattered.

"You're perfect company for a date" Paige grinned at me. "Well, you're pretty much perfect company for anytime" she added with another smile.

Our hands were interlocked and I felt Paige stroke my skin.

"I wish I didn't have to go" I admitted, I really just wanted to stay with Paige all night.

"Me too" She stared at my lips for a moment until she moved her gaze back to my eyes.

"But my mom runs a tight ship" She joked and I sighed. "This car turns into a pumpkin if I'm not back in…" She checked her watch "ten minutes" we both laughed at this.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" I asked and Paige nodded.

"I was counting on it" We both smiled at each other until I knew I really should leave.

I looked down at the hoodie and looked at Paige; maybe I should give it her back now my clothes might have dried off a little. Paige must have read my mind as she just laughed.

"Keep it; it looks better on you anyway" She leaned forward and kissed me softly. I knew we shouldn't kiss any more than this otherwise it would be near impossible for me to leave the car at all.

"Good night" I said once she pulled back from the kiss.

She smiled at me before she returned my goodbye. "Good night Emily"

My eyes didn't leave hers as I gathered my clothes up and left the car. Once I was outside I made my way quickly to the house as it was still raining a bit, I reached the porch and turned to wave at her; she waved back and then I made my way inside.

My mom was halfway up the stairs as I pushed the door open.

"What happened to you!" She looked at me with a slightly amused expression on her face when she saw the way I was smiling even though I was soaked and I was carrying wet clothes.

"Just got caught in the rain" I laughed back at her.

"Did you have a nice date?" She smiled at me and I nodded. It was nice that my mom was asking me this just like she would if I had been on a date with a guy.

"It was really good" I said and I could feel myself blushing, I guess my mom noticed too as she smiled again.

"I'm just going to put these in the wash before I head to bed" I said to try and get away from my blushing.

She made her way down the stairs again and took the clothes out of my hands. "I'll do that honey, get yourself in the shower and warm up" she kissed me on the forehead.

"I'm glad you're happy again sweetheart" she said before she walked down the hall with my clothes.

"Mom" I shouted after her and she turned round with a smile.

"Thank you."

"It's fine honey, It's only putting some clothes in the wash" she joked and I shook my head.

"No. I mean thank you for being there for me. It… it means a lot. I love you" I had wanted to say this to my mom for a long time and only tonight I had managed to do it.

"I love you too Em" She smiled at me and I could see small tears forming in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you" She wiped her eyes a little and laughed.

"You're getting me emotional!" she said with a smile "go and shower"

I laughed too and nodded. "Good night"

"Good night" she said back before I headed upstairs and got in the shower.

Once I had showered and dried my hair I pulled on Paige's hoodie and settled into my bed. It smelt like Paige and I let the smell fill my senses as I thought over all that had happened tonight. It really was the best date I had ever been on.

I grabbed my phone off the side and typed a message out with a smile.

**Tonight was incredible… You're incredible. Sweet dreams xxxxxx**

I selected Paige's name with a smile and was just about to turn the light off when my phone made a noise.

I rolled over expectantly hoping to see a message from Paige.

The name I saw made my stomach drop and I opened the message cautiously.

**Hey Emily, How are you? I know this message is a bit out of the blue, and I know we didn't exactly leave things on the best terms but I am back in Rosewood for a while and I got thinking about you. I would love to meet for coffee sometime and catch up? I'm doing this charity event and I think you would be perfect for it if you fancy getting involved. Hopefully see you soon? – Samara xxx**

I re-read the message a few times and still couldn't believe I had got a text off Samara. The girl who was so quick to dismiss me when A had made things difficult for us.

My phone made another noise and I opened a new text that was from the person I had been expecting.

**It really was. You are amazing Emily. Good night xxxxxx**

I smiled at her words and I put my phone back on the bedside table.

I didn't know what to make of the message from Samara. I knew I didn't feel anything for her, I was sure of that. Even at the time we had been 'dating' I knew it wasn't the real deal. She was sort of a safe bet, someone who was so far out of the closet she forced me to remain there too and be proud of myself.

I was sort of thankful to her for that, and really I had no reason not to want to be her friend again. She was nice and funny and she knew a lot of interesting people.

I thought about Paige and what she would feel about me meeting up with Samara. I guessed she didn't like her, not after the way Samara had blatantly flirted with me in front of Paige, no, Paige would definitely not like it.

I turned my light out and settled down under the covers. I didn't want to think about Samara right now, if I was going to reply at all I would do it tomorrow. Right now all I wanted to do was think about Paige and the night we had just had.

I pulled the hoodie up around me so I could smell the faint scent of Paige again and I inhaled deeply.

It wasn't long before I fell asleep; my dreams full of nothing but Paige and her wonderful lips.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please review, I would love to hear your thoughts on where you want the story to go. I'm writing this for all Paige and Emily fans so I want it to be the sort of fic you guys want to read. THANK YOU! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys :) I'm back!**

**Before I thank you for the LOVELY reviews I want to apologise for the fact I haven't updated in a while.**

**I've had a crazy few weeks: exams from hell at uni, started a new job and been away this last week. Basically I've have had NO time to even think about updating let alone any time to write a new chapter worthy of you guys, however I have finally got down to writing and have a new chapter for you. I have so many small bits of the story planned out and even some parts already written I'm just trying to pace it all and make it all make sense as a story.**

**Thank you for the reviews of the last chapter, like always they make me smile and make writing this SO worth it! And I do like getting ideas and inspiration from your comments so keep 'em coming.**

**Okay, so I'll stop rambling. Enjoy :)**

* * *

"Mom?" I shouted into the house again when I still didn't get a reply. We were packing up the car to go and visit my aunt for a few days but now my parents had disappeared back into the house.

"Dad?" I tried this time as I walked through the hall and found my parents stood facing each other in the kitchen, my dad had his arms folded across his chest and I felt like I was interrupting something.

"Is everything alright?" I asked as I took in my parents expressions of anguish.

They glanced at each other before my father cleared his throat and looked at me.

"Paige, me and your mother have been talking and we don't think it's a good idea for you to mention anything about your…" He paused for a moment "…situation with Emily when we get to your aunts house."

I shook my head slowly as I took in his choice of words and my mouth opened slightly. "Dad, it isn't a 'situation' … she's my girlfriend." I saw my words had an effect on him and he tried to disguise the fact he had just rolled his eyes.

"Well whatever it is we think it would be best for us all if you just kept it to yourself." The way he said this I knew that to him the matter was now closed and even if I tried to argue with him he wouldn't listen. I stared at his face but he didn't look back instead he started packing more drinks into the bag he was holding, I felt my stomach drop for some reason and I felt a wave of guilt.

I knew my parents weren't exactly happy that I was gay but I had never thought they were so embarrassed of me that they would want to hide the fact I was finally happy and in a relationship from the rest of my family. For the first time since I had come out I felt true hostility from my parents and it caught me off guard; this was what it felt like for your parents to be ashamed of you.

"Let's go, we're not going to get there until midnight at this rate" My mom's voice interrupted the stare I was giving my father and I watched as he nodded and turned to leave the kitchen.

I was still stood staring into the spot where my dad had been standing a few moments ago.

"Paige?" I heard my mom's voice in my ear. "Are you ready?"

I took a small breath and turned to face her. "Are you ashamed of me?" my voice was weaker than I had intended.

"Paige" My mom let out a small sigh.

"Is the fact that I'm gay _that _awful for you?" I could feel my eyes were about to water and I tried to hold it together.

"Paige, please…" My mom let out another sigh. "Don't start this nonsense now; we're going to be late." She started walking towards the kitchen door and I couldn't quite believe my own parents were capable of making me feel this bad.

"Mom, it's not 'nonsense' this is my life. This is who I am."

"You don't know who you are Paige, you're a child!" She spoke loudly and then she shook her head.

"We don't need to talk about this now okay, you're just going to ruin this trip for yourself and for your dad, he works hard and it's not fair to bring all this up now when he's trying to have a nice few days. We'll all just end up miserable, so honey, can you just do what he asks for once"

She stopped talking and headed out of the door. "Come on, we're going to be late" was all she said before she left the house.

I stood still for another moment or two just to steady myself and make sure that no tears were going to escape from my eyes. I wanted to be strong and stand up for who I am, but it was almost impossible for me to do that with my parents; their words hurt me more than anyone else's.

I took a deep breath and followed my mom out of the house and took a seat in the backseat of our car. I heard my phone beep in my pocket and pulled it out to see a new message, as soon as I saw Emily's name I felt the weight on my heart lift a little.

**I miss you already : ) Have a good trip xxxxx**

I smiled at the text and typed a reply quickly.

**Don't have too much fun without me ;) I'll see you in a few days xxxxx – p.s you're amazing.**

I hit send and I knew that it was going to be okay, everything with my parents was going to be okay because I was happy; I had Emily.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I jumped as I felt soft hands come from behind me and cover my eyes.

"Paige!" I laughed as a tried to pull the hands away so I could see again.

"It isn't Paige" I heard her speak back trying to change her voice but failing, I would know her voice anywhere.

"Well, stranger with the soft hands, whatever you're about to do you better do it quickly my girlfriend should be here soon" I smiled as I felt Paige move her hands and walk round so she was facing me. She was smiling too and she had her eyebrow raised as she took a seat on the bench next to me.

"Would your girlfriend mind if I did this?" She was still smirking as she leaned in a kissed me gently on the lips.

I let a little moan escape my lips but I carried the joke on. "I don't know I'd have to ask her?" I raised an eyebrow.

Paige laughed. "I don't mind" She winked at me and kissed me again before she spoke.

"Sorry I'm late, I was arguing with my parents, like usual" she rolled her eyes and laughed. "How are you?"

"I missed you" I admitted as Paige stroked the skin on the back of my hand.

"I've only been out of town 3 days Em" She laughed but I could tell this had made her happy.

"3 days is too long okay! Did you not miss me?" I pretended to pout.

"I always miss you when I'm not with you" She flashed me one of her usual grins and I grinned back. "Believe me I would rather have spent 3 days with you than my old Aunt Helen, but my mom didn't really agree with my argument." I laughed as Paige had already explained her old Aunt Helen who she had gone to visit with her parents; she seemed like quite a character.

It had been three weeks since Paige and I had our first date and I still felt like I couldn't quite believe what was happening between the two of us, we were together and happy and it was incredible.

I heard the school bell ring and I let out a sigh, I didn't have any classes with Paige today and I really wanted to spend some time with her.

We stood up and Paige took my hand in hers as we walked towards school.

"Meet me for lunch?" I asked with a hopeful smile, Paige didn't return my smile though instead she twisted her face guiltily.

"I have to go to a meeting at lunch to plan this article thing for the school newsletter" I couldn't help but laugh at this, Paige was involved in so many things I sometimes found it hard to keep up with her. "I'm sorry" She added with the same facial expression.

"It's fine" I smiled at her. "But can I see you later?"

"Definitely" She smiled now. "We'll get some dinner?"

"Sounds perfect" I wasn't aware we had already reached the door of my class until Paige let go of my hand and turned to face me.

"See you later" she grinned at me before she began to walk away.

"Do I not get a kiss?" I pulled her back by the hand and she chuckled as she turned around.

"I was waiting for that" she bit her lip as she spoke. "I never knew I was so irresistible" she flicked her hair as she said this and I rolled my eyes.

She kissed me softly and I could feel her smile beneath my lips, she pulled back and caught my eye for a second until she moved in to kiss me lightly again.

"McCullers, put my best friend down, It's too early for PDA" Spencer's voice rang from behind me and Paige moved her face away quickly. I could tell from Spencer's tone and expression that she was joking but I could tell Paige didn't know when Spencer was joking as well as I did. Her cheeks were becoming redder and she was looking awkwardly between the two of us.

Spencer laughed and I pushed her playfully as Paige began to smile.

"Sorry" Paige was grinning now. "It's all Emily's fault, she's an animal" she said with wide eyes and I rolled mine, Spencer just laughed.

"I better get to class" Paige gave my hand a quick squeeze. "Bye Em, Bye Spencer"

I watched as Paige walked away and I couldn't help but smile.

"Young love" Spencer was leaning against the door frame of our classroom with an amused look on her face.

I laughed at her but didn't let my smile drop.

"You seem really happy Em" She was serious now and she was looking at me with her 'Spencer' eyes; the sort of eyes that see and understand everything.

"I really am, I can't even explain it I feel like… everything is great, I'm the happiest I've ever been, I just feel like I'm…"

"In love?" Spencer finished my sentence for me with a smile and her saying this out loud caught me off guard.

"Yeah" I said it cautiously at first as I wrapped my head around the concept of being in love with Paige. I thought about it, and I thought about her and I realised it was true, of course it was true. "Yeah it's exactly that"

Spencer laughed lightly and shook her head. "If I wasn't in a relationship right now this whole love-sick Emily thing would totally get to me, but as it so happens I have an awesome boyfriend… so I just find it so damn adorable." She smiled and pulled me by the arm into class whilst I carried on smiling.

* * *

I walked through the doors of the cafeteria and scanned the area to try and spot my friends but our usual table was already taken. I was just about to pull my phone out to text Hanna or Aria who I knew should be here already when the sound of someone shouting my name made me spin around.

The girl who was stood in front of me was smiling widely and she was fiddling with her long blonde hair.

"Samara!" I was shocked to see her here, at school, and I let my mouth hang open for a moment or so.

"Hey Emily, how are you?" She had bounded over closer to me now and she threw her arms around me to give me a hug which I returned lightly, partly due to shock, partly due to the fact that I didn't really know what sort of hug this was meant to be.

"What are you doing here?" I asked my own question instead of answering hers.

"Oh" she seemed to realise suddenly that it was strange for her to be here. She held up some flyers she had in her left hand that I hadn't noticed before.

"I'm just here to put some of these up" She said as she continued to smile widely at me. "It's that charity event I text you about the other week" as soon as she said this I felt a little guilty for never replying to her text. I was going to reply but I had sort of let it slip my mind as I was too focused on other things, on other people, okay on one other person in particular; on Paige.

I started speaking and decided to lie so she wouldn't think I was ignoring her, "Text?" I said with the best confused face I could pull. "I mustn't have got it, my phone has been breaking a lot recently" I shrugged my shoulders, half casually and half apologetically and this seemed to satisfy Samara as she just carried on smiling.

"I thought something like that might have happened, anyway yeah I'm just here to advertise this charity event I'm helping to organise to raise money to set up a crisis centre for gay youths, somewhere away from school where they can come to get advice and support on any issues relating to their sexuality and homophobia or anything like that." I couldn't help but laugh in admiration, Samara was some sort of Mother Teresa for gay kids.

"Wow" I said with an impressed nod. "And I'm just here to get lunch" I joked and Samara laughed.

"Seriously though, that sounds amazing" I added and Samara smiled at this.

"So anyway, you never answered my question, how are you?" Samara's blue eyes didn't give much away and I wasn't sure if she would know about Maya. When I thought about it though, everyone in the state seemed to know about Maya so my guess was she did.

"I'm great thanks" I replied with a smile. "You?"

Samara laughed lightly "You know me, always busy with things" she laughed again. "But I'm good." She looked down before she spoke again. "I'm really glad things aren't weird with us after how we left things."

I shook my head with a smile. "Not at all, that's all in the past!"

"Yeah, I guess it is" Samara nodded and I stood awkwardly for a second until she spoke again.

"Anyway, if you fancy getting involved in any of this it would be _great _to have someone like you on board. I think you'd be great at counselling people, someone young and out for people to talk to about their problems"

I nodded with a smile, she was right it really would be great to help people that way.

"Sure, I'm happy to help. Just let me know what you want me to do and I'm there"

Samara seemed pleased by this "Well we could go for a drink tonight and talk about it?" she looked at me hopefully and I felt awkward suddenly, I didn't want to give her the wrong impression if she was asking me out for a drink for the reasons I thought she might be.

"Oh, I've actually got plans with my girlfriend tonight" I was happy with my choice of words once I had said them; I had left no room for ambiguity.

She nodded and the smile was still on her face, her eyes not giving anything away again.

"Oh right, no problem, I'll text you sometime and let you know what we need" I nodded too.

"Great, that'll be great"

"Well, it was nice to see you again Emily" she said and I nodded back.

"Yeah you too Samara, good luck with your flyers" I smiled at her and she returned a final wave before I turned and walked away to find Aria and Hanna.

* * *

School had just finished and I was waiting for Paige in the usual spot outside .

"Hey gorgeous" I heard Paige's familiar voice in my ear as I felt her arms wrap around me from behind.

"Gorgeous?" I raised my eyebrow with a smile at Paige's adorable term.

"What?" She asked defensively "You are!" I smiled and leaned in to kiss her softly on the cheek.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Paige asked as we walked towards my car.

"I don't mind, anything you want." I answered.

"I don't mind either, whatever you want to do"

"Well this is going to get us far" I joked and Paige laughed.

"Let's just drive home, we'll decide later?" She suggested and I nodded.

We pulled up outside of Paige's house and she let out a small sigh.

"What?" I asked as I took in her face as she looked at her house.

"Nothing" she shrugged her shoulders.

"What's up?" I asked again cos I didn't believe her.

"Do you want to come in for a bit?" She avoided my question and I nodded with a smile.

The driveway was empty and I knew her parents weren't normally back until later, but I still kept my car parked on the road instead of the driveway.

We got to Paige's room and I let myself flop down on her bed and pulled one of her pillows towards me so I could hug it and smell the scent of Paige that was all over it.

Paige put the drink of coke she had got for me down on the table to my left and sat next to me on the bed with hers.

She took a long sip and I stared at her face as she did, she had suddenly become a little less animated than she was at school and it bothered me.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked with a soft smile as I watched her face. She seemed to notice for the first time that I had been staring at her and she shrugged again.

"Oh it's nothing really"

I looked at her for a moment and then slid closer so I was next to her, I took the drink out of her hand and placed it next to mine on the table before I turned back to her and took both her hands in mine.

"You can tell me" I watched her face again as I spoke, I really didn't know what it was that had changed about her but it was something and it was starting to make me panic.

She looked at me and I think she saw the flash of panic in my eyes and she smiled at me reassuringly.

"I'm fine I promise, it's just being in my house I just get reminded of things that I just don't want to think about" she shook her head after she spoke. "But I don't want to bother you with all this stupid stuff that's going on inside my head" She laughed softly. "I just want to enjoy being with you" she said before she leaned forward with a grin and kissed my lips.

"Paige" I pulled back with a small smile but interlocked our fingers. "The 'stupid stuff' inside your head is what I want to know about. That's what I'm here for; to listen to you and help you with things you don't want to talk to other people about. You can tell me anything." I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Okay" She took a small gulp and continued. "I sort of didn't really tell you the truth a while back when I said I came out to my parents. At the time I sort of just wanted to impress you and make you proud but the truth is I didn't come out to them, they sort of found out about it accidentally because I had this pride leaflet and I had emails from this councillor about me, about us" she was blushing slightly. "And it all sort of came out in a really ugly way and it wasn't good for a long time. My parents they just couldn't accept it and I argued with them every day and they argued with each other and it was just a big mess. I thought it had gotten better recently but it hasn't." She was looking down at her hands and I felt my heart sink at the words I was hearing from Paige.

"Paige" I began but she interrupted me. "Sorry, I don't want to bore you with this Em"

"Paige" I said more firmly this time. "You are _not _boring me, you couldn't bore me."

"I guess it just feels weird to think my parents are _this _ashamed of me. My mom can't even stand to talk to me about my life anymore, all I get are little questions about homework and how my swim meets were, I really did think they would come around in time."

I felt my heart ache again at Paige's words. "I'm so sorry" I ran my fingers across her hand. "It sucks so much that people can't just let us be happy with who makes us happy. I was so angry at my mom at first when she wouldn't except the fact that I was gay but then I realised it was just because she was scared, she was scared I wasn't the same daughter she knew before. She was scared that she didn't know Maya and she didn't know what it meant for my life. I mean, I don't know if it would be the same for your parents but I think it helped my mom understand it better once she had met Maya a few times."

Paige was running her fingers over my hands now and I saw a small smile creep onto her face.

"I wouldn't be that cruel to you to force you to have dinner with my parents" She joked and I laughed.

"I wouldn't mind" I admitted, I'd already experienced the full force of Paige's dad but I would do it again for Paige. "You never know I might win them over, I'm no Paige McCullers but I can be quite charming" I smiled and Paige let out a little laugh.

"Oh yes you can indeed" she leaned in and kissed me on the nose playfully.

"You're completely amazing" she added with an almost mesmerised smile. "Which makes this whole thing ten times more annoying and frustrating for me because I am so happy right now I don't want this weighing me down, and I also want my parents to appreciate how happy I am. Ever since Lily died I've sort of been this half version of myself and they were the ones who were concerned about me and wanted me to be happy again and now I finally am they can't see it."

I smiled sadly back at Paige but she just smiled back at me.

"You're amazing too, even if your parents can't see it right now, I can. You're still the kind, caring, passionate person they raised and they'll see it soon, I promise." I pulled her close to me and let my arms wrap around her to hold her close in a tight embrace. I felt her relax into me and I stroked her hair softly.

I felt her laugh lightly as she spoke into my ear. "You're really good at this counselling thing you know?" she said with a smile as we pulled apart and she brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes.

"Funny you should say that" I laughed "Second time today I've been told that"

Paige raised her eyebrow "Yeah? Who else told you that?" She smiled.

"Well." I began, realising it was important I said this right so that Paige didn't freak out, not that she had any reason to but I didn't want her to think anything was going on. "Samara"

Paige's face changed as the name registered in her mind and she had a sudden confused and defensive expression. "Oh" she said quietly.

I smiled at her expression. "You don't have to look so worried" I interlocked our fingers again.

"I don't look worried" she said defensively and I just laughed.

"She was at school today putting up flyers for this charity event she's organising to start this gay crisis centre thing, she asked me to help when it was set up." I explained and Paige nodded.

"Of course she did" She rolled her eyes and this caused me to laugh again. "What are you laughing at!" she added and I just smiled at her.

"You're cute when you're jealous" I teased her and she shook her head.

"I am not jealous!" she shook her head when I continued to smile. "I just don't like her, or her annoyingly perfect hair" she let a small smile spread on her lips and I laughed again. "Or her name, or the fact that she's kissed you…to be honest I just don't like anything about her." I laughed at this. "Okay maybe I'm a little jealous" she admitted with a shy grin.

"You don't need to be jealous" I said as I stroked her hand. "I already have the perfect girlfriend"

"You're so corny" she rolled her eyes but I could see her smile.

"It's true though, I don't want anyone else" I leaned forward and captured her lips in mine. Our lips moved together slowly at first and then faster as I let Paige slip her tongue further into my mouth and we moved in sync. Paige smiled when she finally pulled away.

"Good, because I'm never letting you go"

I was just about to pull her in for another kiss when I heard a knock on the bedroom door and Mrs McCullers voice shouting Paige's name. Like a whirlwind we both span round and changed our positions into ones that were less compromising, this ended up with me sat on the bed still but Paige stood awkwardly near her desk. Without Paige replying her mother's face appeared around the door and her stern look faltered a little when she saw me sat on the bed.

"Ah Emily, I didn't know Paige had company" She looked between Paige and I and I tried hard not to let the blush creep to my cheeks.

"I didn't know you were home mom" Paige said.

"I finished early, I was just about to start dinner" she looked at me and I stood up awkwardly not sure what to do.

"I'm sure we have enough for you if you would like to join us Emily" I tried hard not to let the shock of the invitation show.

"Thank you very much but I wouldn't like to impose" I answered politely, years of training from my mom made a polite response my second nature.

"Nonsense!" she replied with a smile I had seen my own mother use on Maya. "It would be no trouble at all"

I stole a small glance at Paige who was already staring at me with her teeth biting down on her bottom lip lightly; I felt butterflies as she began to speak.

"Yeah, stay for dinner Em" she said softly with her eyes sparkling.

I turned back to Mrs McCullers and concentrated hard in an attempt to stay calm and to forget the fact that about a minute ago my tongue was moving perfectly against her daughters.

"Thanks, that would be great" I answered.

"Great" He mom rubbed her hands together awkwardly and nodded. "Erm, it should be ready in half an hour or so"

Paige smiled before she spoke. "Thanks mom."

Her mom nodded again and her expression was one of politeness with an underlying discomfort.

"Well I'll... erm... leave you girls to it" She said before she turned and left, making a conscious effort of leaving the door wide open.

Once we heard her mom walk back down the stairs and it was safe to talk we both let out small laughs.

"Close call" She said as she shut the door and moved back closer towards me.

"Yeah, I don't think I would like your mom to walk in on us making out, she would destroy me." I joked back.

"You sure you don't mind, having dinner with my parents?"

"Not at all, it's a step forward that she invited me, don't you think?" I smiled.

Paige nodded. "It is, your charm must be working"

I laughed and pulled Paige in for another kiss before I stood up and walked towards her dressing table. I picked up the hairbrush and Paige laughed at me. "What are you doing?"

"Well if I'm going to have dinner with your parents the least I can do is brush my hair" I joked as I ran the brush through my hair.

Half an hour later and we were both lay on Paige's bed and I had my head resting on her stomach as she played with my hair. The song on the radio we had been listening to ended and the announcer told us the time.

"Dinner time" She said trying to sound enthusiastic which just made me laugh.

"Paige, I promise it'll be fine. I'll be polite and charming and I won't embarrass you"

"Em, I'm not worried about you, you're perfect. If anyone is going to be embarrassing me it's going to be my parents!"

"I can handle it" I smiled. "My mom practically tried to poison the last girl I had round for dinner so I'm prepared for it" I joked and Paige just laughed with a 'I-probably-shouldn't-ask' expression.

I stood up from the bed and dragged Paige with me despite the sound of protest she was making.

"We need to go downstairs" I winked at her as I moved towards the door.

"Wait" she said just before I pulled her bedroom door open. She pulled me around so my body swung into hers and she planted two lingering kisses on my lips, she smirked after she pulled away.

"Okay, now we can go downstairs" she laughed as she stepped ahead of me and started walking down the hallway, leaving me no longer wanting food, just wanting her.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! please review and tell me what sort of things you would like to see happen/what things you want more of etc. HUGS TO YOU ALL! :) **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys :) sorry for taking a while to update again I have been mad busy this week too. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed and everyone who is reading this fic, it's so nice to know I have so many readers from all around the world. You guys are great.**

**I hope you enjoy this new chapter and I'll try not to take as long to update next time :)**

* * *

**Paige's POV**

The room was quiet as Emily and I took our seats at the table, my mom was in the kitchen still and my dad wasn't back yet even though it was past the time he normally came home.

I pulled Emily's chair out for her with a nervous smile before she sat down smiling reassuringly back at me.

"Relax" she told me with one of her soft smiles that seemed to make everything better "It's just dinner" She reached out for my hand and stroked it gently as I took my seat beside her.

"You won't be this relaxed when my dad gets home" I said back but I was now smiling too, Emily's smile was infectious and we stared at each other for a few moments and I felt myself calm down.

Just then I heard someone walk into the room and turned to see my dad walk through the door with his briefcase in his hand, though I hadn't even heard the front door.

His expression went from confused to slightly uncomfortable as he took in Emily sat at his dining room table holding my hand.

I felt Emily pull away awkwardly and put her hands down on her lap.

"Oh Hello Emily" he looked between me and Emily as he put his keys down on the side. "Are you joining us for dinner?" He looked at me for an answer and I nodded but Emily answered politely.

"I am, Mrs McCullers was kind enough to invite me" She was smiling so politely and I made a mental note to thank her later for being completely and utterly incredible.

"Well that's...wonderful" My dad answered back with a smile of his own, not quite matching Emily's in politeness and sincerity. "Excuse me a minute" He added before he left for the kitchen where I could hear my mom dishing out dinner.

I heard hushed voices from the kitchen but I couldn't hear what was being said, I was rather glad to be honest. I just hoped my dad didn't embarrass me with Emily, so far so good I thought to myself trying to be optimistic.

A minute later my parents returned both carrying plates of food and they set them down on the table.

"Thank you" Emily thanked my mom as she placed her food in front of her. "This looks incredible" Emily was smiling with her eyes sparkling again and I wanted to kiss her there and then for being so charming. If my parents couldn't see how incredible she was then it was their loss.

There was a silence as we all started eating and I tried to think of a topic of conversation to fill the silence that wouldn't lead to any topics I wanted to avoid.

I was just about to bring up more about the food when my mom started speaking.

"So Emily, Paige told us you're looking to get a swimming scholarship at the end of next year too?" She took a sip of her drink after she spoke and I sighed internally. Swimming and the future was definitely a topic I wanted to avoid.

"That's the aim, if all goes to plan" Emily nodded as she spoke. "Well if Paige doesn't steal all the good offers" She made a joke with a smile in my direction but just as I knew they would my parents missed the joke.

"It is very competitive" My dad said through a mouthful of food. "Our Paige here has been getting a lot of attention from the scouts these past few months" He chewed another mouthful of food as I rolled my eyes.

"Dad" I began as I didn't want him to go down this road of conversation.

"What?" He asked as he took a drink. "This is your problem Paige you don't want to accept success when you get it and take advantage of it like I did when I was your age"

I sighed and stole a glance at Emily but she was still the picture of politeness smiling back at my parents as she ate her food.

My mom saved the awkward silence as she asked another question of her own.

"So, how are your parents Emily?" my parents knew Emily's parents only a little from school events and swim meets.

"Good, thank you. My dad is still out on service but he will be back at the start of next month" Her smile this time was truly genuine and I felt happy for her, I knew how much she missed her dad when he was away.

"It must be hard having your father away a lot of the year" My mom said with a sympathetic smile and I wanted to thank her for not saying something judgemental or political like I thought she might.

"It is" Emily admitted with a sad smile. "But I'm proud of him, and it's good the times I do get to see him"

"He does a great job" My dad said and I was relieved that he was being polite too. "I do feel for all these folks who don't have the father around for a lot of the year though, it can't be ideal to grow up without a constant male influence" I cursed myself for being relieved too early, I knew he would say something like this before long. I knew his words weren't just aimed at fathers who were in the military. In fact I knew they weren't aimed at them at all, they were aimed at families with two moms. He had to get something in there to show his discomfort with this situation.

Emily just nodded as she took another bite; I guessed she wasn't really sure how to respond to that.

"Mom, this is really great" I said in an attempt to break the awkward silence that was filling the room.

My mother just smiled and the silence continued, my dad's face was emotionless as he stared at his plate of food, eating quickly.

"Paige, did you ever hear back from that summer volunteer programme" my dad asked not looking up from his plate.

I wanted to roll my eyes again. "No I didn't" was all I answered as i didn't want to get into more conversation like this.

He looked up finally rolling his eyes. "If you don't do any sort of volunteering you'll struggle with your college application" he had already given me this lecture.

"I know dad" I said quietly. I spoke quickly then my defensive attitude towards Emily kicking in, hoping he would be impressed that Emily was planning on volunteering.

"Emily's planning on volunteering at a crisis centre, aren't you Em" I said with a smile and Emily smiled back at me quickly.

"Yeah" She nodded and my mom spoke. "That's great, it's always nice to help people"

I felt a burst of triumph at the smile my mom was giving in Emily's direction.

"What sort of crisis centre is it?" My dad asked and I wanted to sigh, why did he have to ask that?

"For young people mainly" Emily answered with a timid smile. "Well, mainly gay kids who need some help and advice" I held my breath as I watched my fathers expression change.

"Of course" He was almost laughing. "They set up all sorts of things these days" He took another bite of his food as he continued to smile.

"And I guess you have a lot to offer these confused kids don't you? You seemed to help Paige tremendously" His words were thick with sarcasm.

"Dad, please don't start this" I warned him and I suddenly felt guilty for making Emily stay for dinner.

"Paige I'm not starting anything, I'm just pointing out that a lot of 'advice' these days fails to point out what is right and what is wrong"

I could see Emily shift in her seat uncomfortably, she was obviously seeing for the first time how unsubtle my dad could be.

"Well maybe people have different opinions on what is right and what is wrong" I said stealing a worried glance in Emily's direction as I spoke.

"I see that" He replied putting his knife and fork down angrily. "And it's obvious who's opinion you've decided to follow, isn't it Emily?" He looked at Emily for the briefest of moments.

"Dad, please this has nothing to do with Emily"

"It has everything to do with her, all of this crap about you being a 'lesbain'" he almost spat the word. "only started when you started spending time with her."

"Nick" My mom's voice was quiet but calm as she laid a hand on his arm. "Let's save this until we don't have guests"

"I'll say what I want in my own home damn it" I could see his anger growing and I felt sick at his words and how he was speaking about Emily. I wanted to stand up and scream at him, grab Emily by the hand and tell him that this was the girl I loved and he would just have to deal with it... but I couldn't. Years of following every little thing my dad said made me too nervous to voice what I wanted to.

"Dad, why are you being like this?" I asked my voice low and sad.

"Me!" My dad slammed his hand down on the table. "Why are you doing this to me and your mother Paige? Is it to spite us for not giving you enough attention because if it is, it's working, you've got my attention" His voice was raising in anger.

I shook my head as I had no words. There was nothing but hate and anger in my dad's eyes and I had no come back to that.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I couldn't bear to see the look on Paige's face as she sat there silently listening to her dad's words. I could see the anger in his eyes and I wished I knew how to make him see it didn't have to be this way. But I had no idea.

Paige's mom was sat silently looking like she wished she could be anywhere other than in this room at this moment.

I glanced at Paige and part of me wanted to stay here so I could support her but another part of me knew that I was probably only making this whole situation worse by staying here.

"Maybe it would be best if I left" I stood up awkwardly and Paige looked at me apologetically.

"Yes I think that would be a good idea" Mr McCullers was not looking at anyone he was staring straight at the table with his hands clenched together.

"Dad, please!" Paige's voice was strained and her tone was heart-breaking for me. "Why do you have to ruin everything?" she added as she stood up from the table too.

"Em, I'm so sorry" She turned to me and I gave her a small smile in an attempt to change the sad look in her eyes.

"No" I began quietly to stop her from apologising for any of this. I looked at her mother quickly who was sat like she was holding her breath afraid to breathe or make a sound.

"Dinner was lovely Mrs McCullers thank you for inviting me to join you, and Mr McCullers" I paused for a second before I gained the courage to say what I wanted to say. "I'm sorry that I'm not what you wanted for Paige, but I hope someday we get the chance to start over again on the right foot because you're daughter means everything to me" I nodded before I caught Paige's eye again and she was looking at me in a strange way, like she couldn't quite believe her eyes.

Her parents didn't speak and her father kept his gaze locked down on the table.

I turned and left the table and headed out of the room into the hallway, I heard Paige mutter something to her parents before she followed me out and grabbed my hand before I reached the front door.

"I'm sorry this didn't go how you wanted" I took her other hand as I spoke.

"Do you want to go somewhere? Get out of here for a bit?" I looked at her broken expression and I wanted to take her pain away somehow.

She shook her head before she spoke "I think I should stay here, I need to talk to them properly, but thank you and I'm so sorry you had to get spoken to like that, my dad can be so rude.

"Don't apologise, none of this is your fault" she smiled sadly at my words.

"Well if you need me just call me okay? Whatever time it is I'll be there" I added and she smiled for real this time.

"Thank you Em" She said before she leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips, I kissed her back lingering for a few seconds to try and let her know it was all going to be okay.

I left the house with a small wave back at Paige whilst I made a small wish that her parents would change their attitude and just listen to her; Paige deserved that at the least.

I had just arrived home when I heard my phone ring from my bag, I pulled it out quickly and my mind jumped straight to Paige.

However when I saw the name I relaxed a little, it was Hanna not Paige so hopefully things with her parents weren't going too badly.

"Hey" I answered the call.

"Hey Em" Hanna's normal chirpy voice replied down the phone.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a bit, I'm bored!" She sighed into the phone and I laughed lightly. I guessed if Paige needed me she could just call me and I would go to her from Hanna's.

"Sure Han, I've actually just got back from Paige's. I had dinner with her parents" Hanna made a shocked noise at this.

"How did _that _go?" she asked sceptically and I sighed.

"Badly" I replied. "I'll tell you about it when I see you"

I heard Hanna sigh too. "Poor Paige" she added and I agreed.

"Right I'm just going to tell my mom I'm heading out again and I'll be over okay"

"Okay"

"I'll see you in a bit" I added before I put the phone down. I made my way into the house and made one final wish that Paige was going to be okay.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

It was raining and dark as I left the house but I didn't care, I grabbed my coat before I slammed the door shut in anger. Tears were flowing hot and heavy down my cheeks as my mind ran through the past hour and the angry words that had come from both my parents. After Emily had left my dad got more angry, he told me that he wasn't going to let me see her anymore and my mother agreed it would be a good idea. Just thinking about their words now made me angry and upset.

I walked down the driveway and away from my house, not bothering to look behind me and see if my parents were coming after me or not. I didn't care about their opinions or their rules anymore, they were unreasonable and malicious and all they cared about were themselves. I didn't matter to them if I was happy or not.

_Sometimes I wish you were more like Lily was _My dad's words rang in my head and they sent another wave of tears to my eyes. Those words hurt more than anything and I knew that he regretted them as soon as he had said them. But he had still said them.

He was ashamed of who I was and there was nothing I could do about it.

I wiped at my eyes to try and stop the flow of tears but they wouldn't stop, so I carried on walking through the rain leaving my house behind.

It was cold outside now and I had no idea where I was going but it didn't really matter I just had to get away from my house.

I shivered and pulled my coat closer around me to keep out the wind, I wished Emily was here to hold me close and make everything better again.

I reached into my pocket to find my phone to call her but the pocket was empty, I looked in all my other pockets and rolled my eyes when I realised I must have left it at home. I sighed at the thought of going back there to get it and I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to see my parents right now

I carried on walking through the rain in the direction of Emily's house, hoping she wouldn't mind me just turning up like this.

A while later I finally reached Emily's house which had a soft yellow light shining from the porch, it was welcoming and comforting; the complete opposite of my house.

I reached out and rang the doorbell hoping it would be Emily who answered. A few moments later Pam Fields pulled open the front door and greeted me with a cautious smile.

"Paige" She said looking me up and down slowly before she spoke. "What happened, are you okay?" She looked concerned. I suddenly realised what I must look like, I was completely drenched form head to toe and my eyes were probably puffy from tears, not to mention the streaks of mascara that probably ran down my cheeks.

I made a small noise suddenly embarrassed as I rubbed the mascara away. "Oh, it's just the rain, I'm sorry to disturb you I was just wondering if I could speak to Emily?" I shivered again.

"I'm sorry, Emily's out at the moment, she went over to Hanna's" I nodded slowly at this and cursed myself again for leaving my phone at home. I didn't know what I was going to do now.

"Oh" I said. "Okay, well can you tell her I called by when she gets home" My voice was uneven as it was still thick with the threat of tears.

Pam looked at me for a moment before she spoke again. "Are you sure you're okay Paige?" she asked, her voice thick with a concern I wasn't used too.

"Not really" I answered truthfully slightly surprising myself in the process.

She smiled sadly at me and looked at me like someone would a wounded animal. "She should be back soon; you can wait for her if you want?"

I smiled back too "Thank you" I said, fighting hard to keep back the tears again.

She moved closer to me and pulled me closer towards the house by the arm. "Come on, I'll make you a hot drink" She said as she took me into her house.

Five minutes later and I was sat on the couch in the Fields' living room with a hot drink resting in my hands. Pam Fields sat on the chair next to me with her own drink resting on her knees. It was a strange situation and I didn't really know how to deal with it, it felt weird being here with Emily's mom, drinking tea, receiving kind smiles when my own mom sat at home cringing at the thought of me.

"Thanks for the tea Mrs Fields" I said with a smile.

"Please, call me Pam" She said politely back and I nodded.

"Emily told me about your parents" Pam said quietly, almost like she felt guilty. "And I'm sorry it's been so hard for you"

I met her eyes slowly and nodded. "They hate me" I spoke the words quietly and they threated to bring fresh tears to the surface, but Pam shook her head quickly.

"Oh Honey" She said quickly, her affection a welcome surprise. "I assure you they don't hate you. They love you, parents never stop loving their children I promise you that" She took a small sip of her drink and I tried to be positive about her words.

"But they are ashamed of me" I added sadly.

Pam let out a long slow breath and put her drink down on the table. "I don't know about that" She said playing with the wedding ring on her finger. "But what I do know is that a parent always wants what's best for their child. And we always think we know what that is" She laughed lightly. "I thought I knew what was best for Emily, and for a time I was ashamed, not about her but about myself. I felt like I had failed as a parent and somehow it was my fault she was the way she was." She smiled again before she spoke.

"But somewhere along the way I suddenly realised I wasn't ashamed anymore, I was proud. I was proud of how pure and good Emily's heart was and what an incredible and beautiful young woman she was. I realised it didn't matter who Emily fell in love with, it mattered that she found love with someone who loved her for her." She stopped speaking for a second.

"What my point is Paige is that you need to be strong in this, I know it's hard and unfair but you need to remember that even if it doesn't seem like it right now your parents love you."

I felt my eyes were becoming full of tears again but this time not due to sadness but due to how beautiful Emily's mom's words were. I was so happy that Emily's mom was so proud of her.

"What if they can never accept it?" I asked, letting my greatest fear creep to the surface. "What if the relationship we have now is all it's ever going to be again?" I still couldn't quite believe I was opening up about this to Pam Fields but I let myself go with it; she knew what she was talking about more than most people.

"I doubt it" She said confidently. "Parents who care about their child as much as yours don't disown them easily. It might take a while but it'll get better." She finished speaking and took a small sip of her tea and I felt myself relax a little.

If Pam Fields could deal with her daughter being gay like this it filled me with confidence for my own parents.

"Thank you" I said sincerely and she just nodded. "It makes me feel better to hear that" I added and took a sip of my own.

Pam looked at her watch "Emily should be back soon" I smiled at this.

"I'm glad you were there for her after Maya, she needed someone like you" It was my turn just to nod and smile as I didn't know what to say to that compliment.

"I've never seen her this happy" she added as she stood up and straightened a couple of books that were out of line on the book case.

"Is this the part where you warn me not to hurt her?" I smiled lightly and was relieved when Pam laughed too and moved to sit back down on the couch.

"I already know you wouldn't" She said with a smile. "But if you do… I know where you live" She added and I laughed at this. It was strange to be sat here laughing with Emily's mom, with my girlfriend's mom. I didn't think I would ever see this day.

Just then I heard the key in the front door and a few sounds in the hallway before Emily arrived round the corner, her eyes fell on me sat next to her mom on the sofa and her face looked shocked as I smiled widely at her.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I fumbled with my keys in the lock grumbling to myself about the rain. I had just tried Paige again but there was still no answer from her cell and I was starting to panic, I was worried about her.

I got in the house out of the rain and walked through into the living area to speak to my mom.

As I did my eyes fell on the couch and Paige who was sat next to my mom with a mug in her hand.

"Paige!" I exclaimed as she smiled at me. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?" I moved over closer to the couch and my mom answered.

"Me and Paige were just having a little heart to heart" she said with a smile in Paige's direction and I raised my eyebrow.

"Okay this is a little weird" I laughed as my mom stood up from the couch.

"Honey do you want a drink? I'll go and make you one and give you two a chance to talk." I nodded with a smile as she left the room and I sat down next to Paige.

I rubbed my thumb over the makeup that was under her eyes and it was obvious she had been crying before. "Are you okay?" I asked, knowing that talking to her parents had probably not gone well.

She looked down for a minute like she was really considering my question before she answered. "I think I am now" She reached for my hand and held it tight.

"I look a mess don't I?"

I took in her hair and her puffy eyes and had to laugh. "A little" I admitted. "Are you sure you're okay, what happened?"

She filled me in on the argument with her parents and what they had said before she told me about walking here and her conversation with my mom. I nodded but kept silent to let her tell the story.

"So what are you going to do?" I asked.

"Nothing" She answered quickly. "You're mom made me realise there's nothing I can do to change their minds; it's up to them now."

I nodded at this and kissed her on the cheek quickly just before my mom entered back into the room with my drink. She put it down for me and I thanked her.

"No problem" she said with a smile as she took in the two of us sat close together on the sofa.

Paige had finished her drink and she fidgeted with her hands. "It's late, maybe I should leave you guys in peace and head home" she said but I could tell from her tone that the last place she wanted to go was home, and the last thing I wanted was for her to leave. Before I could say so though my mom spoke.

"Don't be silly!" She was smiling. "You should stay for a bit, and it's no problem if you want to stay the night either, is it Em?" I looked at my mom slightly shocked as I shook my head with a smile.

"No, no problem at all" I said glancing quickly at Paige who was smiling.

"Thank you, I really can't face going home right now" I smiled in her direction as she spoke.

My mom nodded but she pointed at the phone that was in the corner of the room "But please give your parents a call first, they are likely to be worried about you" Paige nodded at this.

"Any way, I'll leave you two in peace to watch a movie or something" My mom said as she got ready to leave.

"Mom wait" I shouted after her and she turned to face me. "We could watch a movie together?" I suggested, hoping Paige wouldn't mind.

"That would be nice" My mom answered with a happy smile on her face as she settled down on the other side of me on the couch.

"But I'm not letting you pick" I added with a laugh and my mom held up her hands in defeat, even she knew her movie choices were awful.

So that was how we spent the next few hours; me, Paige and my mom sat together on the sofa watching a movie, me and Paige having to explain the storyline to my mother every few minutes and her swooning over the handsome male lead. It was a strange scenario for me, to be sat here with my mom on one side and my girlfriend on the other. It was strange, but it was perfect.

* * *

My mom yawned as the credits rolled on the screen. "It's time I went to bed" She stood up and walked to the door turning before she left.

"Goodnight girls" she smiled and it was lovely to see this smile on my mom's face, the smile she had worn when I was growing up not the cold and heartless smile she had been wearing the past year or so.

"Good night" Paige and I both said together before she left and headed upstairs.

A few minutes later and I was leading Paige upstairs by the hand too and I opened my bedroom door quietly. My room was cold as I had left the window open and I closed it before I turned back to smile at Paige.

I opened a draw and pulled out some pajamas for both of us, once we had changed into them Paige yawed and I smiled at her.

"Tired?" I asked and she nodded back at me before she pulled me towards my bed and we both fell onto it softly. She kissed me gently and I smiled at the touch of her lips. It felt amazing having her here with me.

It was still cold in my room and I pulled the duvet cover up so that it covered us up to our necks as we both lay down.

I let Paige snuggle her head into my neck and I kissed her head through her hair.

"I'm so happy that this time I'm in your bed I can do this" She turned her head and met my lips with her own again.

I smiled. "I promise I won't have any nightmares tonight" I added, remembering last time she was here and being glad that everything was like it was now and not like it was then.

"Don't ever let your parents make you feel like you're anything less than amazing, okay?" I whispered the words into the cold room and I felt Paige press herself closer towards me before she moved her body so that she was staring straight at me, her eyes melting into mine through the dark room. I smiled as I watched her expression become serious all of a sudden. She seemed to be watching every little detail of my face as I watched hers; a small smile crept onto my lips at the intensity of her gaze.

"What?" I asked as she continued to stare. "You're making me nervous" I watched a small smile spread on her lips as I said this and she continued to stare at me.

"I love you Em" She spoke the words slowly and steadily and I felt my heart beat faster. There they were, those three little words I had once thought I would be too scared to ever say again. They rang in the air sweetly and I could feel my smile spreading over my face as Paige waited for my response.

"I love you too" I almost felt tears creep out of my eyes as I spoke the words that were so true. I loved Paige with everything I had.

Neither of us moved we just stared at each other with matching expressions, soft smiles and passionate eyes. I ran my fingers over Paige's cheek and finally her lips as she continued to grin at me. A second later and my lips were on hers, soft and steady and loving. There was no urgency in our kiss because we both knew the same thing; we had each other for ever now.

We fell asleep that night with our legs wrapped around each other and my arm draped over Paige. I slept better than I had ever slept before because the person I loved most in the world was safe right there next to me, her breathing in rhythm with my own.

* * *

**Two things: Thanks for reading ANDDDD Review please! :D **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! Another update for you all, and it didn't take forever this time :)**

**Before I thank you for the lovely reviews again I feel like I should provide a warning for the huge amount of sickly sweet fluff in this chapter. Hopefully you'll like it as I think we all deserve some complete and utter Paily cuteness from time to time.**

**That being said, please stick with this story and I promise there will be some bumps in the road for our two girl. We need a bit of drama from time to time don't we? **

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, honestly it's great to get a review and it really motivates me to write and get the story updated quickly.**

**Anyway, enough from me: Enjoy the new chapter :)**

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Morning sleepy head" I woke up to a kiss on my forehead and the soft laughter of Emily above me.

"I got us breakfast" she said with a smile as she placed the tray of coffee and pancakes down in front of me.

"You are the best girlfriend in the world" I said in a sleepy voice.

"Well, actually my _mom _made us breakfast… I just brought it upstairs" she looked at me guiltily and I laughed.

"Thanks Pam" I said with a smile as I took a sip of the coffee.

I could tell Emily was in a good mood as she still hadn't sat down to join me, she was bouncing back and forward on her heels as she went to look out of the window.

I looked at her with a big smile on my face, her hair was still perfectly sleek and shiny even though she had just woken up and I could see the small dimples in her cheeks that appeared when she smiled a certain way.

"The rains stopped" She said in the same cheery tone as she began to hum a small tune to herself.

"I've never seen you in such a good mood" I said, still smiling at her.

She laughed, almost embarrassed and made her way back to the bed to sit on the edge.

"Well my girlfriend told me she loved me last night, so I'm pretty happy" She spoke with a wink before she picked her own coffee up and took a sip sitting crossed legged on the bed as she did.

I just watched her drink, the way her lips curled around the edge of the mug and her hair sat tucked adorably behind her ear; I could have sat and watched her all day.

I thought about last night and I was happy, after all it had been amazing. However, a part of me was still feeling vulnerable and angry at my parents, but it was a small part that didn't demand that much attention.

"What shall we do today?" She asked reaching out to stroke my arm absentmindedly.

It was the weekend and I knew that meant my parents would be in the house; therefore I really didn't want to go home.

"Anything except go to my house" I said quietly and Emily looked at me sympathetically.

"We could go for a swim?" She raised her eyebrows. "I know a great little lake that's _really _good for dealing with feelings" She joked and I laughed back.

"Don't joke about the lake, that place is amazing" I said, pretending to be offended.

"I'm not joking. Do you fancy it?"

I smiled back nodding. "Yeah… Except my swimming things are back at home" I realised sadly.

Emily raised her eyebrows again this time with a mischievous grin. "So?" she said as she bit her lip. "You might just have to go in naked" we both laughed at this and I pushed her lightly on the arm.

"I'm not skinny dipping in a public lake Em, I have _some_ dignity" I smiled at her as she pretended to look upset.

"Fine!" she sighed comically "Well that's swimming out of the itinerary"

I looked down for a second and thought hard. "You know what, no" I began to speak. "It's not, I won't let my parents ruin our day" I smiled now. "We can just call at my house on the way and pick up my stuff"

Emily smiled too. "You sure?"

"I'm sure" I nodded. I couldn't run away from them forever.

We walked downstairs an hour later and Pam called us into the kitchen.

"Em" She said as she moved to put the phone she was holding down. She looked happy and excited. "That was your dad; he has to come back to the state to run a recruitment programme for the weekend. He just found out today and I was thinking about driving out to see him"

Emily smiled. "That's great! When are you leaving?"

"In the next hour or so, do you want to come?" she said. "I mean we would have to book you an extra hotel room but it wouldn't be a problem. You don't have to though honey, I mean we'll only get to see him for a few hours he'll be working most of the time, but if you would like to…" she looked excited still as she trailed off and Emily laughed.

"No mom, it's okay" She was smiling. "You and dad have a nice night together"

"Oh we will" Pam said quietly with a small playful smile and Emily twisted her face together.

"Mom!" she said and I laughed softly. "I don't need to think about that"

We all laughed for a second until Pam changed the subject.

"What are you girl doing today then? The weather looks a bit better today"

"We're going to go for a swim" Emily replied vaguely, for some reason I was glad she didn't tell her about the lake, I liked that it was something that just me and Emily knew about.

"You girls are so committed!" She smiled at us both before she began to walk out of the door.

"I better go and get my things together, have a nice day and I've left some money on the side for you Em. You can order a pizza or something"

"Thanks mom" Emily replied.

"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon sometime, see you then honey" And then she was upstairs and we made our way out of the house and to Emily's car.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Emily was staring at my face and I nodded.

"I'm fine" I smiled "My dad's car isn't in the drive" I answered somewhat relieved. "At least I won't have to face him"

Emily smiled back at me like she was trying to search my face for my real emotions.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"No it's fine, I won't be long" I sad as I undid my seatbelt and began to get out of the car.

"Paige" Emily's voice stopped me.

"If you want to stay the night again I wouldn't complain" She said with a big grin. "Plus we'll have the house to ourselves"

I felt myself grinning the same as Emily was and I raised my eyebrow. "Are you hitting on me Miss Fields?" I said and Emily pretended to look innocent.

"Of course not" She copied my expression.

I laughed and nodded. "I'll get my things." I answered before I shut the car door and headed inside.

As I entered the house I got the feeling that nobody was home, a feeling that made me relieved yet again. Just to be sure I shouted into the quiet house.

"Mom?" there was no answer like I expected and I made my way to my room.

I threw my things into a bag quickly eager to not have to run into my parents if they came home, I didn't need a confrontation with them to ruin my good mood right now. I searched in my draw for my swimsuit and found one that would do, tossing it into the bag messily. I glanced around the room to see if I had missed anything and my camera caught my eye from its place on the desk.

I smiled as I picked it up and put it into its case, slotting it carefully down the side of the bag.

I was downstairs quickly and I scribbled a brief and very vague note to my parents explaining I wasn't coming home later, for once in my life I didn't care what they would think and I smiled as I left it on the kitchen counter.

"All set?" Emily asked as I got back into the passenger seat.

I nodded and she pulled out of the driveway heading in the direction of the lake.

Emily put the windows down so the warm air rushed into the car as I turned the radio on, the sound of a Passion Pit song filling the car, I glanced at Emily and we both smiled.

"Today is going to be a good day isn't it?"

Emily nodded in agreement as she turned the music up louder.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Paige!" I groaned louder this time as I flicked through the pictures on her camera "I look SO bad on this one!" I protested and Paige grabbed the gadget out of my hands to have a closer look.

"No you don't!" She protested back with a smile. "You could never look bad"

I rolled my eyes as I asked her to delete it. I don't know why I agreed to let her get her camera out, she had been taking pictures all day, sometimes without me realising it.

I had to admit though that she was good, and the look she got on her face when she was concentrating through the viewfinder was adorable.

It was early afternoon now and we had been at the lake a few hours, swimming and sunbathing and eating the array of snacks we had brought with us. We sat on the grassy bank and the sun was still warm through the trees above.

"Do you regret that your parents know about you being gay, about you and me?" I asked as I ate one of the strawberries, changing the tone of the conversation slightly.

Paige looked thoughtful for a second before she replied. "No" She said firmly. "I don't regret it, I just wish I could fast forward time a bit until the day they accept it"

I smiled at her sadly, but I was determined not to ruin the mood. "But then if you made time go faster this day would be over quicker" I reminded her with a playful smile.

She laughed at that. "True!" She said before she pecked me lightly on the lips. "I really would regret that" she smiled as she kissed me harder this time.

The kiss was just getting passionate as I heard my phone buzz from the pile of bags and clothes behind us. I sighed as Paige pulled away.

"As if we get phone signal here, in the middle of nowhere when sometimes I don't even have it at my house" I joked as I stood up and retrieved my phone.

I read the message on the screen.

**Hey girls. Fancy grabbing a bite at the grille tonight? The Hastings house is crazy recently, I need some sane company! x**

I laughed at Spencer's words as I walked back to sit down next to Paige.

"What?" She smiled at me.

"Oh just Spencer, and her family, there is always something crazy going on with the Hastings" I smiled at Paige again.

"She was asking if I wanted to go out for dinner tonight with the girls" I let Paige know before I started speaking again. "But I'll just tell her I'm busy tonight" I smiled as I began to type a reply.

"No, don't" Paige put a hand on my phone to stop the reply and I looked at her curiously.

"I want to spend tonight with you though" I said "This is our day" I grinned at her.

"It can still be our day" She replied with her own smile. "I mean, do you think your friends would mind if I joined you for dinner? It might be nice to get to know them better"

"Are you sure?" I asked with a bigger smile now, I loved it that Paige wanted to make an effort with my friends; that was so important to me. "And of course, they won't mind at all. Actually they've all been bugging me to bring you to things" I admitted with a laugh.

"Great!" Paige said with delight. "Tell Spencer it's a date"

I laughed as I typed a reply out, today really was a good day.

* * *

"Hey guys!" I smiled at my friends as me and Paige walked into our usual restaurant a few minutes late. We had gone back to my house after the lake and sort of lost track of time, I had realised today it was easy to do that when making out with Paige McCullers.

"Hey Em" they all greeted. "Hey Paige" they all said in the same tone they had greeted me.

Paige took a seat next to Aria and I sat in the one opposite her next to Hanna.

"I'm starving! Can we order now!" Hanna closed her menu eagerly but she was smiling.

"Sorry" Aria apologised to Paige for Hanna "Hanna gets demanding when she's hungry" we all laughed but Paige nodded.

"I'm with Hanna, I'm starving" She flashed me a grin and I took a moment to admire how beautiful her smile was before I looked at my menu and decided what I was going to order.

The food arrived quite quickly and the conversation slowed as we all began to eat, the food was pretty amazing.

"Anyway, as I was saying, as I was about to leave the house this morning Melissa stopped by to tell me that my dad had been arrested for fighting with Jason in the street, and my mom hadn't even gone to bail him out as some sort of 'punishment'. I tell you, my family is getting crazier by the day" Spencer was speaking dramatically but with an edge of comedy, I could tell Paige was enjoying it even though she probably didn't understand all Spencer was talking about.

"My dad and Meredith are buying a boat" Aria added to the conversation and we all laughed. "A boat." She repeated the word for comic affect. "We live in Rosewood and my dad is buying a proper full sized sailing boat. This has midlife crisis written all over it" we all laughed again.

"Wait, so let me get this right, Meredith is the student your dad had an affair with and who is now his girlfriend who is also that blonde woman who just started teaching at Rosewood" Paige was tilting her head as she concentrated, trying to connect the dots.

"You catch on quick, I'm impressed" Spencer smiled and Paige smiled back.

"It wasn't easy" She said with a smile. "I thought my life was complicated… I was wrong" We all laughed again at this.

The conversation flowed nicely all night and I didn't once feel awkward or worried that Paige wasn't fitting in with the conversation; she was charming my friends just like I knew she would. In fact, I was started to worry they would soon like her more than me. I laughed at this thought and focused my attention back on Paige and the story she was telling; s_he really was good in a group of_ people I thought with admiration.

As we left the restaurant I felt happier than I had been in a long time.

"Does anyone want to come back to mine, I have ice-cream and movies" Hanna sold her offer well but all I really wanted to do right now is go home with Paige.

"I was sold at the ice cream" Aria said enthusiastically and Spencer agreed.

Hanna looked at me and I glanced at Paige quickly. "I think me and Paige might just head home, but thanks" I said with a smile.

"Are you sure, can I not tempt you with double chocolate chip" Hanna wiggled her eyebrows but Aria nudged her.

"Han, I think they just want to go home" Aria smiled knowingly.

"Oh righttttt I see" Hanna nodded with a mischievous grin and I felt myself blush as I rolled my eyes at her.

"I don't know Em, I'm really tempted by the chocolate chip" Paige joked and I rolled my eyes playfully at her too.

"Thanks for letting me join you guys for dinner" Paige said, serious this time. "I had a really nice time."

"No problem" Aria replied.

Ten minutes later and we were in the car home and Paige was playing with my fingers in her hand as we drove along.

"You really charmed my friends" I said, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye to see her smile.

"What can I say, I'm just a charming person" She laughed a low and hearty laugh that I always loved as we continued to drive home.

Today was a good day.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I lay in Emily's bed feeling the soft silky sheets against my bare legs, today had been amazing and I didn't want it to be over.

I stretched out flat on my back and waited for Emily to return from the bathroom. I let the smell of the sheets fill my senses, a lovely mixture of washing powder and Emily. A few moments later the door swung open and Emily returned now wearing a tight black tank top and short green sleep shorts. She had taken her hair out and it was now flowing down her back in waves. I sat up and gulped at how hot she looked in such little clothing. She seemed to notice the effect she had on me and she smiled before she moved closer to the bed. She carefully climbed up to join me in the centre of the double mattress, her eyes never leaving mine. I let out a contented sigh as she slid her legs either side of me and shifted her body so she was straddling me.

"Hey" she breathed out as she ran her hands up and down my arms with a soft smile. I could smell the soft scent of peppermint toothpaste as her breath hit me.

"Hey" I couldn't help the grin that spread all over my face at the feel of Emily sat on top of me.

I cupped her face in my hands and pulled her in for a kiss, capturing her lips delicately with my own and tasting the minty taste they held.

"Thank you" I looked her in the eyes and she smiled sweetly back at me before she moved a piece of hair out of my eyes.

"For what?" She asked as she ran her fingers along my cheek and let them stop at my lips.

I kissed her fingers lightly before I replied.

"For being there for me these past few days, for making everything better"

"I'll always be there for you" She replied in a soft voice. "You're the most important thing in the world to me" the look in her eyes and the sincerity of her words left me feeling light headed and it was all I could do to smile back at her dreamily.

She buried her face into the crook of my neck, pressing soft deliberate kisses on a part she knew was sensitive. I moaned this time.

I let my hands find the bottom of her back. I drew small patterns on the exposed skin there as she seemed to moan at my touch.

I used the position my hands were in on her back to pull her against me tighter. We stayed like that for a moment as I took in the wonderful feeling of Emily's full weight on top of me; it felt like I had the thing I loved most in the world safely against me where nothing could hurt her. I could feel her heart beat against my own and I was so thankful that I had at least a tiny part of her heart, that she cared enough about me to let her walls down and care again.

I pulled her even closer and I knew I would never let her go, she was everything to me.

I felt her kiss my neck again and I twisted so I could reach her lips with mine. I needed to kiss her again, I needed to do anything other than allow her to keep kissing my neck like that, it was about to drive me crazy with desire.

We kissed slowly as we both seemed to take our time to appreciate every movement of our kisses, the way her lips fit against mine perfectly and the way our tongues met so smoothly. Her hands were wrapped up in my hair as I continued my patterns on her lower back.

She rested her forehead against mine as our eyes melted together in an intense gaze. I moved my hand to stroke the side of her face, tucking a stray piece of hair away in the process. We didn't stop staring at each other as I planted a small kiss on her nose, and she found my hand with her lips.

I sighed with content again as I let my feelings take over me.

"I love you" I smiled as I spoke but I never let the intensity leave my eyes. "I love you so much" I didn't think I would ever get tired of saying these words to her.

She moved and caught my lips softly in one slow kiss before she moved her lips up my cheek and towards my ear. She stopped just before my ear lobe and whispered.

"I love you too"

She kissed my earlobe delicately, her teeth nibbling down gently as I let my eyes close. When she had first told me she loved me I felt like I had already known she did, but hearing her say it out loud, actually hearing Emily say those three words out loud to me... It made all my dreams come true.

She whispered again after she kissed my cheek this time.

"You're amazing" she took my hands in her own and brought them up to her face, kissing them gently. "And gorgeous" she kissed my lips softly again. "I'm so in love with you Paige" she smiled at me in that beautiful way she did that made her eyes sparkle.

I smiled at the moment, I felt like I was walking on a cloud, completely weightless, completely high on Emily Fields.

She shifted her body again; moving so she was is a better position for me to really take in her body. I gulped again when I was reminded how gorgeous she was.

I had never wanted anyone more in my life.

I could feel the fire burning deep in my stomach and running all through my body. It was taking over control of my hands, my mind...everything.

I pulled her in for another kiss and this time it wasn't slow. It was anything but slow.

It felt like our tongues were dancing a complicated dance we didn't know, we just had to trust them that they knew what they were doing. They did.

The kiss deepened and for the first time it didn't just feel like a kiss that was meant to be just a kiss. It felt like an invitation for more.

It felt like the spark to a fire, an utterly terrifying but fantastic spark.

I could feel the wonderful skin of her stomach as I ran my hands under the black material of her tank top. She had the most amazing body.

"You're so gorgeous" I breathed out before the kiss deepened again and I got lost in it all over again.

She pulled back slowly and was breathing heavy as she spoke.

"Paige" The sound of my own name right now shocked me and I answered in a cracked voice.

"What?"

"I want you so much, all of you" there was not a glint of doubt in her tone and her eyes were melting intensely into my own again. I felt my stomach flip at the way she spoke the words. The fact that she wanted me in this way set my heart beating at a hundred miles an hour against my chest. The fact that I had no idea what I was supposed to do made no difference right now. I wanted her too.

I bit my lip and smiled at her, I was 100% hers.

We kissed again, the same intensity as before as I felt the fire inside of me return. My whole body was on high alert and every stroke of skin and brush of hair on my shoulder felt intensified.

I felt frozen in the moment though like I didn't really know what to do. I felt butterflies in my stomach when she grabbed at the material of my top and pulled it slowly over my head. She smiled as her eyes danced over my body and she moved to kiss the newly exposed skin of my stomach.

I found the bottom of her tank top and slid it up and over her head the same way she had mine and I let my eyes drink in the sight of golden skin in the soft light of her room. She was beautiful.

I kissed her in places I had never kissed before and loved the soft feel of her skin against my lips.

Our lips met again and I found her lips full and pouting before she moved them back to my neck and kissed the sensitive point again.

"Oh my god" I let out is a raspy voice as she continued her trail of kisses.

She took my hand delicately and guided it slowly down her stomach to the top of her shorts. My breath hitched as she stopped her movement with my hand and kissed me deeply again. She carried on pushing my hand down as our lips continued to move together. My fingers eased under the fabric hem of the shorts and I found she wasn't wearing any underwear. This had an unbelievable effect on me, an effect I had never really experienced before.

I was really turned on.

She didn't need to guide me anymore and my fingers travelled the rest of the way on their own. The moan that escaped her lips came a few seconds later before I stopped it with another kiss.

I wanted to see all of her, I wanted to touch all of her, I just wanted all of her.  
I twisted us around so she was lying down on the bed and I was above her. She watched my face with a dreamy smile, her lips still full and bright red.

The feeling that I didn't know what I was doing had disappeared completely, I knew exactly what to do now. I'd told Emily how much I loved her… and now I was going to show her.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I opened my eyes slowly as I woke up to adjust to the light in the room, despite the brightness I could tell it was still early. I smiled as I gazed to my right and saw Paige propped up on her elbow staring at me.

"Good morning beautiful" She whispered softly leaning down to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I smiled again before I replied.

"Good morning to you too, have you been watching me sleep?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. And I won't apologise, you're adorable when you're asleep" Paige swooned comically and kissed me on the nose playfully.

"You're such a dork" I rolled my eyes but pulled her in for another kiss, this time leaving our lips touching for longer as I ran my fingers through her hair. "But I love you" I added with a small laugh before our kiss deepened.

A few moments later the kiss ended and Paige settled her head into the crook of my neck whilst she stroked patterns on the skin of my arm.

"I could SO get used to waking up like this" Paige kissed my neck lovingly after she spoke.

"Mhmm" I replied, content at the feeling of Paige snuggled into me. "So could I"

She shifted her body so she now lay face to face with me. She played with a stray piece of hair that had made its way into my eyes and tucked it back behind my ear.

"Last night was incredible" I let the grin spread over my face as I remembered the night.

"It was" was all Paige said, but the look in her eyes said more. It said that it wasn't just incredible, it was life changing, it was everything.

We lay in silence for a while as I ran my fingers up and down her arm.

Paige was looking at me with a soft smile on her lips and her eyes seemed to be taking in every inch of my face, after a few seconds she let out a small sigh.

"What?" I asked raising a hand to cup her face.

"How do you look SO beautiful even in the morning? If I hadn't been watching you sleep for the last 40 minutes I would swear you do what that chick on the hangover does and sneak out of bed before I wake up to put makeup on." I laughed at this but I also couldn't hide the blush that was creeping onto my cheeks.

"You're biased though; you love me so you need to think I look good all the time" I bit my lip as my eyes connected with Paige's light brown ones.

Paige laughed. "I do love you, a lot" she kissed me briefly "but that doesn't make my point any less valid. You look hot Emily fields, ALL THE TIME!" She poked me in the side playfully as I shook my head.

She smiled mischievously then as if she had suddenly had an idea and I looked at her in confusion as she reached over me with a smirk. She made a point of pressing her chest firmly against me as she reached for what she wanted from the table next to me. I laughed at this and hit her butt lightly, letting my hand rest there for a few seconds before Paige was back with something in her hand.

"Paige!" my face changed in protest as I saw the camera in her hand.

Before I could protest again she had the camera lifted to her eye and was squinting into the viewfinder, she focused on me and the camera made a few light clicking sounds as she took several photos. I put my hands up to my face in protest causing Paige to lower the camera and look at me with puppy dog eyes.

"Em" she begged. "Pleeeeeeeease?"

"That's not going to work Paige" I laughed. "It's too early for photos" I tried to reason.

She reached down and took my hands away from my face. "But you're so pretty, my precious" I laughed as Paige did her best Gollum from Lord of the Rings impression.

"That's definitely not going to work, you creep" I joked before Paige leaned forward and kissed me gently on the cheek moving her lips slowly from one place to another until they finally fluttered a few kisses on my pouting lips. "So SO beautiful" she said between more kisses hitting all the spots she knew made me sigh and moan, her lips felt incredible.

I let out a small sigh reluctantly as Paige continued her kissing.

"Okay this might work" I said quietly as I gave into Paige's touch.

She smiled triumphantly as she pulled back and picked her camera back up. I still didn't smile I just folded my arms and pouted back at the other girl. Paige didn't care she just continued and the camera clicked a dozen more times.

"You know you're even more pretty when you smile" She winked at me and I smiled unintentionally at the way she winked, Paige took a photo quickly while I was still smiling.

"You tricked me" I pouted again and Paige did a mock evil laugh before leaning in to kiss me again.

"Right miss photographer, I think it's time the camera was turned on you" I went to take the camera out of Paige's hand but her grip tightened.

"Oh no I'm not photogenic, and it doesn't seem fair to my poor camera to downgrade from you to me now does it?" Paige said, putting on a serious voice as she patted her camera.

"No downgrade necessary, you look hot with your bed hair" I winked and I noticed the effect this had on her, so I took the opportunity to take the camera out of her hand.

The camera was complicated but I quickly discovered the correct button I needed to take a simple shot.

"Smile" I demanded and Paige complied with an over the top grin, making me laugh in the process.

"You're adorable" I said with a quick kiss to Paige's hand. "A complete moron… but so adorable" I swooned before I captured her lips this time.

Paige grinned back, taking the camera in her own hand again.

"Let's take a photo together, even though couple photos are ridiculously cheesy" She said enthusiastically snuggling down next to me again. I laughed because I could sense the excitement in Paige's voice despite her words.

"Then we can put it on our Christmas cards!" I joked causing Paige to poke me in the side again.

"Go on then" I smiled as she raised her camera out in front of us and we both smiled at the click.

Paige continued as I stared speaking. "You better not put these on facebook" I joked and Paige leaned in to kiss me gently on the cheek, her camera still clicking.

"Don't worry, these are just for us" She said before she caught my lips in her own again kissing me passionately, managing to take one more quick photo before she abandoned the camera fumbling behind her to place it on the bed side table. I was glad her hands were free now as I felt them wrap themselves in my hair.

Yes. I could definitely get used to waking up like this.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! PLEASSSSEEE REVIEW! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey to all my readers! Sorry again for such a long gap between updates, I have no other excuse than just being busy! I'm just so busy these days but I LOVE writing this fic for you guys so here is a cheeky little update :)**

**Firstly, I'm REALLY thankful for the reviews and I am glad you liked the last chapter that was full of Paily cuteness. **

**Secondly, I have a good idea of where the story will go in the next few chapters and promise you there will be some drama and angst to come, this chapter is setting a few things up for the storyline to progress.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy and I should have the next chapter up this week, if my life allows it :)**

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Coffee?" Emily's soft voice filled my head as I sat on the bench outside of Rosewood High with my eyes closed sleepily. It was 6am and it was the day of our first swim meet of the season that wasn't in Rosewood. We had a 3 hour drive and then 2 hours of preparations until the meet and I was definitely not feeling on top form.

I lifted my head slowly and smiled at Emily who looked fresh faced and chirpy as she handed me the hot cup with a grin.

"Thank You" I said as I smelt the welcome smell of the strong coffee, Emily knew how I liked it.

She sat down on the bench next to me and I let myself flop my head onto her shoulder and I found some comfort there. She stroked my hair for a second before she laughed.

"Late night?" She said and I glared at her for a second to let her know I wasn't amused by her jokes. It had been a late night, and it was all Emily's fault. She had insisted I stayed at her house so we could leave together in the morning; we hadn't got much sleep.

"Hey, I didn't see you complaining from your lack of sleep last night" Emily said with a smug wink. "In fact, I seem to remember you were _rather _happy" She teased me with one final grin and I couldn't help but let a little smile of my own spread on my face for a second before I remembered how tired I was.

"I just hate mornings" I grumbled, resting my head back on Emily's shoulder again. "Why is it so early" I groaned into the fabric of her hoodie and she just laughed at me.

"Right!" She said too enthusiastically for this time in the morning as she moved me off her shoulder and made me sit upright. "Drink your coffee, rub your eyes… give me a kiss" She leaned in to peck my lips softly "and get on with it. We have a busy day and the bus is here." She was obviously enjoying this and I grunted in protest at her positivity.

"This is why you're a 'superstar'" I said with a sleepy smile. "You don't even need sleep to function, how can I ever live up to that" she laughed me off and pulled me up by my hand and we headed over to join the rest of our team who were about to get on the bus, the coach ticking them off on a clipboard as they did.

"Hey guys, you ready to kick some ass?" Ashley had appeared at Emily's side and she had the same enthusiastic expression Emily was wearing, I really wished I was a morning person.

"Why is everyone so chirpy?" I half groaned and half laughed and Emily rolled her eyes playfully.

Ashley laughed too "'cos we're gonna win today, I have a good feeling" She turned to speak to the coach for a second while Emily turned back to me.

"You can sleep on the bus" she suggested happily. I'll let you use me as a pillow" she added and I smiled at this.

The coach looked at me and Paige and counted something on her fingers.

"Right!" She said happily "That's everyone, let's go" She stepped onto the bus and Ashley moved to follow her before she turned around to us again.

"Fields, you better sort your girlfriend out, we don't want any sloppy swimming today" She smiled at us both before she got on.

I rolled my eyes as Emily grinned at me. "Get on the god damn bus!" I laughed as I pushed her and followed her on.

As we found a free seat I sat down next to Emily and rested my head on her shoulder again as the bus pulled out of the parking lot. She made a nice pillow.

I was happy that the girls on our team accepted mine and Emily's relationship, in fact not one of them seemed to be surprised, they had all just cheered and there were words such as 'finally' and 'no kidding' when we finally told them we were a couple. We had a really good team.

"Wake me up when we get there" I said softly to Emily as she ran her fingers through my hair and I felt myself drift off to sleep, I needed my energy for today because Ashley was right, we were going to kick some ass.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"It's okay Paige, we won!" I said to the slightly worried girl next to me.

"Yeah, no thanks to me" She said quietly. "My timing was all off," she was biting her nails. "And the scouts didn't look that impressed" She was mumbling like she had all the way back on the bus. We were now back in my car and she was still worrying.

"Paige" I said, more firmly now so she would listen. "We won" I smiled at her. "You weren't as bad as you think" I made my voice as soft as possible now. "You were a little bit slower than usual; it's not the end of the world I promise. The scouts already know you're the best swimmer on the team"

She sighed slowly and nodded. "I guess you're right, well sort of" She half smiled. "I'm not the _best _swimmer on the team" She looked at me and I shook my head, I knew we would have to agree to disagree on which of us was the stronger swimmer.

"I'm sorry, I can't seem to help thinking like this, it's what I always do" She added with a small embarrassed smile.

"It's okay" I smiled back. "But you don't have to be so hard on yourself, you're amazing"

"My dad won't see it that way" She added almost so quiet I couldn't hear.

"Paige!" I said again and she looked at me apologetically. ""Don't worry about things so much"

"I'm sorry, okay, I promise I won't worry" She smiled at me, finally giving in as I took her hand and kissed her quickly on the cheek before I turned the car on and began to drive.

When we reached Paige's house I studied her face carefully to try and read her expression when she looked at her house but she didn't let anything show. It had been 2 weeks since her and her parents had argued and I knew things were still bad. She didn't talk about it much though, she shrugged me off when I asked and said she was fed up with thinking about it and that she didn't care anymore, but I knew she did. She cared more than anything but she was trying to be strong.

"How's things with your dad?" I tried carefully, I wanted her to know I cared about it too.

She shrugged her shoulders. "OK" she smiled feebly. "He actually spoke to me at dinner the other night, it was to ask me to pass the potatoes but still…progress" She said sarcastically.

I didn't really know what to say to help her. "I'm so sorry it's still so bad Paige" I said sincerely.

"Em, its fine honestly, you don't have to worry about it, I've given up caring. Let's just forget it ok?" She was smiling again now and I couldn't tell if she was telling the truth or not so I just nodded.

"Ok, if you're sure" She kissed me briefly as if to reassure me how sure she was.

"What are you doing later? We could do something?" Paige changed the subject as she played with her hair.

"I'm going to the crisis centre later remember?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot, sorry" She smiled at me. "Are you looking forward to it?" she asked.

"Yeah I am actually, a bit nervous though. What if I can't give them any good advice?" I spoke my fears and Paige smiled reassuringly.

"Trust me, you'll be great"

I smiled back, Paige thought I was great at everything, she looked at me like I was the best person in the world, I liked it, I just wasn't sure if I could live up to it.

"I could see you later though?" I suggested and Paige nodded.

"Sure" She said before she leaned in to kiss me. It was a short but sweet kiss and I smiled into it.

"Good luck later" she added once the kiss finished.

"See you later" I replied as she left the car with one final wave in my direction before she disappeared into her house. As I sat in the car and watched her go I knew she was the only person I really wanted to help but I didn't have a clue what to do. I wanted to fix her relationship with her parents but I didn't know how. I had run out of advice for Paige so all I could do instead was go to a crisis centre and give advice to people I didn't know. _I guess it's something _I thought with a smile as I drove away.

* * *

"So, is everything ok for you Em?" I heard Samara's voice behind me and I turned in my chair to nod at her. I had just finished a conversation with a girl who had started having feelings for her best friend and she didn't know what to do about it, _that's something I know ALL about _I had thought to myself as I listened to her explain her problems. It wasn't as hard as I thought, it wasn't really giving advice, it was more just listening to the person and reassuring them that it was okay to think like they were thinking. I felt nice to help people.

"Perfect" I smiled at Samara and she clapped her hands together happily.

"You seem to be doing a really great job" She took a seat in the chair next to me as she spoke.

"I'm really glad you decided to come and help" She was leaning forward on her chair as she spoke to me, her eyes meeting mine somewhat intensely, it made me feel a little uncomfortable so I averted my eyes to stare at the notepad in front of me where I had been doodling.

"It's not as hard as I thought giving other people advice" I admitted and she laughed.

"Easier than following your own advice isn't it?" She was playing with her blond hair like she normally did, twisting a thick strand around a finger and then letting it unwind.

"Yeah" I agreed.

"I just wish I could help Paige this easily" I spoke the words to myself more than to her.

"Paige?" She shifted back in her chair and she looked slightly confused.

"She's been having problems with her parents" I explained cautiously, I didn't want to tell her too much as I felt like I was betraying Paige's trust somehow.

"So she finally came out?" Samara smiled.

"A while ago" I answered simply.

"So you two are still friends?" She asked as she carried on playing with her hair.

I looked up from the notepad slightly confused, I'm sure I had told Samara I was with Paige. I thought for a second and realised I had never actually said her name.

"She's my girlfriend" I said trying hard not to smile but failing, I still enjoyed hearing myself call Paige my girlfriend as much as I had the first time I'd said it.

"Wow" Samara said quickly and her expression looked shocked. "I'm surprised" she added.

I felt myself become defensive all of a sudden. "Why?"

Samara must have detected my tone and the expression on my face and she shrugged her shoulders casually.

"I don't know, guess it's not that surprising really" she smiled back at me now, finally stopping playing with her hair. "Tell her I said hi" She added and I had to hold back a snigger. _I'm sure Paige would appreciate that. _

"Any way, you've been great today. Do you fancy coming back again another day?" She asked.

"Sure, that'd be great" I nodded at her and she seemed happy at that.

* * *

It didn't take me long to get to Paige's from the crisis centre and in no time I was parked just down the road from her house. I could see her bedroom light was off as I pulled out my phone and dialled her number, hoping she was still at home.

"Hey" She answered somewhat quietly "One sec Em" She spoke before I heard talking on the other side of the line. It was muffled but I could hear what sounded like her mom speaking angrily and then the shuffle of feet which I guess was Paige going upstairs. I saw the light in her room turn on just as her voice returned in my ear.

"Hey sorry about that" Her voice said.

"It's okay" I answered with a smile, hoping she wasn't having another argument with her parents.

"You finished at the crisis centre?" She said and I imagined how she was probably sat on her bed now.

"Yes, and I'm outside of your house now" I laughed creepily. "I'm watching you" I joked and I saw Paige's face appear behind her curtains.

"Ohh you're sexy for a stalker" She swooned down the phone and I laughed.

"Do you want to do something?" I watched her disappear back into her room but I could still hear her on the phone, she was sighing.

"I really do. I just need to try and get past my parents, they don't want me going out tonight, well they don't want me seeing _you _tonight" I bit my lip anxiously at her words.

"I'm sorry" I knew it didn't make sense for me to apologise but I really was sorry for her.

"It's okay; they can't stop me from seeing you. I won't be long, do you mind waiting?"

"Not at all, good luck" I smiled into the phone as she hung up.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Mom, I'm going out with Emily" I turned to leave the room quickly hoping I could escape before she said anything but she got up out of her seat and followed me.

"No you're not" She had her arms folded across her chest as she stared at me sternly.

"Why not?" I asked unenthusiastically, I was fed up of hearing her excuses.

"You need to do your homework" she said, almost like she had won the argument.

"I've finished it all" I said, not even having to lie, I had done it all the day before.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're spending too much time with her Paige"

"Really? Would you be saying this if she was a boy?" I said angrily, I hated how unreasonable she was.

"No" She said bluntly. "I wouldn't, but she's not, and I don't want you to see her tonight" She said matter-of-factly, almost like she thought her argument made sense.

I groaned loudly and rubbed my eyes.

"Well I'm going anyway" I said angrily as I took my jacket off the back of the door and slid it on.

She stood with her hands on her hips and sighed at me. "Your dad won't be happy about this"

I groaned again. "Mom, dad's never happy, whatever I do dad won't be happy. I'm fed up of trying to make you both _happy_!" My voice was rising and my mom was stood with an expressionless face, she was always so calm in an argument, the opposite of my dad but equally as unnerving.

I walked out of the front door quickly before I got any angrier at what was happening with my parents, I needed Emily right now.

I walked up to her car and smiled as soon as I saw her face, I'd only been away from her for a few hours but I missed her.

I heard my mom shout my name from the house and I turned around to see her looking at me slightly angry now. I ignored her and pulled the door of Emily's car open to sit in the passenger seat.

"Hey" I smiled at Emily but she was looking over my shoulder towards my mom with a worried expression on her face.

"Is she mad?" her words were full of concern, and I knew she didn't like being the cause of so much tension with my parents.

"She's always mad" I laughed lightly and looked over my shoulder too to see my mom still stood at the doorway.

"Are you sure you want to do something, I don't want her to be really mad at us" Emily was fretting and it was cute.

I glanced at my mom again and back at Emily. "Come here" I said as I reached for Emily and pulled her closer towards me.

"Paige" She began wearily but I nodded.

"Please" I whispered before I pulled us together for a kiss. It was only a short one but I knew it would be enough to send my mom crazy. I knew she would see it from her position outside the house and I wanted her to realise this was real, me and Emily were real.

When I looked back at the house my mom was gone and the front door was shut.

"Give her something to really get mad about" I joked and Emily let out a small laugh.

"You're brave Paige McCullers" She winked at me and I smiled.

I wanted Emily to think I was brave, I guess in some ways I was. I wanted to her to stop worrying about me and my parents, I'm sure she had had enough of giving advice at the crisis centre, she didn't need a dysfunctional girlfriend to deal with too.

I was done speaking about my parents now, it was my problem and I would deal with it in my own way.

* * *

"Is that hard enough?" She asked again as she pressed down between my shoulder blades again.

"Mhmmm" I half moaned and half nodded, Emily giving me a massage felt incredible.

I was lying on my stomach on Emily's bed as she sat on top of me working her hands magically, the feeling was incredible.

"You are so good at this" I said softly and Emily laughed smugly.

"Glad I met your expectations" she whispered as she moved her hands further down my back as I relaxed even more.

"Oh this is my favourite bit" Emily said, referencing the movie that was playing from her laptop as she stopped moving her hands to concentrate on the screen.

"I forgot we were watching a movie" I half joked, I hadn't really been paying much attention as I was a little distracted by Emily's hands.

Emily said my name forcefully. "It's such a good movie!" she moaned. "You said you wanted to see it, and now you're not paying attention" I couldn't see her face but I could tell she was pouting.

I laughed softly "You were distracting me!" I argued.

"Then I'll stop" She said as she moved off me and sat on the bed, the sudden loss of weight made me feel empty and cold.

"Em!" I moaned now. "I'm sorry! I'll pay attention" I said apologetically but I was still smiling.

"No!" She slid further away from me on the bed. "Anyway, you've missed the best bit of the whole movie now"

I couldn't help but laugh as I turned round and saw her sitting with her arms crossed and her lip slightly out.

"Oh so you're in a mood with me now?" I smiled as I moved closer to her walking my fingers up her legs slowly before I kissed her cheek.

"I'm trying to watch the movie, would you stop distracting me?" I could tell she was trying to remain serious but I could see a smile trying to creep onto her face.

"Distracting you how?" I moved and kissed her other cheek and then I moved my hand onto her waist and stroked the soft skin there, she shivered at my touch "Oh sorry is this distracting?" I asked with my eyebrow raised and Emily let out a small laugh.

"You're so annoying" she said, but her tone was soft and endearing.

"I'll take that as a compliment" I winked and she laughed again as she turned to look at me briefly.

I took the opportunity to give her a quick kiss and she sighed as I pulled away.

"We're not going to watch this movie are we?" She asked with a small grin.

"No" I laughed as I shook my head in agreement leaning in to kiss her again, this time it was longer and sweeter.

"You're lucky I love you" She said with a laugh before our lips met again, this time we didn't stop.

I heard my phone ringing but I ignored it, I knew it would be my parents and I didn't want to speak to them. Instead I carried on kissing Emily and ran my fingers up her arm.

My phone rang again.

"Paige, maybe you should get it" Emily looked concerned as she pulled back from the kiss.

"It'll just be my parents and I don't want to speak to them" I shook my head and leaned back in to capture her lips again.

"Paige" She pulled back as the ringing continued. "You don't want to make it worse"

"Make it worse?" I dropped my hand from her waist and dropped my eyes. "It's not me who is making it worse Emily" I felt a little bit hurt by her words.

"I didn't mean that" Emily lifted my chin forcing me to lift my eyes back up. "I promise, I just don't want them to have any reason to think you've changed for the worse because of me, because of us"

My phone stopped ringing and Emily looked slightly worried when I didn't answer her straight away, I knew she was right though.

"You're right" I said after a few seconds as I took her hand in my own.

My phone rang again and this time I picked up, knowing I would have to face the full force of my parents, it was worth it though, to be here with Emily.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"I want a car" Paige said from her position at the bottom of my bed. She was flicking through a fashion magazine that Hanna had left here once and I had known she wasn't really interested in it.

It was a Saturday morning and Paige had come over to my house earlier with breakfast for us.

"I had to tell my mom that I was meeting Ashley in town so she would drive me in, just so I could pick these up and walk to your house" She pointed to the empty bag from the café.

"You didn't have to get that" I felt bad for her going to so much effort when I could have just driven us.

"I wanted to!" She stopped flicking through the pages and looked at me. "I want to be able to do what I want when I want, I want to be able to surprise my girlfriend and not rely on my parents to drive me." She smiled at me and I smiled back, I knew this didn't used to be a problem for her, but her parents had become a lot stricter recently and I knew she had resorted to lying to them a lot.

"Do you have money to buy a car?" I asked with a smile, knowing that it would be the last thing her parents would buy her right now.

"There's the problem" She laughed. "I have a bit of money my Grandparents left me but it's probably not enough to buy anything half decent."

"You could speak to Toby, see if he knows anywhere, he's good with things like that" I suggested and Paige nodded.

"Good idea" she said before she gave up with the magazine and tossed it onto the floor. "What shall we do today?" she asked whilst she stretched.

"What time is it?" I asked as Paige looked at the watch on her wrist to give me an answer.

"Ten fifteen"

"I told Samara I would go to the crisis centre at 12" I smiled apologetically at her. "Do you hate me?" I laughed lightly.

"Not much" She winked at me. "I mean, you _are _volunteering, how much can you hate a volunteer?" We both laughed.

"Maybe you could come with me?" I suggested quickly. "I mean if you wanted to, I'm sure they'd love some extra help"

"Yeah, okay" Paige smiled back. "But are you sure they'll let misfits like me give advice?" She was flashing her white smile at me and I rolled my eyes.

"You aren't a misfit" I smiled. "You gave me great advice when no one else could, you'll be amazing"

"If you say so" she laughed but I could tell my words made her happy. It was nice to make her happy.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Emily! Glad you made it!" Samara's familiar slightly high pitched voice filled my ears as I followed Emily through the door. I really didn't like her voice.

"Hey" Emily said back pleasantly. "I brought Paige along today, is that okay?" Emily turned to look at me with a warm smile. Samara's eyes followed and our eyes met awkwardly.

"Oh, yeah, that's wonderful! The more the merrier" She said in that over the top positive tone as her eyes focused on mine. I couldn't help but hear her words differently, that it wasn't really _that _wonderful that I was here. I smiled back at her anyway, because I didn't really care about Samara, not even a little bit.

"Nice to see you again" I smiled at her and she nodded back.

"You too" she answered before she focused her attention back on Emily, this time less animated than before.

"Do you want to show her around and show her what to do? You're pretty much an expert now" I didn't like the way Samara was looking at Emily as she spoke but I reminded myself that Emily was my girlfriend, and she loved me.

I had to hold back a laugh, Emily had been more right than I thought, I was jealous of Samara even if I didn't need to be.

I saw Emily nod and Samara bounce away from us to speak to someone else who had just come through the door. I watched her hair move and felt a frown cross my face.

"I swear her hair has got blonder" I muttered under my breath and I felt Emily take my arm as she laughed.

"Come on, I'll show you the phones" she pulled me forward and showed me what to do.

* * *

"Hello, erm" I looked on the desk frantically for the piece of paper with what I was meant to say on it but I couldn't find it. I had completely forgotten what I was meant to say when I answered the phone so I just started again clumsily. "Hey, this is Paige speaking, what can I help you with today?" I wasn't very good at this, I could tell already.

"Hey" A guy's voice spoke back and I couldn't quite work out how old he was. "Is this the, er, is this the…" He seemed almost as nervous as me, if not more.

"Crisis centre" I finished for him, still nervous myself. "It is" I added.

The phone was silent for a second and I worried that I had lost him or that he might have hung up "Hello?" I asked into the silence.

"Sorry" I heard his voice echo back shyly. "I'm a bit nervous, I've never rang anything like this before"

I smiled sadly into the phone and spoke without thinking. "It's okay, if I'm honest with you, this is my first time volunteering today and I'm kind of nervous too" I knew it was probably the wrong thing to say as we were meant to seem confident, but I thought the truth would be more helpful right now.

"Really?" He replied with a soft shy laugh. "That makes me feel a bit less stupid"

I smiled. "That's a start" I gave up looking for the piece of paper with the guidelines of what to say on it and asked my own questions.

"So you know my name, can I know yours?" I asked cautiously and he replied quickly.

"Tyler" He seemed a little less shy now.

"Hey Tyler" I said smiling. "So what is it that you wanted to talk about?"

There was a silence again but I decided to leave it and let him speak in his own time.

"I don't really know what to do" His voice had changed slightly and I suddenly felt nervous about what he was going to say next, what would happen if I didn't have a clue how to help him.

"Everything has just sort of got too much for me" His voice was low and sad and it really bothered me and I didn't even know him. "My dad and people at school… everyone hates me because I'm gay"

I let the silence carry on for a second as I thought what to say, I remembered what Emily had told me _ask questions_.

"How long have you been out?" I grasped for the first question I could think of.

"2 months" He replied. "Except I didn't really come out, I had a thing for my…" He was obviously struggling to get his words out and his voice was shaking.

"For my best friend, and I made the mistake of telling him" He trailed off.

"And now everyone knows, and everything is so hard"

I bit my lip as I tried to think of words to say.

"That sounds like a brave thing to do to me" I said.

"What?" He seemed confused.

"Telling your best friend, it takes guts to do something like that"

"You think?" It seemed like he hadn't thought of that before.

"I do" I answered before I asked another question. "What's it like at school, do people bully you for it?" I chose to tackle school first before his dad as I still needed time to come up with some advice for that.

The phone call lasted for more than half an hour and by the end of it I realised how bad life was for some people.

"I should go" Tyler said finally. "But thank you, it's nice to be able to talk to someone."

I smiled sadly; I just wished I could help him more. "It's okay; it's been good to speak to you Tyler"

"Will you be volunteering again sometime? So I can speak to you again?" I thought about his question and wished I could give him a proper answer but I wasn't really sure, I didn't know exactly when I would be able to make it here to volunteer agian.

"Hopefully" I answered biting my lip.

"Well, I hope I catch you some time" He said sadly and the thought of him going back to school on Monday with no friends, no one to talk to and facing constant bullying made me frown. He hadn't told me how old he was but from talking to him I realised he must be a year or so younger than me, too young to have to deal with something like this alone.

"Tyler" I said before he hung up. "If you ever want someone to talk to you can call my cell" I said.

"Really? That's great" he seemed happy as I read my cell phone number out and I heard him write it down.

When he hung up the phone I felt a weird sense of contentment, hopefully I could make his life a little bit better at least.

"Hey" I heard Emily's voice behind me and I turned to see her smiling at me widely.

"Have you been speaking to the same person for 30 minutes" She reached for my hands as she spoke.

"I think I made a friend" I laughed and Emily smiled back.

"See, I told you you'd be amazing at this" She kissed my hand softly. "So I'm guessing you'll want to come back in case they ring you again?"

"Yeah" I nodded. "But I gave him my number anyway, just in case he needs to talk any other time."

Emily looked surprised. "You're cell phone number?" She asked. "Samara says it's best that we don't give our own numbers out to people, you know, just in case"

I smiled at Emily with my eyebrows raised slightly.

"Em, do you think I really care what _Samara_ says?" I glanced over at Samara who was chatting away on a phone to someone and laughed.

"No, I don't" Emily laughed too. "I guess you know what you're doing" she said, but she still looked a bit concerned.

"I do" I smiled at her and kissed her quickly on the lips before we both returned to answer some more phone calls.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Hey Em" Aria leant in and gave me a hug before she hugged Spencer and Hanna, taking her seat to join us at the table.

She took her coat off and put it on the back of the chair.

"Are you okay?" I asked, seeing that she looked a bit flustered.

She waved her hand casually in front of her face and shrugged. "Oh it's nothing, just things with Ezra"

"Trouble in paradise?" Spencer asked, she always came out with the best things.

Aria laughed, "Not really, just the same old stuff with my dad, I really don't want to talk about it any more" She laughed again and I knew it would be best to let her tell us when she wanted to.

I thought about Aria's dad and how hard he was making her relationship with Ezra, I thought about Spencer and Hanna's dads, and Paige's dad, and I suddenly felt like the luckiest person in the world to have a dad like mine; even if he was hundreds of miles away.

It was nice to have a night out with my friends again, we had all been spending a bit less time with each other recently as we were all busy, we were all in relationships now. Even though I was happy, I still missed my friends every now and again.

"I'm glad we decided to come out tonight" I spoke my thoughts and received smiles and nods of agreement from my friends.

"Me too" Hanna smiled. "I thought you were meant to be busy tonight though Em" she asked.

I laughed. "So did I! I was meant to be going out with Paige but she ditched me for her new 'BFF'" I smiled again.

"What?" Spencer asked with a smile.

"This guy she has been talking to from the crisis centre, he's a few years younger than us and Paige's been helping him" I explained. Tyler had rang Paige a lot for advice and Paige had gone to meet him last week. I had gone with her to meet him at first as I wanted to make sure she was safe, when I realised he was just a short curly haired kid who looked like he just needed a friend I realised she was.

Hanna laughed. "Well, I'm happy, it means we get _our_ BFF for tonight!" we all laughed at this and started deciding what we were going to order.

* * *

**"**How was your date with your new best friend? I laughed into the phone as Paige picked up.

"Oh it was incredible, I think I'm going to have to leave you for him Em. I'm sorry but you just cant ignore true love" She joked back and I laughed.

"You better be joking" I quipped as she laughed again. "If you leave me for a gay guy I don't think I'll ever get over it"

I could tell she was smiling as she replied. "I don't think you have to panic about that"

"Anyway, How was your night?" I asked, more serious now.

"It was okay, I got home about an hour ago, I think I'm getting better at helping him, at least, I'm finding it easier to give him advice. How was your night?"

"That's good, I'm really happy that he's got someone as awesome as you." I smiled before I continued. "My night was really good, it was great to see the girls"

I walked over to my bed and pulled the covers back and slid underneath.

"Yeah, they were probably starting to think I was holding you hostage" she joked and I laughed playfully.

"That sounds hot, you holding me hostage" I said raising my eyebrows even though Paige couldn't see.

"Really? so _that's _what you're into Miss Fields?" She laughed back playfully.

I just laughed too and didn't deny it.

"I wish I was with you" Paige said, echoing the thoughts I just had myself.

"Me too" I agreed as I imagined the warm softness of Paige snuggled beside me. Tomorrow was a Monday and I normally spent a lot of time with Paige on Mondays because we had practice, that thought made me feel a bit better.

I heard Paige yawn quietly and it made me wish she was here even more.

"Are you tired?"

"No" She lied as she yawned again.

It made me yawn and we both laughed. "Well I am" I admitted with a smile.

"Maybe we should sleep?" I could hear Paige moving around and I knew she would be getting into her own bed.

"Maybe we should" She agreed but we both stayed on the phone.

"Well, are you going to hang up?" I asked with a quiet laugh.

"No, I'll wait for you to" She answered.

"We are _not _being one of those 'no _you _hang up' couples are we?" I laughed louder now.

"Oh god, if that's what were becoming I'll hang up right now" I heard her laugh too but she still didn't hang up.

"Good night" I said softly.

"Good night Em" I heard in response.

"I love you" I still hadn't got tired of saying those three words.

"I love you too" She said before the line went silent and she hung up.

I knew for certain I would never get tired of hearing those words from Paige, however many times she said them.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Review? Just a quickie? :) ****Thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, as promised here is another chapter for you nice and quickly!**

**Thank you go-sullivan, Ryaw and ov4arenko for your reviews on the last chapter! I didnt get much response but I wont let that deter me, i'm still hopeful there's people who still want to read! :)**

**I want to apologise now for some of the laguage in this chapter, it is a little offensive but it was sort of neccessary to fit the story.**

**Anyway, here it is and... enjoy.**

* * *

"What are you so excited about?" I laughed as Paige bounded up to me in the school parking lot.

She kissed me quickly on the cheek and laughed, "I want to show you something" She was smiling almost mischievously at me as she took my hand and I had to smile.

She pulled me in the direction she had come from and we stopped in front of a small motorcycle, it was smaller than the one Toby used to ride but it could have still fit two people on it. It looked like it used to be green but the colour had faded a lot with age and the handle bars were a little worn too, despite this it had a cute vintage look and had a bit of charm.

"A motorcycle?" I raised my eyebrows at Paige suspiciously.

"It's mine" She was grinning. "Do you like it?"

"Wait, you bought a motorcycle?" I asked, letting out a little laugh. She just grinned back.

"I bought it from some guy Toby knows, it's a bit old but it runs perfectly and it was cheap_… _and it's all mine"

"You're crazy" I said but I couldn't help but smile. "What do your parents think?"

She pulled a face "They don't know… not yet anyway" she picked up one of the helmets that was on the back and twisted it in her hands. "They'll hate it though I'm sure" she flashed me a grin like this was a good thing.

I just stared at it again with a small smile.

"Be a little excited Em" She put the helmet down and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Your girlfriend is now a super-hot biker chick" she winked at me and I chuckled.

"You're really going for the butch lesbian stereotype?" I joked "I guess it's kind of cute"

I bit my lip as I looked between the bike and Paige. "Promise me you won't go driving like an idiot, I sort of like having you all in one piece" I said with a small nervous smile.

"I promise" she grinned at me, flashing me her white teeth.

"Do you want to come for a ride with me?" She pulled me closer and pecked my temple playfully with her lips.

"Now?" I giggled at the feeling of her lips on me.

"What else are you doing?"

"I told Samara I would go to the crisis centre this afternoon" I said bashfully.

"I'm sure Samara can survive without you for a little bit, cant she?" Paige was still holding my waist and she looked at me with her attempt at puppy dog eyes.

"I guess" I said with a smile, her expression was too cute. to say no to "Okay, take me for a ride" I winked at her and she seemed happy at my words.

She spun around and picked up the two helmets that were on the bike.

"Here" she gave it me excitedly and I pulled it over my head carefully feeling it fit snugly in place. Once she had put her own helmet on she lifted one leg over the bike and sat down. She pulled my hand and led me to do the same so I was sat behind her.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked, her voice slightly muffled by the helmet.

"Anywhere" I answered with a smile. "Surprise me"

She grinned back before she turned the engine on and it made a few banging noises until it sprung to life.

"Remember" She said louder now so I could hear her over the engine "Hold on tight".

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed myself firmly against her as she started moving forward, slowly at first and gently picking up speed.

I wasn't as scared as I thought I was going to be, it was ok if I held on tight. I wrapped my arms tighter around her; I didn't mind holding on tight to Paige... not at all.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

Emily had her arms wrapped around me tightly as I increased the speed slightly. I couldn't help but smile, I felt wonderful all of a sudden. I knew my parents wouldn't be happy about this but I had finally decided to do something for myself, this was to please me and not them.

Things with my parents had hit rock bottom, I couldn't be in the same room with my dad without a full blown argument erupting over something. It wasn't always about my sexuality, sometimes it was about my grades, sometimes it was about my choice of hair style, sometimes it was about the way I washed the dishes, but in the end it always came back the fact that I was gay. The fact that my parents just couldn't deal with it.

I focused on the road as we reached a corner and I felt Emily cling on tighter to me as we turned, I slowed down a little to make her feel better.

We were only a few minutes away from where I had decided to go and I let myself enjoy the feeling of Emily against me as I drove the rest of the way.

We came to the same viewpoint we had come to on our first official 'date' a few minutes later and I put the brakes on slowly, coming to a stop smoothly. The view looked completely different now, for one it wasn't raining and two it was daylight.

I pulled my helmet off as I turned to see the smile on Emily's face. _She's so pretty_ I found myself thinking as she lifted the helmet off and her hair swept down looking just as perfect as it had before she had put it on.

"Did you enjoy that?" I asked with a grin.

She leaned forward and kissed me lightly. "I did" she was smiling.

"Nice choice of destination" She added, looking at the view. "It looks different in the day" she observed as I got off the motorcycle and helped her off too.

We looked at the view for a minute talking aimlessly. Emily told me about her day and I told her about mine. I left out the part about the argument with my dad because I just couldn't talk about it anymore, and I couldn't deal with the look of pity she always gave me, I hated feeling so pathetic in front of her.

"Have you spoken to Tyler recently?" She asked after a while.

I nodded. "Yeah, he wants to meet up again soon. I think he's having a hard time with the guys at school" I explained and Emily's let out a sympathetic sigh.

"It sucks" she said and I nodded, that summed it up to be honest.

The conversation was interrupted by Emily's phone ringing loudly from her pocket; she fumbled for it and answered it quickly.

"Hey" She said down the line and I looked at her with my eyebrows raised, as if to ask who it was. She must have understood as she mouthed the word _Samara _back at me silently.

"Yeah of course" Emily was saying, I couldn't hear what Samara was saying though.

Emily let out a little laugh at whatever it was the blond was saying and I resisted the need to roll my eyes. I never knew Samara was_ such _a comedian.

"No it's fine, I'll be there soon" Emily was saying.

"Yeah, you can't do it all on your own." Emily added and I wished I could hear what Samara was saying. Actually, maybe I didn't, the way Samara talked to Emily like she was about to explode with rainbows and butterflies almost made me sick.

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit" Emily was saying now.

"Bye" She said before she hung up.

"What did she want?" I asked, even though I had already guessed.

"She really needs some extra help at the crisis centre, they're really busy" Emily explained.

"And you were the only person she could call?" I asked with a laugh and Emily shrugged her shoulders.

"Maybe I'm just the best" She quipped with a smile.

I laughed. "Yeah, Samara's personal favourite"

"Paige!" Emily grabbed my hands but she was still smiling.

"Don't start that okay? I have already told you a hundred times there is _nothing _to worry about. Samara is just friendly okay? She's been nice to me, she does a great job at the crisis centre and it's the least I can do to help her out"

I suddenly felt guilty and a little pathetic so I just laughed and nodded. "I was joking, I'm sorry" I said, even though a part of me still wasn't comfortable with it. I hated that Samara was so perfect and I was… well I was me. Plain and average Paige who didn't do spectacular things, all I did was struggle from day to day to even cope with my own parents while Samara was taking on the whole god damn world.

"Do you need to go now?" I asked trying to hide my disappointment that I couldn't spend the afternoon with Emily.

"Is that okay?" She looked apologetic.

"Sure" I reassured her. "I might call Tyler and see if he wants to go for a coffee" I added, part of me wanting to remind her that I was also trying to do a 'great job' even if it wasn't anything as good as Samara.

"Thank you" She said with a smile that made me feel a little bit better, her smiles did that. "I promise we can have a whole day together tomorrow okay?"

I nodded and kissed her cheek before we put the helmets back on returned along the road the way we had come.

* * *

I sat at the table in the coffee shop waiting at a small round table for Tyler. A few minutes later the door swung open and he walked in, his small but muscular frame covered in a baggy sports jumper. He looked a bit rough.

I smiled at him and he smiled back, however when he came closer I suddenly saw that one of his eyes was bruised. A big black and blue ring was framing his eye and it was the sort of bruise that could only have been made by another person's fist.

"Oh my god, are you okay, what happened?" I stood up as he walked towards the table but her shrugged me off.

"Paige I'm fine" He said as he sat down and I sat back down too.

"What happened?" I asked again.

"I just got into a little fight playing soccer" He shrugged again.

"Tyler" I looked him in the eye. "I know I haven't known you very long but I can already tell when you're lying to me. What really happened?"

He sighed when he realised he was going to have to tell me the full story.

"Just some guys on the team" He said quietly.

He was on the soccer team at his school, a smaller school in a town just outside of Rosewood.

"What did they do?" I asked, already feeling myself become angry.

"They told me to quit the team and when I wouldn't…" He paused. "I should have just quit the team"

"Tyler" I grabbed his arm. "You have every right to be on the team"

He half smiled at me. "Try and tell them that, they say they don't want a 'fag' training with them"

"Stupid homophobes" I breathed angrily. "So they just attacked you?"

Tyler nodded sheepishly. "Well sort of, they grabbed me in the locker room and one the big guys Sam did this" He pointed at his eye and I felt my stomach twist, how could people do this to someone as sweet as Tyler.

"You need to tell the coach" I insisted but Tyler looked down sadly.

"I did" he explained. "I don't think he really believed me, he told me to stop bringing my personal life into the team and sort of just shrugged it off"

I felt my mouth drop open in shock "Tyler, he can't just let them get away with that, the school needs to know"

Tyler shrugged. "I don't know Paige; I don't think anyone will care"

"We'll make them care" I argued back.

Tyler smiled nervously and I felt myself shake in disbelief, sometimes I hated how unfair the world was.

We sat and talked for a while and I finally convinced him it was a good idea, we came up with a plan of what we would do to have the guys who were harassing him kicked off the team. Tyler was smiling now and laughing, he looked younger when he was laughing and I was reminded again that he was young, he wasn't even my age but he was dealing with so much hatred.

"So tomorrow you'll talk to the principle yeah?" I asked him but he didn't reply. "Tyler?" I asked again but he was looking over my shoulder towards the door and his face had gone a shade paler.

"Oh god" He groaned and I twisted my head to see what he was looking at.

3 tall guys who looked about Tyler's age had just walked in and were sneering in Tyler's direction as they made their way over to our table.

"We've been looking for you" the slightly fatter one of the bunch said. "Figures we'd find you in somewhere as gay as this" He snorted and the others joined in as they looked at the coffee shop around them that was decorated ornately.

"What do you want?" Tyler asked a slight tremble in his voice.

"What we want?" One of the others laughed as he spoke "Is for you to get into that fairy head of yours that we don't want you on the team, so take your faggort ass somewhere else, okay?" The other two boys laughed at this and I felt my blood pump faster through my veins.

"You can't make him leave the team" I spoke loudly as I gave them a fierce look and they seemed to notice me for the first time.

"Oh and who are you?" One of them laughed. "His fairy god mother?" They all snorted again at the pathetic joke.

"Someone who isn't intimidated by you" I felt myself urged on by rage. "You can't treat people like that, and I'm going to make sure that you get kicked off the team if it's the last thing I do" I could feel the blood pumping behind my ears as they laughed again.

"We got a feisty one" The fat guy said.

"Probably a dyke" The one who hadn't spoken yet said with a snigger.

I felt Tyler tug at my arm "Paige just leave it, it's not worth it"

"Yeah, _Paige_" one of them mocked "Listen to your little friend. "It's definitely not worth it"

"Is that a threat?" I asked, I could still feel the blood in my ears.

"No" he laughed, "This is a threat. Don't fuck with me or you'll regret it, ok, you understand that _Dyke?" _

I laughed despite his words as the adrenaline was now pumping through my body. "I'm sorry I don't understand, I don't speak moron"

I heard Tyler let out a small laugh next to me and the boy just turned to his friends looking for a comeback.

Before he could think of anything the owner of the café had made his way over to the table and he faced the 3 boys sternly.

"You're disturbing my customers, please leave"

They didn't move. "Don't make me call the police" He said now and at that all their faces changed and they left the café quicker than a flash.

"Thank you" Tyler said to me once they had left. "For sticking up for me" He was smiling at me like he couldn't quite believe it.

"I'm not gonna let them win" I flashed him a smile and he looked nervously back at me.

"I don't want you to get yourself in trouble"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I know guys like that, they're all bark and no bite. The big guys when its just you and them, but get teachers involved and parents and they go scurrying back to the hole they came from quicker than you can say _homophobic morons_"

Tyler laughed. "I hope you're right"

"I'm always right" I winked at him and we went back to drinking our coffee.

I felt proud of myself for once, maybe I wasnt doing anything as amazing as setting up my own crisis centre but I was here supporting a guy who really needed it, I was doing something and not just sitting back and being the victim like I had done for too long. I hoped Emily would be proud when she saw I was ready to stand up and say something for once, I smiled into my coffee cup as I drank the last of my coffee.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

My phone rang as I was talking to Samara in the crisis centre, I looked at the screen and saw Paige's name. "Sorry, let me just get this" I smiled at Samara as I picked up the call.

"Hey you" I smiled as I picked up the phone. "Are you okay?"

"Hey" Paige's voice spoke back. "Yeah, I have had a bit of an eventful afternoon actually" she said, sounding almost glum. "Are you still at the crisis centre?"

"Yeah I am. What's happened?" I asked, hoping it wasn't anything bad.

"Well I had an eventful coffee trip with Tyler, and my parents went mad over the motorcycle" She wasn't laughing like she had been this morning.

"Emily do you want a drink?" Samara asked me quietly interrupting my conversation on the phone.

"No I'm ok thanks" I answered quietly.

"What?" Paige asked, confused.

"Sorry" I said awkwardly, "Samara just asked if I wanted a drink."

"Oh" Paige said.

"So your parents went mad, what did they say?" I tried to continue the conversation.

"Oh it doesn't really matter" Paige dismissed me now.

"Yeah it does"

"No, it's fine. I'll let you get back to what you're doing. Maybe I can see you later though, we could go for dinner?" I couldn't tell if she was really fine or she was just saying it so I just agreed with her.

"Yeah, come over to my house first if you want?"

"Great" She said happier now. "Say hello to Samara for me" this time I could tell she was being sarcastic and I just laughed as she put the phone down with a final goodbye.

* * *

A few hours later and we were in my room and Paige was telling me about what had happened earlier that day.

"They were just the most disgusting jerks I have ever seen in my life Em I am telling you!" Paige was pacing up and down my room in a small fit of rage.

"The things they have done to Tyler... And just been allowed to get away with it, they are even allowed to stay on the team!" She threw her hands up in annoyance.

I watched the girl in slight admiration, the way her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were fierce with passion, I knew I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of Paige, she could be so passionate when she wanted to be, it was actually rather sexy.

"Their coach just let's it all happen? Are you sure he knows about it?" I asked, slightly shocked that this sort of thing was just allowed, maybe Paige had got it wrong.

"Yeah, Tyler explained the whole thing to him, and they even do things when the coach is there!" She said with wide eyes.  
"The coach put it down to 'boys will be boys' and said none of it should be taken seriously"

"Some people make me sick" I didn't really know what to say because it was horrible that this sort of thing was happening to someone who had done nothing more than just be who they are, Paige nodded in agreement at my statement.

"That's why I've convinced Tyler to protest and hopefully get them thrown off the team, or punished in some way. He's going to talk to the principle tomorrow and if that doesn't work I'll think of something else."

I felt the same wave of admiration towards Paige I had felt before and had to stop myself from running and kissing her where she stood. She had come a long way from the scared girl who had stood in my room a year ago too afraid to even say she was gay out loud.

"That's amazing! What else have you got planned if that doesn't work?"

"I don't know yet. Something big, I want to get as much attention as possible on those scum bags. Tyler's worried though he tells me it will just cause more trouble for me and he doesn't want it to. They're all just empty threats I'm sure" she was still smiling as she spoke but I felt my own face fall.

"Threats?" I said in shock. "They threatened you?"

"Yeah" Paige kept her voice casual. "When I was having coffee with Tyler, they said if I do anything to get them kicked off the team then 'I'll regret it" she put on a joke jock accent and shrugged her shoulders, but my face was still serious.

"Em, they're just stupid kids. It's all just talk" she tried to reassure me but I wasn't convinced.

"Paige, I really don't think it's a good idea. You don't know how serious they could be"

"I have no choice Em, I can't just stand there and let them treat him like crap" she tried to persuade me again but I wasn't convinced.

"I know..." I tried to agree "it's not worth it though, if you end up getting hurt." I was still serious and I felt a wave of panic flow through my body at the thought of Paige being threatened by some random guys.

"Just like Tyler is getting hurt now? Just like every other gay kid at their school who they are torturing, surely they would think it's worth it?" Her smile had dropped a little, as if she couldn't understand why I didn't agree with her.

"Paige, this isn't your battle... You don't have to get involved this time" I said.

"Em, of course I'm involved. He's my friend"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt by getting involved in something like this, something that you can avoid. These people may not be joking around Paige, they may mean what they say!" I found myself shiver as I felt the familiar sense of fear I used to get when I thought about 'A'.

Even though the ordeal with A was over now and Mona sat safe in a secure hospital, the paranoia had never really left my mind.

I knew that some people were dangerous and if you could avoid them, you should.

"We can get some help for Tyler at the crisis centre. Samara could help us find someone who knows all about this sort of thing…someone who they can't hurt"

"Samara" Paige said through her teeth. "Of course"

"What?" I asked slightly confused.

"Let's ask Samara to help because I'm obviously just incapable" She was being sarcastic and I rolled my eyes at her.

"I'm not saying that Paige, I'm just saying she might know another way to do this"

"A better way" She corrected me. "Just admit it Emily, I'm not smart and wonderful like your precious Samara" her words cut me deep and srewed my eyes up when I looked back at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing" she wasn't looking at me now, instead her eyes were fixed on the carpet.

"It doesn't sound like nothing" I said letting my breath out slowly. "What it means is that you're jealous of Samara when there is absolutely no need to be."

"No it doesn't" she said.

"Then what does it mean?"

"I don't know"

"What does 'I don't know' mean because you're really starting to confuse me now"

"It means I don't know" Paige almost snapped at me and met my eyes for a short moment before she looked down at the floor again.

"I'm sorry" she began. "It's just you're supposed to be my girlfriend Emily, why can't you support me in this? All you care about is what Samara says, or what Samara would do" she was looking at me now but I didn't like the expression her eyes held, jealousy and frustration.

"This has nothing at all to do with Samara" I said bluntly, I hated that she was making me feel guilty about her when I had done nothing to make her doubt me.

"I just don't think it's a good idea for you to get involved" I tried to explain to her, why she couldn't see that I was just trying to look out for her safety, that was all.

"So you think I should just stand back and do nothing?"

"I'm not saying that" I cut her off. "You just don't know what you're getting yourself in for"

"I do" she answered back strongly. "I'm standing up for someone who needs it, I thought you'd understand that... but maybe I was wrong"

"Maybe you were" I said on impulse, my head was swimming with all the memories of the stuff me and my friends had dealt with the past year, I understood threats more than Paige could know. I took a breath before continuing.

"Have you considered that your way oh dealing with it might not be the best way? I don't want you to have to deal with any more than you're already dealing with, All your problems with your parents... you dont need someone else's promblems on top of alll that"

Paige sighed in front of me but she didnt respond.

My voice was strained when I spoke again. "Paige, I don't know what to do to help you if you won't even listen to what I have to say"

"I'm sick of you having to help me" her words came out harsh. "I never asked for all this pity from everyone"

"For once I am trying to help someone else, I don't need you to look out for me all the time Emily" she added.

"All I'm trying to do is help you Paige, and you can't even see that" I was angry and my tone showed it.

"Poor old Paige, needs help from everyone." Her tone was sarcastic but also frustrated. "Bet Samara just loved hearing about how pathetic I am at dealing with my life"

"You're just making things up now" I said angrily, I couldn't believe she was still bringing Samara up, there was nothing to talk about. "You're just being stupid"

"Great, so I'm stupid now" she was angry too.

"Right now, yeah! You're being completely stupid!" I locked my eyes on hers for a second and the look I got back was almost alien to me, nothing I had ever seen on Paige's face before.

"Nice to know what you really think" she said quietly and I rolled my eyes, she was frustrating me now.

"I don't think you even care what I think" I replied, matching her tone.

We were both silent for a second before Paige took a deep breath and spoke.

"Are we going to dinner or what?" Her tone was flat.

"I'm not really hungry anymore" my tone matched hers and I watched her nod slowly.

"Fine." She didn't look at me. "Maybe I should go"

"Maybe you should" I didn't mean to sound so harsh with my words but I was frustrated with her, with this argument and at the fact that she didn't even seem to notice that all I was doing was trying to look out for her.

We locked eyes briefly before she grabbed her coat, turned and left my room without saying another word. I heard her walk down the stairs and close the front door behind her forcefully.

I moved to the window in time to see her put her helmet on as she got onto her motorcycle, the sound of the engine reached me through the window and I listened until it was silent and she had disappeared around the corner.

It was only then that I realised my eyes were slightly blurred by a hint of tears.

I held my breath and tried to stop them from flowing, but i didnt last very long.

* * *

**Review? yes, no? maybe? You know you want to! :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter and especially those who reviewed, it really gave me the boost I needed to keep inspired with this fic. It's beyond amazing to read compliments for my writing, so thanks!**

**Judging by the response I got in the reviews it seems like a little bit of drama is good. I hope you like this next chapter, and, I should warn you now... the drama isn't over yet.**

**So hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

* * *

I stopped outside my house and looked at it miserably; I didn't want to go in. I didn't want to argue with my parents or sit in my room alone and feel like this. Everything was wrong, my parents hated me and I was fighting with Emily.

I was angry at her but I was also upset, I had got my hopes up that she would be impressed with what I was going to do but instead she just saw me as pathetic Paige like she always did.

Maybe I was just pathetic.

I turned the engine back on and turned in the opposite direction to my house, I needed to go somewhere where I could be alone with my thoughts, thoughts about Emily and the way we had left things.

I drove through town and thought about where I could go and be on my own for a bit, I thought about the lake but it was getting darker and the sky looked grey like it was about to rain. I also didn't want to risk going somewhere where I would see someone I knew, I didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

I found myself pull up at the diner I had met Emily at all those months ago, even though it would just remind me of her at least it was quiet and out of the way.

I made my way inside and found a table in the corner, away from the place I had sat with Emily.

The music was quite loud and I was happy about that as I took my coat off and smoothed out my hair. I could be alone with my thoughts at last.

I knew Emily loved me, but sometimes I felt like I wasn't good enough for her. I had too much crap going on in my life at the moment and I couldn't help but feel like soon enough she was going to get fed up with it all. I took a deep breath and tried to rationalise my thoughts, _Emily understands_ I told myself firmly, _and she loves me _I did believe it, but I still felt my stomach twist when I imagined what would happen if she ever broke up with me. I could never cope with that. I had given myself to her completely and I realised suddenly that she was all I had; she was the only person who truly knew and accepted me.

I felt vulnerable and it was a feeling I wasn't quite used to.

I left my coat at the table and made my way slowly to the bar to order a drink, it was times like this I wished I was 21 and I could order something stronger than soda. It was for the best though; me mixed with alcohol never ended well.

"What can I get you?" A middle aged man asked me from behind the bar with a friendly smile.

"Pepsi" my voice was quieter than I had intended but I wasn't surprised, I wasn't in a sociable mood at all. He nodded and wandered away to get my drink.

"It makes me sad seeing a girl like you buying your own drink?" A voice said to my left and I turned to see a man I hadn't noticed before with a wide smirk who was running his hand through his greasy hair. He placed his credit card down on the bar and stopped the bar man who was bringing me the drink I had ordered. "Let me get this for the girl" He spoke to the bar man before he winked at me, this alone make me shiver, as did everything else about him.

I gave him a curt look hoping he would understand that the last thing I would ever want was to spend even a second in his company, especially now when I just wanted to be alone. He just smirked back at me so I found some words to say to him. "Thank you for the offer, but I think I can manage buying my own drink" I said firmly trying to not make eye contact with the older man. He must have been in his early twenties but he looked older due to his bad fashion sense and awful attempt at facial hair. I glanced at the man behind the bar and he looked confused about what to do. I handed him some money quickly before the guy could say anything else. "Keep the change" I muttered before I grabbed my drink and headed back to my corner.

"No one ever tell you it's rude to refuse a drink?" he had followed me over to my table and he laughed a low laugh as he stood in front of me.

_Great _I thought to myself, _I have myself a stalker. _I wished more than anything that he would just disappear.

"Well I'm guess I'm just rude" I said back, hoping this would deter him from persisting with whatever it was he was thinking.

"You're quite feisty, I like that" He was grinning again and I felt like hitting my head against the wall, could I not just be left alone for a few minutes. "So do you have a name? Mine's Jake, you might want to remember that for later, you never know you might be moaning it at some point" He licked his lips almost playfully and I felt a little sick.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief before I realised I didn't even want to sit and entertain him. "If you wouldn't mind, I was trying to have a quiet drink _alone" _I said not subtly at all as I rubbed my head gently, I was starting to get a headache and this guy was just making it worse.

"Are you always this miserable? Let me guess you've just had an argument with your boyfriend?" He raised his eyebrows as if he had just cracked a top secret code.

"I don't have a boyfriend" I answered back bluntly.

"Well that's terrific" He winked again and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"I do have a girlfriend though, and I really don't think she would appreciate" I pointed between the two of us with an uneasy expression "This"

His face lit up all of a sudden and I instantly regretted my words.

"Oh you're a _lesbian" _he said the word almost comically. "Now I understand the feistiness"

"Super" I said sarcastically avoiding his eyes again, hoping if I didn't look at him he would just go away.

"You know if you ever want a guy to…" He began but I cut him off quickly. "No, don't even bother saying what you're about to say" I snapped at him. "Can you just leave me alone please?" I played with the edge of my glass running my fingers over the smooth surface.

"Calm down sweetheart"

"Don't call me sweetheart" I muttered.

"A guy tries to be nice and he gets his head bitten off" he was laughing to himself.

"I'm not in the mood for nice"

"I can see that" He still hadn't moved. "A proper dyke." He mused as he looked at me. "Such a waste, is your girlfriend hot?"

I was glaring at the man unable to form words, I didn't have a response when I heard guys say it was 'such a waste' that someone was gay. I moved and stared straight ahead into my glass that was still full, I had lost my thirst for some reason. Why was I even here in this stupid dirty place with this repulsive man, I wished I could just be having dinner with Emily and we weren't arguing at all. But we were. And I was arguing with my parents, everything was a big mess and I felt powerless to do anything about it. I wanted to cry or scream or run or punch something; but I just stayed still and looked at my glass.

"So I never got your name" I heard his voice say as I felt his clammy hand find its way onto my shoulder. I reacted instantly and pushed his hand away from me.

"Don't touch me" I said firmly.

"Come on, you know you liked it really" He was mocking me and I could feel my pulse speeding up, he really didn't want to provoke me right now.

"I think it's time you left" I spoke at him, never lessening the fierce look I was giving him.

"We could leave together?" he looked me up and down with a smirk that curled his lips. His greasy hair and the thin line of a moustache on his sweaty upper lip made me want to vomit, but I held my fierce stare. "You never know, you might like what I have to offer you"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disgust, that was it, I had had enough. I stood up and swung my coat over my shoulder and he smirked at me. "Someone's eager for some cock" he obviously found himself hilarious as he was still smirking.

"Grow up" I glared at him before I twisted around him and started walking away.

He grabbed my arm as I did and I turned round angrily. "You should really let go of me" I warned.

"And you should really try and be a bit nicer" he was still grinning smugly and I felt my pulse rise quickly and the blood rush to my ears, I wanted to wipe that grin off his face. I wanted to wipe the grin off everyone who thought it was okay to treat people like crap, the guys who were bullying Tyler, his coach, my mum, my dad, I wanted to stop them from thinking it was ok once and for all. I pulled away but he still held onto my arm, I clenched the fist of my other arm automatically and swung it into his jaw forcefully.

I hadn't meant to hit him so hard and I felt a jab of pain run through my own hand at the force of the impact. He released his hand from my arm as he went stumbling back holding his face in his hands.

"You fucking crazy bitch" He cried out as he rubbed his jaw, stumbling awkwardly to stand up straight again.

The other people around us had stopped talking and were all staring in our direction.

I was breathing heavily and I was shocked that I had actually punched him. "I did warn you" I said before I turned to leave for good this time before it got ugly. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through me and a bit of the anger I had built up had been released in that moment.

However it hadn't had the effect I had expected, instead of feeling satisfied that some of my anger was gone I just felt upset now.

Where the anger had been tears appeared and I felt like I wanted to curl up and cry. I couldn't quite work out how much was due to the throbbing pain in my hand and how much was due to everything else that had happened recently.

I got back onto my motorcycle and decided I should just go home; I would just ignore my parents. The ride back was more difficult than before, it was raining now and the pain in my hand made driving uncomfortable.

By the time I reached my house I was completely soaked from the rain and I could see a small bruise forming on my knuckles. Before I turned the engine off and heading towards my house I took a deep breath, I really didn't want to cry but I knew it was likely.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Hey Em" Hanna opened her front door and looked surprised when she saw me standing there.

"Hey" I said back, my tone slightly sad.

"Are you okay?" She looked concerned.

I shrugged "Yeah, I…" I fumbled with my fingers "I had a fight with Paige… and I just wanted someone to talk to"

"Oh Em, I'm sorry" She said softly as she pulled me into the house by the arm.

Once she had shut the door she pulled me into a hug before she pulled back and looked over my face.

"I think this calls for some tea" She smiled. "I'll make us a cup and you can tell me what happened?"

I nodded with a small smile and let her lead me through to the kitchen.

"So what happened?" she asked as she got two cups out of the cupboard.

I took a deep breath and explained what had happened earlier, by the time I had finished the tea was ready and Hanna was sat on the chair next to me.

"I feel kind of bad now" I was chewing on my lip lightly as I spoke. "I didn't mean to call her stupid or be so harsh, I just…" I sighed. "I'm so frustrated that I don't know how to deal with things"

Hanna nodded lightly like she was trying to decide what advice would be best.

"Maybe she's right, maybe I'm just over reacting, but I can't seem to help it because of everything we went through with A" I was going through the same thoughts I had already had. I loved Paige so much, and the thought of anything happening to her made me want to be sick.

"Maybe you are" Hanna shrugged her shoulders. "But you said yourself you're just worried about her, she can't be mad at you for that" Hanna said trying to make me feel better.

I nodded, "I guess" I agreed. "She wasn't making it any better by bringing up Samara all the time too; I don't understand why she's so paranoid"

Hanna raised her eyebrows. "Cos Samara turns into a little lovesick puppy whenever she sees you?" She said with an almost amused smile. I rolled my eyes, Hanna had hardly seen Samara recently, only once when she came to the crisis centre to see what it was like.

"That's so not true" I disagreed.

"And you guys have a history, things like that can make someone paranoid" she continued as if I hadn't disagreed.

"But Paige knows I love _her, _I've told her so many times there is nothing for her to worry about. I have no feelings for Samara at all" I said again.

Hanna smiled. "Em, I know that, and Paige probably does to. But you can't blame her for being a bit jealous of Samara; she is like some sort of superwoman after all" she laughed lightly and so did I.

"You're right" I felt bad for being annoyed at Paige for being jealous. I just found it hard to believe that she couldn't see how amazing _she_ me she was amazing and the thought that Samara could compete with her almost made me laugh.

I rubbed my eyes with my hands and sighed. "I hate arguments"

Hanna nodded. "You can fix it, trust me Paige is probably sat at home feeling just as upset as you about it"

I nodded, I didn't like this at all. I wished everything could just be back to normal again.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I opened the front door as quietly as I could, hoping I wouldn't have to speak to my parents.

"Paige?" I heard my mom's voice call and I sighed.

"Yeah?" I called back, my voice trembling slightly as I tried to hold back the tears that were straining at my eyes and the sob that was caught in my throat.

"Come here for a minute"

I made my feet walk down the hall even though I didn't want to, and I entered the room where my mom and dad were sat watching TV.

"You got a letter from that summer swimming training camp" She said not even looking at me.

"Ok" I said, controlling the trembling better now. "Is that it?" I asked, knowing it was probably too much to ask that she might want to know how I was, or how things were going in my life.

She looked at me for the first time and she grimaced slightly, I remembered that I was still soaking wet and I was holding my hand at an awkward angle.

"What happened to you?" She asked with wide eyes and I shrugged, I didn't really want to explain that I had punched some random guy in the face.

"I just…" I began but my dad's voice interrupted me.

"It's that ridiculous motorcycle, look at you you're completely drenched" He laughed, but it wasn't an amused laugh at all.

"Paige, I don't understand why you felt the need to get that" My mom shook her head. "I just really don't understand you"

"Whatever, can I go to my room now?" I said quietly, I didn't have anything in me to argue back with.

"Don't start being like this" My dad said with a sigh. "I don't like attitude"

"I just can't deal with an argument right now" I felt the tears returning behind my eyes.

"We don't want an argument Paige" My mom said bluntly. "I just wish you would listen to us"

"Ok" I said looking down at the floor now.

"What's wrong now?" My dad was rolling his eyes and I felt so annoyed that they didn't see that I was actually upset.

"I've had a bad day" I said quietly still.

My mom raised her eyebrows "What's happened"

I sighed and looked up. "I had an argument with Emily" I said and I just got a blank look back from both of them.

"And?" My mom said, waiting for more of the story.

"And I'm upset about it because she's my girlfriend" I said, they didn't even seem to care at all.

"Well I think it's a good thing, it might do you some good to spend some time away from her for a while."

"You think it's a good thing that I'm arguing with her?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes" My dad said. "In fact I think it was inevitable, this might make you realise that this whole thing with her is just ridiculous" He glared at me and I felt myself tremble.

"Ridiculous?" I shook my head in disbelief. "So you don't care about my happiness at all?" My voice was cracking now.

"Of course we do" My mom joined in now. "But you can't expect us to accept this Paige, because we don't" Her words hit me hard and I gulped.

"You don't have any idea how to see this from my point of view do you? All you care about is yourselves"

My dad stood up from the couch angrily, "Don't you dare say that Paige, when it is not true at all"

"It is true dad"

"You have no idea what it's like to watch your only daughter mess her life up like this. I wanted the best for my kids, I wanted you to be successful and live full and proper lives with children and a big family" He was getting angrier. "But Lily…" he closed his eyes and didn't continue, the pang in my heart whenever her name was mentioned by my family appeared and I realised I missed her now more than I ever had in the past few years.

"You're my only child now Paige, I'm not happy to just sit back and let you make mistakes"

I felt the tears break free now. "I'm sorry I'm such a god damn disappointment" I said bitterly. "And I'm sorry I'm not more like Lily"

"Don't bring your sister into this" He said, still looking at the floor.

"But it's the truth, if I was more like Lily you wouldn't be so ashamed of me, maybe it would be better if I wasn't like me at all"

"Maybe it would" He breathed out bitterly before he seemed to regret his words. It was too late though and I felt my stomach drop.

"Paige" He said with his eyes closed but he didn't continue, maybe he had finally ran out of things to say.

"What dad? What do you want to say, that you think I'm ruining my life, that you think I'm being ridiculous. Well you were right about one thing, I am your only daughter and you're just pushing me away"

"You're doing that yourself" He answered back angrily. "If you're determined to carry on like this you leave us no other option"

"No other option?" My voice was angry now and I could feel tears on my cheeks. "How about just accepting me? Why not open your eyes and realise that you're making my life hell at the moment when you're supposed to love me unconditionally" I wiped at the tears that were making their way down my cheeks.

Neither of them said anything they just waited in silence. It made me feel awful, my own parents couldn't even see how upset they were making me; they couldn't even tell me they loved me when I needed it the most.

The tears came down my cheeks faster now. "So that's it? You have nothing to say to me." I felt a little sick. "I hate you" My words were cold and icy and I felt like I meant them. "I hate you both" I said through my tears and I turned and ran out of the room and headed for the front door.

I picked up my keys and pulled the door open, I heard my mom's voice from behind me shouting my name but I didn't stop, I needed to get away. I only had time to put my coat on but not to pick up my phone but I didn't care. I needed to get out of my house. All I wanted was Emily, but even that I couldn't have right now.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"I think I should call her" I was biting my lip again nervously. "I hate this" I added and Hanna smiled at me.

"If you want to, you should. I bet she'll be happy if you do"

I nodded and Hanna stood up. "I'll go in the other room and give you some privacy" she left and I got my phone out of my back.

I found her name and took a deep breath before I pressed call.

The phone rang but there was no answer. The sound of her voicemail filled the line and I sighed.

Maybe she didn't want to speak to me after all.

I typed out a text, maybe if she was ignoring me she would still read that.

**Can we talk? I don't want to argue. I'm sorry xxxx**

I tapped the screen of my phone waiting, hoping she would call me. She normally checked her phone and it wasn't normal for her to ignore a call.

I chewed my lip nervously for a few minutes before I decided to call again. But there was still no answer. I sighed and got up from the table and found Hanna in the other room sat on the couch.

"Did you talk?" She asked and I shook my head.

"She didn't pick up" I sighed.

"Maybe she's busy"

"Or maybe she's just ignoring me" I felt angry at myself suddenly.

"I doubt that" Hanna smiled at me trying to be reassuring but I just shrugged.

"I don't, I think I really upset her" I tapped the screen of my phone again and saw that there was still no reply.

Hanna looked at me, "Why don't we put a movie on? There's no point sitting here miserable as we wait for her to reply is there?"

I nodded with a smile, she was right, we might as well.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

The rain was heavy now and it was hitting the plastic of my helmet hard. My hand was still throbbing from the punch earlier but I had decided to ignore the pain. All I wanted to do was drive, I wanted to drive and not think because thinking just hurt too much.

I could feel the water seeping through my clothes and it made me shiver but I knew I didn't want to go home yet; I would wait until late and sneak back in.

My words to my parents rang in my head and I didn't know how true they were. Part of me did hate them, but another part knew that the reason I cared so much was because I didn't hate them at all, not even a little. They made me so angry and so upset at the same time.

I increased the speed as I reached a straight bit of the road; It was nice to feel the rush of air. Even though I knew I had to be careful because the ground was wet I accelerated faster as the straight road continued.

The rain was getting heavier and I felt it was rather fitting for my mood.

I missed Lily, and I missed the way things used to be with my parents, I loved Emily so much it almost scared me, I felt vulnerable and pathetic, hopeless and angry, tired and sad and it was almost too many feeling to process in my mind.

All the thoughts were swirling round in my mind as I thought about everything that was going on in my life, I was so preoccupied with the mass of emotions that I didn't even see the bend in the road. Not until it was too late.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Em" Hanna said with a small laugh.

"Yeah" I looked at her confused.

"You have been tapping your phone like that for the last ten minutes" She was still smiling.

"I'm sorry" I said bashfully. I checked it again to see that Paige still hadn't replied. "This is annoying me" I admitted as I tapped again.

"Em!" she said again and I looked back apologetically.

"Sorry!" I said turning my attention to the movie.

Barely a minute had gone by before I checked my phone again and there was still no reply.

"She must be ignoring me" I said with a sigh. "I'm just going to turn it off and stop looking at it, I'll try again later"

I pressed the power button on my phone and watch the screen turn black.

"You sure?" Hanna looked amused at me.

"Yeah" I nodded. "Let's just watch the movie" I smiled at her.

"And I'll put it up there, so I don't tap" I added as I moved to put my phone on the high shelf out of my reach, Hanna laughed at this.

We watched the movie in silence, interrupted only by the odd laugh or Hanna's insightful comments on the lead actress's wardrobe.

"As if he would have a crush on someone who wore _that" _She was saying as her house phone began to ring and she sighed and left the couch to answer it.

She left the room and headed to pick up the phone in the kitchen.

I heard the ringing stop and Hanna's mumbled 'Hello'.

A minute later Hanna walked back into the room with the phone in her hand.

"Em" She said my name and I noticed her face was a shade paler than it had been before and something about her expression made my stomach drop.

"It was your mom" she said slowly and a strange sense of panic ran through my gut at the way she said the words.

I sat up in the chair as she spoke again. "She's been trying to call you, but your phone…" she looked at my phone on the top shelf which was switched off.

"Hanna what is it?" My mind jumped to an image of a wooden box draped with a flag being unloaded from a plane, my dad still and cold within it. I pushed this thought away as soon as it had come.

She opened her mouth nervously and I wanted her to just spit it out, what could it be that was so hard for her to say.

"It's Paige" a fresh wave of panic ran through me and my stomach formed a knot.

"What's happened?" My voice was unsteady and I was shaking.

"She's… She's had an accident" Her words hit me hard and left me feeling like I couldn't breathe. _No. _my mind was hazy.

This couldn't be happening.

* * *

**Sorry! Another cliffhanger! Please Review if you can, and I'll try and be speedy with the update. Thanks for reading!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I know you wont want to read a long intro after the cliffhanger in the last chapter, so I'll leave it 'til later... :) **

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I had to concentrate on my breathing; one, two, and three. I counted in my head as I tried to get my breathing back into rhythm.

My heart was beating fast and it felt like everything was happening in a whirl around me and all I could hear was the pulse in my ears.

I didn't know how we had got here but we were now in Hanna's car driving through the rain.

"Em?" I think Hanna was saying my name but I couldn't hear above the panicked beating of my heart. _What if Paige wasn't okay. _

I felt light-headed at the thought of Paige being hurt, or worse. I heard my name again and I forced myself to control my breathing and look at Hanna.

"Em, It'll be fine I promise. She's in the best place she could be right now, the doctors will make sure she's ok" she was saying and I was nodding but my pulse was still fast.

All we knew was that she had crashed and a passing car had called 911, she'd been taken to hospital and her parents had called my house from the hospital. This scared me more than anything, I knew if they had called to tell me, it was something worse than just a little bump.

I felt queasy again as Hanna continued to drive. I thought about the last thing I had said to her and the way we had left things, it made me want to cry.

This could not be happening.

We were out of the car, we were in the hospital foyer, we were being led down a hallway by a man in white, and all the while I felt like I was far away looking at myself through frosted glass. This didn't feel real.

"I'll find them for you now" He was saying to Hanna but I wasn't listening I was just staring straight ahead.

I took a deep breath and steadied myself, I needed to be strong.

I noticed we were in a large waiting room, and there were only us and a few others in there. The walls were bare and the place had a feeling of dread about it.

"Emily, you need to sit down" Hanna was leading me over to a chair and she forced me down.

"The doctor said he can't tell us anything at the moment, he said he will find her mom and dad for us" She was holding my hand.

"Em?" She looked me over, her face full of concern. "You're shaking" She observed and she slid her coat off and put it over my shoulders. I didn't stop her even though I knew the fact I was shaking had nothing at all to do with how cold I was.

"Han…" I spoke for the first time and my voice was trembling. "What If she's…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Em!" She interrupted and squeezed my hand tighter. "Don't. It'll all be okay, we just need to wait for her parents"

I nodded and closed my eyes. In my head I could see Paige's face and she was wearing that grin I loved so much. "I love you" she was saying to me and I wanted to tell her I loved her too. I wanted to tell her a million more times, I didn't know what I would do if It was too late for me to tell her again.

The minutes passed and Hanna held my hand the whole time as she continued to tell me it would be alright.

The door opened and an older looking doctor walked in, behind him Paige's mom and dad followed and their faces looked the same shade as I guessed mine was.

The doctor turned and said one more thing to them but I couldn't work out what he said as his back was turned. Her dad nodded slowly and put his hands up behind his neck, his lips pressed together tightly. Her mom was still and her eyes were open wide, she didn't seem to be looking at the doctors face but somewhere in the distance. The doctor left after another second and I found myself on my feet.

I had to know what was happening.

"Is she going to be ok?" I asked as I stopped in front of her parents.

Her dad turned around and walked towards the far wall like this was too much for him to deal with.

Her mom found my face with her gaze and opened her mouth slowly.

"They don't really know" she was saying, her voice strained and sad. I felt my stomach twist and turn. "She's been taken into surgery; she's got severe…" she stopped as if it was hard for her to speak without crying. "Severe internal bleeding" I took a deep breath to steady myself at the words I heard.

I closed my eyes and made a wish to God that she would survive this, I didn't normally do this but it was the only thing I could do right now.

"Thank you for calling me" I said, as I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't offer comfort to her because I felt sick and scared myself.

"She would want you here" She said, not really meeting my eyes, but this was nice to hear from her anyway, finally it seemed she understood.

She turned around as I nodded and I made my way back to Hanna who was sat waiting at the chairs, she didn't speak when I sat down and I guessed she had heard the conversation I had just had with Paige's mom.

We sat in silence for the next 30 minutes, I didn't realise time could go this slow, but every second without any news was like waiting a hundred years.

Finally a doctor entered and walked over to Paige's mom and dad, I was close enough to listen and I heard him begin to speak, dreading what I might be about to hear.

"Dr Holt has managed to stop most of the major bleeds; we just need to check we haven't missed any. She also has a few broken ribs but she should be out of surgery soon"

A let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding; maybe she _would _be okay.

I felt Hanna squeeze my arm reassuringly. "See, she'll be okay" she was smiling softly, trying her best to keep me calm.

"I hope so" I managed to say as I tried to reassure myself she would, but I couldn't quite shake the fear that she wouldn't be.

A few minutes later Hanna stood up and turned to me.

"I need to use the bathroom; I'll find us some coffee too"

I shook my head. "I'm alright, I don't want anything" I said, I didn't know if I could keep anything down.

"Em, you need some energy" She looked at me concerned. "You need to be strong for when Paige is out of surgery" I knew she was just trying to reassure me so I nodded and watched her go.

I closed my eyes when she had gone and repeated my wish over and over again, hoping more than anything that it would come true.

Paige's parents were still at the other side of the waiting room and I looked at them as I opened my eyes. Her dad was pacing back and forward in front of the chairs and her mom was sat with her head in her hands.

I knew it would make sense for me to hate them after the way they had treated me, and the way they had treated Paige for being gay. But I couldn't.

They were the people that had given me Paige and raised her to be who she is, they were her parents and I felt sad when I looked at them. If they loved Paige the same amount I did they were hurting like hell right now. I couldn't hate them.

I thought about saying something to them but I couldn't think of anything. I had nothing to offer them right now other than meaningless words, when all we really needed was for the doctor to walk back in and tell us she was going to be okay.

I couldn't do anything right now, so I closed my eyes again and made another wish.

* * *

"If I had just apologised while she was still at my house…" I said quietly to myself looking at the floor as Hanna stared at my face. "Then we would be having dinner right now and none of this would have happened"

"Em, don't do this" She smiled sadly. "It's not your fault okay? Blaming yourself won't change anything"

I took a deep breath, she was right. I nodded. "I know, I just…" I couldn't explain how guilty I felt so I just stopped talking and leant my head on Hanna's shoulder.

She wrapped an arm around me and it was nice to be comforted, even if just for the smallest moment before the fear returned.

"Emily" I heard a familiar voice and I looked up from the floor to see my mom walking across the room. Her expression was all concern.

"Mom" I said, my voice cracking. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to come and make sure you were okay" She said with a sad smile. "How's Paige doing?"

I took a deep breath before I told her and she took me by the hand and pulled me to my feet to give me a tight hug.

"She'll be alright" She whispered before she glanced sadly at Paige's parents.

They seemed to notice her and she made her way over to them slowly.

They nodded at something she was saying but it was too quiet for me to make out easily, they spoke for another minute before my mom made her way back to where Hanna and I were sitting.

Now we just have to wait.

* * *

I had my head resting on my mom's shoulders and I had my eyes shut still. I was mentally exhausted but I couldn't sleep, I wouldn't sleep. My mind kept drifting to thoughts of Paige and the argument I had with her. I wished more than anything I would get a chance to tell her I was sorry and see her smile again. I loved her smile.

"Em" Hanna was shaking me and I snapped open my eyes letting the image of Paige's face slip away.

"Yeah?" I asked.

Hanna nodded in the direction of Paige's parents and I looked to see that the doctor was stood talking to them now.

They both stood up and there expressions looked a little relieved. I stood up too and walked towards them, I didn't care about being polite right now; all I cared about was Paige.

"Is she out of surgery?" I asked urgently and the doctor looked at me and then nodded.

"She's not woken up yet though" Her dad added, still slightly anxious.

"She should wake up soon, but it might take a while for the drugs to wear off" He was explaining but all I could hear was that she was out of surgery, she had survived surgery. I still felt sick, but I was suddenly less scared.

"Can we see her" Paige's mom asked and the doctor nodded.

"Yes, but she is still very vulnerable" He gave a cautious nod. "If you want to follow me I can take you to her room"

I wanted to follow and see her too, but from the look I got from her parents and the doctor I knew I would have to wait.

I took another deep breath, I didn't know how much longer I could wait.

* * *

I stood outside the closed door to the room Paige was in and my hands were shaking. I could see the room through the glass but I could only see Paige's parents in there, I couldn't see behind them to the bed where I knew Paige would be lay.

"Has she still not woken up yet?" I asked nervously, her parents had been in there half an hour already. The doctor who had led me here smiled at me softly. "Not yet" he said, trying to still stay positive with his tone.

Paige's mom turned around and noticed me stood at the door and she took her husband's arm and whispered something in his ear. He glanced back at me stood at the other side of the glass and nodded to her. They turned back to Paige for a moment and then made their way towards me and out of the room.

"We'll go and get some coffee and let you see her" Her mom was saying to me and I made myself smile.

"Thank you" I said and her dad smiled a soft sad smile at me before they made their way down the corridor.

I pressed my hand against the cool glass of the door and took a deep breath before I pushed it open.

I took a step into the room and it was quiet except for the steady beep of the machines attached to the girl on the bed.

I let the door shut behind me and the beeping seemed louder.

I took a step forward slowly and let my eyes fall upon her.

She looked smaller somehow lay in the hospital bed, surrounded by white sheets and dressed in a hospital gown. He skin was pale and there was a deep red cut on her forehead sprouting an array of stitches. Apart from that though she looked unhurt, but I knew she wasn't.

I was shaking still as I moved closer to the bed to take in her face; she had her eyes closed lightly, almost like she was just asleep.

I let a ragged breath out as I moved closer still. I reached out gently and rested my hand on hers gently; afraid that if I touched her she would somehow break.

"Paige" I breathed through a wall of tears. "Please wake up" I said softly as I moved my other hand to brush my fingertips through her hair.

I left them there for a moment as I listened to the beeping of the machine that was telling me she was still alive. I could see her chest rising up and down ever so gently and it calmed me a little, she was still here.

"Please" I said, still quiet. I moved my fingers to her face and brushed the soft skin of her cheeks gently. I gave up stopping myself from crying and let the tears flow silently down my cheeks.

"You need to wake up, I can't live without you" I said almost in a whisper, hoping she could hear me somehow.

I imagined what it would be like to never again see her light brown eyes sparkling when she smiled, or hear the husky but melodious tone of her voice.

I imagined what it would be like if she never woke up, all the things she would never get to do. She was going to live an amazing life… I knew she would.

"You promised me you were never going anywhere" I whispered again as I lowered my head closer to hers. "You have to wake up"

"I'm so sorry for everything" I ran my fingers across her pale lips. "I love you so much" I said before I pressed my lips against hers delicately as my tears continued to flow.

I pulled back and watched her face hoping to see her eye lids flutter open but they didn't. I took a seat on the chair next to the bed and took her hand in both of mine.

She had to wake up.

* * *

I had been sat here for the last ten minutes listening to the sound of the beeping and watching Paige's face closely, hoping for a sign of life. My hands were still wrapped around hers softly and I wished more than anything that I would feel her squeeze my hand back, but it just sat loosely in my own.

I heard a sound behind me and I turned to see Paige's mom pushing the door open and enter the room.

She looked at me with a small but cautious smile that I didn't understand, she seemed to be really looking at me for this first time ever; it was unnerving me slightly.

"You really love her don't you" She said slowly, and I was caught off guard by words like this from her. Her words were less of a question and more of a statement but I still nodded gently.

"Completely" I said simply and she nodded at this.

She didn't say anything else she just moved to the other side of Paige's bed and took her other hand softly. We stayed in silence for a moment with only the beeping filling our ears.

"She broke her arm once when she was ten" She began to say with a small smile. "She got a skateboard for Christmas and she wouldn't listen to me when I told her to be careful. It took 2 months to heal, and when she was finally better do you know what she did?" She was still smiling.

I shook my head.

"She went outside and got straight back on that skateboard" She laughed and I had to smile too, it sounded so much like Paige.

"She's strong" She said as she stroked Paige's hair the way I had. "I think I forgot for a while just how brave she is" She sounded like she was stopping herself from crying.

"She's the bravest person I know" I said quietly.

She looked at me again and I could see tears in her eyes, but she didn't say anything else. There wasn't anything else to say right now.

I stroked Paige's hand softly again before I took a deep breath and stood up.

"I'll give you a moment alone" I said with a small smile. I needed to go and see Hanna and my mom anyway. I was going to tell Hanna it was ok if she went home, it was getting late and I was going to wait here however long it took until Paige woke up.

"Thank you, Emily" She returned my small smile and I felt an unspoken understanding pass between the two of us in that moment. We both loved Paige more than anything else in the world.

I walked through the hospital making my way back towards the waiting room when a familiar voice reached my ears.

It was my mom and her voice was coming from up ahead from around the corner. I slowed to listen to what she was saying.

"When things like this happen, it sort of just puts it all in perspective" I heard her say.

"I know" I heard a man reply and I recognised the voice too.

I looked around the corner cautiously and saw Paige's dad sat on a bench with his hands behind his neck again. His face was strained and he looked paler than ever.

For some reason I didn't want to interrupt this so I stopped in my tracks and rested my back against the wall, listening the conversation.

"This is all my fault" he said and I heard his voice crack.

"Nick" My mom was saying now. "You can't blame yourself for this"

"You don't understand" His voice was weak. "She only left the house because of me, she was upset and angry and I did nothing to stop her from leaving"

"I just… I didn't know what to do Pam" He was talking in a way I had never heard Paige's dad talk, he wasn't the sort of man to speak like this.

"I felt like I was losing my daughter, like she was slipping away from me, everything I had planned for her, I was losing her" His voice was desperate.

I heard my mom make a sympathetic sound. "I understand you Nick" She said. "But it's a lie, just because Paige may not fall in love with who you expected it doesn't mean you lose her. Paige is an incredible young woman and I couldn't think of anyone I would want my daughter to be with more than her" I felt my tears return at hearing my mom's words, they were so heartfelt and beautiful I wanted to cry.

"Your daughter wants to be accepted by you, she wants you to be proud of her"

"I am proud of her" He said quickly.

"Does she know that?"

He didn't reply and I wanted to jump around the corner and tell him _no, _Paige didn't know that he was proud of her; Paige thought that he was ashamed of her. But I stayed where I was.

"I've been a fool" He said in the same low tone. "I've pushed my only daughter away so far that she turns around and tells me she hates me… " He seemed like he was finally realising the truth.

"I just find it so hard to deal with, how do you do it" He was asking my mom.

"It gets easier" She replied. "When you realise that your daughters happiness is the only thing that really matters, everything else sort of just falls into place. All your beliefs, your political view points, they all come in second to that at the end of the day. You learn to adjust" I felt so proud of my mom in that moment.

I heard Paige's dad let out a sigh.

"I can't lose her" he said. "If she doesn't wake up…" he took a deep breath. "I need her to know that I love her"

"She will wake up Nick" My mom was saying. "And when she does you can start to deal with this, you owe it to her to try"

"I know" he agreed and I remembered that Hanna was probably sat on her own still in the waiting room and I pressed myself off the wall and moved around the corner as if I had only just arrived and I hadn't been listening to the whole conversation.

I hoped more than anything that it wasn't too late for Paige to hear from her parents what she had wanted to hear for so long, I hoped more than anything that she would wake up.

* * *

"I'll stay with you" My mom said but I shook my head.

"You don't have to Mom" but she shook her head this time.

"I'm not going anywhere Em" She smiled. "I'll be in the waiting room if you need me"

I nodded and gave her a hug before I walked back up the hallway towards Paige's room.

Hanna had gone home at my insistence but Paige still hadn't woken up.

I reached the room and saw Paige's parents outside looking through the glass with their heads pressed close together.

"I can't deal with this waiting" I heard her mom say sadly. Her dad agreed with a nod.

"I feel so helpless" he added.

A doctor who had been walking behind me approached them and smiled at them softly.

"There's nothing you can do, why don't you go and get yourself another drink or take a walk, we'll call you as soon as she wakes up"

They looked at each other slightly apprehensive before the doctor reassured them again and they left slowly down the corridor.

I looked into the room and saw Paige still lying on the bed, if I was going to wait anywhere; I wanted it to be in there holding her hand.

As I sat down next to her bed I took her hand in mine again, raising it to my lips gently and kissing her fingers.

She was so still it unnerved me. I touched her hair again and tried to pretend that I was just watching her sleep, like I had many times before. It worked for a moment and I smiled as I took her in... I loved her so much.

The minutes past and I watched her chest move up and down, I rested my chin on the side of the bed and interlocked our hands. The sound of the beeping was repetitive and strangely relaxing, I could feel my eyes begin to close, I fought hard to stop them but I couldn't last forever.

"_Paige" I was shouting into a bright open space. I wasn't really sure where I was, all I knew was that I had to find her. The light was so bright I had to raise my hand up to shield my eyes. As I did I felt that my hand wasn't empty, in it I was holding a single flower with bright white petals._

_I looked at it for a moment and tried to remember why I had it but I couldn't think. All I could think about was the bright light._

"_Paige" I shouted again and I walked forward slowly. The ground was rough beneath my feet and I hadn't noticed that the floor was covered in leaves. They crunched beneath my feet as I continued forward._

_The light was still bright but my eyes were beginning to adjust and I could make out my surroundings more clearly now. There were big trees with orange, yellow, red and green leaves hanging down all around me._

_I looked for her again but couldn't find her. I carried on forward and stopped when my eyes fell upon a small polished headstone. _

"_No" I breathed out in fear, I didn't want to step any closer and read the name that was engraved neatly onto it._

"_It's okay" A familiar voice said behind me and I turned expecting to see her face, but there was only trees. _

"_Paige?" I asked into the bright empty space of trees and light. _

"_Em, you need to let me go" Paige's voice was saying but I still couldn't see her._

"_No" I was crying now. "I don't want to let you go, I can't" I was crying harder._

"_Paige please, don't go"_

_There was no reply and I called her name again. "Paige" I said. "Please" I was begging now and I let the flower fall out of my hand and hit the floor. _

_I felt the skin of my hand tingle softly and then I felt something soft and delicate wrap around it. I looked at my hand and saw pale fingers intertwined in my own and I felt the slight pressure of them squeezing my hand._

I woke up suddenly. My head was resting on the bed staring at my hands that were entwined with Paige's.

She was squeezing my hand.

"Paige" I breathed out and lifted my head quickly to look at her face.

Her eye lids were fluttering softly and I let out a cracked sound of delight at the movement. _She was awake. _

My heart beat sped up as I waited for her eyes to open fully. Finally she opened them and I saw her brown eyes once again.

I let out a sob in delight that came from deep inside as I said her name over and over.

She smiled lightly at me, half confused and half pleased as her lips curled up at the corners.

"Em" she said in a low and raspy voice. My heart soared, there it was her wonderful voice I loved so much.

She might still be hurt, she might have bruises and broken ribs but she was here… s_he was alive._

* * *

__**Thank you for reading! - I hope you enjoyed!**

**And I just want to thank you all lots and lots for the favourites and reviews from the last chapter! I'm not exaggerating when I say they make writing this fic an absolute pleasure and really push me to get updates to you all quickly!**

**:) until next time... **


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you SO much for all the reviews _again! _I still can't believe how popular this fic has become and it's great to feel like you guys appreciate it. So thank you. **

**Artisall - I loved your comment about being comforted that whatever happens on the show for these two, you can always read this fic to cheer you up. I feel the same when I write it, it's nice to create something where I know that Paily will always be 'endgame' :)**

**I just want to say before you read this chapter: I was in a bit of a dilemma when I was writing today as my story is rated as T, and I really did intend to keep it that way until I began writing and T just didn't seem good enough for Em and Paige in certain 'moments'. So instead of changing the rating of the whole story (I'm not even sure how to) I just want to say, (warn?) you that this chapter will have some M moments. So yeah. You've been warned :)**

* * *

**Paige's POV**

_All I could see was black. The darkness stretched out on front of me and I reached out trying to find something to hold onto but my hands grabbed at nothingness. All there was in front of me was emptiness._

_What had happened? I tried to focus, I tried to form a thought and remember anything but the darkness was overpowering, it consumed everything like a great weight pressing down on me. I could feel it pressing against my chest making it hard for me to breath. _

_Every breath I took was painful and shallow as I fought against the suffocating darkness, my head hurt from the effort it took for me to try and concentrate._

_I tried to remember, it was there somewhere I knew it was. Fuzzy spots of light appeared before my eyes in the darkness and I tried to remember anything. _

_Why couldn't I remember anything?_

_The light grew brighter and it hurt my eyes, my head was still throbbing in pain. Everything hurt._

_Maybe I did remember something. It was wet and cold and air was hitting my face, but then it wasn't and I was falling and spinning and the pain was hitting me. _

_I remembered the feel of the hard tarmac beneath me._

_The lights in my head turned to red and they were flashing. "Is she alive" I could hear the memory flooding back. There was shouting and people running and then there was darkness again. _

"_Please" I could hear a soft voice and I didn't know where it was coming from, I tried to answer but I couldn't, I couldn't even open my eyes through the darkness. _

_It was so dark._

"_Paige" I heard my name and it jolted memories back to me, the voice was back again; her voice._

_I knew I needed to see her, I needed to open my eyes but I wasn't strong enough to fight against the dark. It was crushing me again and the pain in my chest was almost unbearable._

_The lights returned slowly, and I realised they weren't in my head now. It was real light and it hurt my eyes so I kept them half shut._

_I could feel that my hand was warm and there was something soft and gentle entwined in it. I squeezed softly and realised suddenly it was her hand. It was Emily. _

_I fought to open my eye lids slowly letting them flutter open in stages._

_I could hear my name, she was saying my name and she was crying, I didn't want her to cry, I had to open my eyes._

_My eyes opened and I saw her face in the bright light._

"Em" I found my voice slowly and let a smile reach my mouth. I was glad the darkness was gone; all I could see now was her face.

She was still crying but she was smiling and I tried hard to sort my memories out.

"What happened?" I managed to ask in a ragged breath.

"You had an accident" she said through tears. "You had to have surgery, but you're okay. It'll all be okay now" she was smiling and I felt myself remember more. I had been driving in the rain, I remembered that. I had been thinking about everything and not concentrating on the road, the turn in the road caught me off guard and then I was falling. Yes, I remembered it now.

Even though she was smiling she was crying still and it hurt my heart, she must have thought I wasn't going to wake up.

"Don't cry Em" I said with a light smile as a squeezed her hand lightly "It's okay" I said before I took a deep breath; I soon realised that was a mistake.

A sharp pain from my chest hit me and I grimaced at the feel of it.

Emily's smile dropped and she held my hand tighter. "Are you okay?" She said, slightly panicked.

"My chest" I said through another grimace.

A look of realisation washed over her and she frowned. "You broke some ribs" she said as she stroked my hand.

"That explains it" I said with a light smile, making a mental note to be very careful when I took a breath from now on.

"I should get the doctor, you need some more pain meds" She kissed my hand and moved as if to get up.

"Em wait" I said, keeping a hold of her hand. "I'm sorry" I said as she looked into my eyes.

"Sorry?" Her expression was full of disbelief and she shook her head. "Paige…" She began but I interrupted.

"I'm sorry that we argued and I'm sorry that you had to watch this happen, I was stupid" I said, indicating myself lying in the hospital bed.

Her face became serious as she shook her head again. "Paige" she pulled my hand closer and kissed it again, I knew it would have felt good if the other aches and pains in my body weren't overpowering it. "_I'm _sorry. I was being unfair and unsupportive and I am really sorry about that, but right now I don't care about that argument. I thought I was going to lose you." I saw her take a deep breath before continuing. "I don't care about anything but you, I love you so much and all I want is for you to be healthy and happy and wonderful." She closed her eyes with a soft smile.

I felt tears in my own eyes as I watched Emily. I imagined if this was reversed and I had been sitting there watching Emily lying unconscious not knowing if she would be okay. I felt sick at the thought.

"I promised you I wasn't going anywhere" I whispered through a small smile as I reached out to stroke her cheek. She seemed to let out a breath in relief I guessed she hadn't realised she had been holding at my touch.

"I love you too, okay. And I'll always be here, always" she smiled softly back at my words.

"I should get the doctor" she said again. "And your parents, they've been so worried" she added.

I remembered the fight I had had with them before I had left and the last words I had said to them. My face must have given my thoughts away cos Emily stroked my hand again.

"I think it will be okay" She said with a knowing nod of the head. Maybe she knew about the argument we had earlier. I smiled back at her as she stood up.

"I'll be right back" She said before she leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. It was so nice to feel her lips again and the touch of them made the pain disappear for a moment, but it reappeared again when she pulled back and walked across the room and out of the door.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I left the room and I felt giddy, Paige was awake and she was going to be okay. I could have ran along the hall way and hugged the first person I saw but I knew I needed to get the doctor; she needed pain medication more than I needed to share my delight with strangers.

I didn't have to walk far before I saw the doctor from earlier standing against the wall as he wrote something on a clipboard.

He smiled when he saw my face "I see she's finally decided to wake up" He put the pen in his pocket and got out a pager from his pocket.

I nodded and smiled, I was so happy she was awake. "Her chest hurts though" I said and he gave me a nod.

"We'll sort her out" He smiled back with that doctor smile, the one which said 'leave it to me I'll fix it all'.

"I'll go and find her parents" I said before I walked away and began to look for them.

It didn't take me long to find them stood next to a coffee vending machine holding what looked like untouched cups of coffee.

I smiled at them as I approached and their faces relaxed in relief at my expression.

"She's awake" I said with a smile and they both let out a relieved sigh before we made our way back towards Paige's room.

I stood out of the way slightly and let Paige's parents rush into the hospital room to see their daughter. Paige's face looked slightly anxious but I could tell she was also feeling relieved at seeing them.

"Paige, baby, you really gave us a fright" Her mom was crying with relief as she rushed to Paige's side and kissed her forehead. She kissed it again and leaned in to give her a hug.

"Mom!" Paige protested when her mom pressed against her. "Broken ribs" she said with a small smile, to remind her mom.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry!" she said now before she took her hand.

"Are you going to say 'I told you so'?" Paige asked with a small smile.

Her mom shook her head. "I did tell you that motorbike was a bad idea, but I won't say it" she joked and I felt myself smile at watching Paige interact with her mom. Even now they were battling to be the one that won over the other.

"I'm sorry" I heard her mom say and Paige closed her eyes with a small smile.

"I love you" Her mom said with another kiss to the forehead.

"I love you too Mom" Paige answered back and I felt tears forming in my eyes again.

I noticed then that Paige's dad was still stood away from the bed staring at Paige with a strange look on his face. It looked like he had tears in his eyes but I couldn't really tell from the angle I was at.

Paige noticed him too and she looked away from her mom and towards her dad with a cautious look.

He let out a breath before he closed the gap between himself and the bed and wrapped his arms around Paige's neck softly.

He kissed her on the cheek before he moved his lips to her ear and whispered something to her. I couldn't hear what it was but I saw Paige's face when he moved back and I felt the tears return. She was smiling and I hoped more than anything she had just heard the words from her dad she had been waiting for.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

My dad was stood still across the room and I moved my eyes to look at him. He had a look on his face I had never seen before and I didn't know what it meant, I took a breath before he crossed the room and wrapped his arms around me.

He smelt like he always did, like soap and peppermint and it was a comforting scent as I felt him kiss me on the cheek.

"I'm sorry Paige, I let you down" He was whispering in my ear. "I want you to know that I am proud of you, so very _very _proud of you. Never forget that" He paused for a second. "I love you" He added before he moved back and I processed his words.

I knew it was something big for him to realise he had let me down; it was more than I thought he would ever realise. I hadn't really accepted how much it meant to me until this moment to hear him say he was proud of me. I had tried to convince myself I didn't need his acceptance but now I realised that was I lie. I felt myself smile as I heard his words, maybe one day he would be able to accept that I was gay after all.

I looked at Emily who was stood beside the door and I saw she was smiling back at me. _God, I loved her smile._

My mom squeezed my hand and started to fuss over me again. "How bad does your chest hurt sweetie?" she said and I shrugged my shoulders as I continued to smile at Emily.

My chest did hurt, and I felt like I had been punched by a million heavyweight boxers, but weirdly I felt better now than I had in a long time.

My parents and Emily were in the same room and the world wasn't ending. My dad was crying and telling me he was proud of me and my mom was treating me like she actually cared about me… and Emily was smiling at me like I was the most important thing in her world.

Maybe Emily was right, maybe things were going to be alright now.

* * *

"Em, you're doing it again" I laughed my new soft laugh I had started doing that meant I didn't move my chest too much.

I moved my head to look at her staring at me and she smiled bashfully. "Sorry" she said as she bit her lip.

It had been 3 weeks since the accident and since then Emily had barely let me out of her sight. Whenever she was with me she would stare at me whenever she thought I wouldn't notice and she would worry about me doing any little thing. Yesterday she had stopped me from picking up my own drink and had insisted she hold it for me while I drank through a straw. Even though it was beginning to become frustrating, I couldn't help but find it a little bit adorable.

"You know, I won't just suddenly disappear if you take your eyes off me for one second" I said lovingly as I moved her legs and stretched them over my lap.

She looked at her legs with a frown. "Will my legs not hurt you like that?"

"Em!" I said with a chuckle. "They are fine there, stop worrying"

She smiled but it was only a half-smile like she didn't truly believe me. "Look" I said before I took a deep breath. Even though it still hurt, my broken ribs were beginning to heal and the pain was much less than it had been last week. "See, I'm fine" I opened my eyes wide and she finally accepted as she relaxed her legs, I stroked them as I continued to watch the movie that was playing on the TV.

I must have fallen asleep sometime during the movie as I woke up and I was lying on Emily's couch with a blanket over me.

"Em" I called out when I didn't see her straight away.

I heard running from the kitchen and she came in with a panicked look on her face.

"What's wrong, are you okay?" She asked and I laughed.

"I'm fine" I said and she relaxed. I pushed myself up slightly as I looked at her. "But I miss you"

"I'm right here" she said, obviously slightly confused.

"No" I shook my head as I continued to smile. "I miss you being here" I pulled her towards me onto the couch. "Like this"

I moved my lips against hers and kissed her lovingly as I wrapped an arm around her.

"Can we just stay like this for a bit" I asked as I pressed her closer to me. I heard her let out a small laugh at this.

"I think we can do that" She said as she took the blanket and wrapped it around both of us. I feel asleep again, but this time I had Emily in my arms.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I heard a sound and I opened my eyes slowly, it was dark now and I was still in Paige's arms as we slept on the couch. I looked up and saw my mom standing with a smile on her face.

"I didn't mean to wake you" She said. "You two looked adorable" she said quietly and I laughed. The noise woke Paige up and she opened her eyes groggily.

"Oh hi Mrs Fields" She said with a shy smile.

"Paige, I have told you before, please, call me Pam" she smiled and Paige laughed.

"Old habit" She said apologetically before she stretched, however I could tell she was being careful not to stretch too far as the pain from her ribs was still bad.

"What time is it?" Paige asked my mom.

"Nine" she smiled back.

Paige turned to me then "I should go home, my parents will start to worry about me" She said and I nodded.

"Sure, I'll give you a ride"

"Thanks" she said with a kind smile and I knew for once she wasn't dreading going home. Things had been better these past few weeks for her. I knew her parents still had a long way to go before they accepting us fully but they were making a start.

* * *

I pulled up outside her house and turned the engine off.

"Thanks Em" she said as she took my hand. "You've been so great"

"So have you" I said with a smile and she rolled her eyes playfully.

"I'll see you tomorrow okay, and I promise, I'm not going anywhere" She winked at me and I laughed.

"You better not Miss McCullers" I leaned in and kissed her.

She laughed and opened the door to the car and got out. I watched her walk inside and as she did I saw her mom walk out of the front door a little and wave at me with a smile.

I waved back slightly in shock. A wave and a smile to her daughters' girlfriend, maybe she didn't have that far to go to accepting us after all.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"You'll be great" I kissed her on the forehead quickly but she didn't change her worried expression.

It had been six weeks since the accident and my ribs were healed now, the pain was gone and I was beginning to feel like myself again.

"It feels wrong swimming in a meet without you" she said as she bit her lip. "I feel bad that you can't compete" she was worrying and I just smiled.

"It's fine Em, honestly. Coach said I'll be alright to start training again if I take it slow, so it's not over for me" I said. "It makes a nice change not competing to be honest, I can actually enjoy watching now" I smiled as it was the truth. It was nice to not have the pressure of it all for once.

Today was the final of the season and I knew Emily had it in her to swim her best, if she could just stop worrying about me.

"Don't worry about me, I get to watch my team win _and _I get to check out the star swimmer in her swim suit and not feel guilty 'cos she's my girlfriend" I winked at her and this made her laugh.

"Okay" she said as she breathed out. "I can do this" she said as she reached for her goggles out of the bag.

"Of course you can" I smiled "You're Emily freakin' Fields" I grinned at her and she gave me a quick kiss on the lips before the rest of the team walked past.

"Good luck guys" I said to the girls who walked past and they all smiled back at me.

"Emily, it's time" the coach said and Emily nodded and made her way to follow, leaving me in the changing rooms.

"Go be a superstar!" I shouted after her and she turned to give me one last warm smile before I went to take my seat at the poolside.

* * *

"You are amazing!" I said as we walked through the parking lot to Emily's car. We had won and Emily had swum like never before, she was incredible.

"Thanks to you" she smiled back. "You're a good motivator" she laughed and I took her hand in mine.

"We should celebrate" I said with a big grin. "Whatever you want to do, we should do it, we could get the team together or go out for dinner or… anything you want!" I grinned and Emily smiled.

"Is it really boring if I said all I want to do is go home, have a bath, watch a movie and snuggle in my bed" she said nervously.

"Maybe a little" I joked before I smiled. "That's fine, do you mind taking me home first or I could call my dad?"

She laughed and raised her eyebrows. "I'm not taking you home" she wrapped her fingers with mine. "Those plans involved you, snuggling alone isn't fun at all" She said with a mischievous grin.

I laughed as I understood her. "Okay, now it does sound like a good evening" we both laughed as we got in the car.

* * *

"Where are you parents?" I asked as Emily opened her front door.

"Some military weekend in the country" She explained casually. "They're gone all weekend"

"Wonderful" I smiled back and she laughed.

"Wonderful indeed" she said before she kissed me as she pulled me into the house.

A few hours later and we were on Emily's bed and the credits of the movie we had watched rolled on the screen as Emily yawned next to me.

"Is the superstar tired" She shook her head at my words.

"No" she lied. "I'm just really content with you here in my bed like this" She snuggled into my side and I stroked her hair.

"I'm feeling rather content myself" I said as I continued to stroke her hair.

"Yeah?" she asked as she lifted her head up. "I bet I could make you feel so much better than just _content" _She kissed my neck softly and I felt my stomach drop at the feel.

I closed my eyes. "I bet you could" I laughed and she stopped kissing as she grinned. She let out another yawn as she snuggled back into me. I knew she wanted me right now, but I also knew she was tired, and I had a feeling the tiredness was going to win.

"I'm just going to the bathroom" I said as I slid her off me gently kissing her forehead as I went.

She smiled at me as I left the room and I went to brush my teeth and use the bathroom. I realised I was really thirsty suddenly and cupping water in my hands from the bathroom tap wasn't really quenching it. I went downstairs quietly and found myself a glass for a drink in Emily's familiar kitchen.

By the time I got back to Emily's room I entered to see her with her eyes closed as she lay fast asleep.

I laughed to myself quietly as I made a note to remind her in the morning that I had been right, she _was _tired.

I turned the light out and snuck across the room and back into my side of the bed.

I managed to lift her without waking her and slide my arm underneath so she was snuggled into me. I closed my eyes and was soon drifting off to sleep too with the girl I loved at my side.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I woke up confused, I couldn't remember falling asleep. I had only closed my eyes for a second while Paige went to use the bathroom… but now it was morning.

I felt to my right and felt the bed empty, Paige was gone.

"Paige" I shouted into the empty room and a few seconds later she appeared around the door with two mugs in her hands.

"Good morning beautiful" She said as she put the mugs down.

"You made coffee?" I asked with a smile.

"And now you're awake I'm gonna make us breakfast." She grinned back.

"Paige, you don't have to" I said. "You still need to rest"

She looked at me with her eyebrows raised. "Em, I do not need to rest" she laughed before she spoke again."Do you feel better after your sleep Mrs 'I'm-not-tired'" She teased.

I laughed. "Much better, thank you for asking" I bit my lip as I stared at her with a grin.

She looked really hot this morning. She was wearing my pyjamas and they showed off her body wonderfully, I would be lying if I said I hadn't given her these ones to wear on purpose so I could look at her like this.

"You're so gorgeous" I spoke my thoughts as I looked eagerly at her again.

She grinned at the compliment and I remembered how much I loved her grin.

We hadn't been _together _since the accident and I was starting to really crave her body again. I almost found it funny how my thoughts were turning into those of a teenage boy as I grinned at Paige, my eyes wandering all over her.

"So what shall I make us for breakfast?" She asked with a small smile as she bounced up of the bed and walked across my room. She really was energetic today.

"You're very energetic" I smiled and she put her hands on her hips.

"Em, it's been six weeks…I'm fine"

"I know" I said smiling back at her from my position on the bed.

"Good, so what do you want for breakfast?" she asked again.

"How about you forget about breakfast" I said with a smirk. "And as you're going to be so energetic, why not come over here and be energetic with me" I bit my lip and watched as she made her way slowly across my room, her eyebrows raised playfully.

"Oh right…So you're done telling me to rest now?" She was standing just too far away for me to reach her with a smile on her face. "Now you _want_ me to be 'energetic'" She was smirking and I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"This is the good kind of energetic" I made my voice lower than usual and I lifted myself of the bed a little so I could reach her hands. I took them both softly for a moment while our eyes locked.

My grip on her hands tightens long enough to pull her towards me and onto the bed and then I let go, moving my left hand to her hip and using my right hand to lace through her hair and pull her face towards me.

Our lips met in an open mouthed kiss and I kissed her eagerly, biting her bottom lip between my teeth somewhere within the frenzy of our kiss.

I felt like my movements were urgent as I ran my hands up and down Paige's stomach, stopping at her abs to stroke the pronounced muscles there, I felt like I was overtaken by a sense of desire, a heat that spread up through my body and made my hands ache to touch every inch of her wonderful skin.

I moaned quietly and tugged at the hem of her shirt, desperate to get the material out of the way.

Paige pulled back from our kiss with a small laugh. "Someone's eager" She was teasing me, but I knew she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

I pulled her back towards me with a smile, not answering her with words just letting my tongue dance against hers.

Our kisses were becoming more passionate until Paige pulled away again "I wouldn't have put you down for a morning sex kind of girl Em" she joked but I looked at her unimpressed.

"Shut up and take your shirt off" I put my bottom lip between my teeth as I watched Paige take a deep gulp at the demanding words I spoke; I had to suppress a smile.

"Yes ma'am" She replied sensually with a big grin, I knew my tone had an effect on her as her eyes seemed to darken as she did what I said and pulled the clothing up over her head.

I took in the sight of Paige's half naked body with a small satisfied smile, I felt incredibly turned on by the sight of her almost on top of me.

I moved us both slightly so we were further onto the bed and I pulled Paige closer to my body. She had a leg on either side of me as her body pressed down on mine, pressing me firmly into the bed as she placed kisses all along my jaw and neck. I moaned softly at the way her lips and tongue navigated my sensitive skin so well. I moved my own mouth to find Paige's lips and we moved together in a deep and passionate kiss. This time a small moan came from Paige and it made me smirk as I knew I had the exact same effect on her as she had on me.

Before I kissed her again I moved our positions so I was on top of her now and I smiled down at the light skinned beauty beneath me.

I pulled off my own shirt and let it fall to the floor to match Paige's; clothing was not necessary right now.

I kissed down her neck, ignoring her pouting lips, and continued to trail kisses along her skin, her abs, her stomach anywhere I could find. A faint scar was visible along her chest and it reminded me to be gentle with her, she was still healing even if she did keep telling me she was okay.

I made my way back up to her lips kissing her gently on the mouth, I was so happy she was still here with me, so happy that she was okay.

I caught her eye as I stopped kissing her and remembered again how close I was to losing her; she must have noticed the look on my face as she looked back at me slightly confused.

"What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking how glad I am I didn't lose you"

She smiled sweetly at me and spoke softly. "I promise you, I'm not going anywhere" I smiled at this too and kissed her softly on the lips again.

She sighed and moved her lips to whisper in my ear. "And Em" I could tell by her voice she was smiling. "That whole 'take your shirt off' and let me fuck you thing… totally hot" The look she gave me when she moved her lips away from my ear set the fire inside of me burning, it was like she was telling me she wasn't fragile anymore. I didn't have to hold back.

Our lips crashed together again and my hands found their way to the top of Paige's shorts where I fumbled with them until I eased them down her legs hastily. I helped Paige with my own shorts and in one fluid motion they were off and were added to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Still, we were wearing too much clothing.

I interlocked a hand with Paige's and our hands gripped together strongly. I kissed down her stomach again, I couldn't get enough of her abs, the way they were so defined yet so feminine at the same time seemed almost impossible but there they were. I ran my tongue over them slowly causing Paige to squirm slightly in pleasure beneath me, her grip on my hand tightening in the process.

She stroked my back, my arm, my stomach; everywhere just felt so good when her soft hands found their way there. I kissed her lips and tasted the wonderful flavour of Paige's kisses. I wanted to taste more of her.

I let my lips wander down her body as I undid the clasp on her bra and threw it to the floor as well, moving my lips to kiss the soft skin of her breasts. Her breathing was becoming quicker as I moved my lips slowly over the sensitive skin I found there.

In no time my bra was on the floor too and I could tell Paige was desperate to kiss more of me.

_I had initiated this so I was going to have it my way _I thought to myself as I decided to have a little fun.

I watched her face and there seemed to be a fire burning behind her eyes, I found it so hot that she was this turned on. She moved her hands up and down my body, resting them on the small of my back pushing me closer towards her as our lips met again. Her hands began to wander and they rested on the top of my underwear eager to pull them off. I reacted quickly and took Paige's hands in my own and brought them up behind her head. She protested by trying to wriggle free but I just held on tighter, placing light kisses on her pouting lips.

"My rules" I winked at her "we're going to do this slow" I laughed when I heard the groan through her lips.

I trailed soft kisses down her front and I could feel her heart beating faster as she fought hard to escape my grip. I could tell she was desperate to touch me, but I kept holding tight and moving my tongue over her hot skin. Her body temperature had risen dramatically and it was almost like she was on fire now.

"Em, please" She begged as her breathing was getting deeper, the sound of her voice low and raspy with desire was definitely the sexiest thing I had ever heard.

I smiled as I kissed her lips and was met with a heated angry kiss, begging me for more. I let one hand find its way down to her underwear and slowly pushed my hand beneath the hem. She moaned even before my hand made contact with her and she moved her hips up eagerly.

I stroked slowly and teased her a little bit before she said my name once more, begging me to stop teasing. I gave in finally and moved my fingers lower, causing her to moan even louder. Her hips moved again and I couldn't help the moan that escaped my own mouth, She felt so good.

"Oh my God!" She breathed out raggedly.

I grinned as I kissed her neck and her jaw, finally finding her mouth and enjoying the flavour of her kiss.

I moved my head lower and stopped to kiss her stomach before I moved even lower. Her moans had grown louder than ever and she had her hands wrapped in my long hair pressing me closer to her. I moved in time with her thrusting hips and I could no longer think clearly as I felt her clench tightly at my touches, she was moaning loader now panting my name.

I carried on with my fingers bringing my head back up her body meeting her quivering lips with my own. She had her eyes closed and her breath hit my face lightly as I trailed kisses along her jaw, I continued until I felt her tense and her breathing stopp at the moment I knew she would be letting the pleasure pool through her body. She relaxed and her breathing started deep and heavy again as she began to speak.

"Oh my god, Emily" she said over and over speaking in nothing more than a breath against my open mouth. We kissed again until her breath returned to normal and her body stopped shaking.

"I love you so much" She breathed between a kiss after a few more minutes. "You are so good at that" There was a small breathless laugh when she said that.

"I love you more" I grinned back at her, so happy this amazing girl I loved so much felt so satisfied with me.

Paige raised an eyebrow "Not possible" she laughed. "And I think…" she began saying as she moved our bodies again so she was now on top of me "It's time…" She kissed me again. "For you to have _your _world rocked Emily Fields?" I nodded with a smirk as Paige began working her own magic on my body.

Her hands were fluid, quick and soft and managed to touch everywhere I needed them. Her body was hot against me as I felt my eyes close in pleasure.

Words I didn't have control over slipped through my mouth, small moans and Paige's name filled the silence of my room as I felt her fingers exactly where I needed them. My mind turned hazy and all I could think about was the pleasure and the heat and Paige, _the things this girl can do to me _my mind didn't have time to comprehend what my body was meant to be doing. It was acting on its own as I felt myself squirm and grind closer to her.

A small smile spread onto my face, _I could so get used to morning sex_ I thought to myself as Paige's lips ran up the inside of my thighs… I really could.

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Remember, Reviews make the world go round ;) **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey there my lovely readers! So many things I want to say, but first an apology as I haven't updated in SO long. I could tell you the long list of reasons, but really all I want to say is... my bad :s I'll make it up to you all! **

**Secondly, as I haven't updated in so long I am sort of worried that no one will really be interested in me continuing on with this story. I know progression on the show has made my story even further away from the 'real PLL world' but this story, and the Paige and Emily I have created just refuse to be ignored so I'm going to go with it again. If only one person reads and is interested to know what happens with this story... then that's enough for me :)**

**Also, I've made a decision to push this fic further into the future to spice things up a bit (and also, I'm sort of becoming obsessed with A/U college/older Paily). That being said, I may not always be 100% accurate on US college shenanigans and timings etc, as I'm a 'bloody foreigner' ) so please allow me some artistic freedom!**

**alsoooo, there is a bit of a reference to the 'Paily anchors' thing from tumblr in this chapter, if anyone notices, yes it was deliberate :)**

**Ramblings over... ENJOY!**

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Emily" I heard my mom shout my name from the bottom of the stairs like she had done a hundred times before but this time it made me smile sadly. I would miss hearing her shout my name like that.

"Have you got anymore boxes up there?" She asked, her voice reaching my room easily through my open bedroom door.

There was one cardboard box covered in tape with the word _kitchen _scribbled out and _books _written in big black letters, I had been saving that box for my dad to bring down.

"Just one" I replied before I turned to look at my room one last time.

The walls were bare now and the whole space looked strange and somewhat bigger than I remembered.

I opened the closet to check I hadn't left anything in there and stepped inside and ran my fingers over the faded writing on the wall with a smile; my friend's names written in Alison's cursive handwriting, a promise that we would all be friends forever. A promise that was kept... but not easily.

I stepped back out of the closet and laughed at the thought that crossed my mind, _that would be the last time I would come out of the closet in this room_. Memories filled my head, me sat on my bed whilst I revealed my deepest secret to my father, Paige's scared face as she admitted to herself she was gay, Paige, there were always lots of memories of Paige.

I took one last look at the empty room and knew I would miss it more than I had expected. So much had happened here, heartbreak and happiness, pain and love… so much love.

I got a weird feeling in my gut as I walked towards the door, something that felt close to homesickness which was strange because I hadn't even left yet. However, in two hours' time I would be driving out of state on my way to Danby, leaving Rosewood and my childhood behind.

It wasn't like I would never come back to Rosewood as I knew I would come and visit at the holidays but it wasn't going to be the same. My parents had decided they wanted to move to a smaller house once I left for college, a house a bit closer to my mom's work, I didn't blame them; I was just going to miss this house a lot.

I reached for the thin silver chain around my neck and played with the pendant at the end like I had many times before, it was a new habit and it always calmed me down at times like these. I turned for one last look at my bedroom and remembered with a smile the day I had been given the necklace, that had been a good day.

* * *

_"Em, we're going to be late what are you doing?" My mom's voice rang from downstairs as I untied my hair and began to put it up again. I was stalling._

_"I'm coming" I replied, both of us knowing my words were a lie. It was still early but I had to be at school ready to catch the bus in 30 minutes and my nerves were bad. It was the final swim meet of my senior year, the last race that stood between the sharks and victory... and I was the anchor_.

_If that wasn't nerve racking enough every scout who mattered was going to be there as well and I knew my chance of a scholarship depended on today, at this thought I felt my breakfast churn uncomfortably in my stomach. I felt sick._

_I heard talking downstairs and then footsteps on the stairs, my bedroom door opened slowly and I turned expecting to see either one of my parents with their brows furrowed in worry._

_It wasn't my parents though._

_Paige made her way into my bedroom with a calm and reassuring smile on her face._

_"What are you doing here?" I greeted her with a smile despite the fact that I hadn't been expecting to see her until we got to the meet._

_"You not happy to see me?" She raised an eyebrow as she smiled._

_I let her kiss me softly on the lips before she spoke again._

_"I had a phone call from your mom... Apparently you're a nervous wreck?" she said as she took my hands which I hadn't realised until now, were shaking._

_"And I thought I was hiding it so well" I spoke as the churning in my stomach reappeared._

_"It's a big day" Paige said slowly. "But you're going to rock it like you always do, you're a superstar remember?" She had her hands on my waist now as she smiled that reassuring smile again._

_"I'm so nervous" My mouth felt dry. "It always felt a little less scary when you were up there with me" I said truthfully, hoping it wouldn't make Paige upset that she was no longer on the team._

_When Paige had got the all clear from her broken ribs she had started coming back to practice, but it hadn't really gone as planned. She didn't quite move through the water the same and she would often find that she'd have to stop every now and again due to some ache or pain._

_The doctors said it was normal and that she might have to wait a little longer to return to swimming than initially thought. Paige had tried to convince me that she was fine with it, that she could always return to swimming later and that she didn't mind missing out on the final swim meets of the year; but I couldn't help but feel like she missed it more than she let on._

_"I'll be there cheering you on, I'll be the crazy girlfriend with the banner" she winked at me and I felt myself laugh despite the nerves._

_"You're amazing, trust me on that" she added._

_"Thank you" I said with a shy smile as I pecked her on the lips lightly._

_"You don't really have a banner do you?" I said with a small laugh. Paige laughed too before she spoke, a low and hearty laugh which I loved so much._

_"Oh yeah, and a whole bunch of cheerleaders" she joked and I felt the nerves leave me bit by bit._

_Paige always calmed me down._

_She stepped back from me and reached into the black over the shoulder bag she was wearing and took out a small blue box._

_I eyed it curiously as she held it in the palm of her hand. She bit her lip as she looked from the box to me._

_"I was going to give you this later, once the sharks won and you impressed all the scouts" she was smiling so deliciously that I wanted to jump forward and kiss her smiling lips, I would have if I hadn't been so intrigued by the box in her hand._

_"But..." She said as she reached for my hand and placed the box there. "You can have it early"_

_I gave her a warm smile of my own and opened the box eagerly, full of intrigue at the little gift my girlfriend had put in my hand._

_I could feel Paige's eyes on my face as I took in the contents of the box. Inside was a thin silver necklace with a small anchor pendant on the end. I took it in my fingers and felt the smooth metal against my skin._

_"I got it engraved" Paige said quietly, turning it over in my hands. "See" she said as my eyes landed on small letters on the back._

_**E + P** I ran my fingers over the initials and felt my heart flutter._

_"It's an anchor because that's what you are to me." She began to explain in a soft voice._

_"Not just in the pool but in my life. You hold me in place when the rest of the world seems to whirl around me, and I promise I'll always be that for you too. I'll always be someone you can count on, your stability. I'll always be there whether you win or lose, whenever you need me… always."_

_I felt tears behind my eyes as I took in Paige's words. She was so perfect._

_"Do you like it?" She asked almost nervously and I couldn't help but let out a little chuckle at her doubt._

_"I love it" I said as I raised my eyes to meet hers._

_"And I love you… so much" I added and she smiled at that before I caught her lips in mine, kissing her soft but deep this time wanting her to know how much her words, and the necklace, meant to me._

_"Thank you" I smiled and she blushed a little._

_"No problem"_

_"Maybe it'll bring me good luck" I said after another quick kiss._

_"You don't need it" she persisted and I laughed._

_"Will you help me put it on"_

_She nodded as she twisted me around and fastened the clasp at the back of my neck._

_"Now let's go and kick some ass" I heard her say into my ear as she kissed the back of my neck lightly._

_We had reached my bedroom door before I stopped Paige with a tug at her arm._

_"You really are the best girlfriend in the world, you know that"_

_"You've not even had part two of my present yet, I was saving that for tonight" she smirked at me and I wanted nothing more than to pull her back into my room, lock the door and let her kiss me from head to toe... But I had a swim meet to win._

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I waited for Emily on my front porch, trying to pass the time by reading another chapter of a book Spencer had recommended to me a few weeks ago. I reached the bottom of the page and realised I had taken none of it in. I couldn't concentrate today.

Today was the day that Emily left for Danby.

I wasn't leaving for a few days and it meant I had to stay in Rosewood while she drove off and started her new life at college. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous and that I wasn't going to miss her like crazy.

It seemed like college had sprung on us from nowhere.

Last year I had been the confused gay girl who didn't know how to be happy, the only thing I had in my life that I was sure about was swimming. Now everything was the complete opposite.

Now the only thing I had in my life I was sure about was Emily; and she was leaving in an hour.

Swimming had been my goal for so long I had almost forgot how to want anything else. Sure, I had always dreamt of running away from it all, saying no to my dad's plans of college, doing photography, travelling, being free. But now I was faced with the choice, my dreams didn't look that inviting.

I wanted to go to college. I wanted to learn, I wanted to be a part of something. Most of all I wanted to swim.

I was healed from the accident now, I was sure of it. When I pushed myself through the water I could twist my body without fear of the familiar stabbing pain in my chest. I was back to normal.

But that was the point, I was normal. My edge had completely gone from the lack of training and when I swam laps I found I just couldn't reach the times I used to. However hard I tried in the hours I spent alone in the pool, I still wasn't good enough.

My dreams of a swimming scholarship had been smashed the day my body slammed into the concrete surface of that cold wet road.

Penn state was a good college, and I knew I would like it there. But it wasn't the dream.

I closed the book sharply and reminded myself that dreams change. I hadn't known what I wanted when it was within my grasp and it was only now it was gone that I was fantasising about it so much.

I imagined Emily arriving at Danby with her swimming career stretching out in front of her, the joy, the nerves, and the excitement of it all. It filled me with so many emotions; I was anxious, jealous, but I was also proud, just like the day I had watched the sharks win the State championships.

_I stood up as Emily flipped under water and started the final lap of the race. She was in the lead, way in the lead, and I could feel a smile spreading on my lips._

_The sharks were going to be champions. Emily was going to be a champion, my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend was going to finally get the attention she deserved from the scouts._

_I was beaming smugly as she neared the wall my heart beating rapidly in excitement in my chest. For a moment I had forgotten the jealously I had felt towards all the other girls as I had watched them get ready for the swim. It was all about Emily now, I knew how much this would mean to her. I watched her surge the last few meters and I knew it was over, she had won it._

_I was jumping up and down and clapping before her hand even touched the wall. _

_The crowd erupted in cheers and I felt like the win was mine too, even though I hadn't been in the race I had felt every second of it like I had been swimming in there with them._

_I was at the poolside before the cheering ended and I ran up to my old team mates to be greeted with hugs and smiles, as if I was still on the team myself._

"_Well done, superstar" I beamed at Emily before she practically jumped into me and engulfed me in a huge wet hug. She was kissing me before I had even noticed she had ended the hug and she was laughing and smiling into the kiss._

"_Oh my god, we did it!" She spoke and I noticed the happy tears running down her face before she kissed me on the cheek again. _

_I let her go so she could hug the other girls on the team. If this was what it felt like to watch someone else live the moment you had always imagined you would live, then I guessed could deal with that. _

_I made a promise to myself as I watched the joy seeping out of her, the girl I loved, I promised that I would never let her know how much I secretly wished more than anything I was up there with her, soaking up the glory of winning, living my dreams. I would let her enjoy her moment, her chance at success because she deserved it… however hard it was for me to watch her do it from the stands._

* * *

I checked my watch again even though I knew only a few seconds had passed since I had last checked it. Emily should be here by now.

She was coming to see me before she left for Danby with her parents.

After a few minutes her Toyota appeared down the road and I watched her pull into my driveway and swing out of the driver's seat quickly as she spotted me on the porch, I stood up as she approached.

"Hey" I said as she made her way up to meet me, my tone was loaded with emotions I was trying to conceal.

"Hey" she said back, almost timidly, like she didn't know what to say next.

She walked the final few steps to meet me and I reached out my hands automatically and found her hands like I always did. She kissed me softly on the lips and we both seemed to let out a deep breath at the same time.

"I'm going to miss that" I said as I interlocked our fingers.

She groaned quietly and moved her head to rest in the crook of my neck. "I don't want to go" She spoke into the skin of my neck. "Can I take you with me in my suitcase?" She lifted her face and met my gaze with a shy smile, letting me know that she wasn't really serious about not going, which caused me to let out a small sigh of relief. I couldn't be the cause of her not living her dream.

"We said we wouldn't do this" I reminded her with a loving smile of my own and she nodded and kissed me softly again.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I pulled back from Paige's lips reluctantly "I know, but now I'm really going, and it's hitting me that I'm going to live hundreds of miles away from my girlfriend" I couldn't help but pout again even though I had told myself I would be strong; It wasn't just me who was leaving my girlfriend, Paige was too.

"Em" she began, and she got that look in her eye that I was becoming more and more familiar with, the look that said 'don't doubt us' and I had to smile.

"I know" I interrupted her. "I'm still going to miss you though" She nodded at that too and I let the memory of what Paige had said about not doubting us fill my head, so I didn't panic so much about leaving.

_"What's going on in that head of yours Fields?" I suddenly realised that Paige was looking at me and I shook my head. She hadn't called me 'Fields' for a long time, it was what she used to call me all the time before we were a couple, I realised I'd missed the way it sounded from her lips._

_"Nothing. I'm just thinking, McCullers" I mocked and earned a smile from her._

_"What about?" She asked as she repositioned herself on the bench so she was closer to me, her hands now resting on my legs._

_"Life" I answered, not knowing how else to sum up all the complicated thoughts I was having._

_"So profound" she said with a small smile, the one that made me want to kiss her. "What about life has got you doing all this 'thinking'" she was running her hands up and down my thighs soothingly now._

_I bit my lip before I spoke. I knew I was probably over reacting about everything; I didn't want Paige to have to share my worries. She smiled reassuringly again and I decided to tell her anyway._

_"I guess I'm just worried about the future" I began truthfully. "I mean, we graduate next week and then its college" the truth of that hit me when I said it out loud._

_"And...?" she said, the smile never leaving her face._

_"It's college" I said, as if that explained itself. Did she not realise the enormity of it, I felt a little sick whenever I thought about it. "You'll be at Penn state and I'll be at Danby and..." My voice shook nervously. And what? What would that mean, we would be hours away from each other, but what else would it mean. It would mean that Paige would be living her life without me, meeting new friends, drinking, studying, socialising, all without me...my stomach twisted again at the thought._

_"And we'll have to get used to having a long distance relationship" Paige finished for me._

_My face must still have been twisted in doubt as Paige moved her hands again, this time to rest on my arms._

_"Em" she started slowly. "Don't look so worried"_

_"But I am worried" I admitted as the thought of losing Paige ate away at me inside._

_She took a deep breath, "Right Em, listen" her hands were holding me firmer now. "Are you telling me you don't still want to be with me when we get to college?"_

_My stomach dropped at her words, that was the last thing I wanted. Ever._

_"No" I shook my head abruptly. "Not at all"_

_"Then relax, okay" she was smiling her special smile again, I didn't know where she got all this positivity from but I admired it, I loved it. I loved her._

_"College might be hard but we'll get through it, I promise you that" she moved her hands up and down reassuringly. "We might have to get used to the fact that things won't be the same but we will still see each other as much as we can. We can call and text and skype" she grinned now. "And think how much awesome 'oh my god I miss you' sex we'll have" I laughed at that, because it was a thought that had already crossed my mind, but I still felt anxious._

_"You promise we won't let it ruin us? I never want to lose you Paige. I couldn't live without you, I know that sounds dramatic but it's true, I just couldn't" I let all my doubts and worries from the past few weeks spill out._

_She smiled at me softly, a loving sort of smile that let me know she understood exactly what I meant, a smile that made me feel vulnerable but also completely safe at the same time._

_"Here" she said lifting her little finger to find mine, she hooked it around mine with a smile. "Pinky promise" she said before she brought our hands up to her mouth and kissed the soft skin of my finger._

* * *

My phone was ringing from the pocket of my jacket that was now on Paige's bedroom floor, but I ignored it as I took Paige's bottom lip between my teeth. We were kissing furiously, like we were trying to fit in all the kisses we would miss in the time apart into one kiss.

My phone began to ring again and I grumbled as I untangled myself from Paige and reached to retrieve it from my pocket.

"Hey" I greeted my mom, trying my best not to sound out of breath.

"Sorry" I spoke in reply as she asked me if I was nearly ready to leave as she wanted to get going soon so my dad and her could be back in Rosewood before dark. "I'll be a few minutes, I just need to say bye to Paige and then I'll head home" I explained, knowing she would understand.

I ended the call and turned back to see Paige smiling at me sadly.

"I guess it's time" she sat up in the bed so she was closer to my face.

"I guess it is" My smile matched hers and I kissed her lightly on the lips before I reached for my shirt and pulled it back on, buttoning it up carefully.

We didn't say much as we made our way back downstairs and out to my car.

"Tell your parents I said bye" I said as we reached my Toyota. Paige laughed happily and I was glad that everything with her parents was ok now.

"I think they are actually going to miss you more than me" she joked. "You're my mom's new favourite person" she joked again, but I knew that it wasn't all a lie. Since the accident everything had changed, including Paige's parents.

I got into my car reluctantly, knowing that once I did it would mean I was really going, that I was really leaving.

Paige shut the door for me and I opened the window but we both remained silent, like we didn't know what to say now. 'Goodbye' didn't really seem to cover it all.

"Go be amazing" Paige said after a few seconds of silence. "I know you'll be amazing" she added and I felt tears behind my eyes.

I didn't know what to say to that. I knew I was lucky, I was going to be a part of one of the best swim teams in the country and I had everything to be excited about. Despite Paige's insistence that she was happy, I couldn't help but feel sorry that she wasn't coming with me, that she wasn't going to have what she had expected her whole life.

"You too" was all I could say, even though I knew it wasn't the best. She was going to be amazing too, she was going to find her dreams and achieve everything she wanted some way or another, if anyone could do it, I knew it would be Paige McCullers.

She leaned in and kissed me through the window. "Paige" I said quietly after the kiss. "You're the most incredible person I have ever met; I want you to always know that"

She smiled and I saw her eyes become misty. "You too" she said in her husky voice whilst I turned the engine of my car on.

She kissed me one last time before I put the car into reverse and slowly and reluctantly edged off the driveway.

"And Em" she called after me as I moved slowly away. "If you even think about not calling me at least once a day I'll walk all the way to Danby and kick your perfect little butt" I laughed at her words and continued to reverse.

"If it'll get you to Danby sooner, I think I might try it" I joked as she shook her head.

"Go on you goof, get out of here before I start to cry" She was smiling but I could tell she was holding back tears.

"I love you" I said.

"I love you too" I heard her reply before I pressed my foot on the accelerator and drove away.

As I drove the familiar route home I knew what Paige had said was right, I knew we could make this work, but I knew it wouldn't be easy.

I couldn't help but have the feeling in my stomach that everything was going to change now.

…

And it did.

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**Please review and let me know what you think, remember, reviews make everyone happy (I really like reviews)!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you for everyone who reviewed the last chapter and let me know there's still keen readers out there, I just love love LOVE your feedback. Sorry I don't reply to every review but just know that it means a lot to me that people are enjoying something I spend hours thinking about and writing. It's great. :)**

**On to the story, I have a lot of ideas floating around in my head and I know that I have a lot of chapters left in me yet. The only thing is that it's been taking me longer to update because I am just so busy at the moment :( So I don't know how often the updates will be (I'll try my best to not take ages because I know its not nice to wait) - But all i'll say is have faith. I will update, and whatever direction this story goes in in future chapters, even if you don't like it at the time, remember I ship paily HARD... I want them happy just as much as you :)**

**Enjoy-**

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Mom I'll be fine, trust me" She was hugging me again and I patted her reassuringly on the back to let her know I meant it. My dad smiled at me from across the room and walked over to take me out of my mom's grasp and give me a hug of his own.

"We know you'll be fine kiddo, but we are going to miss you" I rested my head into the soft material of my dad's sweater and the smell and the comfort made me feel like I was a little kid again.

"Me too" I managed to say without crying, if my parents saw me upset they were likely to never leave Danby.

It took them another hour, after a hundred more hugs and five packs of tissues, but they finally left and I was alone in my dorm room at last.

It was quite late in the afternoon now but there was still no sign of my room-mate I looked over at the other side of the room and It was identical to mine, except mine was now full of my belongings and the other side was still bare.

I unpacked the last of my clothes into the big closet and found space for my case at the bottom of it. I'd covered the walls in a few posters from home and it was beginning to look more homely, I dug out some photo frames from a bag and positioned them on the night stand, smiling as I looked at them.

The first was of me, Spencer, Aria and Hanna at a Halloween party a few years ago all looking hilarious in our crazy fancy dress. The second was of me and Paige; I was staring at the camera and she was kissing my cheek, it was cheesy and sweet… but it always made me smile.

I looked around the room again and realised I liked what I saw, I had been worried about sharing a room with someone else but this room was big and there was easily enough room for two people to live comfortably.

I sat on the bed and lifted my feet up under me; it felt strange to finally be here, the place I would call home for the next few years of my life.

It was early evening now and I didn't have to be anywhere until the morning when I had an introductory meeting at the pool. I stood from my bed and pulled the warm hoodie Paige had given me on our date to the fair over my head. I'd had it for a while now, but every now and again I would leave it at Paige's house so that it began to smell like her again.

I inhaled the faint smell of my girlfriend with a smile but pulled it back off, placing it back down near my pillow; I'd save it for tonight, when I knew I'd miss her more. I got another hoodie out in its place and grabbed my phone.

**I'm all unpacked. Looks nice so far, still no sign of my room mate. Missing you already 3**

I sent the text to Paige before I slid my phone into the pocket of my jeans, I had been keeping her updated since I left Rosewood, perhaps going a little overboard with the amount of updates but I meant to stay true to my word and intended to update her to death.

I left my dorm room and stepped out into the hall, there were a few people around walking in groups or a few students arriving with their parents like I had been before, but I was the only person alone.

I walked quickly out of the building and made my way across campus to where I knew the swimming pool was, I knew it would be good to get myself familiar with my surroundings for my first real day tomorrow.

I stepped through big glass doors and had to swipe an ID card I had got from reception earlier today through a machine to be able to go further into the building. I walked through a few more doors until I managed to find the pool.

It was huge.

The tiles were clean, white and blue gleaming perfectly in the clean white glow of the gigantic auditorium.

There were seats on either side, rows and rows of seats that seemed so much bigger than anything I was used to. This place made Rosewood High seem like a paddling pool, shabby and outdated where Danby was modern and spectacular. The thought that I would be swimming in this very pool in a few days' time excited me, the thought that sometime in the future I would be racing in this pool while hundreds of people watched… that scared me a little.

"Pretty nice isn't it?" A voice said behind me.

I turned to see a tall girl with long mousy brown hair walking towards me from the entrance I had just come from. She was dressed like me, jeans and a hoodie, and something about her gave the vibe that she was a swimmer too.

"Really nice" I answered as I turned to her.

"You a swimmer?" She asked with a pleasant smile.

"Yeah, freshman. First day, thought I'd check out the facilities" I explained with a pleasant, if not slightly awkward smile of my own. I was never great meeting new people.

"Neat, me too!" She put out her hand "Katy" she introduced herself.

"Emily" I shook her hand as I said my name.

We spent the next few minutes talking, I learnt that Katy was from Minnesota, she had 2 brothers, a boyfriend called Sam and she was in a dorm a few doors down from me. I told her about my life briefly, summing up my whole life in a few simple sentences; it felt strange but oddly comforting that all the bad things in my life didn't have to follow me around any more. I didn't have to be the girl whose history was full of death and stalking; I could just be Emily Fields, a swimmer, a girl, a normal person.

"So your girlfriend's going to Penn state? Sweet, I have a friend who's starting there this year" I let go of a small breath I hadn't been aware I was holding. I had told myself not to care what people at college would think about me being gay, but there had still been a small part of me that was scared about not being accepted by people here but Katy didn't seem to care at all; in fact she didn't seem to even think twice about it… it was refreshing.

We walked together around the rest of the sports centre after that, finding the huge gym with its wide range of equipment and the outdoor running track. _Paige would love it here_, I thought to myself as I imagined her waking up at a ridiculous time in the morning to run until the sun came up or swimming morning laps before anyone else even thought about it. It made me sad to think she wouldn't be swimming at college like she had planned for so many years.

"Well Emily, you're officially my first college friend" Katy said with a small laugh as we found our way back to the big glass doors we had entered through.

I laughed too "So we're officially friends now? I don't remember agreeing to this" I joked, humour coming surprisingly easy. Katy reminded me of a mixture of all of my friends, she had Spencer's way with words, Aria's approachable manner and a little bit of Hanna's sense of humour, I felt comforted that I had already found a friend who didn't seem like a complete crazy person. I just hoped my roommate was like her too.

"So Emily, have you eaten? I was thinking of checking out the dining hall, but I don't want to look like a complete loser eating alone"

"Sounds great, I'm starving" I smiled back. This was good, I had made a friend, and she was going to be a team mate. Maybe college didn't have to be as scary as I had thought it was going to be, maybe Paige had been right, maybe everything would be okay.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I finished the food on my plate and put my knife and fork down together neatly like I had been told to do hundreds of times. My dad reached for the jug of water on the table and poured himself a glass.

"Paige, do you want some?" He asked pleasantly.

"I'm good thanks" I answered with a smile. It still felt strange that these days my parents and I could sit and eat dinner like a normal family; we actually had conversations, not arguments but real conversations about real things.

Recently I didn't dread meal times due to the fact I would have to hear another lecture from my father. These days I actually looked forward to them, it almost made me laugh to realise it… we had come a long way.

Everything had changed since the accident. It had been a slow change but it had still been change. It started with little things, like my dad asking me how I was feeling, my mom looking Emily in the eye when she came round, my parents actually _letting _Emily come round. Then things changed even more, my dad told me he would support me whatever I decided to do with my future, whether that was swimming or something else, whether I was with a boy or girl… or if I was with Emily.

The last thing was the biggest change, and it had made the most difference.

"So have you heard from Emily?" My mom was saying as she started to clear the plates from the table.

"Yeah, she arrived a few hours ago, I haven't spoke to her properly yet though" I replied as I helped her carry the dishes through to the kitchen.

"Talking of which, do you mind if I go upstairs to give her a call?" I asked as I scraped some leftovers off a plate and put it in the sink.

"No, that's fine I'll sort the rest of these" She answered, giving me a genuine smile.

I smiled back before I left for my room, falling on my bed when I reached it.

I brought up my recent contacts list on my phone and found Emily's name, pressing the call button quickly and waiting for her familiar voice to answer.

"Hey you" It greeted after just one ring.

"Hey yourself" I said, turning to lie on my stomach now as a big smile made its way onto my face.

"I was just about to call you, this is freaky" she laughed. "We are so in sync" we both said at the same time, causing us both to laugh again.

"So what's your first impressions of college?" I asked. "Is your room mate nice?"

"Still no sign of her" Emily answered.

"Don't introductory classes start tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I would have thought she'd have arrived by now" Emily replied light-heartedly.

"Weird" I matched her tone.

"But now it means I can speak to my girlfriend in peace" I could tell from her tone she was smiling.

"And why would you want to speak to me in peace… you're not going to make me do that whole phone sex thing are you, god Em it's only been a few hours?" I had to stop myself from laughing.

"Paige!" she shouted but she was also laughing. God, I loved her laugh.

"So have you had a look around campus?"

"Yeah, I met a girl from the swim team too. Her names Katy, she seems nice, we looked around together"

"And?"

"And what?" Emily asked innocently.

"What's it like? The facilities are meant to be incredible"

"Oh, yeah it's nice" She said casually.

"Come on Em, you can get excited. Is the pool amazing?" I guessed she was trying to avoid anything to do with swimming to protect me in some way, I wished she wouldn't.

She laughed softly at my words. "It really is" She said in a soft breath. "You'd love it"

I smiled softly. I'm sure I would.

"How's your second to last day in Rosewood been?" Emily asked now, changing the subject.

"Good actually, I went for a run with Spencer" I heard Emily laugh.

"I never thought I'd see the day, McCullers and Hastings 'BFF's'"

"She's the only person who doesn't slow me down" I answered with a smile, it was true. Spencer was fast.

"Excuse me, are you forgetting about me?"

"But your all the way in Danby" I reminded her, the reality setting in. Emily was miles away, and I missed her already.

"Thanks, so it takes you a day to replace me?"

"I could never replace you" I answered seriously, ending the jokes with a sincere tone.

"That's what I like to hear" Emily's voice spoke back before I began speaking again.

I put my phone onto speaker so I could get ready for bed while we carried on our conversation.

Sometimes, I really did love modern technology.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Hey" after months of anticipation the moment had finally come, and here I was stood awkwardly in the doorway of my new dorm, my hand doing a weird little wave at the girl who could only be my new room mate.

"Hey" she copied my waving motion and I was relieved to see a small smile. She was wearing dark jeans and a Penn State sweater and her brown hair was tied up messily. I automatically assessed her and decided she looked normal enough.

"I'm Paige" I introduced myself as I stepped into the room and put a bag down on the empty bed near to me.

"Taylor" She answered "Nice to meet you Paige" she added and turned to look at me, as she did I noticed pink streaks in her brown hair.

"You need any help?" She indicated to the boxes and suitcases waiting outside the dorm which I had lugged up three flights of stairs because the elevator was packed full of other students with hundreds of bags and I'd grown impatient.

"Thanks" I smiled as she helped me bring my stuff in. "Nice room" I added as I looked around the space.

"Yeah, not too bad for a college dorm" She replied and I already felt at ease. I was happy. My worst nightmare would have been to share a room with someone uptight or unfriendly.

"When did you arrive?" I asked, getting all the required small talk out now.

"A few hours ago" she nodded and the conversation flowed easily as I began to sort and unpack my belongings.

"So you play guitar?" I asked as I saw the case in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, I'm actually in a band" she nodded and I could see it then, she had the musician look. I couldn't help but think that she had the same long sleek dark hair as Emily, only with pink streaks, but that's where the similarity ended. She had quite a light complexion and skinny arms.

"That's so cool" I said excitedly like a dork. "I'm crap at music, good at listening to it though!" I added and she laughed.

"So Paige, what are you into?" she asked as she rearranged a few of her own things.

My first reaction was to say swimming but I stopped myself at the last moment. I guess I was still 'in to' swimming but it just felt strange to say it when I wasn't on a team any more, when it was the one thing that was sort of bugging me in the back of my head all the time. "I'm into sports" I decided on, it wasn't a lie, I was.

It only took me half an hour to sort most things out, and I reached some photo frames and positioned them in any spare space I could find. I put a picture of me and Emily up on my night stand, moving something pointless out of the way to make room.

"That's a nice picture" Taylor was saying.

"Thanks" I said lightly as I smiled at the picture, Emily looked really good in this one.

"Your best friend?" Taylor was asking and I guessed she had noticed my big smile.

"Oh, erm no. She's my girlfriend" I said confidently.

"Your gay?" She asked and I nodded slowly.

"No way, that's weird" She said and I felt my stomach drop. I hadn't even considered the fact I might be sharing with someone homophobic. "Looks like they roomed all the dykes together" she smiled now and I was confused.

"Sorry" she said "is the 'd' word too much, I always do that" she laughed.

"Your gay too?" I asked with a little laugh, finally understanding what she was getting at.

"That's me" she put her hands up and I laughed, feeling very unworldly when I realised that she was pretty much the only other girl I was friends with that was a lesbian. Of course I had met people like Samara but I tried to block her annoying blonde perky face from my mind if I could help it.

"Sweet" I replied laughing as we both carried on sorting through our things.

* * *

**You ready? X**

I sent the text as I tapped the side of my laptop impatiently.

**Just logging in now x**

It had been 2 days since I had started college and I was sat crossed legged on my bed waiting for Emily to pop up on the sidebar of Skype. Taylor was out with some of her friends she was in a band with, they were people she knew from home and they had all managed to come to the same college, I knew she'd probably be out all night.

Emily's name appeared in green and then a sound began to play before I clicked accept and Emily's face appeared in front of me on the screen. It had been the first time we'd been able to Skype since we started college and I realised how much I missed seeing her face.

"Hey beautiful" I said and I watched her smile at my words.

"Hey" she said back, her smile wider than I'd seen it in a long time.

She asked me some questions about my first day and I asked her how she was getting on at Danby. Things were going smoothly for the both of us it seemed and I couldn't help but let out an internal sigh of relief that nothing had gone completely wrong yet.

"And your room mate?" I asked "Have you actually managed to have a conversation with her yet?"

Emily laughed. "Willow" She said the girls name with wide eyes. "She's interesting alright. When she's actually here she's actually quite nice, but she's out most of the time. She's already met some boy who she's madly in love with, they're out at parties every night"

I laughed. "So not like you, the perfect model student?"

"Hey! That makes me sound boring, I am _not _boring" she protested with a smile.

"I never said that, I know you're not boring" I smiled. "Are the rest of the girls on the team nice?" Emily nodded at my question.

"They really are"

"I would have thought you'd be roomed with someone from the team" I asked and Emily shrugged.

"I guess the universe had other plans for me and willow" she said her name with the same wide eyes and I laughed again.

"How's things with your room mate, Taylor right?" Emily asked. We had spoken briefly about her the day I arrived.

"Good, we get on well" I answered, and weirdly in that moment my phone beeped and I looked to the screen to see a text from her. I laughed at what it said and Emily gave me the 'what are you laughing at' eyes.

"Sorry, that was her. She's out and she was just telling me she's seen this girl Jessica from one of her classes who's she's got this massive crush on, and she's worried because she's not wearing the right make up" I explained and Emily raised her eyebrows.

"Taylors gay?"

"Did I not say that?" I must have just forgotten, it wasn't even something I thought about.

"No you didn't" Emily shook her head. "Great, now I have to not only worry about my girlfriend being hours away looking all sexy and studious, I also have to worry that she's sharing a room with a lesbian who might, or might not want to creep into her bed at night" Emily was smiling as she was speaking so I could tell she wasn't really serious, but I could tell she was still a little bit jealous.

"Em, no one's going to be 'creeping' anywhere, especially not Taylor" I laughed but Emily was still pouting and giving me stern eyes.

"You don't have to compete with anyone Em, you know that" I said it seriously, the way I did that always stopped Emily from pouting and made her blush a little.

"And you know you can trust me"

"I know" she said with a serious smile of her own. "Sometimes I just want you to know that I'm jealous" she laughed and so did I.

"So I'm guessing you haven't found my present yet?" Emily said with a satisfied smile after we both stopped laughing.

"Present?" I raised my eyebrows in confusion. "What you talking about?" I added, which just caused her smile to grow.

"I might have put a little something in one of your boxes when I was helping you pack" She was grinning as she spoke, her lips curling lusciously as I watched her on the screen.

"What sort of present?" I asked, full of intrigue.

"You'll see when you find it" she winked at me.

I laughed softly before I moved my laptop and rested it on my pillow so I could get up but still talk to Emily.

"Do I get a clue?" I asked as I began to look at the small pile of things that remained unpacked. I had sorted most things out but there was still a few I hadn't got around to yet.

"Maybe if you hadn't left your unpacking so long you would have found it by now" she teased.

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile, when Emily was smiling I was smiling.

I pulled the tape off one box but found nothing in there but some notebooks and stationary so I moved it aside.

"You're really gonna make me work for this aren't you?" I spoke in the direction of my laptop, seeing her face on the screen watching me search.

"Yep" she laughed.

I was half way through the second box when I noticed something that didn't match the rest of the contents. I pulled out a small rectangle box which had a thin piece of ribbon tied neatly around it where a small tag was attached, the word _Paige_ written in Emily's familiar handwriting on it.

I looked it over with a smile and took it back towards the bed. "Em" I began to say as I untied the ribbon. "You didn't have to get me anything" I could feel my cheeks blushing slightly.

"I wanted to" Her voice said back and I looked up at her with another smile.

"Open it then" She said, making her eyes slightly wider. I laughed and eased the lid off to reveal what was inside. It was thin and silver and when I pulled it out I noticed it was a bracelet. There was a small anchor shaped charm forming the clasp. Looking at it closer I could see it was engraved too, the same way I had got Emily's necklace engraved.

A small piece of paper in the box caught my attention and I picked it up to see more of Emily's handwriting. _Because you're my anchor too. _

"I know I totally copied your idea" Emily's voice was saying. "But I wanted you to have something too… to remind you how much I love you"

I felt like a lump was forming in my throat and I had to swallow to try and get rid of it, I didn't know if it was because everything at the moment was so new and overwhelming or if I just missed Emily so much, but it was hard for me to not cry at that moment. I knew it was just a bracelet, but right now it meant everything.

"Thank you" I managed to say, looking up and meeting Emily's eye. "It's beautiful"

"So are you" She smiled back and I felt the blush returning. I normally felt more comfortable being the romantic one, but it was nice to hear Emily say these things and I could feel my heart beating faster in response.

I fiddled with it and tried to attach it to my wrist with one hand. "This is harder than it looks" I said with a laugh after a few seconds of failing. "I wish you were here to help me put it on" I looked up at Emily's expression on the screen. "And so I could give you a kiss to say thank you"

"Me too" Emily was still smiling, but slightly more sadly now.

I put the bracelet down on my nightstand and decided to try again with it later, I picked my laptop up and sat down, watching Emily as I did. I wished I could reach through the screen and touch her, feel the warmth of her hands in mine, run my fingers through her hair, taste her lips with mine.

I let out a long sigh. "What?" Emily asked, twirling a piece of her hair around her finger as she did, it only made her look more gorgeous than she had before.

I groaned, "I admit technology's good, but sometimes… it just isn't good enough"

* * *

**Emily's POV**

It's weird how time passes so slowly when you are waiting for something, like every hour, every second has just been drawn out to spite you. That's what I had felt like for the past week, ever since me and Paige had made plans for me to go and visit her.

I had told myself I needed to get a grip, it had only been 4 weeks, but it felt like 4 years. I felt sometimes I was beginning to forget what she looked like, then I closed my eyes for a minute and her soft pink lips and chestnut eyes would come flooding back into my mind and I'd find myself smiling like a goof in a room full of people, I swear my new team mates must think I'm a complete weirdo by now.

Time was co-operating with me now and it seemed to return to its normal speed of operating as I waited patiently for Paige. I didn't have to wait long until she arrived to meet me.

She didn't speak when she saw me and I was glad about it as it meant she went straight in for a kiss and I couldn't think of anything I wanted more in my life right now than a kiss from Paige McCullers.

"Hey" we both greeted at the same time and Paige tucked a piece of stray hair behind my ear like she had a hundred times before.

"I'm so glad you're here" she took the opportunity to kiss me again before she took my hand and took one of my bags from me so I didn't have as much to carry.

* * *

"So you're sure you don't mind going" Paige asked again.

"Paige, you've already asked like a gazillion times" I laughed lightly at her.

"I just feel bad that I'm not taking you out somewhere special or something, like a fancy restaurant or…"

"Paige, relax. I want to go, it sounds really fun. And I don't really care where we are; I came to see you not to go to a fancy restaurant"

"Ok, brilliant, good" She said with a smile. "I'll text Taylor and let her know we're definitely coming, she knows someone who works there who can get us in without fake ID."

"Great" I replied. We were going to a bar off campus where there was a battle of the bands night, Taylor's band was playing their first real gig and she'd really wanted Paige there for support. I was actually looking forward to it, to go out and listen to some music with Paige, and I was excited to meet Taylor who I guessed was a nice girl from what Paige said about her. She'd been out when Paige and I had dropped my things off in their dorm and now we were having something to eat in a small diner Paige swore did the best vanilla shake she'd ever tasted.

When the waitress arrived with the shake I'd ordered I took it eagerly, waiting until she had gone to take a sip of the white frothy liquid. Paige looked at me expectantly and waited for my opinion.

"Amazing!" I said as I took another sip and Paige smiled smugly.

"Told you" she said while she took a sip of her own.

* * *

"Drink?" Paige had returned from the bar and she had two small glasses in her hand, I accepted one from her happily and took a small sip through the straw. The taste of alcohol was strong and I laughed.

"Trying to get me drunk?" I teased her and she just nodded.

"You caught me" she raised her eyebrows seductively and leant forward a little so her hand could reach my waist, she found the skin between my shirt and skirt and ran her fingers along slowly.

I smiled at the contact and let my own free hand reach for her waist too.

She brought her glass up in front of us as she spoke "cheers" she said, her eyes darting to my lips as she smiled seductively.

"Cheers" I copied, our glasses touching together with a little clink.

Her lips had found mine and she kissed me softly at first before I felt her tongue ease into my mouth and before I knew it she was kissing me deeply. She pulled away and I opened my eyes to see her smiling.

I moved in and kissed her smile quickly one last time, her hand gripped my waist harder as I did.

"If we weren't in the middle of this bar you'd be in trouble" she bit her lip as she spoke, and I saw the desire in her eyes.

"Oh really" I raised one eyebrow with a smile to cover the wave of heat that had spread all over my body. A month had been too long, I wanted Paige. I needed her.

We stayed a safe distance away from each other now though as I reminded myself we were in public and it was still early; I couldn't just jump my girlfriends bones with so many onlookers ready to gawk at the lesbian couple in the corner.

Paige's hand was still on my waist though and I was more aware than ever of the gentle way her fingers were stroking the skin there.

I took another sip of the strong drink in an attempt to distract me from the fire that was slowly building up inside.

"Paige!" A loud voice came from across the crowded bar and I saw a thin girl with brown and pink hair making her way towards us.

"Hey!" Paige smiled at the girl as she reached us. She left her hand on my waist but moved it around so she could turn and speak to the other girl.

"It's packed in here!" The girl said looking around at the crowd before her eyes fell on me, I smiled as a smile formed on her face too.

"Taylor, this is Emily, Em, this is Taylor" Paige introduced casually, her hand around me securely as she squeezed lightly, like she was proud to say I was her girlfriend. It gave me a warm feeling in my heart.

"Nice to meet you" I greeted.

"You too" she smiled. "Finally nice to meet the girl Paige won't shut up about" she laughed lightly and I swore I saw a blush form on Paige's cheeks. She was so adorable.

"Talking about girls people won't shut up about, is Jessica here tonight?"

At Paige's words I definitely saw a blush form on the other girls cheek and she looked at Paige with wide eyes "shhh!" She protested. "I'm trying to play it cool" she laughed.

"Who's Jessica?" I asked, even though I already sort of knew as Paige had mentioned something about a girl Taylor likes.

"Just this girl who..."

"Who she's obsessed with" Paige finished for her with a grin.

"Paige! I am not!" She shook her head.

"Did you or did you not change classes just so you could be in another class with her and sit and stare at her like some sort of creeper" I laughed at Paige's words.

"Ok, ok...Guilty as charged" Taylor replied with a shy smile holding her hands up in defeat.

"What time are you on?" I asked, looking at the stage briefly.

"We're on second, there's a band on before us, called something like poisoned dragonfly, or was it butterfly...something stupid like that" she laughed.

Just then a girl with long sandy blonde hair came up behind Taylor and tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned and saw her there I knew this must be the 'girl', there was no denying Taylor had it bad, if her red cheeks weren't a dead give away the way she started playing with her hair was.

"Jessica! You made it" Taylor smiled.

"Of course! I brought some friends too, we're all excited about seeing you perform" this girl smiled widely at Taylor and her eyes wandered quickly done her body, almost unnoticeable, but I saw.

Paige must have too as she glanced quickly at me and we shared a knowing smirk.

"Oh, thanks, I'm a little bit nervous to be honest" Taylor seemed it.

"You'll be amazing, I'm sure" she replied before her friends called over to her.

"I'm going to go and get a drink, but I'll catch you later? Good luck" she smiled and Taylor smiled and nodded and then she laughed and joined her friends again.

"Ok, she definitely likes you " Paige grinned once she was out of earshot.

"What? No, how can you even tell" Taylor stuttered.

Paige looked towards me with her eyebrow raised "Em" she said.

"Trust us, she does" I smiled back.

* * *

Half an hour later and the first band were making their way onto the stage, they started with a fast up tempo song and the bar started buzzing as people started to dance.

"Shall we?" Paige offered me her hand and I entwined our fingers eagerly, pulling her to a place with more room.

Paige was a goofy dancer, it was one thing she wasn't that graceful at, watching her swim you would swear that she was the world's most elegant person ever; but when she danced... Not so much.

I loved it though, the way she'd move her body at all these funny angles and twirl me around as a joke only to pull me close with a stupid grin on her face.

"You're such a dork" I spoke into her ear so she could hear me over the music.

"But I'm _your _dork" She spoke back before she took my hand and twirled me again, spinning me quickly so I got dizzy and stumbled into her. She caught me and I could feel her laugh against me.

The song changed and the music now was a bit slower, both my hands were entwined with hers again as we danced slower and I took a moment to appreciate the feel of her, the safety and comfort of her hands holding mine, the soft skin, the warmth.

I hadn't noticed but I must have been smiling like an idiot because Paige tilted her head and looked at me "What?" she swung our hands as she spoke.

"I'm just _so _happy to be here with you, to be able to touch you" I leant forward. "And kiss you" I gave her a chaste kiss.

She smiled that smile where it looked like she was looking right into my soul, and she liked what she found there. "It's pretty awesome inst it?"

We moved with the music for a while and I noticed that Paige's dancing had changed; it seemed that she was no longer listening to the music but was just concentrating on me. I watched her face and her eyes were following where she was moving her hands, over my stomach and hips and then they moved to other parts of my body. I moved my arms so they were draped over Paige's shoulders and I linked my hands together around her neck. She moved her body closer to mine now and her eyes continued with their exploration of my body.

It was strange to me to feel this confident and _sexy _but the way her eyes were dark and drinking me in I found myself finally believe all the times Paige had called me beautiful. She made me feel a million dollars by simply looking at me. It was exhilarating.

I moved forward on impulse and kissed her cheek softly, leaving my lips to linger before I kissed again further down, until I was kissing the skin at the top of her neck. I felt her take in a quick draw of breath and a sweet little half moan crept out of her mouth. I pulled back and smiled at her, our eyes meeting and I realised again what Paige could do to me with just a look.

My legs almost felt weak at the sheer adoration on her face.

Before I noticed that the song had ended and the band was introducing their third song Paige had taken my hand in hers firmly and was leading me through the crowd quickly.

"Where are we going?" I asked but she didn't answer she just carried on pulling me further towards the other side of the bar. We found our way to where the sign for the bathroom was, there were some right near where we were but further down a corridor there were some more and she headed towards the door with a stick woman on the front.

"Paige" I laughed as she dragged me by the hand into the bathroom. When we were inside she let go of my hand as she checked the bathroom stalls and found they were all empty. She turned to me with a grin

"I needed to be alone with you" She was saying in a husky voice as she put her hands to my face and began to kiss me passionately, her tongue exploring more than it had when we'd been out in the main bar. I couldn't stop the moan that seeped into the kiss as I felt Paige's hands now running under the fabric of my shirt.

"We can't" I said half-heartedly with a light giggle as I guessed where this was going.

"Oh... We can" she winked at me before she moved towards the main door and locked that so no one could enter.

Before I could protest again she had closed the gap between us and her lips were pressed firmly against mine. Back where they belonged.

"Mmm" she moaned into my mouth as her hands began to explore my body again.

"Oh I missed you so much" she said as she moved her lips to my neck and began to kiss and suck the sensitive skin she found there. The feeling was incredibly and I felt my heart pounding ferociously against my chest and my hands grab greedily to her body, forcing her closer to me.

She led me backwards until my back was pressed against the cold tiled wall and I was suddenly aware where we were.

"Paige" I breathed, my voice coming out in just a breath due to the way her lips and tongue were making patterns on my neck and jaw. "We're in a bathroom…in a bar" I said still breathless.

"So" she said as she moved one hand up my thigh and eased it under my skirt. "Don't you find that just a little bit hot?" She raised her eyebrows at me as her hand rested on my inner thigh, now _that _was hot.

I couldn't help the wide smile that made its way onto my lips. "It is quite a nice bathroom" I joked as I noted the plastic flowers near the sink and the soft lights around the mirror.

"Almost romantic" Paige joked back, leaning in like she was going to kiss me and stopping just short.

"You are incredible Emily Fields" She spoke the words in a whisper, her warm breath meeting my lips lightly.

I closed the tiny gap eagerly and we moved in sync, a familiar dance we slipped so easily back into. The sort of dance that Paige happened to be absolutely incredible at.

* * *

A while later a noise from the corridor outside pulled us back to reality and I giggled as I noticed Paige's ruffled hair.

"We should go, Taylor will be on soon" I said as I ran my hands through the hair I must have messed up with my hands.

"Can we not just stay here forever" she was stroking my hair now too.

"What, in this tiny bathroom? I have more planned for our future than that"

"You have?" Paige almost got a dreamy look on her face. "So you've thought about that sort of thing?" She was smiling. "Tell me your plans" she raised her eyebrows.

I reached for her hands. "You and me, together, achieving our dreams"

"And what are you dreams miss Fields?" Paige was smiling but looking so intently at me, like every word I said she was going to process and make sure she never forgot.

I shrugged my shoulders out of habit, thinking about the future used to be something that scared me so I used to avoid it, but when I really thought about it I knew exactly what I wanted. Paige was still looking at me and I decided in that moment to tell her the truth of what she was asking.

"To be someone, to swim and be great at it, to achieve something, to win, I used to feel bad about wanting that so badly but it's the truth, it's my dream" I watched as Paige watched me, a small smile on her lips. "And to have you, to love you forever, that's my favourite dream" I watched as Paige nodded slowly.

"Then we better leave this bathroom after all so your dreams can start coming true"

"And you, what about your dreams?" I asked with a smile, intrigued at what she would answer.

"You wanna know my dream?" I nodded at her question. She leaned in and kissed my lips, firm but with a tender edge. "That's my dream, to be able to kiss you like that whenever I want" She laughed and kissed me again.

"Now that's my sort of dream" I laughed too before Paige led the way again, unlocking the door before we made our way back to the stage. As we walked I couldn't help but think about Paige's words, about her dreams, about her future. She wasn't swimming any more and her life had changed a lot, but I hoped she still felt like she was worthy of something amazing. I wanted her to be happy, I wanted her to want, I wanted her to be all she could be, and I hoped more than anything in the world that all her dreams, whatever they really were, would come true.

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**Review? :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A new chapter for all you lovely readers! Thanks again for all the reviews: del, brittga24, glorymania, Jezzabelle-at-sea and others I'm SO glad you liked the new college dynamic and the tension/distance thing. Sorry I'm not mentioning everyone but thank you for all your reviews and hello to the newbies to the story! I'm glad to have you on board. I am one happy girl. **

**Anyway, story time - I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and hopefully the next one will be fun to write as well. I hope you like it too - ENJOY**

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**Paige's POV**

I woke up without an alarm; I was used to doing it, whenever I set one I normally woke up a few minutes before it anyway.

Even though I knew it was ridiculously early I couldn't seem to rest, It was like my body was craving exercise just as much as my brain was and I just couldn't ignore it. I'd fallen into this routine of waking up early over the last few weeks and now it was unusual if I was still in bed after 5.

I moved in the dark trying to be as quiet as I could so I didn't wake my sleeping roommate. I'd mastered the art of changing into my running gear almost silently and Taylor hardly ever woke up before I had been out of our room at least an hour. Today though, when I dug out my keys from my bag they slipped and fell to the floor in a clatter and I cringed internally. I watched Taylor's form hoping she wouldn't stir, but she did. She opened her eyes and stared at me through the darkness her expression full of confusion.

"Paige! What are you doing?" She asked in a hushed sleepy tone as she fumbled for her phone, obviously so she could check the time. "It's 4:30 am"

"Sorry" I whispered back. "I didn't mean to wake you, I'm just going for a run, go back to sleep"

"You're insane" she shook her head but I could see her smile sleepily through the dark room before she snuggled back down under her duvet cover.

I left the building quietly and began to take my normal jogging route. The air had an icy edge to it and I was thankful I had decided to put a hoodie on over my normal running clothes even though I might regret it later on; It was early December and it was starting to get colder as the days passed towards Christmas.

I pushed the earphones of my iPod into my ears and hit play on my running playlist; I liked the upbeat music to help me keep a pace steady. As I ran I kept to the well-lit areas of the campus even though it wasn't completely dark still; the darkness was lifting slightly as if teasing me with the start of a new day.

I always liked mornings. If I had to pick a favourite time of day I would say the hour before most people wake up, the moment when the sun begins to rise and you watch it roll up into the sky completely changing everything around you. I liked the thought that most people were in bed while I was awake, alone with my thoughts. It made me feel like I had access to things that most people didn't see… I liked that.

I ran faster as I reached a straight strip running along the sports centre of Penn state, further on was the swimming pool which, although not quite as impressive as Danby, was a pretty amazing thing. I knew the route round here well even in the dim light of the morning.

I could feel the familiar burn in my legs and chest as I pushed faster, I loved this feeling. I ran past the entrance to the pool and I could already smell the chlorine.

I missed that smell.

My dad's words rang in my head, 'why don't you ask if there's any spots on the second team, or if you can just go back to training so they can see how good you are' I liked my dad's words and in theory I'd known they'd made sense.

Before the accident I had no doubt I'd be one of the best swimmers on any team at any college. Before, I'd had confidence. I'd had a drive and a passion that meant I was fierce in the water, the same passion I saw in Emily's eyes when she talked about swimming.

But now, things were different. Ever since that day when the darkness was all around me and I'd thought it would never shift, since I realised my body wasn't unbreakable... Something had changed.

I hated it. It was frustrating because I wanted that confidence back so much but I just couldn't seem to find it. I'd managed to get access to the pool early one morning last month and get myself reacquainted with the water, test my strokes, refine my turns at the end of laps. But it was all so flat.

I was swimming with anger, but not the sort of anger I used to have at high school that fuelled me to be better and swim quicker. No, this was more of a confused anger, one that sort of crept up and made me freeze up. Anger that the one activity I thought I'd always be good at and always love was suddenly something that didn't feel right.

I had doubts where I'd never had them before.

Doubts whether I would be good enough, doubts whether I wanted to be... Doubts whether I could ever stop feeling jealous of the fact that Emily had none of these doubts filling up her head. It wasn't something I was proud of, but it was the truth.

The more I focused on swimming the more I ended up comparing myself to Emily, to what she had, and it wasn't something I liked to do. It made me feel guilty and ashamed that I was jealous at all, because it wasn't Emily's fault, and I never ever wanted her to feel ashamed to be proud of her achievements.

So I knew if I didn't think about me swimming, it would be easier. And I was right, it sort of was easier.

Running made it easier too. It was something I could do to clear my head when I started panicking about my life. I'd picked Penn state in a hurry, the same with my classes. Nothing was planned as much as I was used to and I still wasn't really sure where I was heading.

The thought panicked me sometimes and I had to run to let the tension ease out of me. After a good thirty minute jog my mind always cleared and I could focus on what I knew was important. Being happy.

And I already knew the one thing that could make me truly happy, and she was already mine.

* * *

By the time I returned to the room it was still early and I got back in time to hear Taylor's alarm start to beep from her night stand. She didn't stir and she let the beeping continue; I picked up a pillow from my bed and threw it at her lightly.

"Wake up lazy!" She woke when the pillow hit her and grabbed it with an angry look on her face.

"urgh" she groaned. "You're so annoying and _perky_!" She threw the pillow back harder than I had thrown it but I managed to move out of the way easily. She turned the alarm off as she sat up, looking at me before she rubbed her eyes.

"How are you showered and dressed already? It's only 7:30" She stretched.

"I'm superwoman" I joked as I placed the coffee I had got for her down next to her.

She eyed it with a smile "Oh my God you really are" she was smiling now.

"Guess who I saw on my way back from my run?" I sat on the edge of my bed for a moment, taking a sip of my own coffee.

"Some other crazy person who wakes up at a ridiculous hour?" She teased.

"Jessica" I made the word long and opened my eyes which just caused Taylor to pull the covers up over her face.

"Are you ever going to ask her out?" I laughed when I saw her hitting her hand against her face.

"Yes!" She protested and I rolled my eyes.

"You said that last month"

"Things just keep… getting in the way" She was saying.

"You mean you keep chickening out?" I did a friendly laugh.

"Something like that" she laughed too.

"You found out she's been out with girls in the past, you two flirt like it's going out of fashion, please for everyone's sake… ask her out!" I smiled.

"What if she says no, or I mess up what to say or I end up just looking like an idiot?"

"Tay, you're speaking to the girl who basically bullied Emily for a good few weeks, tried to bring a dude along to a date and tried to kiss her when her girlfriend had _just _disappeared… and she _still _went out with me. If I can get the girl after that, you can get Jessica who basically eye fucks you every time she's with you" I laughed and Taylor threw another pillow at me.

"She does _not!" _ She was laughing and nodding though.

"Ok, ok, I'll ask her today, so we can go out before Christmas break"

"Good!" I stood up and took another sip of my coffee.

"Right, I have to get to work" I said as I headed towards the door.

"You really do never stop!" she shouted at me as I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. She was right, I didn't.

I had started a job a month or so into being at college to help pay for things. Not having a scholarship had really changed my money situation, even though my parents were wealthy enough to cover my tuition I still felt like I should work so I could help to pay them back as soon as I could, and so I had money to do things. I was working at a bar on campus, it wasn't very glamorous but the pay was decent and it was only a five minute walk from my dorm, so I could get a shift in before class and also work in the evenings and not worry about walking home alone late at night. Morning shifts normally included cleaning up from the night before and checking the stock, it wasn't as exciting as the night shift but I liked it none the less.

I left my dorm and heard my phone ringing from my pocket, the ringtone I had assigned to Emily; I dug it out with a smile.

"Good morning" I answered.

"Is it?" Emily's voice replied groggily and she laughed lightly.

"You alright?" she sounded sick.

"No" She replied, her voice full of a cold. "I'm sick!" Just as she finished speaking she broke out into a deep coughing fit.

"Awww baby" I said sympathetically down the phone at her cough. "Have you taken some medicine?"

"Yeah but it hasn't really worked" she said glumly. "And I missed training" I wanted to reach and give her a hug.

"I'm sure your coach will understand"

"Yeah, hopefully" She was saying between coughs.

"You sound real bad" I said with a concerned tone. "You should go to the doctor"

"It's not that bad, just a cold" I rolled my eyes, Emily was not one to give in easily.

"I hope so, just look after yourself, you're very precious ok!" I heard her laugh at that, a low laugh that turned into a small cough.

"I will" she said. "I just wanted to ring to hear your voice" She added and I wanted to hug her even more.

"Well my voice is always at your service"

"How are you anyway?" She asked now.

"Me? I'm good, I'm off to work in 10 though" I said as I reached the entrance to the bar, I was still early so I stood outside and stayed on the phone.

"This early?" She asked and I replied with a yes, laughing at the fact that this was actually late morning for me considering the time I had actually woken up.

We spoke for a few more minutes and I could tell Emily's throat was quite bad from the way her usual voice was gone and in its place was a huskier version of the voice I was so familiar with.

"I better be better by the trip" She said and I nodded in agreement.

"You will be, we have like 3 and a half weeks until then" I said and suddenly realised how close it was.

"I'm so excited" her husky voice said.

"Me too!" I replied and as I checked my watch, I only had one minute until my shift started. "Sorry Em, I have to go"

"It's ok, I feel a bit better just talking to you" I made a mental note of how adorable her voice was when she was sick.

"Good, have some soup and take lots of medicine" I smiled into the phone "I love you" I added sincerely.

"I love you too" she replied before I pressed the end button on my phone.

I really hoped she would be better soon, if she was sick for the trip I knew it would suck. The trip, I was excited just to think about it.

Aria had first asked Emily last month if we wanted to go to France at New Year to stay in Ezra's family cabin. Things with his parents had improved and they were now on friendly terms again, so it gave him the perk of having use of their private cabin in the French Alps. He had come up with the idea apparently, in a bid to get to know his girlfriend's friends and partners better I guessed, and everyone had agreed, especially when he said we were all welcome to stay free of charge.

It hadn't taken me and Emily long to accept the offer, all we had to save up for were the flights and I had enough money saved up from work to afford mine and Emily also had savings, we were the first to say we were going and then Hanna and Caleb had agreed too. Spencer was also in and she was bringing Wren, I still wasn't used to the fact she wasn't with Toby any more even though it had ended messily a while ago way before college started, in my head it was always Spencer and Toby. But Wren could work. I didn't know him too well; just that him and Spencer had a long and slightly weird history but now they seemed in a good place and were trying to make a relationship work. And he was British… that was a good enough reason alone to give the guy a chance I thought with a smile as I pushed through the door to start work.

Just a few weeks left and I would be setting off across the world with Em and her friends, the thought made me happy and I hummed cheerily as I began to mop the sticky floor of the bar. I could put up with this until then.

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**Emily's POV**

I got another tissue out of the packet and blew my nose again, I hated being sick.

It was midday now and I still hadn't got out of bed. I tried to force myself to man up and just jump out of bed and get on with it but moving too fast hurt my head.

I was taken out of my self-pity when I heard my phone beep from a text message, I fumbled for it wondering if it was Paige checking up on me again.

**Hey Em, coach was asking about you this morning, I told him you were sick but he said he needs to talk to you asap. Hope you feel better soon! Call if you need anything else– Katy.**

I smiled at the other swimmer's message and made a mental note to thank her again later for the medicine she had brought round to my dorm this morning. My own roommate was useless, she had rolled in this morning after being god knows where the past two days, I think still drunk, picked up some textbooks and a change of clothes and left again with nothing more than a sympathetic look in my direction. I'd really gotten lucky with the roommate thing, I thought with a sarcastic laugh. I knew it didn't really matter though, I had plenty of friends on the team and all of them had other friends who had more friends, it was like a massive web of people and everywhere I went on campus or in classes I always seemed to find someone I knew. I liked it.

The parties were great too, I had to admit it. The girls on the swim team trained hard but they also knew how to party hard too. Hanna had visited the other week and was particularly impressed with the 'talent' on offer in the mens swim team, who were almost always present at any party someone from my team held.

If I was honest I loved everything about college, it was all I hoped it would be and the swimming was amazing. The coach at Danby was different than what I was used to, he focused on every little detail of how you swam, asked about your thought process and why you did things the way you did. I wasn't used to having someone in my head like that, but once I got used to it I was impressed with how much his advice improved my swimming. It was intense.

I would leave training every morning aching and burning but I loved it. We had our first big competition last month and we had won by a mile, it had been a good day.

I loved everything about college except one thing, Paige wasn't here. I missed her so much at times that it actually hurt.

I spent a lot of my time trying to tell myself to just deal with it, she was always on the other side of the phone but sometimes it was just too much. I had always been the sort of person who liked to have contact with someone, whether it was a hug from my friends, holding hands or just falling asleep snuggled into someone. I craved Paige's touch so badly.

And at times I craved her _special _kind of touch more than anything else. It was getting worse recently, the itch, the ache of it. I hadn't really understood what it was like before to want sex so badly, but there were times now that I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't see her soon. Just thinking about it now made me groan out loud, I needed her.

The groan made me cough again though and I was suddenly reminded that I was an ill mess and Paige probably wouldn't come within 10 meters of me from fear of infection.

The ski trip to France couldn't come soon enough, and by then I hoped I was better. We were leaving two days before New Year's Eve, early in the morning. I was so excited about spending time with Paige and all my friends it was making the last few weeks of term go by really slowly as i counted down the days. Paige had promised to teach me how to ski so we could save money on an instructor, I had never done it before but by the sounds of it she was some sort of pro. She denied it, but I had always known the McCullers family were the sort to jet off on a last minute ski holiday… in that way they were quite like the Hastings.

I coughed again and felt my headache growing worse, I hoped the pain pills would kick in soon. I knew I needed to go and talk to my coach but I knew it would be impossible to get myself to move right now. Instead I pulled the covers over my head and went to sleep again, thinking about Paige and her special touch.

By the time I woke up I was hot and clammy and I knew I needed to go and take a shower. I forced myself out of bed and walked groggily to the shower, by the time I had finished and was fully clean I felt somewhere closer to normal.

I got dressed and made my way to the sport centre slowly. It was the afternoon now and I hoped my coach wouldn't be too annoyed that I had kept him waiting until now.

When I reached the glass door to his 'office', It was more of a storage room lined with medals and trophies and pictures of him with grinning athletes, I knocked gently.

He looked up at me and beckoned me in with a smile.

"Fields, there you are" He greeted.

"Sorry I missed training this morning, I think I'm getting sick" I coughed, as if on cue.

"Yeah, Thomas said" He replied, referring to Katy. "I hope you're looking after yourself, we need you healthy and on top form as soon as possible" he said, not impolitely.

"I am" I assured. "Katy said you wanted to speak to me?" I asked, wondering why it was he wanted me to see him now and not wait until tomorrows training.

"I did" He took his baseball cap off and placed it on the table before putting it back on again, it was a habit of his to play with the old hat like that.

"You one of our most talented young athletes Fields" He said, matter of factly.

"Thank You" I replied with a shy smile.

"Don't thank me, thank yourself" He laughed before he removed his hat again.

"Have you thought much about your future career?" He said now, looking up from the table. His question caught me off guard and I started to stutter as I replied, I had thought about it, but I hadn't thought I would have to do anything with those thoughts in my first semester of college.

He took my stuttering well and smiled back at me. "It's only we have had some very exciting 'interest' in you, from some of our trainers and sponsors here and overseas" He was smiling now and I felt myself become nervous. What did he mean?

"Don't look so worried, this interest is good" He laughed and I relaxed a little.

"What sort of interest?" I asked.

"Well, it's still the early stages. I'm thinking of arranging a visit to training by a few of the key players for you and one or two other girls, but it's the thrilling sort of interest. Olympic interest" He opened his eyes wide and laughed and I felt my whole stomach bubble in a strange anticipation.

"Wow, that's… amazing" I said with a small smile.

"Like I said, it's the early stages. But I wanted you to know that your talent is good and I want to keep on pushing you, we'll see what we can do with you" He flashed me a smile.

"Now, I _was _planning on you being healthy and fit this week, but by the looks of it you're going to need a week or two to be back on top form. I'll let you know what's planned when I plan it." He put his hat back on again now and stopped playing with it, a sign that he had said all he needed to.

"Thanks, that's great" I got up to leave before he passed a folder to me.

"Would you mind dropping that off in Coach Watson's office on your way out? An old man's got to watch his legs" He joked and I nodded and left the room. The coach wasn't that old, I guessed he was in his early fifties, but the assistant coach Owen Watson was younger, my guess was mid-twenties and the majority of the team harboured a little crush on him, even as a lesbian I could see the appeal, if you were into that sort of thing he was a catch. I dropped the folder at his office before I stepped outside again and felt myself be taken over by another coughing fit.

I needed to get better quickly, not only so I could be healthy for the trip but now I had to impress people, important scouts with big juicy sponsorships.

I pulled my phone out automatically and dialled Paige's number; she was the first person I always wanted to tell about things like this. While I listened to the calling tone I imagined for a second what I would feel like if it was the other way around, if she was calling me to tell me all these amazing swimming possibilities and I wasn't swimming anymore. For a moment I felt guilty but then I pushed that thought away, this wasn't something to be guilty about, I knew Paige wouldn't want that. She would want to know, she would be happy for me. I knew she would and that just made me love her even more.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Tickets! Have we got the tickets!" Hanna was shouting again as she dug around in her bag, I was sure she had already asked this ten times. "Oh my God where are the tickets"

Caleb was grinning at her now as he came up behind her with a mischievous smile holding their tickets in his hand. "I've got the tickets" He said as she looked at him with her eyebrows furrowed together. "After the fifth time of you losing them I thought they might be better in my care"

"I didn't _lose _them… I just _misplaced _them" she pouted back and I saw Emily laugh.

We were at the airport now waiting to check in, we decided to wait for everyone to arrive before we began and Spencer and Wren had been fifteen minutes late as Wren had been called into the hospital last night as an emergency so he had to get ready in a hurry. But they were here now and we were ready to check in.

Hanna and Caleb went first and once their bags had been sent down the conveyor belt and they had got their boarding pass I moved to move mine and Emily's bags up to where they got checked.

I saw Emily place a hand on her bag and I stepped next to her and put a hand over hers.

"I got it" I said, flashing her a grin.

"Thank you" She smiled back, it was almost seductive and made my heart leap.

"My pleasure" I said before I moved the heavy bag and we both got our passports out to check in. As the woman at the desk handed me my passport back I heard Emily laughing beside me.

"What?" I asked, but as I did I saw her looking at my passport which was open on the picture page.

"Don't laugh!" I pushed her lightly on the arm.

"That is one funny picture" she was trying to take it out of my hand to have a closer look but I managed to shut it and shove it back into my pocket.

"It was like 4 years ago, I was a loser ok" I laughed as Emily smiled at me.

"I forgot" she winked and I nudged her with my hip lightly.

I grabbed her passport and was disappointed when her passport photo looked like it had been taken about a year ago and Emily looked just as gorgeous as ever. "Urgh, you're like ridiculously good looking _all the time_. No one looks good on their passport photo. _No one!" _She laughed at that as we waiting for the others to check in.

"What have you got in here?" I heard Ezra say as he hoisted Aria's big blue case up onto the conveyor belt.

"Clothes" she replied innocently.

"We're only going for 6 days not 6 years" I heard him complain and Aria just shrugged her shoulders. In her defence, the way Aria seemed to be able to produce such extravagant clothing multiple times a day… he case was actually quite small.

* * *

Two hours, and 5 cups of coffee for Spencer later and we were boarding the plane. Ezra had booked him and Aria into first class, and Wren, who I guessed didn't want to be outdone by a teacher had done the same for Spencer and himself.

As Hanna, Caleb, Emily and I joined the line for coach Hanna looked sadly at the first class queue. "Caleb, one day we're travelling first class, even if it means we have to sell our house or something" Caleb looked at me and rolled his eyes. I laughed at that.

Just as the two of them reached the flight attendant and handed her their boarding passes I felt Emily tug my hand. "One day, when I'm a millionaire I'll rent us our own private jet" She was smirking into my ear.

"Really? What if I'm a millionaire first" I joked back, raising one eyebrow.

"Then we'll _buy_ our own private jet" She squeezed my hand before she pushed me forward to hand my own boarding pass in.

We found our seats easily and I was happy with our position near the back of the plane. I'd read somewhere about the back being the safest place in the event of a crash landing… or was it the front. Now I was panicking. Why couldn't I remember where the best place was.

As I continued my internal mental breakdown I heard Emily say my name.

"Paige" she waved her hand in front of my face. "Window seat or middle seat?" she pointed to our chairs.

"I don't mind" I answered quickly; if we crashed it wouldn't make any difference whether I was sat near the window or in the middle seat. Emily moved down the seats and took a place next to the window. I followed and sat next to her. The minutes passed and no one took the empty seat next to me and I assumed that the plane wasn't full and it would be empty, I was happy about that.

The cabin started to buzz as I guessed the engines must have been turned on and the plane began moving slowly along the runway, my hand found Emily's and I held it firmly. God I hated these things.

"Are you alright?" Emily was looking right at me and I noticed suddenly just how tight I was holding her hand.

"Sorry" I answered and I noticed how dry my mouth was all of a sudden. I was never a good flyer even though I tried to tell myself I was.

"Are you scared of flying?" She was smiling, but it was a warm sympathetic smile.

"Me? No, no I'm alright, I just… a little" I trailed off when I felt her other had cover our interlocked hands.

"That's so adorable" she was stroking my hands.

"Adorable?" I looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "I call it smart, I mean were in a big metal death trap that's about to go hurtling through the sky thousands of miles off the ground"

Emily laughed and leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "It's okay, I promise" the way she smiled at me, oh God… that smile. It really did make everything ok. Well until the plane starting speeding up and we began take off.

I closed my eyes and held my breath as I held tighter onto Emily's hand, I imagined she was sat smiling in amusement at me right now but I didn't care, I couldn't care right now as I was too busy picturing all the ways I could die on this thing. After we were fully in the air and the seatbelt sign had been turned off I finally felt it was safe to let go of her hand.

"Here I was thinking Paige McCullers was fearless" Emily lifted her legs and folded them up to her chest as she spoke.

"Sorry to break the illusion" I smiled back, a lot calmer now the plane was actually in the air. Take off and landing was always the worst for me.

Emily reached for my hand and started stroking each finger slowly, stopping when she reached my palm to stroke small circles before she moved to the next finger. She's been touching me a lot recently.

Since we both returned from college for Christmas break we'd spent pretty much every second together. The longest we'd spent apart was Christmas day and that was only because my parents had insisted on a traditional 'family only' day.

"You've been doing this a lot you know"

"What?" She asked, running her hand up my forearm now.

"Just touching me, looking at me" She moved her eyes slowly up my body before she reached my eyes. "Like that" I added with a smile.

"Sorry" She bit her lip as she apologised with a smile of her own.

"No, don't apologise, I like it" I glanced to her lips briefly. "I like it a lot"

"I guess I just miss being able to" She interlocked our fingers now. "I miss being connected to you like this" She squeezed my hand tighter and I felt my heart skip in my chest.

"Being connected to you is pretty awesome I must admit" I raised an eyebrow as I glanced at her lips again. Simple things like kisses, I never realised how much I'd miss Emily's lips on mine.

She leaned forward and caught my lips in a delicate kiss, but it was a kiss with an edge of something else, a subtle hint of what was to come by the way she ever so slightly brushed her tongue against my bottom lip.

I grinned widely when she pulled back.

"I'm so glad you're not sick any more I moved my eyes all over her face as I spoke; trying to set every bit of it into my long term memory... in fairness it was already there.

"Me too" she spoke quietly and went back to her stroking of my arms. How could this girl make me feel _this _turned on by a simple touch?

"Carry on like this Em, we might have to join the mile high club" I joked as I cocked my head in the direction of the tiny bathroom.

"You wish McCullers" she winked at me. "I'm too classy for that sort of thing" she was smiling so sweetly at me now.

"Then just wait until we get to France, we can properly get our French kiss on" I joked as I leaned in slowly.

"Oui oui mademoiselle" Emily said in her best French accent and I hadn't realised it was possible to love her any more than I already did, but I think I just fell a little deeper at the sexiness of what she just said.

I shook my head almost in disbelief at how lucky I was before I kissed her again, less passionately than I would have liked due to the fact that we were sat surrounded by other passengers. Emily went back to her stroking and I made a prediction that this trip was going to be great.

Ski-ing, snow, a cabin with a bunch of nice people… and Emily. All Em, all the time… this was my idea of a Happy New Year.

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**opinions? Reviews? please? pretty please? :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you again guys for all the amazing reviews, I love reading them. dumbfangirl - glad to have you as a new reader, and thank you for the compliments! I hope you continue to enjoy. monicaduwel - thanks for saying the story is believable, that's very important for me! And to every other reader/reviewer etc THANKS and I'll try and update again ASAP.**

**I know this chapter is set around New Year and there's snow etc but its still only November... but I'm in a festive mood so, I make no apologies :)**

**I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it:**

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**Emily's POV**

"Here we are" Ezra was saying as we pulled up in front of what I presumed was where we would be staying for the next few days. We'd had to take 2 taxis from the airport and after a forty five minute drive I was happy we had finally arrived. The snow was covering everywhere in a thick layer of white and I was memorised by it; I had never seen so much and the sight was sort of incredible.

We weren't far from the ski slopes and the mountains rose high all around us, there were shops and bars within walking distance of the cabin we were calling home. I liked it already.

I took a look at the wooden house and my mouth fell open slightly, I didn't know what I had been expecting, but it wasn't this.

It was huge, made of dark wood and covered in the same thick blanket of snow as everything else around us. There was a balcony on the upstairs level and a wide porch on the bottom. Ezra Fitz was _rich_ I thought with a satisfied smirk as I felt Paige pull at my hand.

I hadn't noticed how long I had been staring and the cabin in awe and it seemed now that everyone was already making their way inside. I lifted my bag up instead of dragging it along the floor to keep it dry from the snow that lined the ground.

"Pick any room you want except the one right in front" I heard Ezra say from the entrance of the house as he pointed at a closed door. "The master suite is ours" He flashed a sweet little grin in Aria's direction.

I heard Spencer shouting commands at Wren as she scrambled in front of Hanna and up the stairs in an attempt to find the biggest room. Hanna and Caleb followed them as I was still getting my suitcase through the door.

"Come on slow coach, we'll end up with worst room" Paige was already at the bottom of the stairs now.

"As long as it's got a bed, it'll be good enough for me" Paige sent me a knowing smirk before I followed her up the stairs.

It turned out that there wasn't such a thing as 'the worst room' at a Fitzgerald house. When we found the last empty room and pushed the door open I couldn't help but squeal a little bit.

The room was massive, just like the rest of the house; a dark wooden four-poster bed was the focus of the room and big glass doors opened out onto a snow filled balcony. There was an ensuite bathroom leading off from a door next to a fireplace; I fireplace which was lit and a warm bright flame was heating the room. I remembered something Ezra had said about a housekeeper, _god it was good to be rich _I almost laughed to myself.

Paige reached the glass doors first and turned the lock to open them, she pushed them outwards and stepped out onto the balcony as a cold blast of air entered the room. It had started to snow lightly now and I watched her put her hands in the air and twirl around slowly. She looked gorgeous with snow melting in her hair and a completely joyful smile on her face.

"This is freaking amazing!" She shouted at me and beckoned me to come outside. I joined her and lifted my hands in the air too, trying to catch some flakes of snow in my hands.

"This must be heaven" I couldn't contain my excitement as I felt Paige take my hands and we were twirling together, laughing as we did. We went back inside after a minute and closed the doors to keep the heat in.

"The bathtub is like a swimming pool" I heard Paige shout from the bathroom. "Oh my god there's jets" she added in another excited squeal. I looked for myself before we both had explored everywhere we could. I took my coat off and was happy for the heat of the fire and I saw Paige do the same.

"And this bed" She was saying just before she jumped head first onto its soft covers and sank into the material. "Is amazing" she lifted her head so I could hear her.

I jumped onto it too, landing next to her and causing the bed to shake and us both to move up and down, we both laughed excitedly and I felt like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Now _this _is heaven" Paige said before she had leaned on top of me and was kissing me all over my face, first my cheeks then my nose and then my jaw and forehead and anywhere else she could find.

"Perfect perfect perfect" She was saying in time with where she kissed me, ending with a kiss on my nose as a flawless smile spread across her face. _She really does have the most magical smile I have ever seen _I thought with a grin of my own as she continued her kissing and we sank further into the bed.

* * *

"And what about these, why do I need these?" Hanna was waving the metal ski poles around in the air and I saw Paige duck out of the way just in time to avoid being hit.

"Woah, put the poles down" Paige was laughing as she took the poles out of the blond girls hands.

"Don't worry about them for now, we'll just start with your feet first" She added and Hanna looked slightly disappointed she wasn't going to be able to play with them right now.

It was just me Hanna and Paige stood on the snow at the top of the small slope waiting for Paige to give us some instruction. The others had ventured further up the slope, Aria and Wren had skied once or twice before so they started on the intermediate slope, Caleb had followed them claiming he would be fine, even though I doubted he had any experience what so ever. Ezra and Spencer were gliding around like they were born right here on the snow with skis strapped to their feet. So it left Paige to teach us novices the basics.

We'd gone through the way we position our legs, the way we distribute our weight, how to control our speed and Paige had given us demos of most things. "So you get that bit right?" She asked after she had just explained something complicated. I took a quick glance to my right and caught Hanna's eye, knowing straight away she hadn't understood, just like me.

"I guess" I said unconvincingly and Paige just laughed.

"Right, the best way to learn is to just do it, you might fall over a bit but that's part of the fun" She had moved to my side.

"Part of the fun" I raised my eyebrows. "Fun for me… or you?" I smiled as she laughed innocently.

She gave me a little pep talk again and before I knew it I was moving down the small slope quicker than I would have liked, I tried to remember all she had taught me but all I could think about was not falling over and keeping balance. Before I knew it though I had reached the bottom and I came to an easy, if not slightly awkward, stop.

"See, you're a natural" Paige shouted from the top as she gave me one of those little winks she kept all for me.

"Your turn" I could hear her turn to Hanna and start telling her the same things she had told me. Hanna didn't look like she really wanted to try at all so I shouted up encouragement to her.

"Han, it's not as hard as it looks, you can do it" Paige repeated my encouragement and Hanna began her descent.

She shrieked as she started moving quickly, her legs moving in opposite directions until she tripped and fell, rolling down the rest of the hill in a blur of blond and white as the snow flew up into the air.

She landed at my feet in a heap and wiped her damp hair out of her face. "I hate sport" She shook her head as I gave her my hand and pulled her to her feet.

Paige had made her way down the slope, gliding gracefully to a stop like ski-ing was just as easy as walking for her. She looked magnificent when she glided down the slopes; it reminded me of what she used to look like when she swam. I really missed seeing her like this.

"Right, come on lets go again" Paige said and Hanna moaned, but she followed Paige anyway. She might not like sports, but Hanna was stubborn and she didn't give up easily.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I watched Emily as I saw her shivering and hugging her arms around herself tightly. We'd been out on the slope for three hours now and Hanna had abandoned us about an hour ago to spend some time with the fire and her favourite magazine. Emily, although a beginner, was definitely a natural at this and it was fun to race down the slope with her even though I won every time unless I let her win.

"You cold?" I asked as I slid to her side. I pulled my glove off one hand and reached for one of her cheeks and stroked it.

"My baby's so cold" I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her other cheek, which was as cold as the snow covering the ground.

She smiled softly at the touch of my lips and nodded. "I'm freezing" she admitted.

"Let's go get you warmed up" I watched her nod at my words and took her hand in mine.

Just as we were about to start heading back I heard the sound of someone approaching and turned to see that Spencer, Wren and Mr Fitz, _Ezra_, I corrected myself, were behind us.

"Hey you two!" Spencer greeted slightly out of breath, her cheeks flushed a deep red from the cold.

"Have you seen Aria?" Ezra asked looking around.

"I think she went back to the cabin" Emily answered and he seemed happy that he knew her whereabouts.

"You heading back too?" Spencer said.

We both nodded and Spencer seemed disappointed. "We were thinking of heading right up to the top, a bit of a race back down. _Mr Fitz _here seems to think he's going to win, I wanted to give him some female competition, and I wouldn't mind giving you are run for your money either McCullers" she teased and I laughed.

"You should go" Emily said with a smile next to me.

"You sure you'll be alright getting back?"

"I'll come with you; I'm not really good enough to compete with these two" Wren was saying as he winked at Spencer playfully before he moved closer to Emily.

"Ok Hastings, you're on" I smiled at Spencer. This would be fun.

"Be careful! I know what you're like when you get competitive!" Emily said, pointing to me and then to Spencer. "Both of you"

"Don't worry I'll make sure your girlfriend can keep up and not go too fast" Spencer was teasing but I felt the competitive side of me kick in. I'd see how cocky she was later when I was waiting at the bottom of the slope for her, I laughed to myself at the thought.

"I'm sure I'll manage to keep up" I copied Spencer's tone and saw Emily roll her eyes.

"Typical jocks" She laughed before she leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Have fun, I'll see you later" she added before she left with Wren and the rest of us made our way to the Ski lift and started our descent up the mountain.

Higher and higher we went and there seemed to be fewer skiers the further up we went. There were flags marking the route and big areas of fluffy snow marked as dangerous by big signs. When we reached the top I felt the familiar tingle in my fingers as I looked down at the miles of snow and mountain sloping in front of me. I had forgotten how exhilarating this could be.

My Family used to ski every year; we used to travel with my dad's friend from work and his Family. His son had been a few years older and been a semi-professional; he used to love teaching me and Lily because we were both fearless when it came to giving it a go, especially me. I'd picked it up easily and even though I hadn't skied for a few years I could still feel that the muscles in my arms and legs knew exactly what to do.

I was excited to feel that rush again, the big burst of adrenaline that you only get from sport, the adrenaline I used to get during a big swim meet… the feeling I missed so much.

"Ladies, try not to cry too much when I win" Ezra was saying, and it was strange to hear him so competitive, in my head he would always be my friendly and somewhat unexciting English teacher, even though right now he was completely different.

"Very funny" Spencer positioned her goggles over her eyes. "But I think you'll be the one crying like a little girl Fitz"

I positioned myself next to Spencer and readied myself. "So first past the last flag?" I asked and Spencer nodded.

"You can follow me if you get lost" She answered with a teasing smirk.

I didn't reply I just smiled back, putting my own goggles on too, _You'll be the one following me Hastings_ I thought just before Wren began the countdown from five and we all pushed off at the same time.

One thing was for sure, both Ezra and Spencer were excellent skiers… but I was better. I pushed forward and cleared my mind, thinking only of the snow beneath me and the way I was almost flying through the air when I reached little ridges that meant I could jump a few meters along. I twisted past a flag and spotted a flash of brown hair at my shoulder; I leaned forward more and urged myself on faster.

Minutes later and I had sped up rapidly and I could see a large crowd of intermediate skiers up ahead, I knew I should probably take Emily's advice and be careful but I couldn't waste on second. _I needed to win_ I saw a route that was free from people and I headed that way, finding myself propelled into the air only to land elegantly again a good distance away.

It felt incredible to be good at something again. The adrenaline was pumping fast through my body and I could only think of one think that felt better than this; and that involved Emily and not a lot of clothes.

I reached the finish quicker than I would have liked, I could have carried on all day. But when I skidded to a stop and turned around to see Spencer and Ezra still descending a few hundred meters behind I couldn't help raise my hands in victory. There was something so satisfying about beating Spencer Hastings.

"I thought you'd gotten lost?" I teased as Spencer stopped next to me, closely followed by Ezra.

Spencer didn't respond she only breathed heavily and ripped her goggles off as she began fumbling to disconnect her skis.

"Well done Paige, you were like a bullet" Ezra laughed as he patted me on the back, reminding me of 'teacher' Ezra again.

By the time we got back to the cabin Spencer still hadn't spoken, she was mumbling inaudibly to herself though and I couldn't help but feel secretly delighted at my victory.

I walked into the cabin and Hanna, Aria and Emily were sat on the soft couches near the fire. Emily had on the sweater I had bought her for Christmas, one of the many presents I'd given her, and her legs were tucked up under her.

I walked in and grinned, half at the sight of Emily and half at the fact I had just won. Emily raised her eyebrows at my smile and I made my way over to where she was sat, the heat of the fire a welcome change to the snow.

"What are you smiling at?" She moved a piece of wet hair from my eyes. I just grinned again and waited for Spencer to come trudging through the door after Ezra. She walked through the room without speaking and headed straight upstairs.

Once we heard the sound of the bedroom door shut everyone in the room started laughing.

"So I take it you won?" Aria asked me as Ezra joined her on the couch she was sat on.

"Yeah, by a mile" He rolled his eyes as he answered for me and I shrugged my shoulders casually.

"What can I say, I'm amazing" I grinned as I felt Emily slide her hand up to rest on my thigh and she squeezed it a little as if to say_ yes you are_.

"No one ever beats Spencer" Hanna laughed as Wren and Caleb entered the room. "She'll be sulking for days"

We all laughed as Wren shook his head, "wonderful" he joked as he indicated that he was going up stairs to deal with, in his words, _the 5 year old who lost the game. _

"You're freezing" Emily said to me as she held my hand in mine. "Come on, let's go get you a bath" She smirked at me. I looked around and realised all the others in the room were having their own conversations now and wouldn't be listening to us.

"Or we could _both _have one" I raised my eyebrows suggestively and Emily just replied with a knowing look. I stood up first and took the slightly damp jacket I had been wearing underneath my waterproofs off and hung it over the stairs to dry like the others had. Emily made her way upstairs in front of me and I followed her to our new bedroom eagerly.

Once I was inside I heard Emily running the water for the bath and I took the time to take the rest of my clothes off so I was just in my underwear, which had managed to stay dry.

I went into the bathroom and found Emily pouring all sorts of lotions and soap into the bath, I sat on the edge as she swirled her hand around in the newly formed bubbles.

She looked up and smiled at me when she noticed me sat there. "Hey" she said, in the way that I had come to know meant she was just happy to have me there with her.

"Hey" I replied as I watched her eyes move over my body briefly. I smiled again when she turned back to the water and continued her swirling.

"Today was fun" She said as she reached for something else to pour in.

"Do you think Spencer will hate me forever now?" I moved to stroke her arm as I spoke, the soft golden skin was just so inviting.

"For a while" Emily joked as she stopped messing with the water and turned to face me again.

"I'm glad you won" Emily said as she knelt on the floor next to where I was sat. "I know that I joked before about you being competitive… but I find it really hot" She was stroking my arm now.

"You do?" I smirked at her now.

"I have a thing for bad ass Paige" She laughed but I could see her cheeks were blushing slightly.

"Well 'bad ass Paige' has a thing for you so you're in luck" I teased before I bent down and kissed her lips softly.

When we pulled apart she looked at the bathtub and saw that the water was nearing the top. She turned the tap off and moved back towards where I was sat on the edge of the bath to stand between my legs.

"Shall we?" She tilted her head to the water and I nodded as I lifted her shirt above her head and then took off her pants. Once we were fully undressed we found ourselves in the hot soapy water and I felt it warming every part of my body.

"This is amazing" I said as I sank right down into the water so all of my body was submerged. It was a big tub so the two of us could fit in it comfortably, but I could still feel her legs entwined with mine. I felt her shift her body as she moved herself around so she was straddling me under the water and her head could reach mine. She put a soapy arm at either side of me as she began to kiss me softly. "It really is" she mumbled into the kiss.

I didn't know if it was the feel of her body pressed against me, the heat of the water or the strong floral smells that was making me light headed but I felt like I was far away in a dream.

However, when she moved her hands under the water to touch my stomach I came back to reality. I was really here in this moment and so was Emily; we were here together where we both belonged.

She let out a small moan as I pressed my lips against the skin of her collar bone gently, kissing further up her neck until I finally reached her lips. I stopped with my face just inches away from her and let a smile turn the corners of my mouth. It was one of those moments when you just take a pause to take things in, to absorb the moment and feel every single magical part of it. The way she felt against me in the hot water, the way she was smiling back at me.

The way she looked at me like she knew, that she completely and utterly understood that she was mine and I was hers and that's all that really mattered.

"I'm completely and utterly in love with you Paige McCullers" her breath hit my lips as she spoke the words I had been thinking softly and the sweetest of smiles crept onto her lips. I wanted to take the time to capture the moment, the way she said my name so lovingly, the way her words were spoken with so much truth and vulnerability and love. I wanted to take a moment but I couldn't, all I could do was kiss her.

It was a kiss full of unsaid things, promises, passion, all the feelings I couldn't put into words. All the feelings that didn't have words to describe them.

Her arms were draped over my shoulders in the way I always loved as we continued to kiss. I could feel her heart beating as I moved my hand over her chest and I it felt like it was beating a tune that only I was allowed to hear.

She pulled back from me unexpectedly and smiled before she dunked her head under the water so she disappeared for a second before she resurfaced with her hair smooth and heavy with the weight of the water.

She laughed as she pulled me towards her and turned me around before she put my hair under the water briefly before she began to pour some shampoo into her hands and rub her palms together. I tried to turn around to watch her but she just turned me back and kissed my bare shoulder tenderly.

"Relax" she whispered into my ear before she took her hands and began rubbing the lather that she had created into my hair. A moan crept out of my mouth at the feel of it, the way she was both gentle but rough at the same time, impossible I know, but I would have also thought it impossible that someone shampooing my hair could be this _sensual, _but I was wrong about that. She kissed my other shoulder as she continued her massage of my head.

Twenty minutes later and we were done and the water was becoming cold, it didn't take us long to towel dry our hair and find the warmth of the bed. It wasn't even that late and I knew later on we would have to go downstairs again and socialise, maybe make plans for dinner, but right now I knew we had a few hours to just be together like this.

Emily snuggled into my side as I put an arm around her.

"Promise we'll always be like this" I heard her say into the skin of my neck.

"Always" I answered without hesitation as I kissed her temple. We talked then about life, about the little things… about the big things. Just listening to Emily speak gave me this sort of comforted feeling deep in my chest. Her voice and her words felt like a safety net, securing me in this crazy world. I smiled as I caught a glimpse of the anchor bracelet I never took of my wrist. It had never felt more appropriate.

"I'm so proud of you, you know?" I said and Emily pulled away slightly so she could look me in the eye.

"What for?" She was smiling.

"About your swimming" I grinned. "And all these people who are interested in you" I squeezed her sides playfully.

"I still can't believe it" Emily said and I saw that smile she wore when she was trying to hide how happy she was, how much this news filled her world with hope and happiness and possibility. I wished she wouldn't hide it because I loved seeing her face on the rare occasion she let that emotion show.

"The Olympics" I whispered the words into her ear with a smile and then I saw the smile on her face, the true smile not the one that was half of her emotion. This smile was different, it wasn't like the one she wore when she told me she loved me, that one was special but in a different way. This one was magical in its own way, like she was imagining herself and all she could be, it was a smile full of dreams and confidence and it filled me with so much pride I almost wanted burst into tears. I didn't though; I just kissed her on her cheek.

"Is it bad that I'm not nervous?" She asked shyly. "I mean, I know I should be… but I'm just so excited" She kissed my cheek this time. "I'm sorry, I don't want to go on about how excited I am about all this, just tell me to shut up any time" she laughed nervously.

"Em" I shook my head and took her hands. "Never apologise for being happy that your dreams are coming true, noting makes me happier than seeing you happy okay. Nothing" I tried to put as much emotion into my eyes as well so she truly believed me when I caught her gaze.

"Okay" she nodded slowly before she snuggled into my side again. We stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon, content with the feeling of being wrapped up in each other.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Have you seen Paige?" I asked a slightly drunk looking Aria and she just shook her head.

"I've lost Ezra too" She took another sip of her white wine as she headed back to our table and I laughed at the fact that all my friends were taking advantage of the fact the drinking age in France was lower than back home. It was New Years Eve and we'd gone for dinner at a restaurant and then decided to head to the bar for a few drinks. A slightly tipsy Paige had wandered off about 40 minutes ago and now she was nowhere to be seen. The bar was busy with large groups of people from the resort standing by the bar taking shots.

I still couldn't find Paige so I went back to the table to join the others, all but Ezra and Paige. Wren was nursing a bottle of beer and Spencer was sipping some sort of cocktail in a tall glass. I'd gone for a European beer too, they were different than American beer but I had decided I liked them.

Spencer was laughing at something Caleb was saying as I took a seat at the chairs but with all the noise from the bar I couldn't pick up what they were saying.

"Only half an hour til midnight" Hanna clapped her hands together in excitement.

"Oh my god" Aria said, "I need to find Ezra before then" her eyes were wide in that typical Aria way but I agreed with her, I definitely didn't want to start my new year without Paige by my side.

We both set off to have another look for them together, we pushed through the crowd to the other end of the long bar and right down at the end there was a large crowd gathered around cheering and clapping.

I felt Aria tug my arm as she pointed towards the crowd and I looked past a few people to see Ezra's head bobbing up and down. We pushed forward further and my eyes found Paige's familiar head, I let out a small laugh when I saw what they were both doing. A line of shots ran along the counter and Paige and Ezra were racing through them one after the other. The crowd cheered when Paige finished hers first and she fist pumped the air triumphantly.

"I beat my teacher" She patted Ezra on the back. "You guys know this dude used to teach me English" She laughed.

"Looks like he needs you to teach him how to drink" One older guy laughed back in a deep Australian accent and everyone, including Ezra, started to laugh.

We'd reached the crowd now and from this distance I could tell Paige looked drunk. She turned around as if she knew I was there and grinned when she saw me.

"Em!" She called as she moved away from the bar and came to my side. "There you are" She kissed me, much deeper than she normally would in public, and I could taste the strong sweet taste of alcohol on her lips, it was strangely nice. "I missed you" She added, pulling me close.

"You're the one wandering away to get drunk with our old teacher" I joked and she pouted, I couldn't be annoyed with her when she looked this adorable and tipsy.

"He's a bad influence" Paige laughed as Ezra pulled Aria close to his side and kissed her on her cheek, it was obvious he was drunk too but it didn't look like Aria minded too much.

"Me?" He hung his mouth open in mock disbelief.

"Yes Fitz, you lead me astray" She laughed. "I thought teachers were meant to be good role models"

"I'm not a teacher anymore" He replied as he rose his eyebrows and pulled Aria in for a kiss on the lips, as if to prove it.

We all made our way back towards the table and I had to hold on to Paige a few times so she didn't trip over her own feet, every time she apologised pathetically and insisted she wasn't drunk… it was kind of adorable.

At a few minutes to midnight the bar opened the big glass doors wide so the cold air and light snowfall came into the bar steadily. People made their way outside onto the balcony as the lights were lowered and we got ready for the fireworks that had been planned to go off at the turn of the New Year.

The radio that had been blaring out music all evening got turned up as the radio presenter started the countdown to New Year in French. Even though I had forgotten most of the French I had learnt at high school the numbers I could manage.

Paige was stood behind me with her arms securely around my waist as we stood waiting for the final strike of the clock of this year and the first of the next.

"I don't know how I got this lucky" She was whispering into my ear. "You are without a doubt the most incredible person in the world and I love you so so so so so so much" She kissed my ear and I shivered at the feeling.

"You're so romantic when you're drunk" I laughed.

"I'm drunk on Emily Fields" She replied with her own chuckle. "All the time" and she squeezed me tighter as the countdown reached one and the fireworks began to go off in the distance.

"Happy New Year" I said when I turned to face her and her face was the happiest thing I had ever seen, a pure moment of absolute contentment summed up in one expression.

"Happy New Year" She replied before she kissed me like no one else in the world existed, and it that moment… they didn't.

* * *

"You sobered up now?" I asked as we finally got back to our room. It was past 3 am but the New Year celebrations were still going on. We'd stopped on the way back for an impromptu snowball fight started by Caleb throwing snow at Hanna which missed and hit Wren, meaning Wren threw one back and that started the whole thing off. We'd spent a good half hour throwing lumps of fluffy snow at each other and we were all cold to the bone now, happy to finally get to our beds.

"Yes" Paige answered my question with a laugh. "Sorry for being drunk and embarrassing" I shrugged, she hadn't done anything embarrassing just stumbled a little.

"It's fine you were adorable" I smiled at her from my position by the window. I was trying to work out the time difference to back home in my head so I could call my parents but I couldn't find any signal on my cell.

"I can't get signal" I said as I moved my phone from side to side.

"Won't it be really expensive to call home?" Paige was lying on the bed now.

"You're right" I agreed as I stopped pacing. "Maybe if I can get on the wi-fi I can email them" I tried searching and Paige just watched me from the bed with a smile.

"I tried getting on it the other day, I don't think it works" She added but I carried on.

"Tomorrow we'll try and find signal and then you can call them? I'm sure they'll understand"

I nodded at that and she smiled back at me.

"But for now" she hopped off the bed and walked to my side. "No cell phones" she smirked at the pout I gave her and grabbed the device out of my hands, pressing the button that would turn the screen off.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I had stopped pouting after Paige had lowered a hand to rest against my stomach.

"Oh I have a few ideas" I watched her eyes wander down my body as I slowly moved closer to her.

"Tell me about these ideas?" I whispered in her ear.

"I'd rather show you…" She flashed me that devilish grin before she attacked me with heavy and passionate kisses that took my breath away and left me light headed. I took in an excited rush of breath when I felt Paige's arms grip around my thighs as she lifted me up and wrapped my legs around her. I hadn't realised before just how strong she was and I felt an odd satisfaction at how safe and secure I felt being held by her.

She carried me over to the bed kissing me while she did. When she lay me down I looked up at her to see this stimulating passion behind her eyes and it made my whole body feel like it was on fire.

The way she looked at me then, the desire, the adoration… the love; I knew I was in for a good night.

* * *

The end of the trip came faster than any of us would have liked, before we knew it we had landed back on home soil and the trip was officially over. We waited for a few minutes for our luggage, all of us eager to get home now we were finally back.

"This was a good trip" Paige said to me as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

"The best" I agreed as Spencer and Hanna nodded too. Paige turned her phone on, for what I guessed was the first time in a few days, and a few texts came through at once.

Her face became a little confused as she read whatever was on the screen.

"What's up?" I asked as I turned my own phone on and found a few messages from some of the girls from the team.

"It's my dad, he said he wants me to call him when I land" She shrugged. "I might just go give him a call, see what he wants" She smiled and leant in to kiss my cheek before she wandered off to dial her dad. We'd been very loving the last few days, I imagine we were annoying to be around but I didn't really care, I knew that it wasn't long until we'd both be back at college and I'd be separated from her again… I needed to make the most of her.

I smiled at her as I watched her speaking to her dad, the trip had been amazing and I knew I would miss waking up with her every day. It had been like some sort of dream. An amazing, wonderful dream that I never wanted to wake up from.

I was still smiling as she made her way back over to me, but once I caught sight of her face my smile fell instantly.

She was pale; the sort of pale a person goes when they have just heard bad news. I felt my stomach twist in panic as I took in the look on her face.

"What is it?" I managed to ask and I could see Paige was struggling to say the words. She looked down at her feet as she stumbled through the words.

"My mom… she's… she's in hospital, she wasn't feeling well after Christmas…" She took a small breath. "and now they've done some test and they think… they think its cancer" My heart stopped when I heard the word and I instinctively reached out to pull Paige into a tight hug, stroking her hair as I felt her crying lightly. I felt the taste of panic in my mouth but I knew this wasn't my moment to freak out. I had to be here for Paige.

"It'll be okay" I said, my words sounding so empty in this moment, for once I didn't know at all that it would be okay.

"We'll get our luggage and then go to the hospital okay?" I said and I felt her nod against me.

I had been right about one thing, the trip had been a dream and now that dream was over. One thing about dreaming is that there always comes a time when you wake up and reality hits you right in the face when you least expect it. And that time was now.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed a bit of fluff with our two favourite ladies... There may be some hardships up ahead... **

**but.. PAILY FOREVER!**

**Thanks for reading! **


	19. Chapter 19

**YAY! I reached 200 reviews! Thank you thank you to all the people who have been reading and to those who have reviewed and encouraged me to carry on with this fic. I love every last one of you :) You are fab!**

**Also, I just want to say before this chapter that I dont really know too much about medicine or swimming/olympics etc so excuse me if anyone who knows more than me spots errors, i hope you can ignore and just enjoy the story.**

**Anyway, enjoy the chapter :)... **

* * *

"I'll take that" I said to my dad as I took the cool glass of water out of his hand. Small droplets of water were condensing on the side and I wiped it against a towel to dry it, my mom would probably end up dropping it or something if it was slippery.

My dad nodded as I took the small packet of pills out of his other hand. "She's needs two of these now" he said before he glanced to the clock. "Maybe she should wait an extra hour, I can't remember when she last took some" His voice held the edge of worry that had come more than familiar over the past few months.

"Dad" I said softly causing him to look away from the clock and meet my gaze. "I got it, its fine" I tried to stay confident and smile and I think I convinced him as he smiled back lightly. "Go in there, watch some TV, relax" I said as I inclined my head to the living room and he nodded in agreement. He had hardly relaxed since I had returned from the ski trip, and I could see the effect it was having on him; his hair was greyer and his eyes seemed darker.

It had been three months since my mom had been diagnosed, the doctors said she had been lucky that they had caught it early and had been able to start an aggressive treatment programme quickly but at the moment it was hard to think of her as lucky. She'd been in and out of hospital for chemo and surgery for the past three months, some days she was fine, the days in between sessions of chemo and some days she was awful. She would feel sick and tired and she would look like a frail old women sitting in her death bed. It was days like this that were the hardest on all of ud.

My Dad had always been bad at dealing with his emotions, he would struggle to be emotional when he needed to be and get too emotional at times when he didn't, these past few months had been no different. He would hide his worry and grief by trying to sort everything himself, by carrying on working full time while juggling caring for my mom and ringing up the doctor, he was trying to busy himself so that he didn't have to face the reality. The reality that she was sick, very sick and there was every chance that she might not get better.

It was a reality I was scared to comprehend myself.

I'd manage to keep up with my college work while still spending a lot of time at home helping my dad, it hadn't been easy but I knew it was important for me to be here. They both needed me.

"Mom, I've got some pain meds for you" I said as I pushed through the bedroom door gently. She was propped up by pillows in the double bed, the bed that my dad hadn't shared with her for a while as she was restless a lot of the night and sharing the bed only made this worse for her. She's not lost all her hair from the chemo like I thought she would, her hair had only thinned and there were odd balding patches here and there but she still looked like my mom. Just sick and tired.

"Thanks honey" She said as I took them to her side. I could tell from her expression that today was a day where she felt sick, but I knew she wouldn't say anything about it.

She took the pills in silence and I stood by the side of the bed trying my best not to look upset at how sick she looked.

"Sit down for a bit" she said reaching for my hand with one of her thin and bony ones and I settled on the side of the bed next to her.

"Do you want anything else?" I asked as she kept a hold of my hand.

"I want to talk to my daughter for a while" She smiled at me despite the nausea I guessed she was experiencing and I felt a lump form in my throat.

"I'm here for talking" I said as I held her hand tighter.

"I know you are" She nodded again. "And I'm happy you're here, but I don't want you to forget how important your life is Paige, I want you to enjoy every minute of it okay?" I thought against arguing that right now it didn't matter about _me _enjoying _my _life, I cared more about her. I knew she would just argue back, we had been here before and I had never won the argument so I just nodded.

"I will" I said and she seemed happy at this.

"I'm proud of you" She said again. "You're a wonderful person, and I know you're going to have a wonderful life" I couldn't help but notice the unsaid things behind the words, the unsaid notion that she believed she wouldn't be here to see the rest of my life and the thought was too much for me. I felt a tear run down my cheek before I even noticed that one had broken free of my eye.

"Hey none of that" she had noticed my tears and I wiped at it clumsily, I wanted to appear strong to her.

"Sorry, it's just talking like that… it just makes me think… I want you here for things, for everything…" I couldn't really speak and she smiled at my words.

"What sorts of things, tell me" she said, and I noticed how she leant backwards like she was about to be told a nice story.

"I don't know just everything, graduation, birthdays, holidays, I need you for things, like who's going to teach me how to cook proper food when I live alone, or tell me that my house is a mess when you come to visit, or disapprove of my girlfriend because no one will ever be good enough for me. I need you to be there for things in my life, when I get married, I need you to see my kids first day at school, I need you…" I noticed my cheeks were wet again and I didn't continue from fear of crying heavier.

"Your kids?" She asked, and it was her turn to have tears in her eyes.

I just nodded back dumbly, I hadn't even thought about what I had been saying at the time, it all just came together like that when I thought about my life and what I wanted my mom to be there for. I wanted a family that was all together.

She laughed now, and it was an odd thing to hear from her after many weeks of her doing anything but laugh. "When you told me you were gay I'd sort of ruled out ever having grandchildren" She was smiling like she had finally understood a joke that she had been trying to figure out for years. "I've never been happier to be wrong" she held my hand tighter.

"I'll be here" She added again. "For it all, I promise." I felt my heart feel a little lighter even though I knew her words didn't change how ill she was… just hearing her have that determination was enough. I could see it now, Christmas and thanksgiving, my mom and dad healthy and happy while little children played in the back yard. Kids I could only picture looking like miniature versions of Emily with sparkling chocolate eyes and sleek brown hair. The amount of happiness I felt at the thought shocked me and I hoped beyond anything else that it wouldn't be a dream that would never come true. I hoped my mom would make it out to see that day with me.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"You coming?" Katy asked me as she stood from her own bed and worked to the door of our dorm. I checked the time on my cell and saw that we were still a bit early. We had a swim practice soon before a competition the day after tomorrow. It was quite a big deal and most of the girls were panicking about it, it was all everyone was thinking about and we'd started practice half an hour early for the past week. It wasn't all I was thinking about though, not at all.

"I'll meet you there, I just want to call Paige" I answered and my roommate nodded in understanding before she left the dorm and gave me some privacy.

I called Paige every day and I could tell things were bad at the moment. Her mom was having another surgery soon and as much as Paige tried to convince me she had things under control I couldn't help but feel like the weight of all these emotions were pushing down on her like a heavy iron bar and it was only a matter of time before she would crack under the pressure. It had never been harder to be apart from her, when all I wanted was to be there for her in every way I could.

She didn't take long to answer and I greeted her in the way I always did, with a caring hello and a few questions about her and her mom to assess how things were.

"How's your dad?" I asked warily this time, she sometimes got a bit defensive about it even though I could tell she was trying not to.

"The same" she answered sadly. He's started drinking, Paige had told me. A little at first but it was getting worse, nothing that Paige couldn't handle, or so she told me, but it was another worry. Another thing her already troubled mind to have to deal with, I wished I could take all her worry away. I didn't want to press the subject any further though.

"What time is the surgery?" I asked and she answered by telling me they were going in in the morning, before she sighed heavily and spoke again. "Can we talk about something else, anything else?" Her voice was sad and I could have sworn a little piece of my heart broke off at the way it sounded like she was trying not to cry.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked in the most caring tone I could manage.

"You" She answered back automatically. "You're the one thing that it's nice to think about" I smiled sadly at her words.

"What are you doing now?" She asked.

"Getting ready for practice" I answered, even though in truth I was already ready I was just sat on the bed fiddling with the strap of my swim bag.

"You got your big swim soon right?" She asked and I nodded, only to remember she couldn't see me so I said "yes".

"Nervous?" She asked now, "I know a lot of important people are going to be there" she reminded me and I tried not to remember.

"Yeah, a few. I just wish it was next week or something so I could come home and be with you for the operation"

"I'll be alright" she answered and I guessed she was doing that small smile she did when she was trying to convince me she was fine. "I just want my girl to smash it in the water" She said that with a little more enthusiasm and I couldn't help but smile at that tone in her voice. I missed that happy tone.

The time went on as we chatted more and I could sense as the conversation carried on that Paige's mood was getting better, I liked to think I was helping with that. I hated having to end the conversation to get to practice but I knew that if I didn't leave now I would be later than I already was.

"I'll speak to you later okay?"

"Okay" she replied.

"Love you" I spoke and she replied with a "you too" before I had hung up and had to start another day of practice without being able to fully concentrate on what I was doing, thoughts of Paige my main priority.

* * *

I'd finished the laps fast, I was sure of that, but I wasn't sure just how fast I'd swam until I'd pulled out of the water and was greeted by the assistant coach Owen and a wide smirk.

"Nicely done Fields, swim like that on the day and you'll have offers piling up at your feet" he thrust a towel in my face and allowed me to dry off before he began his daily breakdown of my technique and my state of mind, his suggestions on ways to improve my stokes had seemed to hit a wall when I kept breaking my own personal best after each practice session and leaving him with nothing to do than repeat the advice I already knew so well.

The day went quickly after that and I finished my last class early afternoon and walked slowly across campus with the plan of returning to my dorm to grab my swim stuff and hit the pool again.

I decided to give Paige another call as I made the ten minute walk, wanting to check in on her again.

She took a while to answer this time and when she did I could tell everything wasn't right. She was quiet when she spoke and she mumbled something about giving her a minute before it went quiet and I could hear movement that sounded like her moving. After a minute her voice returned to the phone.

"Sorry" she said. "I just had to go outside" Her voice had an edge of some emotion in it and it worried me instantly.

"Is everything ok, where are you?"

"The hospital" she answered and it was now that I realised that it sounded like she was crying.

"What's happened?"

"My mom was bad when she woke up this morning, she had a fever and was throwing up and my dad drank so much last night he was impossible to wake up this morning so I called an ambulance and they came to check and they think she might have a bad reaction to some of her meds" I was a hundred percent sure that she was crying now.

"Paige" I said the word softly, trying to offer any comfort I could. "You did the right think, they'll treat her, it'll be okay" I wanted to hold her and wipe her tears away.

"Will it?" She asked now and she sounded so vulnerable.

"They can do amazing things with medicine these days" I offered, it was all I could say. "You should have called me" I added, not angrily.

"I knew you were busy today"

"I'm never too busy for you"

"Em" she said the words softly and it was almost heart-breaking to hear how her tone was so helpless when she spoke again. "I'm scared she's going to die"

I could feel tears forming in my eyes now at the words this girl I loved so much was saying. I didn't know what to say to that; I didn't know how to make that all better.

"You know your mom Paige, she's a fighter. She's going to fight this" It was all I could say, and when I said it I made myself believe it because not believing it was not an option.

I heard sound on Paige's end of the line and I could tell that something was going on.

"Em I need to go, I can see my mom's doctor and I need to go speak to him" her voice was still shaky.

"Ok" I replied softly. "I love you so much" I added, just to add any comfort to this horrible situation as I could and she responded in that vulnerable tone again. "Thank You, I love you too" she said and then she hung up and I was stood in the path leading up to my dorm block with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I thought about Paige standing in the hospital waiting for news about her mom, wishing and hoping that she would be okay. I thought about her and the worry she must be feeling, the tightness in her chest, the fear that would be creeping in as she stood in the unnatural, choking confides of the hospital. All I could do was remember how I had felt when I was waiting for news about Paige, when I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. Then I had been with Hanna and my mom, but Paige didn't have that. It was her mom who was the one who was balancing on the edge while Paige was alone clinging to all the pieces she could to try and deal with the situation while her dad was helpless as ever. I felt angry at first, then sad, and then guilty. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to be her strength and her comfort, I didn't want to be here worrying about swimming competitions and classes when my girlfriend's whole world was crumbling around her.

It wasn't a hard decision for me to make as I turned around and walked towards to sports centre. They would have to find someone else to anchor the competition, I knew they wouldn't be happy with me but I didn't care, I couldn't care… some things in life were more important than swimming.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

The lights in the hospital were too bright, I remember thinking that when I had been in here after my accident but only now was the brightness really starting to annoy me. The walls were too white too, everything was too clean and everything smelt like bleach and disinfectant and it was a smell I couldn't help but link to stillness and emptiness, to the never ending darkness of death.

I was getting delirious, I could tell I needed proper sleep but I couldn't bring myself to go home. My dad was here now, he was sober and awake but he was still little use. He would get up every now and again and ask if I wanted a coffee or anything but apart from that he wasn't much use. He'd slipped back into that emotionless state that I'd seem him enter when Lily died, it was a sort of strange way he dealt with his emotions where instead of breaking down he just went numb. I understood it but it didn't make it any easier for me. He had gone to get coffee half an hour ago and hadn't come back yet. It was early morning now and I had been here all yesterday and night, sleeping a little in the uncomfortable chair of the waiting room.

They had decided to operate on my mom early, treating her as they did and now she was recovering for a while before we were allowed to see her again.

I'd set my cell phone to vibrate and I felt it from the pocket of my jeans and I pulled it out to read the text.

**Are you still at the hospital? Xxx **It was Emily.

**Yeah, still waiting to see her xxx **I replied.

**Where abouts are you? xxx**

I answered her question by telling her where I was, knowing she'd feel sorry for me due to the bleakness of this particular waiting area.

**Stay there xxx **She text me back and I looked at the screen in confusion, why did she want me to stay where I was. It was only about five minutes I had to wait for an answer to that question.

"Paige" I heard her voice before I saw her and I spun my head around in shock to see her standing a few meters away from me.

"Em" I stood up quickly with my mouth open. "What are you… why are you here?" I didn't have time to properly finish before she had closed the gap and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hold.

"I'm here 'cos you need me" She spoke into my ear and I felt the emotions inside of me bubbling up and out of me in one sudden rush. I didn't know why but I felt the walls around my emotions come down and I let myself sob into Emily's shoulder as she stroked my back softly. I hadn't realised how much I had needed this until right now. I had never been more grateful to be in Emily's arms than I was in this very moment.

"But you're meant to be at college, you have your competition tomorrow and…" I suddenly felt awful that Emily was here when she was meant to be concentrating on her swimming, a swim that would be very important to her future, but she was here with me in this big complicated mess that was my life at the moment.

"Forget about that it's not important" She dismissed me and pulled away from the hug slightly so she could look at me.

"But…" I began to argue but she shook her head.

"No, I don't want you to say anything about it. I'm right where I'm meant to be okay. I'm with you in this" she kissed me on the forehead lightly and I felt the sense of calm surround me that was usual in her presence.

I didn't argue back with her, even though I still felt guilty that she was here, I couldn't argue that I was glad that for the first time in days I felt like I wasn't alone in this.

"Come on let's sit down" she pulled me towards the chairs at the far side of the room and we sat and waited again, like I had been for the past few hours, this time though with Emily's hand wrapped around mine.

It was early evening by the time we left the hospital. We got back to my house and my dad made his way up to the guest bedroom that was his new room without many words; a small hug and mumbled goodnight before he was gone for the night.

My mom had come out of surgery and was doing well, Emily had come in to see her with me after I had persuaded her that she would be happy to see her and I hadn't been wrong. It was like my mom had finally come round to the idea that Emily could give me everything that any man could have ever given me. She smiled properly when she saw that Emily was at the hospital to see her, and that smile alone had been enough to make the whole ordeal of the past few days manageable.

"We should get you to bed" Emily was at my side now and she kissed my shoulder lightly.

"Are you staying the night?" I asked and she looked at me like I had asked the stupidest question ever.

"Course" She kissed my shoulder again.

"When are you going back to college?" I asked, knowing it was a long way to travel and knowing that she was missing an opportunity if she missed the competition.

"When you're mom's home and feeling better, I'll take a week or so off" She answered me with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Em, you can't just do that"

"I can" She smiled at me but I just felt myself grow angry at her relaxed attitude.

"No you can't" I felt tears behind my eyes and I really didn't know why I was getting so emotional about this. Maybe it was the fact I was over tired or the fact that Emily was the one thing in my life that was good and successful and I didn't want to watch her crumble down too. "You can't, you need to go and swim" I tried hard not to let the tears out.

"Paige, it's just one race." She was trying to calm me but I just felt like I was breaking down more and more.

"It's not, it's your future"

"I want to be here with you" She tried again.

"I don't want you to be here" I replied automatically and I watched her face fall slightly. "I don't mean it like that, I mean of course I want you here, and I'm so happy you've been here today but I don't want you to miss any opportunities, please. Just…" How could I explain that her happiness was just as important to me as my own? "It's all I have right now, the thought that you're happy and successful"

She seemed to understand it when I said that and she just nodded slowly.

"Okay" she said. "It's not until late in the day; if I leave in the morning I'll be back in time... if that's what you really want?" I nodded to her.

"Okay" she said quietly in an almost whisper. "But I'm staying tonight"

"That'll be nice" I let myself smile now as she put her arms around my neck.

"You should really let me look after you sometimes" She kissed my nose softly before moving back to look into my eyes again.

"And you should let me look after you" I studied her face for a moment and saw that this made her smile softly, a nice smile that creased the corners of her mouth and eyes in an honest and adorable way.

"Let's agree, we'll look after each other" I nodded at her words and closed the gap between us to find her lips with my own. After all the crap I had been dealing with for the last few months I realised I had somehow forgotten how to just let go and be happy, how to feel alive. Kissing Emily made me remember how to, and how incredible it felt to get lost in something and not worry about things that were out of my control.

All I could do was hope that fate had a plan, and that it wasn't a cruel one.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I left early and made it back to Danby in time to get some practice laps in before the real thing. I'd rang my coach in the morning and explained the situation and even though they had managed to change the line-up of the race I could tell that they had been more than happy to go back to the original line-up with me as anchor. I'd felt bad leaving Paige while her mom was still in hospital but she had been insistent, and I couldn't help but feel like I couldn't argue with her about this, not when she wasn't swimming anymore and I was, part of me felt like I was doing it for the both of us.

The race went better than I could have hoped. Despite the fact I had missed a few hours of extra training this morning I was still on good form, actually 'exceptional' form if Coach Watson was to be believed when I spoke to him about it the next day.

I was sat in his office waiting for him when he entered with a stack of papers and a clipboard. He was assistant coach but he had been taking on more and more responsibility as the year went on and he was the guy I dealt with the majority of the time now.

"Fields Fields Fields" He sat down in his high back chair across from me and was smiling smugly.

"Exceptional swim yesterday I have to hand it to you"

"Thank you" I was a little shy about taking compliments. "Have you had a chance to speak to the sponsors and coaches, what did they think?" I knew that there had been a few 'big players' as he had called them earlier, at the race yesterday.

"Yes, you were a hot topic actually" He played with the pile of papers.

"I've got some good news okay, and I want you to really consider it" He said with a wide grin. "Even if it might not be exactly what you were expecting" I felt my heart beating rapidly.

"How would you feel about beginning some intense training to be part of the Olympic team for 2016? Obviously you know the drill and you'd have to qualify and compete in the USA national trials but you've got talent Fields, we just want to develop that" I felt like there was electricity running through my body, every cell was tingling in anticipation and I couldn't stop the wide grin on my face.

"It's all I've ever wanted" I admitted with a muffled squeal of delight.

"The thing is, we don't have the resources at Danby to really get you ready for this. We've had interest from a top American coach who's training some of our best young athletes. He trains in Europe with a lot of other talent; it's a chance for you to really get experience with the best people in the sport at a training camp. It's the opportunity of a life time, you'll get to travel and train and then after all that, if you're successful, it's on to Rio for the big one." He finished talking and I was sure my heart had exploded from beating so fast.

"Eur…Europe?" I stuttered making sure I had heard correctly.

He nodded "Yep".

"I… I don't know what to… wow, that's amazing… I just" I hadn't been expecting that. To train in _Europe_ as well as in the US, it was a big shock.

"What about school?"

He smiled "Don't worry about that, these things aren't uncommon for athletes like you. Danby has a good programme where you can take time out, or you can carry on your study alongside training, you don't need to worry about that"

"Wow" I said it again. This was an amazing opportunity, but it was Europe. My mind flashed to Paige and how hard it was for the two of us when I was only living a few hours away. Now I had to consider what it would be like with the whole freakin' Atlantic ocean between us. The thought made my stomach feel funny.

"I.. I don't know" I was unsure, I was scared. _Europe. _I thought about everything it could mean, the fun, the excitement, the experience, it was thrilling and exhilarating but it was a thought that worried me. I couldn't be excited about that could I? This was never what I had planned.

"Before you give me an answer I want you to think about it, this isn't an offer that is likely to come again. Sure, you'll get something… but this guy, he's the best there is. If I was you I'd dive in head first and grab this with both hands" He watched me for a minute. "But that's just my advice"

"I need to think about it" I said as I let his words sink in and he nodded in understanding.

"That's fine, go back to your dorm and mull it over. Google a few pictures of the Eiffel tower for inspiration" he laughed. "Or Rio, whatever's your thing"

"I need an answer soon though Fields" He said as I stood up to leave the room. "They want you soon as possible"

"Okay" I nodded as I turned to leave. A million thought running through my mind.

I got back to the dorm room and found Katy sat on her bed listening to music on her IPod. She pulled one ear bud out as she saw me enter and gave me a small wave. It was obvious I looked flustered because when she looked at me she took the other one out and sat up.

"What's up with you?"

I sat on the end of her bed and watched the expression change on her face when I told her what I had just found out.

"Oh my god!" She had her mouth open slightly. "That is SO amazing! I would kill for that opportunity" She was excited and her excitement was infectious, I could feel it creeping up my body.

"It's such a big deal though, I mean I don't know if I can go" I revealed the fears I had about it.

"Why not?" she seemed confused.

I tried to put a name to all the reasons I'm sure there were to why I couldn't go, but there weren't really as many as I thought there had been when I tried. It kept coming back to the same thing, the most important thing, the only reason that mattered; Paige. "I'd be away from Paige for so long, I don't think we could do it"

Katy seemed to think about it then. "I guess" She thought for a moment longer. "But I think you could, people do long distance all the time, you shouldn't let your relationship mean you can't go, if anyone is strong enough to deal with this then it's you and Paige, you guys are like hard core soul mates" she smiled warmly, but something about her words hit me. Maybe at one point we were strong, we would be strong enough to deal with this together, together we could face anything. But we wouldn't be together all the time if I went, we would have to be strong on our own. I thought about Paige and what she was going through with her mom and her dad and everything else. She wasn't strong right now. She wasn't strong and I couldn't be sure that we could deal with this.

I sat in silence for a moment longer and Katy just watched me. "Emily" she said my name and I stood up.

"I'm gonna go for a walk, I need some time to think" I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Okay" she let me go and once I was outside I found myself walking through campus with little idea of where I was heading.

My phone rang then and I checked the caller ID to see Paige's name, I bit my lip nervously before I answered.

"Hey" I answered and Paige answered with her own greeting.

"How's things?" I asked and she gave me the update on her mom. She was still in hospital and they still hadn't heard any results about how the cancer had spread or if the operation to remove part of a tumour had been successful. Paige sounded tired again and I felt my heart twist inside of my chest.

"Em?" She said after a few seconds of silence on the phone. "I just want to… to thank you for being here for me. I don't think I could do this without you. You coming to be with me the other day, it meant everything to me and I want you to know that" She was speaking softly and I suddenly felt that my own problems were insignificant to any pain she was feeling.

"I'll always be here for you" I found myself saying, and I knew all of a sudden what my decision had to be.

"Me too" she answered in the same tone.

"So have you heard from your coach, did my girl impress them all?" Her question was so innocent and sweet that I almost found it hard to tell a lie, but I knew right now it was what I had to do.

"I don't know, I haven't heard anything yet" I surprised myself at how easy the lie came out of my mouth.

"I'm sure you'll find out soon, they'd be crazy to not see how damn amazing you are!"

"Thanks" I said, hoping desperately that we could change the topic of conversation. Even though the lie came easily, I still didn't enjoy telling it.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

A lot can change in 2 months. One day you're waking up in the morning worrying if your mom will make it another day and then suddenly one day that worry, that fear, it all seems like a distant memory of someone who you used to be. These days I wake up and I know it'll all be okay, the operations and the chemo had been successful and three weeks ago she had gotten the all clear. She was back to work again now, only part time but she was beginning to resemble her normal self.

You don't realise how much you appreciate 'normal' until things go wrong.

I was back full time at college too and I had managed to catch up with the majority of my work and things were starting to fit back together nicely. I still had little idea of where I was heading with my life but the events of the year so far had taught me that sometimes planning gets you nowhere; life has its own plan for us.

I was sat by the pool at Danby watching Emily swim her morning laps. I had come to visit for a few days and even though Emily insisted I didn't have to get up as early as she did I couldn't think of anything else I would rather do at this hour than watch Emily swim. I'd come to watch her yesterday too, but it had been a Sunday and it was much quieter then. Today the rest of the team was here too gliding next to her in the pool. Her team mates were excellent swimmers and it was a nice change to see Emily swimming with people who actually had a chance of rivalling her talent; however Emily still stood out, there was just something so natural and charismatic about the way she swam.

"Such a talent" a guy with cropped blond hair had appeared next to me and he took a seat to my right on the long wooden bench. His eyes were focused on the pool and on Emily's moving form. She was still swimming laps while the other swimmers now stood stretching or talking to one another.

My eyes followed her movements easily and I counted her strokes in my head, one, two, three. I had watched her swim so many times, I had swam next to her so many times, but watching her, really watching her swim still took my breath away.

I pulled my eyes away from her and focused on the man. "She's amazing" I said with a small smile, feeling slightly awkward discussing my girlfriend with a complete stranger.

"Owen Watson" he said, extending his hand out as he did.

"Paige McCullers" I said back, still slightly awkward as I shook his hand.

"Ah, so you're the girlfriend" he smiled now, and I felt more awkward still.

"That's me" I answered. "And you're the assistant coach, right?" I tried to continue the conversation.

"That's me" he mimicked my response, still wearing a small smile.

"She's got great potential, your girlfriend has"

I nodded slowly, I knew Emily had great potential; _I know her better than you _I caught myself thinking somewhat defensively and had to stop myself.

"It's such a shame she turned down the offer to train in Europe" I took a second to take in his words.

"What?" I asked quietly, trying to sound casual. I was almost sure he just said Emily turned down an offer to train, maybe I heard him wrong.

"The Training camp in Europe, she would have been great there, it was such a unique opportunity, but I guess she's young, I was just like that when I was her age"

"She turned it down?" My throat felt dry all of a sudden. He must be wrong, Emily had told me she hadn't been picked in the end, _she wouldn't have lied to me, would she? _I thought in a sudden moment of realisation.

He looked at me curiously before he spoke. "You two haven't discussed this?"

_Obviously not._I wanted to shoot back at him, but I didn't.

"She told me they only made an offer to one person... that she wasn't picked" I felt like a fool all of a sudden, like this random swimming coach knew my girlfriend better than I did.

He looked down almost nervously before replying. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything" he glanced back at the pool where Emily was still swimming laps.

"Why did she turn it down?" I asked in a quiet voice, I didn't understand.

"Look its not my place" he began to say but I shot him a look which made him change his mind and he began to speak again.

"She didn't want to leave her girlfriend" he said, looking to me as he said the word girlfriend. "Well that was pretty much what it came down to, once I got the truth out of her"

I was silent after that, she had turned down the biggest opportunity of her life because of me.

"I can't believe she didn't tell me" I said, half to myself.

"Love makes you do these things" he said with an almost sad smile. "I should know, I did pretty much the same thing when I was at college. Got an offer to train in Canada, turned it all down for a girl" he almost seemed sad now. "Funny thing is, she turned me down a year later for a round the world romantic trip with some Spanish guy she met on spring break" he stopped for a moment.

"Sorry" he said, but I wasn't sure it was completely sincere. "I just hope Emily hasn't made the same mistake I did. Opportunities that good don't come knocking often, even for someone as talented as her"

My eyes returned to find Emily's perfect form gliding through the water. She stopped when she reached the edge and came up for a rest, turning round to face where I was sat with Owen on the benches.

She smiled lightly at me and gave me a half wave; I returned it automatically before she positioned her goggles back on and continued with her laps.

I didn't respond when Owen stood up and left me alone I just stayed still and watched Emily again, a weird numbness spreading across my body.

It felt strange to know that Emily had lied, but it made me feel worse knowing that she had turned an offer down, the sort of offer she had been dreaming of her whole life.

* * *

"We could go out for pizza?" Emily was saying now.

"Whatever you want" I said back not making eye contact, I'd promised myself I would act normal but I couldn't seem to.

"Okay, or not" she said stopping to stand in front of me. "Everything alright? You don't really seem like yourself" She was looking right at me now and I couldn't avoid eye contact any longer.

"Pizza would be nice" I said, avoiding her question which just caused her to raise her eyebrows.

"What's up?" She tried again.

I took a breath. "I was just thinking about the fact you didn't get an offer to train, I still can't really believe it"

Emily looked nervous all of a sudden "Well, yeah, I guess they were just looking for something else" It was her turn to not make eye contact now.

"So they offered it to someone else?" I asked, hoping now she would decide to tell me the truth and not carry on lying.

"I think so… I mean I don't really know much about…"

"Emily, just stop" I said, interrupting her. "Please don't lie to me" my words were weak now.

Emily's face tightened in realisation and guilt as she seemed to understand what I meant. "Paige" she said after an unsteady breath.

"I talked to your coach today" My voice was unsteady now too. "What's going on Em?"

"They offered me a place" she said quietly. "To train in Europe"

"Why did you tell me they didn't?" I asked, equally as quietly, she was going to make me work to get this out of her.

"'Cos I knew what you'd say"

"What's that?"

"That I should go" she finished, looking up and meeting my eye as she did. I stared back for a moment and thought about it, she was right, that's exactly what I would say.

"You should" I said, not breaking eye contact. "You know you should Emily"

"See, this is why I didn't tell you" she dropped her gaze. "It's not just a little trip away Paige, it's a complete relocation for two years, in Europe, and then its Rio and...I can't go" she finished.

"It's an amazing..."

"...an amazing opportunity" Emily finished my sentence. "I knew you'd say that too"

I took a big deep breath. "I don't want you to throw this away, just for me"

"It's for us" Emily's face was pained. Like there was some deeper emotion inside her that she was trying not to show on her face. "Do you not see that?"

I stood up from the bed and walked to the window. The sun was setting and instead of looking romantic and calming like the golden haze of the afternoon normally did it just looked dull and gloomy. Like the sun had had enough and was giving in to the darkness.

"I know Em" I said softly. "I just..." I didn't know how to explain to her, it wasn't something that was easily put into words.

"I didn't realise how important having a dream was until I realised I didn't really have one anymore" I let my words hang in the air between us and I felt her come up towards me from behind. "You told me your dreams and I promised myself I would help you achieve them, I want you to achieve them, I want you to live them to the full" I turned around now to face her and she looked sad.

"And I will, now just isn't the time"

"The _only_ time is now, it's all we've got" I watched her watching me. "You keep on putting it off then what? Some day you'll wake up and you realise the one thing you have been dreaming about your whole life sort of just slipped away; passed you by while you were waiting for the right time. You'll realise you'll never be a champion and never reach the things you knew you could, it'll hurt. It'll twist inside of you and make you question what you are and what you could have been. It'll make you angry, frustrated and it'll make you sad Em."

"Paige" she began but I cut her off.

"And I never want you to feel like that, I never want you to resent me for any reason, I don't want you to have to lie to me about things like this."

"I won't" she said quietly.

"You already have Em" I said softly and she looked to me with an apologetic expression.

"I'm so sorry"

I cupped her cheek with my hand. "I don't want you to be sorry, ever, that's the point"

She looked down at the floor for a moment before looking back up to me. "I never thought this would be so complicated"

"I know" I agreed before I felt her lean forward and wrap her arms around me and bury her face in the crook of my neck. The sun was glowing through the window and it made her skin look more golden than normal. I breathed in the familiar scent of her hair as she rested against me, floral fragrances and a smell that was just Emily with the underlying hint of chlorine from the hours spent in the pool. I realised then that swimming was part of her, it was part of her smell it was part of her heart and it was part of what made her who she was. It was part of what I loved about her. I took one last breath before I began to speak.

"So, what about that pizza? I'm starving" Emily laughed as she nodded in agreement. This was something we needed to deal with, I knew it was, but right now with her pressed close to me like this I wanted just a little while longer pretending it was all okay… that it was a simple problem that could be solved with pizzza.

* * *

**Thank youuuuu :) **


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait between chapters (again), I cant really promise that wont happen again as I am SO busy at the moment, but thank you for all staying loyal! I'm so happy people are still enjoying the story and want more. **

**For everyone who reviewed the last chapter I love you all lots and lots, I've said it before but i'll say it again that it means SO much to read your comments. (to Dani, so happy you loved my story but feel slightly guilty you wanted to skip classes. oh well Paily is worth it (; haha)**

**Right. here we go, Chapter 20... **

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I turned over away from the glare of the numbers on the clock again and I tried to force myself to go back to sleep, but it was no use. I rolled back again and saw that only a minute had passed since I last checked the time. It was now 4:34.

I groaned and flicked the lamp on my nightstand on as I sat up in bed. I glanced over at Taylor's empty bed and hoped she was having a better night's sleep than me, _she's probably not been doing a lot of sleeping_ I thought as I remembered how smug her and Jessica were at the moment. It was almost sickening how cute they were, and how much time they spent together the last few months since they had started dating… I couldn't blame them though, falling in love was magical.

Being in love was harder.

It wasn't always happy and easy, sometimes it was hard and painful and complicated. Falling in love was simple; it had been the easiest thing in the world for me to let myself fall for Emily and every little wonderful thing about her. It was as easy as breathing for me to love her.

The hard part was finding a way to cope with that love and emotion, you have to find a balance so the weight of all that desire and hope and expectation doesn't come crashing down between you both so you forget where you're going.

Who you're meant to be.

Who you are without the other.

I felt like we were losing sight of everything else and my greatest fear was that sometime soon it would explode between us and we would both be helpless to stop it. The hard bit was making our lives mix together and remembering to push each other forward.

The loving was easy; it was living with that love that was hard.

I needed to sleep but my mind wouldn't let me, I knew if I did I'd fall into that dream again, the one where Emily was old and pale and miserable, shouting, no, _screaming_ at me for ruining her life. It made me feel sick and when I woke up in a cold sweat it always took me a minute to convince myself it wasn't real, that I hadn't ruined her life. That Emily would never to that do me, that she would never admit that it was because of me she had turned her back on her dreams. It had been her decision. Not mine.

I still couldn't sleep though. I tried to shut the thought off and to not dwell on it but I felt like the guilt was always there raw and unforgiving, eating away at me slowly ruining any chance I had of accepting her choice.

The only thing that could bring me any sense of calm was exercise. Pushing myself so hard so all I could think about was the pounding in my ears and the groan of my muscles gave me a break from thinking about anything else.

I got out of bed like I had done every other morning and before I knew it my feet were slamming into the hard ground in a steady rhythm and I tried to focus solely on the sound it made.

I breathed in deeply and let the cool morning air fill my lungs. My mind wandered to Emily again and I felt that familiar twist in my gut, I still hadn't identified what exactly it was; guilt, sadness, anger. But every time I thought about her turning down that offer for me the emotion ran through me deeply.

Part of me was angry at her and I didn't like to admit it, even to myself. I was angry that she had such a good opportunity and she gave it up, I was angry because I was jealous, I was jealous because she could have had it all and I knew that I'd missed that chance myself. I was sad for her, I was worried that she'd regret it, I was feeling so many conflicting emotions I was starting to drive myself crazy. I couldn't really work anything out anymore and it was starting to show.

I knew what I was doing but somehow I couldn't seem to stop myself. I drew back from her, I was aware of it, where I used to tell her everything I was feeling or thinking now I didn't. When she talked about swimming there was an unsaid tension there, where I felt guilty and Emily seemed angry, angry that I was making the decision harder for her which only made me feel guiltier; it was a vicious circle.

I pushed harder and faster into the hard ground and tried to stop the thoughts, it only made me miserable to think of Emily like this. I wanted to think about her in a happy way, I wanted to think about how much I loved her, because I did, I loved her more than anything in the world.

_You have what you wanted you idiot _I tried to tell myself again. _You have the girl you love putting you before anything else, why aren't you happy? _I asked myself and the answer wouldn't come.

Love was meant to be the only thing that mattered, but I was starting to realise it was a lot more complicated than that.

* * *

**Emily's POV **

I pulled myself out of the water only to be met with Coach Watson's familiar stare. I knew what it meant by now and I had learnt to ignore it until he looked away. Today however, he didn't stop after a few seconds like normal instead he folded his arms and continued his pondering look my way.

"I know what you're going to say" I said finally.

"Just hear me out" He said it again.

"We've been here before, my answer is still no. I don't want to keep doing this"

"You broke another record Fields" I was aware of that, I didn't need him pointing that out in an attempt to get me to reconsider the offer _again, _It was becoming draining to have to turn down my dream offer time and time again. I wish he would just stop, him and Paige both.

Paige. I felt the familiar emotional turmoil when I pictured her. So perfect, yet so impossible right now.

I walked away from him without answering him back; he was used to that by now. At first I'd felt sorry for him because he was only looking out for me, just like Paige, but I was starting to become fed up of people looking out for me. Whatever happened to me being in control of my own life? Right now I felt like I had to justify every decision I made and apparently _because I love you and don't want to leave you_ wasn't enough for Paige. I caught the bitter thought and regretted it.

I hated feeling bitter towards her. I loved her after all, and I knew she loved me. She just wasn't making this easy for me.

After I had showered and changed I found my cell phone in my locker and typed a text to Paige, the fact I had smashed another PB was left off the text; small talk was the topic of the day.

It was nearly summer and Freshman year was nearly over, Paige and most of my friends were already back in Rosewood and I was going home in a few days too. I was looking forward to it if I was honest, I would miss my college friends but I was looking forward to having a break from swimming and to seeing my friends and Paige whenever I wanted to. It was the reason I was still here after all. Paige.

* * *

It was a hot day and I was enjoying the cool breeze on my face through the window of my car as I made my way to Spencer's lake house with Paige in the passenger seat.

It wasn't long before we pulled up outside and joined the other cars that were trying to find somewhere to park.

"I'll get the gift" Paige said as she reached for the big wrapped present on the back seat. It was Spencer's birthday and she was having a party at the lake house that Wren was hosting for her.

We got out of the car and I helped Paige close her door as she balanced the gift in one hand.

"Thanks" she said quietly as I closed the door for her and I smiled back lightly.

"You're welcome" I said back and for a moment we both just stood still next to my car. The sun was hitting Paige's eyes so she had to squint and I smiled again at the way she looked with her face twisted like that. The air was hot and still and it almost felt like there was something hanging in the air between us, some sort of tension, but it could have easily just been the heat of the day.

"Em" she said just as I had decided to turn and walk towards the house, I turned back to face her. "Yeah?" I asked, feeling that tension again.

"You look really pretty today" She said it with an almost shy smile and it made me feel that warm feeling in my chest I hadn't felt for a while and the tension was gone, maybe I had imagined it after all.

"Thanks" I couldn't explain how nice it felt to feel normal again, to not have a tension between us, to not be arguing. It felt refreshing. I leant forward and gave her a light kiss on the lips "Thank you" I said again and she nodded, almost like she understood what I had just felt, and we both walked in the direction of the house after I had found her hand with mine and interlocked our fingers.

We were pretty early and the party was only just getting started but there were already quite a few people here. I recognised most faces, people from school and friends of Spencer's family, but there were a few friends from college and Wren's friends I didn't really recognise. We smiled at most people and stopped to chat to people we hadn't seen in a while until we reached Spencer at the far side of the room.

She was surrounded by a small crowd but when she saw me approaching she excused herself and ran forward and hugged me tightly.

"Em I missed you" She smiled as she hugged me again.

"You too Spence" I smiled back.

"Happy birthday Hastings" Paige spoke from next to me and Spencer turned to face her.

"Thanks, McCullers" Spencer laughed as she eyed the big box Paige was holding. "Couldn't find a bigger gift?" She teased as Paige handed her the gift and they shared a small hug as they did.

"Emily's idea" She looked to the box and then to me, and I just smiled innocently, hoping she would like it.

"Thank you, both of you" She smiled widely at us both as she took the gift.

"You seen Hanna yet?" We both shook our heads at the question.

"Emily, Paige!" It was Hanna's voice from across the room, like she had just heard Spencer's question. She hugged me tightly and she hugged Paige too, with more enthusiasm than Spencer had, _Spencer and Paige had never really been hugging sort of people_ I thought with a smile when I thought of their slightly awkward hug.

"You seem happy Han" I said with a smile and Spencer laughed at this.

"You can say that again" And Hanna rolled her eyes at Spencer before Spencer turned to greet some other guests who had just arrived.

"So, what's the good news?" Paige was speaking now with a big smile; she had always liked Hanna the best out of all my friends.

"Well" Hanna began as she clapped her hands together. "I got an internship at Vogue" Her smile matched the one I was sure was on my face. "In London!" She finished in an excited squeal and I opened my mouth in shock.

"Oh my god, that's amazing, I'm so happy for you Han!" I added and she nodded excitedly at me.

"London? Wow!" I said "That's a big deal" I said, not being able to not compare it to the offer I had turned down myself.

"I know, but it's so amazing isn't it?" I nodded at her, because it was. I had never told any of my other friends about the swimming offer, and now I was happy I hadn't as I knew Hanna wouldn't be able to tell me this news so enthusiastically if she knew I had turned down my own chance of going to Europe.

"I leave in fall" She was smiling so happily, like all her dreams were coming true.

"That's so exciting" I heard Paige speak from next to me and I made a point of not looking at her, I knew the look she would give me.

"You guys will have to come visit me! We can go and see the queen!" She clapped her hands again and I couldn't help but smile, her excitement was infectious. However it left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach for some reason; maybe that was the jealousy. I pushed it away.

"Caleb" Hanna shouted over my shoulder suddenly.

"I told you not to bring that part of the gift in yet, it's for later!" she scolded her boyfriend and he just looked back confused and held his hands up casually.

"You told me to get the stuff from the car?"

"Except that one" She rolled her eyes. "Sorry guys" she smiled at us and pushed past us and went to talk to Caleb and take the gift from his hands.

When we were alone I heard Paige speak. "I'm so happy for Hanna" She said in a quiet voice and I avoided her gaze again, afraid where this conversation might go.

"Me too, it's great" I said quickly as I looked around to try and find where the drink table was, I spotted it at the other side of the room.

"Want a drink?" It was hard to avoid her gaze forever so I met her eyes as I asked the question.

The look she was giving me was the one I had feared would be on her face. A look full of guilt and anguish and something that I hated to admit stank of pity.

"What?" I let out a slow breath as I watched her eyes travel over my face.

She didn't reply she just looked at me in that way she did these days.

"Don't look at me like that" I said it quietly, hoping she would hear the desperation in my voice and how much I just wanted her to not do this anymore.

"Like what? I'm not…"

"You are" I finished for her and we both stared at each other for a moment and I knew she knew that I was right. "I don't need this"

I saw a quick apologetic look flash across her eyes before she tightened her brow and set her jaw.

"I'm sorry" she started and I wasn't sure how sincere she was. "But hearing Hanna speak about that, did it not make you think?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Paige, are we really going to repeat this whole thing again, here?"

"If Hanna can do it why can't you? It's not too late for you to change your mind; you can still follow your dreams" I hated the look she was giving me, like she was judging me.

"Do you want a drink or not?" I almost snapped at her and she just stared back with her wide innocent eyes. Her beautiful, annoyingly caring eyes I loved so much. I waited for her to reply and when she didn't I turned and left her standing there with her arms crossed as I went to get my own drink. I couldn't stand having her look at me like that for a second longer, it made me want to fall into her arms and kiss her and punch her in the face all at the same time.

I didn't see her again for another 3 hours, not until it was late in the afternoon and the temperature was starting to drop significantly. I sat on the end of the pier swinging my feet above the still dark water beneath. I'd spent a while speaking to Aria and Hanna again but I had found myself sat here alone about a half hour ago wondering whether I should go and find Paige or not. I'd decided against it.

I felt guilty again; it was there again this stupid tension with Paige that I hated so much. I wanted her to know that I loved her so much, but it wasn't easy for me to tell her that these days when all she ever did was make me feel guilty about it. I felt guilty for the fact I loved her so much I'd chose to stay. She made me feel like I was being childlike; like I was being immature and that I was being stupid. That my love was stupid. It made me angry.

I heard footsteps behind me and I looked up to find Paige walking down the pier with a piece of cake on a paper plate.

"You missed the cake" She held the cake up with a small shy smile. "Peace offering?" normally I would have smiled at how adorable she looked right now but it was all I could do to hold back the tears. I looked back across the water and felt Paige stood still behind me.

I lifted my hand behind me to tell her to sit down next to me and she must have understood what I meant because she reached for my hand and took a seat next me. She put the cake down on the wood between us and I stared at the bright frosting on the top.

"I'm sorry Em" I could tell she was looking at my face even though I wasn't looking at her myself.

"No" I said quietly.

I looked up to meet her eyes and I saw sincerity there and it made it harder for me to keep the tears away.

"I don't want an apology, I just want you to accept my decision and stop pushing me"

"Em" Paige opened her mouth to say something but then must have changed her mind because she closed it again and took a deep breath. There was silence for a moment before she finally spoke. "I don't mean to push you… I'm just scared"

"Scared?" I was genuinely surprised to hear that word.

She nodded shyly. "I'm scared that were drifting, that there's already something between us, that it's only going to get worse with you staying here and not taking the offer"

I closed my eyes in frustration, did she not see that it might be this that is causing us to drift apart.

"Look Em, just hear me out please" I nodded slowly, I owed her that at least.

"People need their dreams. We need things that make us _us_" She reached for my hand. "You may think it now… but I'm not enough. You need more than just me. You need to be proud of yourself… I need to be proud of myself. We need to be proud of each other"

I opened my eyes and looked at her; it was like I was seeing her for the first time in a long time. Her hair was longer and I had forgotten when it had grown that long. Her face was thinner and her eyes held a sort of wisdom I was sure didn't used to be there.

"I thought you needed me. I thought you needed me just as much as I need you" I surprised myself at how vulnerable I sounded.

"I do" She seemed pained now, like my words had hit her hard. "Of course I do Em"

"I don't want you to go to Europe because I don't love you or need you… It's because I love you that I want you to go"

I studied our interlocked hands and found the anchor bracelet on Paige's wrist. She was meant to be my anchor, how could we be each other's strength with a whole ocean between us.

"I made my decision Paige. I need you to support me" I spoke to our hands and only met her eyes after a few seconds. She looked me over for what felt like a life time before she nodded.

"Okay" She said weakly and I forced myself to smile a little.

"Okay" I repeated her words in a similar tone. The cake sat deserted between us and I looked at it again, the bright orange and lime green frosting looked like it was filled with sugar and chemicals.

"Is the cake good?" I raised an eyebrow at Paige and she laughed.

"It's awful" She smiled as we looked at each other again and I felt like we needed something, something to break this barrier between us.

I dipped my finger into the frosting and held it up in front of me, I smiled as I lurched forward and wiped it on Paige's nose and she opened her mouth in shock, a husky laugh erupting as she did.

She reached for the cake before I could pull it away and got her own handful of frosting and before I could stop her my cheeks were covered in the bright coloured icing. Our hands fought against each other as we competed for the cake and covered each other in the sugary substance.

When the cake slipped and fell off the end of the pier and splashed into the water below we both began to laugh and I felt the tension ease out of me as I felt my stomach cramp at the laughter and wiped frosting and cake out of my eyes.

"You're so annoying" I teased as I wiped my cheeks clean.

"You started it" She smiled back at me as she reached forward and wiped some of the cake off my face for me.

Her hands stilled as it reached my lip and she ran a thumb over the bottom one slowly. She leant forward and her lips were on mine, her tongue following the line her thumb had made previously. She kissed the corner of my mouth and took some stray frosting with her.

She licked her lips as she smiled. "It doesn't taste as bad as I remember" She grinned at me, the grin I loved so much. The grin that meant everything to me and I felt myself want to cry.

It was a bittersweet moment, I knew it wasn't over, this tension, this arguing… I knew It wasn't. But I knew she was still here with me, she was still mine; that grin was still mine.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I couldn't help but feel guilty for doing it even though I knew my intentions were good. Emily would be mad at me but she was mad at me a lot these days, once more wouldn't make much difference.

Coach Fulton had been surprised when I had called into Rosewood high to speak to her, she'd been excited though and wanted to know everything that was going on with me these days; It hadn't taken me long for me to get her up to speed.

It wasn't easy for me to tell her about Emily though, but I managed to do it after a bit of internal persuasion. Once I had told her she'd sat with a knowing look on her face and her response had been one that I was hoping for, she had agreed with me.

I was hoping that she could talk to Emily, someone who had been as involved with Emily as our high school coach and someone who had cared about her future and who Emily had respected so much I was sure could make her reconsider her decision.

I wasn't doing a very good job of persuading her on my own and as she wouldn't tell her family or friends I was running out of options. I just needed her to consider it.

I lay on my bed and tapped the screen of my phone anxiously. I knew she would call soon, once Coach Fulton had called her and she had listened to what she had said, she would call me. She'd either be persuaded or she would be mad. I was more prepared for the latter.

I didn't have to wait long before my phone sprung to life, It was a text from Emily.

**Are you parents home?**

I cringed at the bluntness but typed a reply anyway.

**No, they're out all afternoon x**

A moment after I had sent the text the doorbell rang and I knew it was Emily who was outside.

By the time I had reached the front door I had decided that it was best to approach this in an apologetic way.

"Em" I said as I opened the door and was greeted by a sad looking Emily "Hi" I added as she walked past me through the door and stood in the hall. It wasn't what I had expected; I had expected anger, a scowl or shouting… but not this. She looked upset.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my chest filling up with guilt.

"Not really" She stood in her coat still her bag tight at her side; the formalness of the situation unsettled me.

"What's… what's wrong?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"You know what's wrong Paige" The way she said it, so helplessly, shocked me again.

"Did you speak to coach Fulton?" I asked timidly.

"Yes, she told me I was making a big mistake" Emily lifted her fingers to her mouth and seemed to chew on them for a minute, it was so unlike Emily that I felt the uneasiness return.

"And what do _you_ think?" I asked and held my breath as I waited for a reply.

"I don't even know anymore" she turned away from me and I moved closer to her, wanting to reach out and grab her and tell her it was all ok and that I was sorry for making this harder for her. I didn't though; I just hung back like a coward.

"I can't believe you told her, I didn't ask you to do that, I didn't want you to do that" she turned around now.

"I'm sorry okay. I'm sorry. But this isn't easy for me either Em. It hurts to sit back and watch you make this mistake, I know a part of you wants to go…"

"Stop telling me what I want!" Emily had tears in her eyes as she looked at me. "Just stop" she said, her voice cracking a bit. "I can't do this anymore Paige, I can't fight with you constantly about this, I can't keep convincing you that it's what I want, it's my dream Paige, it's what I've always wanted and I had to make the hardest decision of my life, but I made it, and having to convince you it's the right decision every day is draining. I can't do it, it's too hard."

She looked away again before continuing "Of course I'd want to go, if things were different, if it wasn't so complicated, if I didn't have so many things I care about rooting me here. You're here Paige and I don't want to leave... I can't leave… I just can't"

A part of me wanted to reach out and wipe the tears away from her eyes, her perfect brown eyes, but I knew we had to talk this through. She'd just confirmed what I knew, what I'd known all along. It felt like someone was squeezing my heart and stomping in my gut as the guilt rippled through me forcefully.

"I can't let you make this mistake"

"It's not up to you" Her jaw was set solid.

"It's unfair on us both, we can't do this. I need you to live your life, Love isn't always enough"

It seemed like my words had hit her hard and for a moment I was sure she had stopped breathing. She was completely still.

"So, I leave, then what?" her voice was no more than a whisper.

"You live your dream." It had become hard for me to speak.

"What about us? What about you? What about your mom, she's still recovering; what if the cancer comes back…you'll need me here. I can't go to the other side of the world when I know how much you need me. "

"My mom's fine Emily, I'm fine. We'll be fine"

"I don't want us to be just fine, I'm not going. I chose you Paige. I chose us, even if it means my dream I don't care, I don't want to think about it, I just want things to be good, I just want things to be like they used to be, I want things to be easy" She was crying now, long deep sobs that shook her whole body and I realised I was crying too, silent tears that ran down my cheeks as I watched the most important person in the world fall apart in front of me.

The reality of the situation hit me harder than I realised it could. I felt like I had been hit by a train; it knocked the air out of me and I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore.

Emily felt like she owed me something, that she had to stay for me. She might try and tell me otherwise but I knew the truth, the only reason she was staying was because of me.

I felt a shiver run up my spine and I could almost feel the blood leave my face and my fingertips as the realisation slammed into me. I knew what I had to do.

I had to set her free.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

All I could focus on was my own breathing, it was heavy and deep and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears . Her words seemed to melt into the sound of my heartbeat so I couldn't distinguish which was which anymore. This wasn't real.

Her words seemed to make the room spin, more and more with every line she said. _She's can't really be doing this_ I told myself over and over as she carried on speaking. Her voice was thin and exposed as she delivered each word. What she was saying failing to click in my head. _She can't be saying this_. I knew I had to say something, I needed to stop this, I needed to act but how could I when I couldn't even breathe anymore.

She was saying it. She was saying words I never thought she would say. Her words were too complicated to understand, all I knew was she was ending it… she was leaving me.

"Paige" her name caught in my throat and I felt like I was choking on it, I couldn't breathe and when I tried I only felt like I was choking more.

"Paige, don't, please" I said it again and I was surprised I was still standing, still _living _as it felt like no air was getting in at all. I felt like everything inside of me had stopped working, like I had crumbled apart when she had said those words.

"I have to" I registered her words now. Like a dagger in my heart. "I have to let you go Emily"

Maybe she kissed my cheek or maybe she didn't, I couldn't separate what was reality and what was caused by the spinning of the room or the gloss of tears in my eyes but she was close and I could smell her hair. And then she wasn't close anymore, she was walking away and I was hollow.

"But I love you" I wasn't sure if I had said that out loud or in my head, everything was wrong.

"I'm so sorry" That was real. That was her voice, she was standing far away now moving further and further before she was gone for good. Her hair was the last thing I saw, swirling around the door frame as she left her house and I was left alone.

I stood in the hallway of the McCullers house frozen still. No tears were falling now and I just stood still and counted my breaths.

Everything was wrong. This was Paige's house but she was gone and I was stood here, Paige was gone…Paige had left me.

I couldn't say how I got home. My body acted without my mind to help it.

I pulled up in my driveway and I cried. I cried like I had never cried before, the tears ran hot and salty down my cheeks and I imagined what it would be like to drown in them, to not feel it anymore to not have to think about what had just happened.

To never have to accept the truth…the fact that Paige had just broken up with me.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

It took a long time for the tears to stop and for my breathing to return to normal but after two hours I finally felt like I wasn't going to throw up anymore. I had left the house and ran, ran wherever my feet would take me and now I was in the middle of the woods and I sank to the ground and pulled my legs up to my stomach. I leant back against a tree.

_But I love you_ Her words echoed around my head and I felt like I was going to be sick again. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do to ignore those words and leave her. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do to convince her, convince myself, that I was serious. That this was over, that I wanted this to be over, that I wanted to set her free.

I had to convince myself. It was the only thing I could have done, but it didn't make me feel any better. The thought of Emily finally living her dream and being happy didn't offer me any comfort though, all I could see now was her face when I had left her. The confused, heartbroken anguish planted there. It was all I could do to stop myself sprinting to her house and taking it all back.

I couldn't do that though. I couldn't take it back; it was the right thing to do.

Sometimes the right thing wasn't easy.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

Time is a strange thing.

It seems to play games with you, speed up when you're happy… slow down when you're in pain.

Right now it was going slower than ever before.

Every day was hard. It was like the clocks were taunting me, laughing at my puffy eyes and my solemn face.

I'd given up calling Paige after the hundredth time. I had given up calling at her house after the tenth time her mom told me she was out of town, staying with her aunt. I gave up trying 2 months after. I didn't give up hurting though. That wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

I still didn't really believe it was true, but here I was. Alone.

I had no one… nothing. Even my friends and the girls on the team seemed to avoid me these days, it was my own fault for snapping at them, but I didn't really mind, I might as well fester in my own misery.

Maybe it was because It had been my dream, or maybe it was because I was alone, or maybe it was because I just wanted to shut him up but when Coach Watson rang me two weeks ago and to ask one final time whether I had changed my mind about the offer or not I found myself replying with a yes.

And now I was here, sat in the car on the way to the airport with my dad driving the car while I stared unseeing at the road in front of me.

I should have been excited. Maybe the old me would have been, but the new me didn't really do excitement… that part of me had left with Paige.

I felt the familiar sense of nausea when I remembered that day. It was so overplayed in my head and I was sure I was starting to make new things up to add to the memory to explain things that hadn't made sense. Who was I kidding, it still didn't make sense.

I played with my phone again and it hovered over the familiar contact on my address book. I hadn't tried to ring her for a while, the rejection when she didn't answer was hard to deal with even after the hundredth time.

I needed her to know though. I needed her to have a chance to change her mind.

**I'm on my way to the airport. I'm going to live my dream. I'm sorry you can't be there to see it.**

I reread it twenty times before I decided to hit send and threw my phone into my bag so the lack of a reply wouldn't sting so much.

It still stung though, when I arrived at the airport and my phone was still silent, it stung like never before.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

Every time it hurt. Even after the hundredth time of ignoring her call it still hurt.

It was so hard to ignore the phone and let it ring when all I wanted to do was scoop it up and answer, listen to her sweet voice and tell her how sorry I was and how much I loved her. But that was wrong. That was selfish. I had done this for her, I needed to be strong.

Today though, the feeling was different. I read the text expecting it to twist my gut painfully but what I read made me weep.

I let out a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding as I saw the words. _She's going to Europe._

It was overwhelming and I felt so many mixed emotions as I re read it again and again.

It was only when I was half way there that I realised what I was doing; I was driving my mom's car to the airport as fast as I could.

I didn't know what time her flight was but something inside of me was telling me I needed to get there. I needed to see her and apologise, I needed to tell her how proud I was. I needed to see her with my own eyes before she left.

I parked the car without reading the blue parking sign mounted on the wall or bothering to look for a meter, if I got I ticket I would pay it. I didn't care. All I needed was to see Emily.

I ran the short distance to the departure board where I had been many times before. The gate where me, Emily and her friends had checked in to go to France was right in front of me and the memory of how happy I was that day almost made me want to cry.

But I had no time for tears, I had to find her.

I had no idea where she was flying to, I didn't know anything, I looked at the board again hoping desperately it would give me some sort of clue. I looked around for her but I couldn't see her. I walked further on where there was a small flight of stairs leading down to another departure lounge. I nearly stumbled over my own feet when I reached the glass barrier forming the balcony that looked down at the lower level and I spotted her.

She was stood with her parents and they were hugging. _I bet her parents hate me._

I had planned to run up to her, but I hadn't planned what I was going to say. I stood frozen just watching.

She was a long way away but I saw her turn away from her parents and that's when I noticed Coach Watson, and some other girls with large suitcases and sports jumpers, just like the one Emily was wearing.

She smiled at one of them then, a smile that showed her white teeth and all of a sudden I felt like my legs were jelly. I had to hold onto the barrier to stop myself from falling.

_What am I doing? _I asked as I watched her talking to her coach and her new friends.

All of a sudden I felt ridiculous. What was I expecting to happen, to run to the airport and kiss her, hug her, make everything better? I felt like an idiot. This is what I wanted for her, for her to be here in this moment about to start her dream; this is what it had all been about.

If I went to her now I didn't know what would happen, maybe she would hate me, maybe she would want me back, maybe she would change her mind again. Maybe I would mess it all up.

I couldn't do that to her.

I watched her and I felt the tears fall down my cheeks. I remembered when I had thought that falling in love was easy and living with that love was hard. I had been wrong about that. It was living without that love that was the hardest of all... the letting go that hurt the most.

I watched her until she had checked her luggage in. I watched while she gave her mom and dad a final farewell, I watched as the love of my life disappeared down a corridor. I watched while her life began and my life ended.

It's sad, but it's true: If you love someone, sometimes… you have to let them go.

* * *

**Thoughts? I hope you all don't hate me. This is NOT the end of the story... I promise (even if it takes me a while to update) :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Happy New year everyone!**

**Thanks for all the great reviews and I am glad no one hated me too much for the break up. I'm glad people cared about it though, it means I'm doing something right :) **

**This chapter is filled with more angst I do apologise... I hope you guys are still in this with me because I am still loving writing this fic and hearing what people think about it.**

**Anyway: Enjoy (hopefully)...**

* * *

**Emily's POV**

The call went straight to voicemail.

The silence on the other end of the line was almost eerie, when finally I found the courage to speak I felt like my voice was echoing into a dark pit of nothingness.

"Hi Paige" My words were faint and strange in my mouth like I had forgot how it felt to form her name with my lips; I drew an uneasy breath before I continued.

"It's me… again" the words I had wanted to say slipped out of my mind and I was left with nothing but a timid stutter for a few moments. I drew another deeper breath now and pushed myself on.

"I don't know if you got my last message or not but…" _I need to get to the point. _"I miss you" I felt my voice crack with emotion.

I was silent again half hoping that Paige's husky voice would answer from the other end and say she missed me too. I hoped in vain though, the silence was all that answered me.

"I'm sorry" I said the word through a lump that was forming in my throat. I wanted to explain what for. _Sorry for not listening to you, sorry for the guilt, sorry that I forced you to break up with me. Sorry if I caused you pain. _I knew what I was sorry for but the words wouldn't come out. "I'm just so sorry" I said instead.

I was sorry and over the past six months I had realised that everything Paige had done had been for me. She'd sacrificed her happiness for me.

It's what I convinced myself anyway, the alternative, that she just didn't love me anymore… that was too much for me to handle.

But as the weeks went by and the silence persisted the doubts crept into my mind like a disease. I could feel it making me bitter and angry and upset. I was desperate to hear her voice, to tell her I needed her in my life, that I could do this… _we _could do this. It didn't have to be all or nothing.

Most of all I just wanted to know she was alright. I'd rang her mom and she'd told me she was doing okay but she asked me to stop calling. She hadn't been rude, but she had been blunt and honest… the McCullers way.

And now I was desperate, I'd called my friends and asked them to try and speak to her but they all said they got no answer… I even got close to giving the training up and travelling back home and not leaving her door until she spoke to me, but by the sounds of it she wasn't even at college anymore and she wasn't at home. My efforts ended in tears when some of my friends from the training programme found me getting into a taxi to the airport and forced me to stay.

It had been two months since then, two more months of silence and calls being ignored. Emails, texts and letters not being replied to. Two more months of utter loneliness. I had always worried what it would be like to live without Paige in my life but I hadn't never really grasped just how bad it could be, never really appreciated how much she filled my world with love and light and laughter until she wasn't in it anymore. It was like someone had ripped my heart to pieces and in its place I now had a block of ice that left me cold and shaking with every beat.

Paige had been my salvation, she had brought me back from the edge when Maya had died, she had taught me how to be passionate, how to follow my heart and how to love myself. She had been my rock, she was my inspiration and courage and now she was gone. I played with the anchor necklace around my neck again in a desperate attempt to give myself some comfort and reassure myself she was still real… that we had been real.

The loneliness was always there even when I was surrounded by a group of people, but it was the silence that was worse than anything. I just needed to know if she still cared.

"I know you haven't replied… I just… I don't want to give up on us" I found myself speaking again.

"I still love you, I'll always love you… please Paige. We can make this work, I'll stay here and train and follow my dreams, but we can still be together… we have to be together… " I'd said these words so many times now I was starting to feel like I was a parrot, repeating words I no longer understood the meaning of.

I took a long breath before I continued. "I just need to know if you still love me, please. If you don't then… then that's okay" I lied. "I just need to know… I need to know you're going to be okay. I need to know you're happy. I need you to be happy Paige… you deserve to be happy" I had said everything I could and I was becoming aware of how strong the silence on the other end was, mocking me for making a fool of myself and talking into a mailbox that was probably full with pleading messages from me.

I didn't say anything more I just hung up the phone before it would have caught the sound of tears in my voice. Maybe I had been wrong… maybe this was what she wanted now. Maybe I had to let her go.

It took two more months before the nightmares ended… and when they did it took me a few nights to realise they were missing from my nightly routine.

Life had slipped into a routine. For 4 hours every six days of the week I trained, in the pool, on the track, in the gym. I trained with the best in the world, always pushing me harder, never letting me slip off track. In the evenings I trained alone, fitting in extra fitness training around the study I had decided to carry on with; I needed something to keep my brain occupied.

On Sundays we had the day off but I found that most Sundays were just like every other day but instead of training with the coaches I trained with the other girls I was sharing a room with.

There were ten Americans here and I shared a room with 2 of them. The training was intense, the culture was intense, we went on a few trips around Europe in the time I was there, to Paris, Berlin… small little places with names I could never remember. The whole experience was intense but for some reason it always felt a little flat to me, like I was missing the point of it all.

I was a different person these days, I had to be. I felt like I had left the old Emily behind and now I was something different. Someone tougher who put on a brave face and only cared about swimming the fastest laps and reaching my goal. I still spoke to my friends and my family but there was a shift. I was more focused now, more focused than I had ever been.

Sometimes I missed the old me. Em, the girl who could get caught up in caring for people, the girl who loved to laugh and smile and hug and love. The girl who would sit up and stroke Paige's hair gently while she slept, who would count the freckles on her nose that you could only see when you were inches away. The girl who would relish in the small giggle that would come from her girlfriends mouth when she kissed her in just the right place… the girl who was happy and in love.

The girl who was complete; sometimes I missed her almost as much as I missed Paige.

But the old Emily was gone… just like Paige.

All I had now was my dream and I wasn't going to lose that too.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

It was hot for this time of year, a sort of heat I hadn't been expecting this morning when I decided to put a thick jacket on over my sports gear. I shrugged out of it and shoved it into my sports bag before I took a long drink from my bottle of water.

It had been 9 months since I had dropped out of college. My parents were still mad at me but they had finally begun to speak to me again for the first time since I had told them of my decision.

My dad was the worst. "_You're working in a BAR?"_ He's asked with a mixture of disgust and disbelief "_but you're so intelligent… you could have done anything. You could have been a doctor or a lawyer" _He'd shaken his head and mumbled to himself for the rest of the Friday night meal. _I could have been a swimmer too_. I had said in my head when I had heard his words. _If I hadn't had an accident and missed out on my final swim meets of senior year… if I hadn't freaked out and given up. I could have had a lot of things if the world was different… if I had made different choices. I could still have Emily. But I didn't. Things were different and so was I._

The fact that working in a bar was only part time didn't seem to make it any better to my parents, they thought it meant that I would be cleaning glasses and wiping up spilt drinks until I was old and grey. I had other plans.

College had lost any magic it had held as soon as I returned there for my second year. I realised that without Emily to distract me I really had no idea what I was doing with my life. I didn't know what I wanted, all I knew is that staying there to study and party with everyone else who was focused and happy and enjoying their life was something I definitely didn't want.

The hardest part was leaving Taylor behind as my roommate had become the best friend I had ever really had… apart from Emily. _Thinking of Emily again. _I scolded myself for it like I did every time I pictured her.I had found it was easier to make it through each day if I tried to keep any thoughts of her pushed as far out of my mind as possible… it definitely wasn't an easy thing to do.

I now had three jobs; I worked in an busy bar in the evenings and in the local gym at the weekends. Mostly I worked on the reception, it was pretty boring but it had the greatest perks as I got to use the facilities for free including the huge pool and I made the most of it. The job I enjoyed the most though was working as an assistant for a local photographer. He was an oldish man who's equipment was older still, he did a lot of weddings and high school dances, pretty average things but I was learning a lot about different lenses and developing pictures. He seemed quite pleased that I had come in asking for a job, _I like the quiet types_, he'd told me one afternoon when we were working in silence. That was one thing I was good at, silence.

It had always been something I used as a defence mechanism back in high school. I could shut myself off from other people, rely only on myself and not have to deal with the outside world.

When Alison used to torment me I would go to that lonely place inside my own head where no one could reach me, when I realised I was different than most of the other girls I settled myself firmly in there and disconnected myself from the world.

Then Emily happened.

She'd changed everything, she'd given me the strength to stop shutting the world out and embrace it and everyone who tried to put me down. She'd forced me to let her in.

I let her in and I wasn't lonely anymore, I was alive and happy and complete.

But now she was gone, maybe because of her… or maybe it was my fault, the lines were so hazy now I sometimes found myself forgetting who broke up with who. Then I found myself remembering it was me who let her go, it was me who ended it, it was me who had ignored her calls for so long.

At first I just let my phone ring and waited with my eyes shut until I knew I wouldn't see her name on my screen anymore. I even deleted her number from my phone so that I wouldn't have to see it, but I knew her number by heart now. I ended up switching my phone off completely, often for days at a time. Sometimes my mom would worry when she couldn't contact me but I always got back to her eventually and it was something she learnt to live with.

_It's better this way_ I told myself every time I ignored Emily's call. _She'll get over me in time and then she can live her life like she should. Answering her call will not help either of us. _It had become a speech I gave myself every day when I saw the number flashing on the screen.

She left messages but I didn't listen to them. I _couldn't _listen to them. Not if I was going to survive this, just hearing her name or catching a smell that reminded me of her was enough to make me feel like my heart was being ripped out a fresh each time so I knew actually hearing her voice, that sweet wonderful voice, would be too much for me to cope with.

One day the calls stopped.

It left a bittersweet feeling in my heart, I wanted her to get over me and let go… I just had no idea it would hurt me so much to realise it had happened.

I tried to focus on me and do things for myself that would make me happy, that was why I left college. I was starting a photography course in a months' time and I was hoping I would find some happiness there… I didn't expect too much though, my source of happiness was thousands of miles away and I was here; alone again.

Slipping back into being my old self came easy now Emily was gone. I found the place in my head again and spent most of my time alone, trying hard to think about anything other than the girl who still had my heart.

I had the feeling people thought I was rude but I had given up caring what other people thought about me a long time ago. I had no real friends these days except for Taylor, who always tried her best to cheer me up and set me up with someone else. I never accepted though, I was not ready to move on yet even after a year. I didn't think I would ever be ready… maybe this was what it was going to be forever, me and my broken heart pining over a girl who I had left so she could achieve her dreams.

_How romantic. _I thought with a bitter grimace. _I am Paige McCullers after all, what did I expect? _Life was never easy for someone like me.

* * *

_**3 years later...**_

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"_The final lap, Fields still has a strong lead" _

"_I think she might do it" _the commentator's voice boomed.

The noise of the crowd was almost deafening as I watched myself on screen swimming the final lap, even though I knew how it ended I still felt nervous watching it even after so many viewings.

"_And she takes the Gold, another Gold for America from Emily Fields" _

I walked into the room fully and took the remote out of Alexis's hands and pressed the pause button.

"Watching this again?" I asked with a little laugh.

"It's such a kick ass moment" she winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

"it is isn't it?" I admitted as I remembered the feeling when the gold medal was hung around my neck.

The last year felt like a blur, it was swimming and training and travelling and competing in qualifiers and doing press interviews and finally swimming for real in the Olympics. And now it was over and my dreams had come true.

It felt… it felt unreal. Like this whole thing had happened to someone else and I was just standing next to them watching them achieve their dream.

Something was missing, something that I pretended I didn't need anymore, something… someone who I tried to convince myself I shouldn't need anymore.

Paige.

I missed her in more ways than one, she hadn't only been my girlfriend, she had been my best friend, my competition, my training partner, my equal in every way. Someone who had more influence in getting me to that moment than any coach had ever had. I wished she could have been there to share that moment with me.

But she wasn't. She couldn't be because she wasn't mine anymore.

It had been 4 years and I hadn't heard a word from her. Her parents had moved from Rosewood by the time I returned for Christmas, she had disappeared off the face of the earth for all I knew and I liked to think in my head that she was somewhere sunny, laughing and joking with new friends and new people that made her happy, a big smile on her face… not a grin though, her grin was only for me.

I remembered lazy mornings in bed together when she would wake me up with a kiss and show me her grin, the one that showed all her perfect teeth and made her light brown eyes sparkle in a way that was almost impossible. Like her eyes were full of a million lights.

"Babe, you okay?" Alexis was stood in front of me now and I met her gaze guiltily. I had drifted off into my own thoughts for a moment like I did a lot.

"Fine, sorry" I answered in a small voice as I turned away from her and tried to make my way towards the kitchen.

I felt her hand on my arm as she pulled me back.

"You're doing it again" she said softly.

"Doing what?" I feigned innocent even though I knew exactly what she was talking about.

She just raised her eyebrows in response.

"I wish you would tell me what's going on sometimes, I feel like ever since we started dating you have started to shut me out" I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably.

"I'm not" I didn't know if I was or not… maybe I was, it was hard to know what I was doing these days. Everything had happened so fast.

One moment Alexis had been my PR manager, training me on how to deal with the press, coaching me on interviews and getting me magazine and advert deals… and the next she was taking me out to dinner.

Somewhere along the way we were officially dating. _Girlfriends? _And now I found myself with someone.. someone who wasn't Paige… and I wasn't used to it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be used to it.

"Okay" she said, as if she wasn't convinced. She dropped her hand from my arm and I took note at how thin her arms were, nothing like Paige's slender but toned ones. _Stop it Emily_. I told myself forcefully, I couldn't do that. I couldn't compare.

Alexis was nice, Alexis was fun, she was pretty and successful, she liked me and she was here. I couldn't compare.

"You better get ready, we need to leave in an hour" she was saying now. He tone was back to the business voice she often slipped into when talking about my career or any aspects of it.

Even though she wasn't officially my manager anymore… she might have well of been.

"Ok, I'll go shower" I turned to head to the bathroom, I wasn't really looking forward to tonight.

A sporting charity event, giving awards for people who had contributed to the cause, it would probably be the same old thing of people with big egos looking to seem like they were supporting a good cause. I guess I couldn't say much… wasn't I doing the same?

"And babe, wear the black dress tonight, you look sexy in it" She winked at me and I paused.

"I was going to wear the red one" I spoke back. "Do you not think it's more… I don't know, exciting?"

"My votes the black, but go with the red if you want" She walked past me into the kitchen and I headed to the shower. Later that night we left, she was wearing blue and I was wearing red... I guess I was fed up of following someone else's advice.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"I got the other camera you asked for" My assistant appeared at my side and I smiled as I took it out of her hand.

"You're a life saver" I took the camera and gave her the other one in return.

"Will you put that with the other stuff in the back" she nodded and left while I flicked the settings on the camera to what I wanted. After a long stressful year balancing a photography course and interning, or as I call 'making coffee', at Sports Illustrated magazine I had finally managed to impress, by not taking no for an answer, and get a job assisting on their photography team. 2 years later and I had been promoted enough to be responsible for my own shoots. I'd gone about a year insisting I didn't need an assistant but about a month ago I had finally given in and hired Rachel, she was a great assistant and I knew I had got lucky finding her.

I moved through the crowded room again and took my position to the left hand side of the stage where I knew I would be needed. People took to the stage and I captured it all with my camera, the handshakes and the exchanging of a prize, there were some quite big names here today but after 3 years I had stopped getting star struck when a sporting hero walked past me.

Today's job was some sort of sport trust, and if I had understood properly some sort of sporting charity which was awarding prizes to people in sport who had done a lot to raise money. It was all for a good cause I knew, but I couldn't help but feel like many of the athletes were here just to be caught looking like a good guy.

Everyone was full of smiles and small talk about their sport, it reminded me of high school and the endless events and award nights organised by the swim team.

There I was again, thinking about high school. I rolled my eyes and focused back on what I was meant to be doing. A fat man with a balding head was shaking hands with a young guy on the stage who had half his hair covering his face, I took a picture anyway even though no one would be able to identify who it was with all that hair.

Once the awards had stopped and the noise level had increased again I took the opportunity to wander back to the place where I had stored the extra roll of film in a smaller room at the back of the large room.

"Here" Rachel said as I entered, passing me the new roll she knew I would be looking for.

"You read my mind" I joked as I passed her the one that was almost full and she put it carefully back into a case.

"Did you see Jack Cooke?" She asked me in an excited tone as I inserted the new roll into my camera.

"Jack who?" I laughed and pretended not to know who she was talking about.

She rolled her eyes. "Basketball player, NBA?" She looked at me with an amused expression when I still didn't respond.

"He's famous" she explained. "Like _real_ famous" she was smiling. "Are you sure you work for a sporting magazine?" she laughed when I winked at her and laughed.

"Of course I saw him, how can you miss him… he's nearly 7 foot tall" She hit me on the arm playfully.

"There are so many famous athletes here tonight" she was almost giddy.

"I didn't notice" I teased again but it was a lie, it was hard to not notice. I had never been one for basketball but I still followed the sport in some way. I still watched most sport, not only for my job but because sport was calming for me. Just like swimming used to be.

I couldn't think about swimming anymore. I couldn't really think about anything like that as it just reminded me of her. I tried to not think about her if I could help it.

I'd made the mistake about a year ago of giving in and watching the women's swimming finals in the Olympics and I saw her for a moment on screen; skin glowing from the water, a perfect smile on her face as she spoke to the cameras.

_She won a gold, my baby won a freaking gold medal! _Had been my first thought when I had seen it, and then I remembered the reality. The fact that I hadn't spoke to her in nearly 3 years and the pride turned to sadness and confusion again. Sadness and anger at myself that I had let her go, but confusion because I was still so proud of her and I knew I had done the right thing all those years ago.

I had tried to remind myself that she was just Emily Fields the swimmer, but all I saw was my Emily who was living her dreams perfectly well without me.

It was best not to think about her at all.

I shook away my thoughts and met Rachel's eyes and noticed she still looked excited, I laughed a little at this.

"When you work a few events like this, the excitement sort of goes away. Try not to get too star stuck" I smiled at her and she nodded.

"Don't worry Paige, I won't start asking for autographs. I'm quite good at keeping my cool around people who impress me" she gave me a look then that made me feel like I was a teenager again, red faced and awkward. The look only lasted a second and I was glad when it was gone and her normal smile returned. I didn't know what that was, but the last thing I needed, last thing I _wanted_ was anything like that from her. I cleared my throat and pointed at the smaller camera in the bag.

"Can you take some pictures of the awards for me, maybe just a few of the winners as well?"

"Sure" She smiled and took the camera in her hands before she left to jostle her way through the crowd again.

_She is pretty_ I thought as I watched her leave. _In a girl next door kind of way. _I didn't even know much about her, I didn't know if she was single, I didn't even know if she was gay, straight… she could be a member of the royal family for all I knew. I felt a little bad then that I never took the time to get to know anyone these days.

I watched her walk away again and imagined what it would be like to go out on a date with someone like her, get dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant, talk and laugh and walk her home. The thought made my stomach twist uncomfortably.

I hadn't been on a date since her… the girl I didn't think about.

The truth was Rachel was too _nice, _she was a nice person like so many other people that had entered my life that I had shrugged away from, preferring to keep to the private space in my own head. She was too nice to get involved with someone like me, someone who was so fucked up in the head and hung up on someone they should have forgotten about a long time ago.

The first time I'd hooked up with someone else was nothing more than a hazy memory of too many Sambuca shots, a blur of skin and a very bad headache. The morning had come too soon and the taste of alcohol was choking and the person in the bed next to me was wrong and unfamiliar.

I'd slipped out of her apartment without a word before the sun had even risen properly.

The next time had been the same, it was always the same. The alcohol and the unfamiliarity, leaving before the other person woke up. It wasn't a common occurrence but when it happened I always seemed to forget who each person was, each girl would fade into the other. I knew it was a shitty thing to use people like that, but in the end it came down to the need to feel wanted, if only for the night, to feel a warm body next to me and make me feel like I wasn't actually all alone after all.

In reality… I was.

I shook myself out of my thoughts, I couldn't do this now. Not at work.

I followed Rachel and headed in the opposite direction, the organisers wanted me to get some natural shots of people socialising so I headed towards the table in the far corner where I saw a large group.

I worked my way politely and slowly through the crowd looking around me as I went. I glanced left and when my eyes fell upon a familiar face I stopped suddenly in my tracks, frozen.

It was one of those moments where the world stops, all sound leaves the room, all air leaves your lungs and you're just stood standing perfectly still, a prisoner to your own shock, to your own body that locks up as if it means to kill you.

The person behind me bumped into me accidently as I froze, I heard a muttered apology and only when I saw them give me a glare did I realise it was me who had spoken. My mouth had lost all moisture.

Somehow my feet remembered how to move and I twisted out of his way to reach the side of the room. When I was leaning firmly against the wall I let my eyes find her again in the crowd and my heart stopped.

_It's really her_.

For the first time in 4 years I let my eyes take in the sight of Emily Fields. She hadn't changed a lot, her hair was still long and sleek and tonight she was wearing it straight. She was wearing a long red dress that was sleeveless on one side that hugged her figure perfectly.

I felt my stomach flip as I let the reality that I was in the same room as her sink in. She was just a few meters away from me, the girl who's face I knew better than anyone's in the world but who was now closer to a stranger than anything else. I knew the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, I knew the way her kisses tasted, I knew the way she looked under that dress … but I couldn't help but feel like I didn't know this girl at all anymore.

I felt myself panic as my heart beat sped up, I had often thought about a situation like this, a time when I would see her again. Though, in my imagination it had been different.

In my imagination I had been confident and I had gone up to her and told her everything I wanted to say, the conversation always ended a different way but it always started the same. I was always confident.

But right now I felt like my legs were made of water; I'm sure she was more beautiful than I remembered. She was exquisite and made everyone else in the room look dull and plain, like they were in black and white and she was the only one in colour.

I watched her talk to the people she was with and I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to run across the room and wrap my arms around her, kiss her neck like I used to, stroke my hands along her smooth arms. Talk to her at least. Hear her voice. But another part of me wanted to run away and try and forget about her again, carry on the way I had the past 4 years. Leave now and be happy in the fact that she looked so happy, so successful… so beautiful.

I glanced down at the floor and took a deep breath trying to process my thoughts and come to a decision, however when I looked up I realised my decision had been made for me.

Emily was staring right at me, her mouth hanging open in shock.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I nodded again at what the older woman was saying, I had already forgotten her name and I just hoped I wouldn't need to remember it.

"Yeah" I said with a polite smile, agreeing with whatever it was she was saying now. The other, slightly younger woman who was stood with us asked another question and the older woman burst into another tale about someone I didn't know and didn't really care that much about. I let my eyes wander around the crowded room subtly for a moment, trying to find someone who I knew who could save me from this conversation. The conversation was always the same at events like this, I didn't enjoy them but I knew it looked bad if I didn't attend.

I glanced to my right but couldn't see Alexis or any other people I knew anywhere. I looked to my left and that was when I saw her.

It was like being hit by 4 years' worth of emotion in one strike.

I let out a small gasp and my mouth opened slightly in shock. She was stood there looking down at the floor with a camera in her hand, dressed in a fitted black waistcoat. I couldn't see her face properly but it was definitely her.

It was Paige.

All the noise in the room seemed to disappear as she lifted her head and her eyes met mine. For the first time in 4 years I saw her light brown eyes focus on mine and I felt my heart skip in my chest.

Paige was here, in the room with me after all this time and I didn't know what to do. She looked a bit different, her hair was a richer brown and she looked slightly older, but she was still Paige. She still managed to look gorgeous in her casual clothes with her hair tied back lazily. She still made my heart beat so fast in my chest I thought I might explode.

It felt like we stared at each other for hours but it must have been no more than a second as when I turned back to the two women I was talking to they hadn't seemed to notice I wasn't paying attention.

"Sorry" I began clumsily interrupting the conversation, Paige had filled my head and I couldn't concentrate properly. "Could you just excuse me for a minute" I found myself speaking and they both looked confused at my sudden change but nodded anyway.

I turned back to Paige and found she was still looking at me. Her face was so familiar yet so foreign I felt a tremble of fear run all the way through my body. I didn't know what I was going to say but I knew I needed to talk to her.

I began to walk slowly through the crowd towards her and I felt like I wanted to cry, or scream or laugh but my face just stayed neutral. In shock.

Before could stop it a small smile was tugging at the corners of my mouth, I was sure my smile looked ridiculous but it was all I could think to do in this surreal moment. She smiled back, a smile that seemed to be cautious yet happy at the same time. I had reached her now and I was stood awkwardly in front of her.

"Paige" her name slipped effortlessly through my lips as I reached her and stopped in front of her.

"Hello Emily" Her voice was exactly the same, low and husky as it wrapped around my name. I realised I had missed her voice more than anything else. Four years of silence and I was hearing it again.

"What…why…are you…" I couldn't quite get my words out and she smiled slightly at me as I struggled.

"I'm working" She said as she held up her camera shyly. "I can't believe you're here" She added as her eyes wandered over my face like they had many times before. "You've not changed" her eyes were moving over me, like she was seeing right inside of me, it made my heart beat faster again and I had never felt more vulnerable.

"Neither have you" I found it in me to smile even though I had never felt more intense in my life. "It's been a long time" my voice was strained as I spoke.

"4 years" she said, the reality of it hitting me as she said it. I couldn't quite believe I hadn't seen her for 4 years.

"How are you?" We both said the words at the same time and we laughed lightly, slightly awkwardly. It was bizarre that I was laughing now, this shouldn't be funny… but I had a feeling the laughter was to cover up the fact I was finding it hard to breath.

"Sorry" she began and I shook my head.

"This is surreal" I admitted as our eyes locked together again "I mean seeing you after all this time."

"Yeah" She agreed with me and we continued to watch each other like we both couldn't quite believe it.

I was trying to reach for words to say in my head but everything I thought of didn't seem right. Nothing seemed good enough to say to her after 4 years of silence, everything seemed like small talk when I thought about how long it had been without her.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

I could feel the thud of my heartbeat behind my ears as Emily looked at me.

"This is surreal" She was saying, and I found myself nodding and saying "Yeah" as I struggled to remember all the words I had wanted to say to her.

Nothing was coming to my mind so I just stared back, letting my eyes melt into hers.

"You're a photographer?" She was looking between my camera and my face like she was trying to decide where to focus her gaze.

I nodded dumbly, watching the way she moved her eyes.

"I'm really happy for you" she spoke quietly.

I gazed back at her, wanting to thank her but not being able to find the words.

"Thanks" I managed clumsily looking down at my shoes. I met her eyes again. "You won Gold" I said, my tone reflecting how proud I was of that. I noticed she blushed slightly and I remembered how much I loved the sight of her blushing.

"I always knew you could get a Gold" I said truthfully as she smiled shyly back. There was a long silence.

"Paige, I called you so many times…"

"I know" I interrupted her not sure I could handle where this might go. My eyes showed a hint of apology I was hoping she would pick up on.

We looked at each other again until the moment was broken by a tall sandy haired girl who appeared at Emily's side.

"Hey babe, I've been looking for you everywhere" She began to speak as she found Emily's arm with her hand.

"Nancy Davis is looking for you, she wants your opinion on the new swim board regs'" she rolled her eyes at Emily until she seemed to realise that Emily was looking at me.

She seemed to notice me for the first time and looked briefly in my direction until she looked back at Emily whose face had gone a shade paler and was now looking at this other girl slightly awkwardly.

"Alexis" She said the girls name and I felt my stomach twist; I didn't like this. "This is Paige" She glanced at me quickly but avoided my eyes. "Paige, this is Alexis, my err…" She seemed to be struggling with her words.

"Babe, I'm not you manager anymore you can tell people I'm your girlfriend" the girl giggled and I felt the knot in my stomach tighten but I didn't let it show on my face.

"This is my girlfriend Alexis" Emily said finally, still not meeting my eyes. "Paige is…" She began to introduced me and I panicked about what she would say next, not knowing if I could deal with hearing an explanation of what we were now out loud.

"The photographer" I explained for myself, cutting Emily off and avoiding her eyes myself this time.

"Oh great" Alexis said sticking her hand out to shake mine, I took it reluctantly and forced myself to smile. "Nice to meet you" She added.

I couldn't find words so I just nodded back, I felt slightly sick even though I knew I had no right to care about this. I hadn't been with Emily for years; I hadn't even spoken to her in years. She wasn't mine anymore. She was happy with someone else, someone who's hand was hot and clammy against my own.

"I was actually about to go and look for you, a group of us wanted our photo taken before the end of the night, would you mind, I'll just go and get them"

I nodded dumbly back to her as she smiled. "Be back in a second babe" She said to Emily before she disappeared into the crowd again leaving me and Emily alone in silence.

"Paige" Emily said my name but I didn't let her continue.

"She seems nice" I said, almost convincing myself with my sincere tone. "How long have you been together?"

Emily flashed me a look that I couldn't really interpret before she took a breath. "4 months" she answered with a small nod. "She was my manager" She explained and I found myself nodding.

"That's sweet" I said, cursing myself for it as soon as I said it as it sounded slightly sarcastic. I knew I had no right to care about this at all.

"Paige" Emily began again. "You didn't have to say you were just the photographer back then" She seemed to have a worried expression on her face as she spoke.

"I am the photographer" I said casually. "It's fine"

"But you're not just that to me" She seemed slightly annoyed by my words.

"I know" I met her eyes. "But what's the point in bringing up the past?"

Emily's face seemed to fall and we stared at each other for another moment until Alexis returned with a small group of people.

"Who knew it was so hard to get 6 people together" She joked as she returned to Emily's side, her arm sliding round Emily's waist casually. I tried not to stare by focusing on the new faces in the group and smiling politely.

"Would you mind getting a few of us?" She gathered everyone together and I remembered the camera in my hand and fumbled with it as I nodded. I stepped back and brought the camera up to my eye as the group came together, Emily at the end standing as if she would rather be anywhere in the world rather than there.

I took four photos and watched as Emily changed her face to smile briefly before her blank and confusing expression returned.

"Is that okay?" I asked and Alexis nodded.

"Wonderful" She smiled. "Will these be on the website?" She asked and I nodded in response.

I felt a body next to me and turned to see Rachel, my assistant, appear at my side.

"I need your help with these settings, I can't work out how to change the light input" She began speaking and I was pulled away from the interaction with the other woman and I nodded.

"Okay, I'll come and sort it out" I answered as Rachel left and I turned to look at Emily for a second to see Alexis still had hold of her arm.

Emily pulled away from her girlfriend, who was in conversation with a member of the group and took a step closer to me.

"Paige" she was saying my name a lot tonight. "Can I see you again sometime?" The look she gave me was pleading.

I was silent for a moment as I looked quickly to Alexis, the girl was tall and slender and rather pretty. She was a good match for Emily and she did seem nice. Maybe I could deal with it.

"I've really missed you" I met her eye as she spoke again and tried hard not to let any emotion from her words show, the words were like sweet music and a brutal blow all in one.

"Me too" I said cautiously, fully aware that her girlfriend was stood a meter away. Her _girlfriend, _it was too strange to deal with.

"Call me sometime?" I asked, trying to remain casual as I pulled out a business card from my pocket that had my new cell phone number on it.

"The bottom number is my cell" I handed her the card quickly and she took it, grazing my hand with her fingers slightly as she did.

It was the first time I had touched her in 4 years, and I knew that I would never be able to touch her more than that ever again. That thought made me sad so I turned to leave hastily before I let more emotion show.

"Paige" she was calling me again and I turned back around to look at her. "Are you okay?" her question was innocent, so innocent and caring but it almost made me want to laugh out loud. _Was I okay? _I was the furthest from okay anyone had ever been in the history of the world. I had lost the girl I had been, and still was, head over heels in love with and it was my own fault. I'd left _her. _

It was the worst sort of self-loathing I had ever experienced.

"I'm fine" I lied.

She looked at me with those eyes, the perfect sparkling eyes and I let myself get carried away for a moment.

"You look great by the way… you always look beautiful in red" I didn't wait to hear her reply I turned back around and darted back through the crowd.

One thing was for sure… I was definitely still madly in love with Emily Fields.

* * *

**I would love to hear your opinion :) until next time... Keep calm and ship Paily ;)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys. WOW. is all I can say in response to the reviews for the last chapter. I am SO thrilled with how much you guys enjoyed it, I must admit I was quite worried about how you would react to the time jump but I felt like it was necessary for me to move the story forward and keep a bit of excitement, for both me writing it and you guys reading it. So thank you for the reviews :) I read and appreciate every compliment/criticism/suggestion etc so THANKS!**

**It's**** sometimes quite hard to write these angsty scenes because I love both these characters so much I don't want either of them to be 'the bad guy' and I hope you get what I have tried to do, which is to not blame one or the other but try and show the whole thing is a lot more complicated and they have both done/dealt with things in bad ways. Anyway, enough of my rambling.**

**A few of you were saying you wanted me to update quickly... so I have been typing away none stop to try and update ASAP.**

**This is a _looong _chapter and I was considering whether I should split it up or not and then I thought, no one ever complains that a chapter is too long... so what the hell!**

**Enjoy ;)...**

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I couldn't sleep that night.

I slipped out of Alexis's bed and found my way into the kitchen leaving the lights off so I had to feel my way to find a chair.

I took a seat on the tall stool at the breakfast bar and put my head into my hands.

I listened and tried to find some sound in the silence of the apartment but only found the sound of my shallow breathing as I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness and before long I could make out my surroundings clearly. I found my purse that I had discarded on the counter earlier and rummaged inside until I found the small rectangle of card I was looking for.

I played with the edges as I stared at it. I couldn't see it properly but I knew what it said on it.

_Paige McCullers. _I ran my thumb over the place I knew her familiar name would be typed and pictured each letter and how they blended together to form her name.

I let out a long breath and placed the business card back down and returned to the rubbing of my eyes almost as if I pressed hard enough I would feel something different than what I was feeling right now.

_You always look beautiful in red _she'd said before she left. I replayed it over and over in my mind, watching the way she formed her words. I couldn't work out what she was thinking during our conversation, she seemed to be the master of mixed messages.

_She broke up with YOU_ I reminded myself. _It might have been for the right reasons, but it was her who ended it, her who ignored your messages… her who disappeared without a trace. She obviously wanted you to let her go. _My words echoed around my head even though I hadn't spoken them out loud.

_Had Paige moved on? _The question left me feeling uneasy and the fact I had no idea what the answer was made me feel more uneasy still. I thought she was gone forever, I thought I would have to live without her; I had come to terms with the fact I wouldn't see her again a long time ago.

4 years was a long time. People can change a lot in that time; _I _had changed a lot in that time. Maybe I was holding onto the past and it was the memory of me and Paige I was in love with, not the girl who I had seen tonight.

I wasn't sure I believed that.

I breathed out a long breath again and tried to understand what I was feeling. What _should _I feel? That was a good question.

I remembered the girl who was in the room next door sleeping peacefully in her bed, the girl who's apartment I had been staying in for the past few days… the girl who I was dating. I felt a tingle of guilt in my gut as I continued to breathe heavily. _She didn't deserve to be stuck with someone like me._

I didn't deserve Alexis, she was straightforward and honest, fun loving and simple in what she wanted in a relationship. I seemed to be the complete opposite.

Reserved, scared and so terrified of my own heart… I was a mess.

_I don't deserve Paige either_ the thought came before I could stop it but once it was there it stuck me hard. _I was never good enough for her. _I knew it was true, it had always been true.

Paige was selfless, completely and utterly devoted to doing what she thought was right. She was the most incredible person I had ever met in my life… and I was me. I had always liked to think I was a good person, had always been quite proud of who I was… but now I couldn't help but think that in my life I had been selfish, my own wants, my own needs, my own heart... was that all I cared about?

I picked up the card and played with it again. _Paige McCullers…_ How was I ever supposed to move on from her?

"Babe, what are you doing?" Alexis's sleepy voice was calling from the doorway of the bedroom. I had been so focused on the card in my hand I hadn't even heard her approaching, I slipped the card back into my purse and looked up to see her through the dark.

"I couldn't sleep" I said honestly.

"Come back to bed" her voice was still sleepy as she reached me and held out her hand.

I felt the guilt in my gut again and I felt sorry for this girl in front of me, the kind, loving girl who had been a big part of my life for the past year.

"Okay, let's go back to sleep" I smiled at her and let her take me by the hand; she pulled me in close to her and laughed.

"Or we could not sleep" she raised her eyebrows and I let out a small laugh but didn't meet her eyes.

"It's late" I changed the subject and started walking to the bedroom. "And you have an early meeting tomorrow" She followed me and laughed sleepily again.

"How boring" She said in a jokey tone and I felt something shoot through me, doubt and pain and confusion.

We reached the bedroom and I got back into the warm bed and watched as Alexis slid under the covers too, she closed her eyes right away and I felt her shift into my side.

"I'm glad you're here Emily" She mumbled into my side and I moved my eyes over her form next to me, moving my hand carefully to wrap around her shoulders.

She'd been there for me the past year as a manager, but also as a friend. She had organised my life for me when I felt like it was in chaos, she had guided me, helped me, made me laugh. She was a good person.

"Me too" I said almost silently, feeling sick at the fact that I was not sure if I believed myself or not.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"_Do you like this dress?" Emily said as she pulled me towards her so I could rest an arm either side of the red dress she was wearing. _

"_It's very nice" was all I could manage as I watched Emily lean closer until she stopped a few inches away from my lips. _

"_I think you'll like what's under it even more" her sweet breath hit my face before she leaned in further so I could almost touch her lips—_

The sound of my cell phone ringing woke me brutally from my dream.

I sat up too quickly and felt the blood leave my head along with the details of the pleasant dream I knew I had just been having.

The ringing was loud and irritating and I stumbled out of my bed in search of my cell. I followed the sound of the ringing to a pile of clothes in the corner of my room, remembering that I had left it in the pocket of my coat. I crossed the room and caught my toe on the corner of the bed in my haste to answer the call before the person hung up. I cursed and hopped the rest of the way to retrieve the ringing gadget from the floor.

The number on the screen was unfamiliar and I grunted in annoyance _this better not be someone selling something _I thought as I angrily pressed the answer button.

"Hello" My voice was still rough from sleep and I spoke harsher than I normally would have due to the fact that it was still early for a weekend.

"Paige?"

I felt my fingers grip the phone tighter as I registered the voice on the other end of the phone, the hazy memory of the dream I had just been having coming back and making me feel flushed.

"Emily!" I hadn't expected her to call this soon, or this early. I half paced, half hopped across the room as I registered the fact that it was actually her who was calling me.

"Did I wake you?" Her voice was so soft and sweet I completely forgot about the throbbing in my toe.

"No, not at all" I lied. "You okay?"

"I have a few hours to kill in town as I was meant to meet a journalist at 9 but he's running late and… well I wondered if you wanted to meet for some breakfast… or just some coffee… whatever really… if you're not busy" She was doing that adorable thing where she stumbled on her words.

"Yeah" I found myself nodding. "Yeah, that would be…" _wonderful, amazing, perfect, a dream come true?_ "…Great" I checked my watch and saw that it was already 9. "What time?"

"Half 9?" Her voice came and I nodded again even though she couldn't see me.

"Okay"

"Okay" She copied my tone and I could already feel my heart beating faster. "Do you know the waffle house on the corner of Bloomer Street?"

"Bloomer Street, yes" I said quickly, sounding so awkward that I cringed at myself. "I'll be there"

"Perfect"

"Perfect" I copied her this time.

"Bye" We both said at the same time and I ended the call before I forgot how to breathe.

I ran to the bathroom and jumped into the shower; once I was out I searched my whole apartment for clean clothes that I actually thought I looked half decent in. I stopped at the mirror and argued with myself whether or not I should fix the way my hair was sticking out a bit. I did.

For some reason I felt more self-conscious than I ever had. Emily had seen me at my worst, she had seen me sweaty and red faced from a run, bloody and pale, muddy and covered in paint… she had seen me _naked_ I reminded myself as I applied some make-up hastily to my pale face. That thought didn't improve my nerves though.

I made it out of my apartment just in time so I wouldn't be late for the half nine meeting and only as I paused to take the elevator down to the ground floor did I actually take a moment to appreciate what I was actually doing.

Breakfast with Emily.

_It wasn't a good idea, _that's what I should have been telling myself. _This will get messy, I will get hurt… Emily will get hurt… she has a girlfriend. This is a bad idea._

But I couldn't shake the deep set want, the _need_ inside of me to see her; it was like a magnetic force. I couldn't have said no to her even if I had wanted to.

She was my drug and I was a drug addict who had been cold turkey for way too long.

I found the waffle house easy enough; it was an old fashioned building with big wooden framed windows facing out onto the sidewalk. Just the sort of place Emily loved.

I walked through the door and heard the bell on the door jingle to announce my entrance. A smiling middle aged woman with a coffee pot greeted me with a smile.

"Table for one?"

"I'm meeting my… friend" I found the word in the end as I glanced around the crowded room in search for Emily. I saw her in a corner and I smiled at the woman and made my way over to the place where she was sitting.

"Hey" I greeted her as I sat in the chair opposite her.

"Hey" She smiled at me and I felt her eyes wander over me and I was suddenly glad I had taken a little extra time to make myself look presentable because right now I felt very exposed.

"I didn't expect you to call so soon" I started the conversation nervously.

"I'm sorry" She began but I interrupted.

"No… don't apologise" I said and she looked down at the coffee cup she was holding like she didn't want to meet my gaze too much. I understood that.

The middle aged woman came over and offered me some coffee and I accepted happily. She took Emily's food order first and then turned to me.

"I'll have the same, please" I said without thinking. I always liked the same as Emily. The woman disappeared and we were alone again.

"You look good Paige, are you good?" I looked at my own coffee cup before I was forced to look up and meet her gaze; she looked worried as her eyes focused on mine. It was a look I never got off anyone else, a look that meant _I really want to listen to you. _

"I'm alright" I answered after a long pause. "I love my job" It was all I could think of to say and something about my answer made Emily give me and knowing look and nod her head slowly.

It was then that I noticed that she was playing with something at her chest. I glanced quickly and saw she was fiddling with the pendant on the end of a necklace. My heart skipped a beat and then another as I saw what necklace it was. _My necklace. The one I had given her back in high school. The anchor. _

I couldn't tear my eyes away and I focused on it harder, it was definitely it. After a few seconds she stopped playing with it once she noticed where I was looking, I looked up to meet her eyes and she had a slightly guilty expression on her face.

"You still wear it?" my voice was quiet but it was loud enough for her to hear me.

"Yes" she didn't say anything else she just gave me a look, one where I felt like everyone else in the room wasn't here anymore.

"Paige, I really need to say…"

"More coffee" The woman had returned and Emily gave her a polite but slightly annoyed glance.

"No thank you" she answered for us both and the woman left again.

Emily opened her mouth to continue but I spoke first. "We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to, it's alright" I glanced between my cup and her face every few seconds. I was scared where this conversation might go. Would she blame me? Forgive me? Tell me she had moved on completely?

"No, I want to." She looked at me and I saw how much she meant it, her eyes held an intensity I had never seen in their brown depths before. "I've had enough of silence"

"Okay" I mouthed and let her say what she needed to say. _After all, the silence was my fault._

"I want to thank you" She began and I was fully aware at how intensely she was staring at me and I felt my cheeks grow warm. "You're the reason my dream came true"

"Em, I'm not, really…" she was shaking her head at my words.

"No. it took me a long time to realise it, but now I get you did what you did… for me." I felt my mouth go dry as she stared at me. "I just wished you could have let me tell you it didn't have to be that way"

I couldn't find any words; it was like I had forgotten what it was to be capable of forming anything coherent. I _had _done it for her… but that didn't make me blameless in all this.

"Can I ask you something?" I nodded at her question and I noticed she played with her necklace again. "Did you listen to any of my messages?" I met her eyes and I couldn't hide the guilt that was set deep inside of me.

I shook my head and muttered a quiet "no". _I couldn't. _I should have added, but the lump in my throat made that impossible.

She looked slightly sad at that. "Oh" she stared down at her coffee cup and I didn't know what would be best for me to say. What could I do to fix the 4 years of pain. Maybe just get up and leave right now. Let her get on with her life with someone who hadn't left her once before.

"I came to the airport" I found the words coming out of my mouth before I even realised they had. "I was going to tell you I took it all back, that I wanted to be with you over anything else"

This new information made her look up and there was an emotion on her face that almost broke my heart. "Why didn't you?"

"I saw you and…You looked happy" It was a crap answer but it was all I could think of.

"I wasn't happy at all." She lowered her eyebrows for a minute like she was deciding whether to be angry with me or not.

"I always hoped that you would reply to me, but you never did" She didn't seem angry, this wasn't anger it was something else.

_I wanted to...I'm sorry_ I could have said, but what did 'sorry' ever fix? "I know" I settled for instead and I let my eyes give the apology for me.

The food arrived shortly after and we ate in silence, the only communication the short glances we gave each other between bites. I left half on my plate, my appetite had been non-existent since the moment my eyes had fallen on Emily last night.

"So… you're a photographer, are you freelance or…?"

"I work for Sports Illustrated" I answered her and I saw a smile curl at the corner of her lips _I used to kiss her when she smiled like that_… _No Paige, not now._

"That's amazing, I'm so happy for you" She repeated what she had said last night and it had the same effect as it had yesterday and I felt my cheeks flush. I lowered my head, slightly embarrassed.

I knew I should probably ask her some questions but I didn't know where to begin, where do you start to catch up on 4 years of missed information, especially with someone you used to know better than anyone in the world.

_Are you happy? _I could have asked. _Was winning a gold medal everything you thought it would be? Are you in love with this girl, does she make you feel the way you make me feel? Do you ever wish that it was me you came home to every night? _Of course, I didn't ask any of those because that would be too brave. That would mean taking a risk and laying my heart on the line, laying myself bare and risking the answer that would hurt too much. '_You hurt me Paige, you LEFT me, of course I moved on and I'm happy with someone else'._

So I just sat and moved the uneaten food around my plate with my fork.

"You're quiet" I looked up from the food and noticed that Emily was staring at me, I cleared my throat and put the fork down.

"Sorry" I mumbled and met her eyes. "I'm sorry… I guess I just don't really know what to say"

"I know, me too" She tucked her hair back behind her ear.

"There's so many things that I wanted to say to you, but now I can't seem to find the words" My honesty surprised me.

"Like what?" She gave me that knowing look again.

I took a deep breath in an attempt to give me a moment to think but her cell phone began to ring and saved me from answering.

"Sorry" she fumbled in her bag for it and shut it off, turning back to face me.

"You were saying?" She looked expectantly at me but the ring had thrown me off, I bit my lip for a moment. Her phone rang again.

"You can get that, I don't mind"

She gave me an apologetic half smile and answered the call.

"Hey" She spoke quietly into the phone leaning away from me slightly.

"I'm just having breakfast, can I call you later?" she was fidgeting with her fingers, tapping them on the table lightly.

"Yeah" she replied to whoever was on the other end.

"Just an old friend" she said now and I knew she was talking about me, it should have hurt me more to hear her explain me like that but it was sort of comforting. If anything the truest thing I was to her was an old friend, I had been her friend before anything else.

"What, now?" she was tapping harder now.

I got a sinking suspicion that it was her girlfriend on the other end.

"Erm" Emily paused and glanced at me ever so quickly and then back to staring out the window. "Okay" she said before she listened to something else before she said 'bye'.

Emily placed her cell down on the table next to her and looked at me with an apologetic expression.

"I'm really sorry, I have to go" she said quietly.

"Was that your girlfriend?" The words just came out of my mouth and I was thankful I managed to keep my tone neutral.

"Yeah" she became flustered as she stood up and picked her coat up. "She finished her meeting early and I said I'd pick her up" she mumbled as she reached into her purse and pulled out some money.

"Here" she said putting the money down on the table but I put my hand out to stop her.

"No its fine, I'll get it" I said just as our hands met on the table. I should have moved it but I didn't, I left it to linger on top of Emily's for a few seconds too long. _She didn't pull away either though._

We both pulled away silently after a moment and Emily cleared her throat.

"No honestly, it's fine, I was the one who asked you to come" She put the bill on the table and shrugged her purse back on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I have to go so quickly I…"

"It's fine, the girlfriend calls" I cursed myself as soon as the words slipped out. I sounded pathetic and bitter.

"Paige" She looked pained when she looked at me.

"Emily" I said back as I watched her watch me. It was like a stalemate, we both stared at each other, almost like we were daring the other to be the first to look away. She looked like she wanted to say something else; her lips were moving ever so slightly like the words were dancing on the edges.

"It was nice to see you" Was all the words turned out to be.

"Yeah" I agreed as she stood up and I stood too, awkwardly.

"See you soon?" She looked hopeful again and I didn't know what to make of that.

"I would like that" she nodded at that and the small smile returned, she walked away then though and left me standing. I didn't turn to watch her leave.

I didn't like the idea of watching my girl walk away to go and meet another girl.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I spent the next week trying to think of anything other than Paige. She'd seemed so distant and different when I met her for breakfast, reserved, something I wasn't used to. Maybe that was who she was now, or maybe that was what she was with _me _now. Maybe I was expecting too much by wanting to see her grin at me again like she used to.

_Why would she grin at me? She broke up with me and we haven't been together for 4 years._

I found the spare key under the mat of Alexis's apartment, letting myself in like I usually did.

I'd spent a few nights at my own place, trying to slow things down, trying to give myself some space to think, to cope with the turmoil inside my own brain. But tonight she was flying to New York for business and she would be gone for 4 days so I had agreed to come over and we would go out for dinner.

"Alexis?" I called into the apartment; there was no sign of life except for the light coming from the bedroom.

"In here" she called from the bedroom and I made my way through the apartment.

"Hey baby" she gave me a wink as she sauntered over to me and kissed me on the lips.

I kissed her back for a second before I looked around the bedroom.

"Wow you're already packed, I thought I would need to force you to do it" I joked as I looked at the suitcase that was neatly sat near the bed.

"Yeah" she bit her lip when she looked at me. "Don't hate me but I'm getting an earlier flight, Todd was going on and on about how he wants me there for this party tonight and I just had to shut him up, you know what he's like" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, okay" I guessed dinner was going to be lonely.

"I'm flying in an hour" She said. "I know you booked a table for dinner, maybe you could take a friend?" She kissed me on the cheek and I shook my head.

"I'll just cancel it, it's fine, don't worry" I gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Okay" she gave me another wink and looked me up and down.

"You look gorgeous today by the way" I felt guilty then for being annoyed about dinner and I gave her a genuine smile this time.

"Thanks" I kissed her on the cheek.

She walked past me and went into the living room, picking up some items from the couch and shoving them into a carry on bag.

"My cab should be here soon, you can stay here tonight if you want though, I like the thought of you sleeping in my bed" She raised her eyebrows at me and I laughed.

Once she had filled the bag she moved back towards me and pulled me towards her with both arms.

"Are you okay?" She asked, kissing my neck as she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, of course" I answered. "Are you?"

"Good, I'm very good" She leaned in and kissed me on the mouth, her tongue starting to move against my own. I couldn't explain what made me want to pull back; it was like a feeling right in the pit of my stomach that made me want to stop. I didn't though, I couldn't do that to her when she had done nothing wrong.

"mmm you taste _amazing" _she made her eyes bigger as she pulled back.

I looked down at the floor, unable to cope with this horrible feeling I had deep in my gut. I wasn't aware you could feel like this, it was like I was forcing myself to wear shoes that were the wrong size. It was okay for a while but after some time it began to hurt too much, you began to ache and wish for nothing more than to take them off. It wasn't the shoes fault though, they were perfectly good, brilliant in fact, no, it was my fault that it didn't fit.

I'd tried to force something I knew wasn't right.

"Alexis… I need to tell you something" The words tumbled out of me and I was aware my heart was beating. She obviously wasn't aware of the inner turmoil I was going through or the enormity of this situation because she was still looking at my body and holding my hips like this was a game.

"That's funny 'cos I need to tell you something too" She glanced up and winked at me.

"Oh" I said, her words not what I had expected.

"I want you to move in with me" She said the words casually and I felt my heart give one long painful beat. "I just wanted you to know that" I looked at her with my mouth open and I couldn't find any words. _What was I supposed to say to that?_

"I don't expect you to answer right now, I just want you to think about it, okay?" She winked and I still didn't speak.

A car horn beeping interrupted our conversation and she moved to the window to look out.

"My cab's here, I better go. I got charged last time for taking too long" she rolled her eyes again and I was still stood in the same position as before. She walked past me and got her suitcase from the other room, I followed her to the front door and she opened it slowly.

"Oh, you wanted to tell me something?" She said as she leaned on the door. _How could I say it now, 'I'm unsure about our relationship, I think I'm in love with someone who probably doesn't love me back, oh and have a nice trip!' _I shook my head.

"Text me it" she wiggled her cell phone at me. _That would be an interesting text._

"Have a nice trip" I said through a lump in my throat.

She kissed me on the cheek and then shut the door and I felt like an awful person.

I looked around the apartment and realised I couldn't stay here; it felt like the very air was suffocating me. I pulled my coat on and headed out of the apartment.

I needed a drink.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

It was past midnight but I was still awake. I never went to bed early. I put my book down on the coffee table and went to answer the ringing from the intercom, intrigued at who it could be at this time of night.

"Yeah?" I asked as I pressed the button.

"Paige?" It was her voice.

My heart beat fast as I replied "Emily?"

"Can I come up?" Her voice said. "It's raining" I remembered then just how heavy it was raining, I pressed the button to let her in.

I shifted some of the rubbish into the trash and straightened my hair in the time it took Emily to make it up the stairs.

There was a quiet knock on the door and I pulled it open to see her standing outside my door with water dripping from every part of her, she looked like she had been walking in the rain for hours.

"Hey" she said as water pooled at her feet. "Hey" I copied her.

"How did you know where I live?" I was confused.

She held up a soggy business card and gave me a small smile. "You probably shouldn't put your address on this thing; you don't know what weirdos might turn up at your door"

I stared in amazement at her for a moment before I remembered I should invite her in.

"Come in" I said as I stepped aside and let her in.

"Do you…" I could feel my pulse growing faster as I watched her toss her wet hair to the side and I really wished my body wouldn't betray me like this. "Do you want a drink?" She met my eyes when I spoke, answering with just a tiny nod.

"I have water, soda, coffee, tea?" I wished I didn't have to be so awkward all the time.

"Do you have anything a little stronger?" She gave me the smallest of smiles and she added a quiet nervous laugh after she spoke. Maybe she had already been drinking, I couldn't really tell. If she had she couldn't have had that much because drunk Emily was definitely not this well behaved or stable on her feet.

"Sure" I copied her smile but I couldn't quite bring myself to laugh.

I walked over towards the cupboard in the kitchen where I knew there was a bottle of scotch I had been given by a client that I had never got round to opening. I dug it out and found two glasses, turning to Emily as I did. "Is this okay?" I asked and she nodded.

As I poured I was aware that she had moved from her place by the door and was walking across the room slowly.

"I thought you hated whiskey?" She was looking at the glasses.

"I did, I guess things changed" I didn't mean for my tone to sound so negative and I saw Emily's smile drop.

"I guess they do" She took the glass I was offering her and I was thankful she managed to avoid brushing my hand with hers as she did; I needed to keep a clear head.

As we took a seat on the couch I made a note to sit as far away from her as I could.

The first sip of whiskey made me squirm slightly but the second was better and it felt nice and warm as I went down and I was glad of the effect it was going to have on my nerves.

"What are you doing here Emily?" The question came after a long moment of silence.

"I don't know" she was saying and I felt myself unable to take the close proximity to her any more so I stood up and stepped further towards the kitchen leaning on the sink for support.

"It's the middle of the night" I turned to see her sat looking vulnerable on the couch.

"I know" She said but didn't look up from her couch. I turned away from her to face the tiled wall.

"I couldn't sleep" she was speaking in a timid tone again, and I guessed if I had turned to look at her I would find her playing with her hands nervously. "I can't seem to sleep these days, I can't do anything I just feel... I feel" she trailed off and I still hadn't turned around. My hands gripped harder onto the edge of the counter. "I can't stop thinking about you Paige" I felt like I was going to faint.

"You shouldn't be thinking about me anymore Em, you have a girlfriend" my voice was flat, as emotionless as I could make it. I couldn't let any emotion slip out of me because I knew that if I let just a little bit seep into my tone I'd be sobbing on the floor in a matter of minutes. I would be begging at her feet for her to tell me she loves me.

Maybe she would, or maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she just missed me but then in the end she would go back to this new girl. She would say 'I'm sorry, I miss you but I guess we just had our time' and then it would hurt so much, the wanting, the need, the love, the incapacitating unobtainable unrequited aching love for this girl who was sitting soaking wet in my apartment in the middle of the night.

"Paige" Emily said my name, and it was there again, that reminder of the past. She said my name in a way no one else had ever done, she said it so smoothly, like she enjoyed the sound it made in her mouth as her tongue wrapped around the word. Her tongue, I couldn't think about that if I was going to keep any resolve at all.

I didn't hear a sound from her for a good few seconds. "Paige, please turn around" I didn't move.

"I can't Emily" I felt tears forming behind my closed eyes.

"We need to talk about this"

"There's nothing to talk about" my tone was less flat now, the fake wall of no emotion I was trying my best to force up around myself crumbling.

"I'm sorry but...you shouldn't be here Emily, you should go home to your girlfriend" the words felt bitter and wrong in my mouth as I said them.

"She's gone to New York' Emily voice was shakier than before now. "Please Paige, I just need you to talk to me... to say something..." She trailed off.

I didn't reply, I couldn't reply. There were no words I could think of to say. _I love you I love you I love you so much and I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go. _I knew what I wanted to do and it was definitely not what I should be wanting to do right now.

"I miss you" She spoke and her voice was so quiet and vulnerable I was sure I felt a little piece of my heart break at the sound.

When I didn't reply I heard her shuffling behind me. "I shouldn't have come, sorry, I'll leave" her voice was sad now, and something about it made me give up and turn around just to see her standing near the door. I wasn't sure if it was tears or the water dripping from her hair making her cheeks so wet, but the sadness was plain on her face.

I remembered a time when I would have done anything at all to wipe that expression away, where I would have given anything just to see her smile, but right now the sight of her so upset, almost as broken as I felt inside… it was strangely comforting. It was like I wasn't alone in the way that I felt, Emily was right there next to me.

I tried hard not to meet her eyes because I knew once I did I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything other than her; the intoxicating presence of Emily Fields.

She wiped at her eyes and I knew that it must be tears after all, she turned to leave and I realised suddenly that wasn't what I wanted at all. She would leave and then what? Where would we be then? I needed her to stay for a while… I needed my drug.

"Emily wait" When I spoke my tone was less flat than before but I tried to keep the lid on the emotions still. I fumbled to find words not really knowing what I meant to say.

"You'll get sick" I said, stumbling on the words like an idiot. "From the cold, you need to dry off" I walked across my apartment and I could feel my legs shaking as I reached for a clean towel from a pile of laundry and passed it to her. "Before you leave" I said, I had to remember she had to leave eventually. I had to let go. _I already let her go, didn't I?_

She nodded as she took the towel and I rocked awkwardly back and forth on my feet as she began to dry her hair; I couldn't help but remember when she had done that to me once.

We didn't talk we just stood in silence and after a few minutes I was aware that I was looking at Emily and she was looking back. It was the sort of stare I had wanted to avoid, the one where she looks at me and it's like she's looking inside me… right into my soul.

"Your apartments nice" She said, breaking the silence that had settled over us. It was small talk but I appreciated it as it meant we didn't have to face anything else right now.

"Thanks, it's not much but I love it" I really did like it here, the apartment was big and the bedroom had sold it to me. It had a big window on the sloping roof which meant on a clear night I could see the stars from my bed. Hundreds of glistening bright lights which could mesmerize me for hours, _Emily would love it_ I thought to myself before I shook that thought away.

I couldn't have that thought. Emily wasn't mine and I wasn't hers…I couldn't take her to my bed and show her the stars.

**Emily POV**

_What am I doing here?_ I asked myself the same question again, _I'm here to talk_ I answered myself, trying feebly to tell myself the way I was acting wasn't completely selfish, that the reason I had walked in the pouring rain half way across town was an innocent one and nothing to do with the beating of my heart and the flush of my skin as Paige looked at me.

She was looking at me again, or maybe I had been the one looking at her first I couldn't really remember anymore. I couldn't remember much of anything, why I was stood here with this ache in my chest or why we weren't holding each other… why everything was the way it was.

I was closer to her than I had been in years, a few feet away so if I walked forward just a little I would be touching her. We were close… but I had never felt further away from her.

I wanted her to give me some idea of what was going on inside her head. I found myself watching her and the signs of the old Paige, _my Paige, _were there… but there was something else. Something new.

I used to be able to read her expressions like an open book but I found myself failing miserably when an unfamiliar emotion flashed in her eyes or her lips twitched in a way I had never seen before. I realised suddenly that there was so much about this girl stood in front of me that I didn't know. 4 years of new information I had missed.

The thought made my chest feel tight and uncomfortable as my heart seemed to squirm a little.

I studied her face and tried to remember if it was exactly how I remembered it, if all the lines were the same, if her lips were still the same colour. Everything was the same.

I met her eyes again and I saw a flicker of emotion but it was too hard to read, like a secret code that I wasn't allowed to understand.

"What?" I asked as Paige looked down, averting her eyes onto the floor.

"It's... Nothing" she said and I could see she was playing with the beaded bracelet at her wrist.

I watched her fingers mess with the beads and it reminded me of how I would play with the necklace around my neck, the anchor I still wore every day._ I could never let go of that. _Paige was nervous I could tell, I could see the signs now. I was finally remembering how to read her, how she held her head low and fidgeted when there was something on her mind.

"It's never 'nothing' with us, is it?" my voice was more of a breath and Paige looked up at my words. The way she looked at me then, like she knew every thought I had ever had better than I did myself, like she understood me more than anyone in the world. She looked at me and I felt my legs shake slightly and my breath catch in my throat, she made me feel like my body was full of electricity just from the way she looked at me.

"No" she said softly and I saw her eyes return to stare at the floor. "Never"

"Paige" I said her name as I took a step forward, I wanted her to look at me and stop staring at the floor, I'd nearly reached her side of the room when she put a hand up to stop me.

"No Em" she said almost breathlessly. "Please" she added as she met my eyes. "Don't"

I stopped walking forward and closed my mouth, I didn't know what to say to her.

"Paige please, I just want to talk" There I was again saying these stupid words that didn't mean anything, they were a cover, a safety net so I could have a chance to gather myself back together.

"What is there to say?" She said with a small shrug. "I'm so sorry for what I did, how I handled things... it was... it wasn't fair."

I couldn't find any words to say, everything was too complicated and everything hurt too much.

"but you have a girlfriend Emily" she said the words and every time I heard them it was like a punch in the gut. "So if you want to talk we can talk, but this… this whole thing where you look at me…" she pointed at me. "Like that" She took a small breath and closed her eyes. "We can't… I can't deal with that… You have a girlfriend" She paused as if to give the words dramatic effect "I don't know what you want to hear from me Emily"

_It's now or never. _"Everything" I replied after a long moment. "Anything" I added, my voice still weak. "I just need some truth, you broke up with me and never told me why or gave me a chance to talk about it, you just left, cut yourself out of my life and now I see you again and you won't let me in even now, I can't cope with not knowing Paige… I can't" She turned around away from me again now and I felt myself shaking, from nerves or fear I couldn't tell.

"I'm not leaving before you talk to me, please if I ever meant anything to you at all"

"You want the truth?"

I nodded even though she couldn't see me "Yes" my voice was almost inaudible. I held my breath as I waited for her to respond, not knowing what I would do with the truth once I got it. I didn't know what I was more scared about, Paige telling me that she felt nothing or Paige saying she felt the opposite of nothing and my whole world becoming a big complicated mess.

"I'm scared, I'm scared by how much you consume my every thought. I'm scared at how much you mean to me. You've in my head and I can't seem to get you out of it however hard I try" Her voice was the only thing in the world then, her words echoing through my mind. "You're always there, every time I try to forgot it always comes back to you. It's always been you, since the first time I saw you I was in love with you. Walking through Rosewood high with your perfect hair and perfect smile, I was yours. The hardest thing I ever did was leave you but I did what I thought I had to do so you would follow your dreams, because the only thing worse than living without you would be for you to be unhappy" I watched the back of her head as she spoke.

"I've tried to forget you, I've tried to move on and I thought I was doing okay and then I see you again after all this time and it hit me that I wasn't doing half as well as I thought."

Her words touched a place inside of me I thought had died a long time ago. She turned around slowly so I could see half of her face but she still didn't look directly at me.

"It's terrifying loving someone the amount I love you, and what's the worst thing in the world is that I let you _go._ I _left. _And I hate myself everyday for it, and I wish that I never had. I want more than anything for you to still be mine but I have no _right _to want that. I left you. I ignored your calls. You deserve someone who would never do that to you." I felt like I wanted to cry.

"And it's hard, it really hurts because I feel pathetic, I feel stupid that I can't move on when you've managed to so easily" I shook my head slowly at her words.

"That couldn't be further from the truth" I said in time with my beating heart.

"You don't have to lie to me Emily; you don't have to protect my feelings. You've moved on, I get it. What I don't get is what you want, why you're here right now"

"Paige" I began to say with my eyes closed. "I never moved on" I had never been surer of that.

When I opened my eyes she was facing me and her expression was drained, like she couldn't cope with any of this.

"Please don't tell me that if it isn't true... you have a girlfriend" the words reminded me of the reality of the situation and I took a deep breath, it was all so complicated and I was being the most selfish person in the world right now.

"It was never supposed to be like this" I said sadly and I saw Paige close her eyes. "It was always meant to be you… I'm so madly in love with you Paige… I always have been" my words made her stop shaking her head and open her mouth slowly.

"Emily" she didn't say anything else she just breathed out my name and stared at me. Her eyes didn't move as they met mine and I felt myself tremble at the intensity. It was clouding my mind and my breathing was getting heavier.

Her lips were parted slightly and I couldn't think about anything else expect for how much a wanted her, how much I needed her.

Before I could stop myself I was across the room and my face was inches away from hers.

She brought a hand up to my face slowly and rested it against my cheek, almost like she was afraid I would break if she touched me too quickly. My own hand copied hers and I felt the smooth skin of her face under my palm, my finger ran along her bottom lip slowly as my eyes traced its movement.

"We can't" I heard her say almost half-heartedly as she pulled her head back slowly. "We shouldn't…" She closed her eyes as I ran my finger along her lip again.

I put a finger against her lips and spoke breathlessly "don't speak… just kiss me... Please"

She stared at me and I could have sworn that time stopped still, her breath hit me lightly and I held my breath before she lurched forward and met my lips with her own.

It felt like I was breathing for the first time in 4 years, it felt like someone had switched the light on in the endless dark that had become my life. Paige's lips, Paige's touch, it was like a jolt of electric waking me up from a lonely nightmare. I could feel her lips and her tongue and the passion in the way they moved against my own in frenzy.

Her hands ran up and down my body and I wrapped mine around her neck like I had so many times before, the action coming back to me like it had only been yesterday.

She pushed me backwards as our kiss continued and I somehow found myself pressed up against the wall not knowing how I had got there and not really caring. She kissed down my jaw and my neck as she pressed her body firmly against mine where it fit so perfectly.

I let out a moan when she kissed the skin of my neck, the moan was loud and primal and I felt it groan inside of my throat but I didn't care. There was nothing else in the world to care about there was only Paige and the taste of her kisses.

I moaned again before I pulled her face back up and kissed her urgently. I needed her as close as I could get her. My teeth bit down on her lip and I heard her moan at this too.

Her hands were on my stomach gripping onto the fabric of my shirt roughly before I pushed them downwards leading them down my body. My heart skipped when she pushed the material of my skirt up so she could rest a warm hand on the bare skin of my thigh.

I kissed her neck now as her hand moved up and down my thigh; I was almost shaking from the feel of her warm hands on my cold damp skin.

She moved her hand and pulled the fabric of my shirt up and over my head in one quick movement. She did the same with her own before she undid the clasp of my bra and let them all fall into a pile on the floor of her apartment.

Her lips found where I needed them and I felt her tongue move over my stomach until she travelled higher and found a sweeter spot. My body was on fire now and she was only making me hotter.

Her hand had moved further up my thigh and she pressed her hips tight against me as my leg raised and her hand moved closer to my underwear, her finger slipped beneath it and my breath caught in my throat at the familiar feeling. The feeling of being one with Paige.

She moved her hips in time with her fingers as she kissed me deeply. It was so urgent and passionate I felt like I would explode with all the feelings inside of me, feelings I had forgotten I could feel. I moved my fingers across her back and couldn't help but dig my nails in lightly when she thrust inside of me harder, it felt like nothing I had experienced before. Real and raw and adoring but somehow heart breaking.

Her lips found my ear and I felt her bite gently while she continued to move her fingers. This had to be the best feeling in the world.

I let my hand slip below her sweat pants and we both moved in sync and my mind was fuzzy. My heart was beating fast and I could feel her heart beating in time with my own. All I could think about was the heat, the pleasure… Paige.

She let out another moan that I stopped with a hard kiss as we continued to move together.

_Oh my god._

My mind was a blur as I let the moment of pleasure pool through me; I could feel Paige shaking against me too as she let her lips rest against my neck as we both enjoyed the moment.

We breathed heavily and I could feel her breath on my neck as she kissed me gently before she moved her lips to my mouth.

She kissed me softly through deep breaths letting her lips linger for a second before our foreheads rested together.

She moved her hands up and let them rest on my waist as we both took long deep breaths to steady ourselves. I was shaking and I felt light headed, this felt like some sort of dream, the sort where you are dreading the moment you wake up and you're cold and alone in your bed.

For the first time since our lips had touched she looked me in the eye. Her eyes seemed to be a hundred different shades of brown when I was this close to her and I could see they were glossed over with unshed tears.

Her breath hit my face lightly as we continued to look at each other; her eyes were almost melting into mine.

Time stood still for a moment.

This wasn't supposed to happen; it wasn't supposed to be this way. I never wanted to be that girl who betrayed people she cared about, I didn't want to be a cheater and I didn't want to treat Paige like she was a dirty little secret… it wasn't supposed to happen like this at all. But the taste of her kisses, the feel of her body and the look in her eyes... It was all so right. It was like I had been lost all this time and I was finally coming home.

I began to cry then. The tears were slow and silent at first but within a few seconds they were flowing fast down my cheeks and I was breathing heavily.

Paige didn't flinch at my tears, she didn't even seem surprised. I guessed she was feeling the exact same way I was. I felt so many emotions in this moment it overwhelmed me. I had thought I would never be like this with her again, I truly believed we had lost our chance. I thought we had gone too far to recapture what we once had… but I was wrong.

I was overwhelmed and angry at myself. I had a girlfriend, but Paige was here, I was kissing Paige, I was feeling this way because of Paige, I loved _Paige. _It had always been Paige.

She held my face in her hands as the tears continued to flow slowly. She used her thumbs to wipe them away gently before she kissed the tracks they had made on my cheeks with delicate touches of her lips.

Our eyes met again as my tears stopped, I wanted to explain to her how sorry I was, I wanted her to know what she meant to me but words escaped me.

She looked down at my lips and then back up to my eyes as if she was asking me if it was okay for her to kiss me again. _Of course it was okay._

I looked at her lips in response and moved my head to meet her. Our kiss now was different. It was slow and gentle, it was nothing… it was everything.

I found my hands entwined with hers before long and we were moving, she was leading me away from the wall and towards the door at the far end.

She stopped kissing me as we stood outside the door to the bedroom. She looked at me with a thoughtful expression as if she was worried that if she didn't stop now she would never be able to.

"Stay with me tonight?" It was less of a question and more of a validation of what we both already knew was going to happen.

I only nodded as I held her hand tighter and let her lead the way through into her bedroom.

I was only aware of two things when I found myself lay on top of Paige's bed moments later. One, the hundreds of stars that were visible through the window in the ceiling twinkling so serenely in the darkness of the bedroom, and two, the fact that Paige was undressing me slowly.

Only know did I remember how wet the rest of my clothes were as she took each item off one by one as if it was some sort of game and she was winning; her prize the skin that was revealed after each item was removed.

We lay on the soft bed and I placed a hand on her bare chest, feeling the beating of her heart to assure me this moment was real. It was real.

Paige was real and this feeling was real and when she leaned in to kiss me… that was real.

We stayed like that for the rest of the night with our bodies entwined artfully under the soft covers. Skin touching skin, arms wrapped around waists, legs tangled around each other in a desperate attempt to feel close. We didn't speak we only kissed. Long kisses, short kisses, deep kisses, light kisses, four years' worth of kissing in one night.

It was like all the parts of me that had felt so wrong and out of place were finally clicking back together and I felt whole again, Paige made me complete.

Tomorrow I would have to face the truth, I would have to start doing things right and be brave. Tonight though… all I needed was Paige McCullers.

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**I hope you enjoyed?**


	23. Chapter 23

**:D :D Thank you SOOO much to everyone who is still reading this fic. I was overwhelmed by all the love for the last chapter, it was a personal favourite of mine so I am so glad you all enjoyed it too.**

**Again, thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed. It is so nice to read what people think about my writing, I loved everyone's reviews but I just want to say: **

**Paily lover: So glad you liked this chapter, happy to hear you liked Emily's "I miss you" bit... its so much fun to hear which things people liked. Jes Angell: Love that your officemate asked you what was wrong, that's so funny.**

**cici: your review touched me... SO happy I can help you immerse yourself in Paily feels!**

**Shayle-uk: So glad you found my fic and enjoyed it, 3 days whilst working is impressive :)**

**annnd MindFullofStories... Paige being Emily's dirty little secret.. hmm. Is it wrong that I really like this idea? *mind wanders to the A/U fanfic possibilities... one day* In this fic though... she wont stay her dirty little secret for long ;)**

**I could go on all day and thank you all but I'll let you enjoy the new chapter, it isn't the longest, but I thought it was better to update sooner even though it's shorter.**

**:) Chapter 23...**

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**Paige's POV**

I woke up with the taste of Emily's kisses still on my lips.

I shifted under the warm covers of my bed and let the memories of the night before dance through my head like a dream. _A dream come true._

Her arm was draped over my stomach under the sheets and I turned ever so slightly so I could look at her. She was only a few inches away from me where she lay and I could hear the soft sound of her breathing as she slept.

The sun was shining into the room brightly through the window as I hadn't bothered to pull the blinds last night; I noticed how the morning sun seemed to make her skin glow. _I can't believe she's really here._

Last night had been… intense. It was the only word I could think of to describe how I'd felt. I'd gone from being in denial to being nervous to frustrated… to just pure need, pure passion… pure affection for this one girl I had always been in love with.

I had to fight the urge to lean forward and kiss her, kiss her lips and her face and her eyes and her perfect nose. I couldn't have her wake up to that though, not now, not after all the emotion from last night… I had to wait until we figured this out.

Whatever _this _is. Whatever it meant for _'_us'.

I felt her readjust herself as I twisted again so it was easier for me to look at her; she wrapped her arm tighter as her eyes remained shut and her breathing carried on in a perfect rhythm. I felt safer than I had in years.

Her lips were parted slightly and I was convinced she was almost smiling, like she was having the most amazing dream. Her hair had fallen into her eyes as she'd moved and I couldn't help but reach forward and push it back gently, brushing my fingertips lightly on the skin of her forehead as I did.

As I moved my hand back to my side I watched as her eyelids began to flutter. I found myself looking away for a moment as a flash of panic swept through me. _What if she wakes up and freaks out? _

No. I was done with looking away. I was done with hiding. I was done with being a coward. I needed to face her.

She opened her eyes slowly and I watched as it seemed she remembered where she was, her eyes darting from my eyes to my lips and around the room in under a second, the smile remained on her face.

"Hey" I said and I was surprised at how quiet my voice was; no more than a breath.

"Hey" She copied my tone and smiled while her gaze fixed onto my eyes and I couldn't help the grin that spread onto my face. _She wasn't freaking out._

"How long have you been awake?" She asked the question casually, like this wasn't the most intense moment of my whole freaking life.

"Not long" I answered as I tried to concentrate on something other than her arm which was still wrapped against my bare stomach.

"You should have woke me" She looked almost shy and I couldn't help but smile at that.

"You looked so peaceful; I didn't want to ruin that" I found myself staring at her lips. They were so close and easy to reach in the position we were in. I couldn't believe I had gone 4 years without the intoxicating taste of Emily's kisses, it had been like getting my drug after all this time and now I wanted more. I would always want more.

When I looked back up to meet her eyes I noticed she was looking at my lips too before she looked up and met my gaze. I didn't move forward to kiss her like I wanted to though as something in the way she was looking at me with a hint of worry in her expression stopped me.

"Paige" She said my name with meaning, biting her lip as she did. She still hadn't moved her arm from around me and I was more aware than ever of how close we were. "Last night…" She began slowly and I felt my stomach twist. _Was this it? Was this the moment she told me what a big mistake it was._ I felt my face brace in anticipation and I looked down briefly.

"Last night was…" I couldn't let her say it.

"Amazing" I finished for her and met her eyes in an intense stare. I moved my own arm to wrap around her waist and I held her the same way she was holding me, moving us closer still "It was amazing" I took a breath _I was being brave._

"I don't know what you were about to say but I just want you to know that it was perfect to me, you're perfect to me… and even if you want to take it back, if it was a mistake to you… it'll still be perfect to me. I meant everything I said last night" This being brave thing felt liberating.

The same smile as before crept back onto her face and she let out a little laugh. "If you'd let me finish I would have said incredible" I felt my heart skip happily. "It was like I found my way home, after all this sadness… it just felt right" her eyes were watching me as I smiled and I tightened my hold on her waist.

"I don't regret it, I can't regret it… not with you" She smiled a little sadder now. "But that doesn't mean it was the right way to do it" She looked away from me after she spoke and I smiled sadly. "I still have a girlfriend." She was chewing on her bottom lip and I could see the guilt on her face.

"I know" I looked at her sadly as I remembered the reality. "I'm sorry"

"Paige" She shook her head. "Don't apologise for anything, I was the one who should have told her I wasn't happy a long time ago, it's my fault" she gave me an anxious look.

She moved her hand along the skin of my hip almost nervously as she bit her lip again, I hadn't seen this sort of expression on her face before. "I need to start doing the right thing by her, she's a good person she doesn't deserve to be treated the way I'm treating her. I owe her the truth, and I owe it to her to before anything else can happen with us"

"I understand" I said it truthfully, because I did. I understood completely.

"Thank you" She said with an adorable shy smile.

"But Em" I began slowly, taking a moment to pluck up all the courage I had. I had decided to be brave and I wasn't about to do it half-heartedly, I tightened my grip around her waist. "I understand you need to tell her and I understand that won't be easy for you. I get that you might need time to sort it out with her, but I want you to know that I'm never going to back away again, not now. Not ever. I'll fight for you if I have too. I don't want you to be with anyone else ever again"

The look on her face could have almost broken my heart, the small smile and the gloss in her eyes. "You don't know how nice it is to hear you say that" her voice was a little breathless and I wanted so badly to kiss her like I had a thousand times last night… but I knew she was right. Last night had been emotional and intense but this morning we had come back down to Earth. We had to do the right thing and the right thing was for Emily to sort things out with Alexis and for us to assess what we were without heated kisses and passion clouding our morals.

I didn't want us to have any regrets in this.

"What do we do now?" I found myself asking and I saw Emily's lip curl into an amused grin.

"You always ask the difficult questions don't you?" she smiled at me before she continued. "We try and work this out, try and fix things" She was stroking my hip again and the feeling was almost too much for me to deal with.

"I hope we can do that" I couldn't help but move a hand to stroke the skin of her cheek and she closed her eyes as I felt her melt into the touch.

"Me too" she answered her eyes still shut as she moved her head forward ever so slightly. I admired her flawless face again and had to use every ounce of self-control I had not to lunge forward and do the wrong thing again. She finally moved back whilst opening her eyes before she lifted her arm away from my waist and pushed her hair back with her fingers. I watched as her long dark hair flowed behind her and partly covered her bare tanned shoulders. I removed my own arm from around her and eased myself to sit up in the bed so I could try and return my heartbeat back to normal , lifting the white bed sheet with me so I didn't feel so vulnerable at the fact I wasn't wearing any clothes.

She pushed her hair back again and I felt the overwhelming effect that being in Emily's presence had on me.

"You're absolutely beautiful, you know?" I heard myself saying as I gazed at her.

She looked up at me with a smile, but there was something else there, something behind her eyes… It almost looked like hunger. Not for food, but for me.

_Desire._

I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued to stare back at her. She moved her hand forward and I felt her grip onto the material of the bed sheet that was bunched up in front of my chest. She stared at the spot her hand was in until she closed her eyes tight and I heard her sigh.

"I really need to go" She said it almost silently and I felt her grip onto the material tighter. She opened her eyes then and looked me up and down, her grip finally loosening as she let out another sigh.

"Em, are you okay?" I asked when I noticed she was breathing heavier than before.

"No" She looked at me and cocked her head to the side, the lightest of smiles on her lips. "I need to go before I give in and kiss every inch of you" She said it so casually, like she was saying she needed to go before she missed her bus and the effect on me was instant. I felt the heat deep inside of me.

"I wouldn't mind that" I couldn't help but say with a smile as I pictured her doing exactly that.

"Neither would I" She said it so seriously at first and looked at me with that same hunger, the look that was so utterly sexy and raw it made it almost impossible to keep my hands to myself. The look didn't linger long before she half groaned, half laughed and put her head into her hands. "No" I heard her whisper. She hit her head against her hands for a second. "I need to act like a grown up, I need to do this the right way" she looked up as if asking me to reassure her and I nodded.

"You're a good person" I said, giving her what I hoped was a sincere smile. I needed her to know that I understood it, I understood she wanted to respect Alexis, respect _us _and not just act on every impulse. Not this morning anyway.

"Me? I think you have the wrong girl" she joked but I couldn't help but notice the real emotion on her face.

"You are, never forget that" I answered her. "But maybe leaving is a good idea" I agreed with her reluctantly because if she stayed any longer I didn't know how much I could take not kissing her.

"Maybe" she nodded her head but neither of us made a move to leave.

"but you could have some breakfast with me first?" I suggested and she looked at me in mock suspicion before she nodded her head in agreement.

"Breakfast we can do" we both laughed lightly and I forced myself to look away from her and reach for an oversized shirt that was on the floor near my bed. I pulled it over my head and suddenly felt less exposed, less vulnerable and intimate now I had something solid between my body and Emily's eyes.

I stepped out of the bed and stretched my arms behind me to stretch the sleep out of my muscles.

"I'll make some coffee" I said as I stood and watched Emily shift so she was sat up in bed, the sheet up under her arms. She glanced behind me and pointed to something on the floor.

"Could you pass me my clothes" she asked with a shy laugh and I turned to the heap of clothes on the floor I had removed from Emily the night before.

"They're still a bit wet" I said as I bent down and picked up the slightly damp material. "You can't wear these"

"It's fine, it doesn't matter" she dismissed and I shook my head.

"No, I have stuff you can borrow, I'm not having you wearing wet clothes" I gave her a side smile as I rummaged in my closet to find something decent to lend her. I found an old sweater that I imagined would look cute on her and a pair of skinny jeans that were a little small for me. They would fit Emily perfectly.

"Here" I said as I took the clothes and some underwear towards her and stopped in front of where she was now sitting with her legs hanging over the side of the bed. "Will these be okay?"

"Perfect, thank you" she said as she took them from my hands slowly and my legs brushed against hers as I stood in front of where she was sat.

I didn't move away from where I was stood and we both carried on looking at each other.

My hand was stroking the skin of her arm before I even knew what I was doing; she watched my hand for a few moments before she began to stroke the skin of my leg in rhythm with my movements. I knew I should probably move back and go and start making breakfast and leave Emily to get dressed but my feet wouldn't move.

"I should go make coffee" I said, not moving.

"Coffee, yes" Emily said with a slight grin as she moved her other hand to stroke my leg too and the bed sheet fell down around her waist. "We need coffee"

I couldn't help how my eyes wandered over her body as I admired just how perfect it was. _Damn_. I didn't know how it was possible that she was hotter than she had ever been but somehow she was. Olympic athlete really suited her.

I was aware that my mouth was hanging open but I couldn't stop it, I was gawking at her like I'd never seen her before.

I managed to pull my eyes away from her body and meet her eyes "This whole 'doing the right thing' is really hard" she only smiled at me and lifted the sweater over her head and pulled it down.

"Tell me about it… you look so hot in just that shirt" her voice was no more than a whisper and I wasn't even sure it wasn't just in my head. I was already leaning so close to her it would have only taken a little bit of movement for me to push her back onto the bed and do all the things I wanted to do to her. I didn't though, I swallowed and laughed lightly.

"Coffee" I said again and this time I turned to leave and walked through to the kitchen.

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**Emily's POV**

I took my time getting dressed and walked to the bathroom to splash some cold water onto my face. _I needed to calm myself down. _

Last night had been… magical. I remembered the way Paige had held me this morning, the way we had held each other, and my stomach filled with butterflies; something I hadn't experienced since I was a teenager.

There was something about this new Paige that almost drove me crazy. I had always been infatuated with her when we had been together, always loved every inch of her… but the way she was with me last night… this morning… there was something so new about it that it felt like I was meeting her all over again. She seemed somehow surer in the way she touched me, mature and sensual and… exciting. I took a deep breath.

I couldn't believe this was real, I couldn't believe that I had just woken up in her arms and that she still wanted me just as much as I had always wanted her.

The fact I felt this happy only made me feel guiltier when I remembered Alexis, when I pictured the way her face would fall when I told her I couldn't be with her any more. When I told her the truth.

_She asked me to move in with her for God's sake… and I answer her by cheating on her._ Just the word made me feel dirty.

It didn't feel like that though. _Cheating. _Being with Paige felt like the most natural thing in the world, like it was where I belonged, where I was born to be. _Don't talk yourself out of this. _I heard my conscious tell me. _It doesn't change the reality_.

It didn't change the fact I had betrayed someone I cared about.

I did care about her I realised as I splashed some more water on my face, even though it didn't even compare to the immense feelings I had for Paige… Alexis was still important to me.

I was going to have to tell her the truth, the whole truth… and it wasn't going to be easy.

I checked my reflection briefly before I left the bathroom and walked the short distance to where I could hear Paige in the kitchen.

She was standing near the stove with her hair tied in a messy bun and a blue shirt which stopped just below her ass. It was enough to cover her up but it allowed me to see her long toned legs and I stared at them in awe for a moment as she stood with her back to me moving the pan in her hand.

She must have heard me walk into the room as she turned around and grinned when she saw me _the grin I had missed so much, the one that danced up from her mouth and met her eyes and made me feel like I was flying. _She had some flour on her cheek and a pile of pancakes on a plate in her other hand. I don't think I had ever seen a sweeter sight.

"I made some pancakes" She said, almost shyly, as she indicated to the items in her hand. "I hope that's okay"

"That's amazing" I walked until I was stood beside her. She put the plate down and returned the frying pan to the stove.

"You have flour on your cheek" I laughed as I reached forward to wipe it off, she let me brush it away gently and my hand lingered on her face. I wanted to kiss her more than anything else in the world, but a little voice inside my head was screaming at me to have some self-restraint and wait until I had sorted this mess with Alexis out. I could kiss Paige as much as I wanted soon enough, I hoped as I let my hand fall.

"I should… I should get some plates" She was saying now but she was staring at my lips. _This was too hard._

I nodded and decided it would be easier if I kept physical distance from her. I moved to the other side of her small kitchen and took a seat at a stool.

She brought me over a plate and a cup of coffee and I thanked her with a smile. A minute later and she was sat opposite me with the pile of food between us.

"Pancake?" she asked as she picked one of them up with a fork and placed it on my plate.

"Thank you"

"No problem" we both laughed softly and I felt an unusual calmness settle over me.

It was almost like things were back to normal but I had to remind myself they weren't. There was Alexis to consider, but there was also everything that had happened with me and Paige. We weren't normal yet; there were still so many things we needed to talk about, so much wasted time and things I wanted her to explain to me. We had a long way to go, but sat here with her eating pancakes it was easy to forget we had been apart for 4 years… it felt like just another lazy morning with the girl I loved.

We ate but I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, her face a lot more interesting than the food on my plate.

"What are you going to tell her?" Paige's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Alexis?" I asked, even though I knew what she was talking about, she nodded in response.

"The truth" I answered as I took a sip of coffee. "I owe her the truth even though it won't be easy for her to hear, I can't lie to her"

"And what is the truth" She looked up from her own coffee and I could have sworn I saw a momentarily moment of doubt flash in her eyes.

"That my heart had always belonged to someone else" I answered and I watched as the doubt behind her eyes disappeared.

She didn't smile at me like I had expected she just nodded slowly. "I feel sorry for her" I felt my heart twist at her words and my feelings must have shown on my face.

Paige smiled then, a small upturn of her lip. "Not that I don't want you to tell her that, because I do. More than anything" She paused for a moment. "Just because I know what it's like to not have you in my life. I know what it feels like to love you and lose you. And even though she can't possibly love you as much as I do… I still feel sorry for her" She smiled a little sadder now and the reality of what I had done hit me.

I could picture the way Alexis smiled when she had hugged me after I won gold, the tears of joy she had cried with me that night in the hotel room when my dream had come true, the way she would call me 'babe' and stroke my back when we watched movies. We didn't like the same ones but she would always sit through the ones I wanted to watch just to make me happy. She was a good person and I had never given her back half of what she had given me. I felt like I was about to cry.

I hung my head a little lower and fixed my eyes onto the pattern in the table. _I didn't want to hurt anyone. _I felt like shouting out but what would be the point. Relationships always left someone hurting in the end. I hadn't noticed there were tears in my eyes until I heard Paige speak.

"Em, hey… don't cry, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you… please" she had reached for my hand across the table and gripped onto it. I shook my head and tried to stop the tears.

"You didn't… I'm fine" I struggled out but speaking only made the tears break free of my eyes.

She was on her feet and had walked around the table to my side before I could try and tell her I was okay again. She wrapped her arms around me tightly as I felt the tears make my cheeks wet.

"Em, don't feel bad, please" she was stroking my hair and my face was buried into her chest.

I pulled back just so I could wipe my eyes and try and stop the tears from falling. "No, you're right. I feel so sorry for her; I pretended that everything was right with her for so long when really I knew. I knew for so long that I didn't feel the same way she did but I carried on and now I just feel… I feel…I'm an awful person." The tears had stopped a little and I breathed heavily as Paige looked down at me.

She let out a small breath before she shook her head. "Em, listen to me."

She moved to her knees and knelt between my legs as her hands wrapped around my waist. "You are the single most incredible person in the world." I shook my head but she shook her own head in response "Just let me tell you this okay?" She asked but I knew it wasn't really a question.

"You are incredible" she spoke again, softly now. "From the day I met you my life was changed forever, you were the first person in my life who showed me compassion and understanding even though I treated you like crap. You gave me a chance, you let me into your heart and I discovered that you had the kindest most loving heart in the world. You care so much about people, not just those who are close to you… but everyone. Not only are you kind but you're strong. I left you and I broke your heart… but you didn't hate me. You kept trying, you kept loving me and you kept strong even when you felt the worst. You bring so much joy into the world from just existing; the world is a better place simply because you're in it. I know you might think I'm crazy or a love sick fool… well you'd probably be right… but my point is that you are a wonderful person." She moved her hands to hold my face. "You tried to move on; you tried to love someone else. You didn't mean to hurt her, I know you Em and I know you would never do that."

She smiled at me softly. "Making yourself happy doesn't make you an awful person, it makes you human. You deserve to be happy… just like Alexis deserves to be with someone who can love her like you never could. So please, don't let me hear you say you're an awful person again because I know it's not true at all." She finished and she was smiling now, a sweet smile with an edge of concern like she was holding her breath until she heard my response.

I felt… there aren't any words to describe this feeling. It's not something you can ever imagine. If my heart was ever going to explode I expect it would be this moment it would happen in.

I leaned forward and kissed her cheek softly, a delicate touch of my lips against her skin but the feeling was electric. "Thank you" I said against her skin. There was more to say but where did I begin, where did I begin to thank her for loving me, for making me love myself, for completing my life in every way possible. "Paige, I…" I began to say but one of her soft fingers against my lips stopped me.

"No" she smiled at me. "Don't say anything else" She left her finger on my lip for a second. "Because if you start speaking and I listen to your beautiful voice and you say something about me… I won't be able to stop myself from kissing you… and then I won't be able to stop myself from taking that sweater off and then I'll carry you back to my bed and I'll never let you leave" she was smirking now. "So you can't say anything else because I need you to leave, I need you to leave so we can start sorting this out and you can come back to me. Then you can speak" I could feel the blood pumping in my ears and I had never felt this level of intensity before, It was a good job I wasn't meant to speak as right now I was speechless. I caught her eye and I poured my whole emotion into my eyes and I tried to say everything that there were no words for. She must have understood because she smiled again, a sweet understanding smile as she nodded her head once.

She moved from her position between my legs and stood up and I instantly missed the feeling of her so close to me.

She left the kitchen and when she returned a few minutes later she had all my belongings in one hand and she put the other out for me to take.

I gripped onto her hand and let her pull me to my feet moving our fingers so they were interlocked once I was standing. She pulled me towards her front door and we stopped just before she opened it.

"I'll be seeing you then" She said with that delicious smirk.

"Count on it" I found my voice and copied her smile as we just stood facing each other.

"Bye then" she said and there was so much intensity between us I could almost feel it buzzing in the air.

She leaned in and kissed my cheek, I relished the feeling as she lingered for so long I almost forgot how to breathe. "I'll be here when you're ready" the words came in my ear.

When she opened the door I reluctantly stepped through and turned to face her again, now with the threshold between us.

"You're wrong about something you said before you know?" I began to say with a smile and she leaned against the door frame with a smile of her own.

"Oh yeah?" She asked.

"You said I was the most incredible person in the world…" I watched as she raised an eyebrow in question.

"…That title definitely belongs to you" She just smiled at that and I turned to leave reluctantly, if I didn't go now I never would.

I walked down the hall and I knew Paige was watching me, I pressed the button for the elevator and the doors opened quickly, I gave Paige one last smile before I stepped inside and let the doors shut behind me.

Now the hard bit began.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! 3 review?**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys I'm BACK! I'm so sorry for taking ages to update again, but life has been completely hectic for me recently and I haven't had much time to write. To make up for it here is a nice LOOONG chapter.**

**Again, just so much love for your reviews... they mean the world!**

**I love every single one of your reviews, especially when people let me know what they liked and that they are still really enjoying! but just wanted to say:**

**bamupr - I know what you mean about wanting Alexis to be a bitch... might have been easier! there may be more to come on that front though...**

**cici - I love your reviews so much! Thank you thank you! SO happy you are still enjoying!**

**Anyway... story time:**

**(May be a litttle bit of sexy time in this chapter, don't know if I would say it was M for sure... but I just want to give an early warning to any readers who care about that sort of thing)**

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Paige, open the damn door" I heard the familiar voice from behind my front door as I walked through from the bedroom, I had heard knocking but I had decided to let whoever it was wait while I lay in bed a bit longer; the sheets still smelt faintly like Emily.

"I'm coming hold on" I shouted back as I walked the rest of the short distance.

My old roommate's impatient face greeted me as I opened the door. "Take your time why don't you?" She chirped sarcastically as I pulled open the door further. Her face fell as she quickly looked me up and down, her mouth forming a small 'o'.

"Do you have company?" She asked in a hushed whisper.

I realised then I was still only wearing the oversized shirt I had put on this morning while Emily was still here and I was sure my hair was a mess. I laughed lightly and shook my head.

"Not anymore" I answered with a mischievous smile and ushered her into my apartment.

"Paige McCullers got laid, praise the lord!" She held her hands up towards the ceiling.

"Shut up" I picked a cushion up and tossed it her way, it hit her on the arm and we both laughed as it fell to the floor.

"Put something on… your legs are distracting me!" She teased with an over the top wink and I rolled my eyes but went to the bedroom to pull on some pyjama bottoms anyway. Taylor could make all the jokes she wanted, I knew the only legs that were going to distract her were the legs of the small blond girl she had been infatuated with since college.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I returned and went to pull two cups out to make some coffee.

"So your best friend can't just turn up on a Saturday morning without getting her intentions questioned?" She folded her arms feigning annoyance.

"Not when it's before noon, we both know you don't do Saturday mornings" I teased and she agreed with a slight smile and shrug of her shoulders.

"I need a favour" She smiled widely so I could see all of her teeth.

"I see" I smiled back smugly. "Go on…" I poured some coffee as I spoke.

"Can I borrow your car?" she looked at me like a puppy begging for treats.

"No" I answered back with a shake of my head. "No way Taylor!" I laughed when she walked towards me and opened her mouth in what I guessed was an attempt to change my mind.

"Please Paigey" She stuck her lip out. "I ordered this cake for Jessica's birthday from this like totally amazing shop back home and I just found out they don't deliver" she pleaded.

"First, Paigey… really?" I laughed as I passed her a cup of coffee. "And second, last time you borrowed my car you crashed it into a wall… A WALL"

"Again, that wasn't my fault, that wall came out of nowhere" She tried again and I just laughed.

"You're not driving my car" I sat down on the couch and she followed, looking defeated.

"I will though, I'll drive you" I took a sip of coffee and she squealed happily.

"I totally love you" She clapped her hands.

"I know" I joked and took another sip. "But you're not my type" I laughed as she pretended to look offended by my comment.

"So tell me about your night?" She slid her coat off and raised her eyebrows playfully. "I see breakfast dishes, I'm sure that's some kind of first for you" She smiled as she looked over at the kitchen area.

I rolled my eyes "That makes me sound awful" but she had a point.

"That's not answering the question" she laughed. "Who was this lucky lady? You've had this dreamy look on your face since you opened the door… she must have been amazing"

I rolled my eyes again with a smile but I caught myself thinking _she's not wrong…Emily is amazing._

"It's kind of crazy" I started and this seemed to intrigue her. "And complicated" I added and she put her coffee down as if she was preparing herself for the tale.

"Who was it? Do I know them?" She asked again and I took a deep breath before answering.

"Emily" I said her name and I couldn't help the smile that turned the corner of my lips as it slipped out. _God, it felt nice to say that name again._

"Emily" Taylor's face was blank as she looked at me to elaborate. "Emily…" She looked like she was thinking, running over every Emily she had ever met, suddenly it must have clicked and her jaw dropped in shock.

"Fields?" She asked the question in disbelief and I just nodded.

"Emily Fields? Like _that _Emily… like… Emily?" She still looked shocked and I just nodded back, the smile still on my face.

"Wait… what? How did that even happen…" she was smiling now too.

"It's kind of a crazy story"

"Go on…" She urged.

"Well I saw her about a week ago when I was working this charity awards event, it was crazy seeing her again after so long"

"And…?" Taylor asked enthusiastically.

"Well… she was there with her girlfriend and it was all weird and awkward but then she called me and we went for breakfast and…"

"Wait Paige, 'girlfriend'?" she got a sudden serious look on her face.

"That's the part where it gets complicated" I said my expression falling too. "She came over last night to talk to me… I didn't expect her to show up… but there she was in the middle of the night" I remembered how she had looked standing in my apartment soaking wet and how much it had hurt to have her that close and not be able to touch her.

"We talked and we talked some more and then somewhere along the way we weren't doing much talking anymore" I looked up and met Taylor's eye and she had a slight smile creeping onto her serious expression.

"Go figure" she said with a small smile and I couldn't help but smile too.

She reached forward and put a hand on my arm tenderly. "Do you know what it was, I mean… what about the girlfriend? I just… Paige, please don't get in too deep if it means you're going to get hurt okay, I had a front row seat to the Emily Fields heartbreak part one… I'm really not interested in seeing part two" I gave her a reassuring smile once she'd finished.

I explained all that me and Emily had spoken about that morning, how we both felt and I could see Taylor relax as I said the words.

"So this is actually happening, you and Emily?" Taylor was smiling as she asked.

"That's the plan… I mean we need to take this slow but… God Taylor… last night just made me realise I _have _to be with Emily, do you know what I mean?"

She just threw her head back and laughed with a wide smile on her face. "Do I know what you mean?" She laughed again. "Yes, Paige. I really do. You never got over her… that was obvious for anyone to see"

"Really?" I asked. I had always thought I had been quite good at keeping that little secret to myself but obviously I was wrong. Taylor had learnt not to bring Emily's name up in conversation after the first time she did and I had literally broken down in front of her. She had swiftly learnt that Emily's name and any talk of her was strictly off the agenda.

"Yes. Really." She smiled again. "Does this mean I might finally see you happy?" She had that truly caring expression on her face that was so rare with her normal sarcastic expression.

"Yes" I answered truthfully, because I was happier than I had been in 4 years and it had everything to do with the incredible brunette whose arms I had woken up in this morning.

* * *

My cell phone rang just as we joined the highway and before I could register what she was doing Taylor was rummaging in the glove compartment where I had stashed it.

"Don't answer that!" I said firmly but I couldn't help but laugh as I watched out of the corner of my eye the other girl turn her back on me and bring the phone up to her ear comically.

"It's an unknown number" my heart skipped at her words as I had a pretty good idea who it was.

"Taylor!" I protested again, my one armed attempts of stopping her failing as I tried to keep my focus on the road.

"Paige's phone" She spoke happily as she greeted the person on the other end. I couldn't hear the response from the other end of the line but the smile that crept onto Taylor's face let me know exactly who was calling.

"Emily, its Taylor!" She giggled at something Emily said. "She's driving" she answered the question I couldn't hear. "Emily Fields I have missed you girl, how's life?" Taylor said and I rolled my eyes, Taylor had only known Emily for the first year of college but she had always got on well with her whenever she visited me, but now was not the time for them to catch-up.

"Tay?" I said firmly.

"Sorry Emily, Paige is giving me her death stare… yeah, that one" she laughed and I relaxed my face… I didn't realise I had a 'death stare'.

"Can I take a message?" She asked, flipping back to an almost comical professional tone.

"Will do, bye" She said into my phone before she hung up and I looked at her expectantly.

"She wants you to call her when you can" she said simply and I nodded.

"Don't answer my phone!" I said but I couldn't really be angry, it was sort of nice to hear how enthusiastic Taylor was about Emily. I knew she had always got on well with her and I knew she had always thought we were a great couple, I just had no idea she still felt like that after all these years.

As we approached the next stop point on the road I flicked the indicator and pulled into the empty car park to a confused look from Taylor.

"You need the bathroom?"

"I'm ringing Emily back" I answered with a smile as I reached and took my cell phone which was still in her hands.

"Ever heard of playing it cool, it's been like 5 minutes" she joked.

"I 'played it cool' for four years… so… _so_ over that" I smiled as I left the car and found the number I knew was Emily's, walking a safe distance away from the car so Taylor couldn't interrupt.

"Hey" her voice greeted me after the first ring.

"Hey, you alright?" I asked, happy that my back was to the car and Taylor wouldn't be able to see the huge grin spreading on my lips at the simple sound of her voice.

"I didn't expect you to call back so soon" she seemed happy but I couldn't help but be drawn back to all the times I hadn't called her back and I felt so guilty.

"I wanted to check everything was okay, is it?" I asked, noticing how she hadn't really answered when I had asked if she was alright.

"Sort of" she said and I could tell she wasn't telling the truth.

"What's up?" I said in the most caring tone I had, I wanted her to know she could confide in me.

"Alexis is in New York for 3 more days and I'm just struggling waiting for her to come back, I know this is something I should tell her face to face but… the thought of not seeing you for 3 more days is driving me crazy" I couldn't help but feel the flutter in my chest at her words however much I knew this situation sucked, she was talking about breaking up with her girlfriend but all I could concentrate on was the part about how much she needed to see me.

"It's just three days Em… we can do it" I said softly and I got a small frustrated chuckle back from her.

"I just keep replaying last night over in my mind" she said it quietly and the butterflies returned with a vengeance, just knowing she was doing exactly what I was hit me hard.

"Em, you know I want to see you right?" She gave a little sound in response that I took for a yes. "But it's only three more days okay; it's the right thing to do" I wished we both didn't have to be so freakin moral all the time, but we both knew the truth.

"You're right" Her voice came back more confident now. "I just hate dragging this out, it's hard because I can't see you and I feel like I'm lying to Alexis"

"I know" I said in understanding. "It's worth it though, it's worth it to do it right"

I heard a small sigh and I smiled, I could listen to the little sounds like that she made all day and not get fed up.

"I can't wait until we can start again, I've missed you too much Paige" She was speaking softly and I felt my heart beat skip.

"Me too Em, so much" there was silence for a bit and I imagined how Emily was probably sat twirling a piece of her hair around her finger.

"Well I'll let you get back to driving"

"Okay" I said softly, not wanting to hang up the phone but knowing Taylor was probably getting restless, I swear she was like a toddler sometimes.

"You can do it Em, I'll speak to you soon"

"Bye" she said in that way only she could, with just one word making my whole body shake. I hung up before it became impossible to stop talking to her.

I returned to the car and Taylor was giving me a knowing smirk I just smiled back and pulled a face at her.

"What!" I asked as she continued to look at me smugly.

"I finally have happy Paige back, it's really nice" she was a little more sincere now and I just smiled.

"Well it's nice to be back… now put some music on, I'm sick of your talking" I teased and she began flicking through the CD collection.

Maybe things did work out sometimes.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

I felt so numb that I didn't feel it when Alexis threw the key to my apartment I had given her a few weeks ago at my feet, nor did I feel it when she pushed past me to grab a hand full of her things angrily from the bedroom. I stood completely still and I was aware that tears were falling slowly down my cheeks. _That was harder than I ever imagined._

I wasn't sure how long had passed before she returned from her angry searching but when she returned I could see where she had wiped at the mascara streaks on her cheeks and there was now only black smudges there as she shoved the few belongings she had into her purse.

I wanted to say something to fix the hurt on her face but there was nothing I could do to stop it, I had caused this and nothing I could do now could change that.

"I'm so sorry" I said it for what was probably the tenth time and my voice was even weaker than before, I felt awful.

She laughed a little and it made the situation even more excruciating, the laughter was so bitter and hateful it made me feel sick. "I'm sorry too Emily" she spoke bitterly and I took a deep breath.

"Can you tell me one thing?" She closed her eyes after she spoke and I wasn't sure if it was sadness or anger.

"Of course" I agreed, dreading what question she might ask.

"Did you ever really care about me or was I just a distraction?" I felt my stomach twist.

"Of course I cared about you Alexis, I still do… you became my best friend and I never lied when I told you how much I enjoyed being with you… but…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"I wasn't her" She finished for me, finally opening her eyes to meet mine.

I opened my mouth to respond but no words would come out, we both knew that was exactly the reason.

"What is it that makes you so hung up on her? What is it that I don't have? I thought we were special" she seemed less angry now but sadder, I didn't know what was worse.

"Alexis" I began slowly, I didn't want to do this to her, I didn't want to tell her anything that would hurt her more.

"No Emily… I need to know." The angry tone had returned and I was sort of glad about that.

"I'm sorry that I did this to you, I'm so sorry I hurt you by involving you in this big mess that was my life… I'm so sorry, you're such an amazing person you deserve someone to treat you better than I have" I looked at her with a pleading expression but she shook her head.

"I need to hear you say it, why her and not me?" She was grinding her teeth slowly.

"Because I'm in love with her, I've always been in love with her" I looked down at the floor as I spoke, I never wanted her to have to hear me say it so plainly.

When I looked up to see her expression it was blank, she nodded once before looking down at the floor herself.

"I never meant to hurt you" I was aware of how hollow my words were but it was all I could do to say them.

"Well you did" she said bluntly her eyes still focused on the floor. I didn't know what else I could do, I _had _hurt her and she had every right to hate me.

I stood in silence now, it was done, and there was nothing else for me to do now. _This is what you wanted, to tell Alexis the truth and be able to be happy with Paige_. I reminded myself, but happiness had never tasted this bitter.

"I hope you find someone worthy of you" I said softly.

"Drop the crap Em, I get it" she looked me right in the eyes now. "I just didn't expect this"

I didn't know what else to say, my words right now were meaningless. I knew telling her how good a catch she was wasn't going to mean anything when I had just confessed I was completely in love with someone else. I had to except the fact I couldn't make this okay.

"I need to go" she mumbled as she pulled her purse further onto her shoulder. "You can pick up your things from my apartment when I'm at work… you know my schedule" she said it so business like, like I hadn't shared the last few months of her life.

I just nodded sadly because there was nothing else for me to do.

With that she was gone, she left the door open after she had walked through it in what I guessed was a last attempt at expressing her anger, I walked and closed it more forcefully than I intended.

Hurting someone hurt more than I ever imagined.

* * *

**Paige's POV**

"Hey" I smiled warmly at her as she pulled back the door of her apartment.

"Paige" She let out in a breathless laugh, her tone showing how shocked she was to see me there, but judging from the smile on her face I assumed it was a good surprise. Her eyes were red and puffy though and I could tell she had just been crying.

"I got your message and I just thought… I didn't want you to be alone" she stood still for a moment as she used her knuckles to wipe away some tears that were reforming in her eyes.

She let out a long breath "Thank you" She smiled sweetly at me and reached for my hand to pull me into her apartment. She shut the door quietly as I glanced briefly around the nicely decorated living area as I took my coat off and rested it over the arm of a chair.

I turned to face her and felt the familiar need to protect her rush through me as I noticed how vulnerable and emotional she looked.

"Em… come here" I gave her a sad smile as I moved closer to her and went to wrap my arms around her but her hands on my wrists stopped me. I gave her a confused look as she moved my hands to rest on her face and she met my gaze, her hands still holding mine in place. Her lips touched mine softly and I felt my eyes flutter closed, I relished in the feel of her soft lips as they moved against my own. It was the lightest of kisses but we didn't break apart for a long time.

I opened my eyes as our lips fell apart and I was met with a soft smile from Emily. I kissed her nose delicately as she removed her hands from mine and rested them on my waist instead.

"I missed you" She said as she finally pulled me closer to her and let me wrap my arms around her. Her face was resting in the crook of my neck as we held each other.

"Me too" I spoke into her hair as we hugged for a moment longer. When we finally pulled apart she took hold of both of my hands and pulled me towards the big leather couch in the centre of the room.

We both took a seat on the same side and Emily rested a hand on my leg as we sat. "Are you okay?" I asked finally, tucking her hair back behind her ears and kissing her cheek softly after I had.

She let out a little laugh and nodded. "I've never felt this happy and this sad all in one, it's strange" She gave me an almost apologetic look and I smiled in understanding.

"I understand" I knew how hard it must have been for Emily to tell Alexis the truth. "I think you're really brave, I'm proud of you" I couldn't help but lean in and kiss her cheek again; she was too irresistible to keep my lips off.

"Why are you so amazing" She was looking at me in adoration and it created butterflies in my stomach, I just answered with a smile.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked the question completely unsure how she would answer, I didn't know what I was supposed to do in this situation, how was I supposed to act in regards to Emily dealing with a break-up? It was completely alien.

"I messed up my words but, eventually, I told her the truth about how I felt" She was running her hand up and down my leg as she spoke. "It was horrible, I mean it was just so hard to have to say the words to her and see how much they hurt her, you know" I nodded at her words.

"I'm guessing she took it badly" I knew the answer already by the way Emily was clearly still upset about it.

"Yeah" Emily answered with a little wobble in her breathing. "I told her about you… about us" she looked down at her hand stroking patterns onto my leg before continuing. "She was upset, obviously… and mad" Emily let out a deep sigh. "I feel so strange because I feel so guilty and upset about Alexis, like I have lost a best friend… but then at the same time I feel like I'm so happy to have you back, happier than I have ever been about anything in my life and the contradiction just confuses me."

I was looking at her face and I could see the lines in her forehead where she was tensing, all the thoughts in her head making her face twist into such un-Emily like expressions. "You know… it's okay to feel both of those things at the same time Em" I said softly as I put a finger under her chin and forced her head back up so she would look at me. "It doesn't make either of them less valid" I tried to reassure her with a smile.

"I guess" she said quietly as I continued to smile at her.

"And I know you feel bad for hurting her but the truth is always better than a lie, the truth sets people free… and that's the most important thing" I was impressed when my words made her smile _Maybe I was better at this break-up advice thing than I thought._

"You always know the right thing to say to make me feel better" She was smiling softly and I couldn't help how the compliment made my cheeks blush red slightly.

"That's all I ever want to do, make you feel better… make you happy" I admitted, causing her to smile even wider.

"Well you succeed in that by just being here with me" she replied and I took her hands and gave them a little squeeze.

"Will you stay with me for a bit?" She asked and her tone was so vulnerable.

"Of course I will" I stretched my arm around her and pulled her so she was closer to me, kissing her softly on the head while I did. "I'll stay with you forever" I added and she twisted so she could look right at me.

"Do you mean that?" She was looking at me so seriously now, any hint of underlying softness gone. The look was raw and intense and almost a little heart-breaking. My face changed instantly as I saw the emotion in her eyes.

"Of course I do…" I began to say but she spoke again.

"Even if you think you're doing what's best for me… don't. I never want you to leave. Not again." She didn't sound bitter… she sounded scared. I got a glimpse then of what I had done to Emily when I had broken up with her and what I saw hurt me right in the heart.

I took her face in my hands softly, running my fingers along her cheeks. "I promise" I said it slowly. "I promise" I repeated and the scared look finally left her face before I gave her a soft but heartfelt kiss to emphasise my point.

"I have an idea" I said with a smile after a few moments of kissing her.

"I normally like your ideas" she replied, stealing a quick kiss as she did.

"A date" I said with a small smile. "Sort of like a first date. A chance for us to begin again, get to know each other as the people we are now" I saw her smile and nod slowly.

"When would this date be?" she was staring at my lips.

"Tomorrow too soon?" I let a smile spread on my lips I knew she was staring at.

"No such thing as too soon" she closed the distance and captured my lips in a kiss that was deeper than anyone of the evening so far.

"You like kissing before you've even been on a first date don't you?" I teased and she shrugged her shoulders with a grin.

"Does this mean if I ask you to stay with me tonight the answer will be no?" She looked into my eyes as she spoke.

I thought for a second and knew that there was nothing I wanted to do more than spend the night with Emily… but the thought of doing this properly, being romantic with her and earning her trust back… that was an even sweeter thought.

"I think we should watch a movie and I'll play with your hair until you fall asleep and I'll put you to bed before I go home… and then tomorrow I'll remind you how good it is to date Paige McCullers" I said in a roundabout way to her question and I earned a smile from her.

"When you put it that way… it sounds perfect" I grinned back at her and I couldn't imagine how anyone could be happier than me right now.

* * *

**Emily's POV**

"Best movie of last year?" It was my turn to ask a question and she laughed at my choice.

"That's a boring question, what happened to the deep questions from before?" She retorted as she took another bite off her fork.

"You said I could ask anything I wanted?" I protested with a smile. "I like knowing what movies you like" I tried to justify and she smiled at me. "I like to know the little things about you".

She gave me an understanding nod just as the waiter approached with the bottle of wine we had just ordered. Paige had booked us into a little mexican restaurant she promised me had the best food she had ever tasted, so far I hadn't been disappointed. The company wasn't half bad either.

The waiter poured some of the wine before leaving the rest of the bottle for us to help ourselves; the movie question went forgotten as we took a sip.

"This place is great" I said as I looked around, it was small and cosy and there were a few other couples sat at tables but we had a good private seat in the corner.

Paige nodded with a satisfied smile. "You know, I was trying to think of all these crazy and romantic things to do for you… some sort of grand date gesture… but then I thought how much I just wanted to do something almost normal with you. Like the classic date" She winked at me. "I hope it doesn't disappoint"

"You could never disappoint" I took another bite of food and relished in the flavours. "This food is incredible" I said through a mouthful and Paige laughed at me.

"Here try this" she said once I had finished chewing. She brought her fork up to my mouth carefully and I ate the contents carefully as they were hot. "ohmygod" I said as one word as I closed my eyes for dramatic effect. "Are you trying to turn me on with_ food_ Miss McCullers?" I laughed with an eyebrow raised.

"If I was trying to turn you on I wouldn't need food" she had leant forward to whisper her words huskily and I felt her hand reach for my thigh under the table. Nope. She definitely didn't need anything other than herself.

I bit my lip and shook my head at her with a smile. "What happened to first day rules" It was my turn to tease her.

"I never really liked rules anyway" she shot back at me with a grin _that damn grin got me every time. _

She took another sip of her wine slowly and I had never been jealous of a wine glass before.

"Okay, question time again" I focused back on her with a thoughtful look. "How many people have you been with in the last 4 years" I watched as she went red from my question.

"Em" she laughed to hide her obvious discomfort. The question was something I had been wondering ever since I had saw her that night at the charity event, something I hated to think about but also couldn't not think about.

"I'm just curious" I explained, smiling softly to show her this didn't have to be awkward.

"What, like dated or _been _with" she asked, flashing me a nervous look. Okay, the way she said _been _with then made me feel a little uncomfortable.

"Both" I replied, not knowing why I was doing this to myself.

"Honestly?" she looked shy. "I went on dates with 3 people… they were awful" she met my eye and laughed.

"And…?" I pushed.

"What?"

"How many people have you… you know" I couldn't bring myself to say _slept with_.

"Em, this is such a romance killer" she laughed but I gave her a pushing look. "A few…" she began. "Like 4" she answered and I nodded slowly. "I was that jackass girl who gets drunk with some random girl and leaves before I even have chance to remember their name… classy huh?"

The thought of Paige with someone else was less disturbing if I imagined Paige completely drunk and leaving before the sun came up… but it was still not something I really wanted to picture.

"Yeah… I don't know why I wanted to know that" I laughed and Paige laughed too.

"Okay...What's your favourite memory of us?" Paige asked, completely changing the subject and surprising me with her question.

"What, ever?" I asked and she nodded. "That's like... impossible" I laughed and Paige just smiled.

"You have to answer, I answered your creepy sex question" she mocked and I chuckled.

"Okay… let me think" I tried to run through every memory of the two of us but it was like there was too much there for me to properly assess… every moment had been special in its own way. I thought for a good minute before I came up with my answer.

"Okay, I have one. You know the night you took me to the fun fair for our first 'official' date?" She nodded at my memory.

"Well… there was this moment at the end of the night where we just sat in the car driving home in silence… you had a hold of my hand and I remember thinking although I was completely drenched I had never felt more comfortable in all my life. We weren't talking… we were just _with _each other and I remember being overwhelmed with how profound and safe and hopeful I felt. That night when I got home I remember lying in bed thinking through all the possibilities of us… everything was so new and exciting and for the first time in my life I knew this was the real deal. It was like I was on the edge of something magical and I could feel the buzz it was giving to my entire body… the buzz of being with you. It's sort of how I've felt all of tonight." I finished speaking and the way Paige was looking at me now made the buzz even stronger.

"I could listen to you talk all day" she smiled almost dreamily as we continued on with our date. She hadn't been wrong; Dating Paige McCullers was incredible.

* * *

The cab driver was whistling along to the radio as we drove the short cab ride back from the other side of town to Paige's apartment. When she asked me if I wanted to come back the look I had given her had made her laugh at herslef, _of course I wanted to go back with you, you absolute moron. _

We were sat close to each other in the cab and it was all I could do to keep my cool as I felt Paige's hands on the exposed skin of my legs, she was stroking patterns in a way she knew drove me crazy.

"You look absolutely gorgeous tonight by the way" She whispered into my ear before she planted a soft kiss below it. I shivered at the feeling and closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation.

"Keep doing this and the cab driver might end up getting a bit of a show" I breathed almost silently back, half joking… half ready to climb on top of her and start making out right now.

"I'm not doing anything" she teased me by kissing my neck ever so lightly and I bit my lip and gave her a smirk.

We arrived at Paige's apartment block and I flung the money Paige pulled out of her pocket at the driver hurriedly. "Keep the change" I said with a smile as I ushered Paige out of the car urgently.

"That was a twenty" She looked at me with her hands on her hips once the cab had driven away and we were standing on the sidewalk.

"Shut up" I laughed as I lunged forward and kissed her deeply.

"I wanted my change" she teased again "You owe me money Fields" she let me kiss her again after she spoke.

"When I'm finished with you, you'll probably want to pay me anyway" I winked and she seemed to enjoy that, she raised her eyebrows and put hands either side of my hips.

"Can we at least go inside first or are you wanting to do this right here on the sidewalk?" She was teasing me again and I just rolled my eyes as I pulled her by the hand into her apartment building.

Once we were upstairs I began to kiss her again, she struggled to fit her key in the lock of her apartment as I kissed her neck. I ran my hands up under her shirt as she tried to open the door. _Stupid door._

"I can't… open…" She was breathing breathlessly as I met her mouth with my own, sucking on her bottom lip as I caught her mid-sentence.

I grabbed the key out of her hand with a wink and slotted it into the lock, after a quick twist the door opened and I grabbed Paige by the shirt and pulled her into her apartment.

The door slammed shut and I pushed her against it so I could kiss her neck again. I had never felt this much desire in my life.

"I want you so much" I felt the words fall croakily out of my mouth as I kissed up her jaw and finally found her ear with my teeth. I let my hands run up her shirt and I felt her flat stomach with my palm for a moment before I ducked my head and kissed the skin beneath her shirt. She was breathing heavily and the sweet sound of her moaning was only feeding the fire inside of me. I returned to her face and kissed her lips urgently.

"Em" she had a hand up in front of us and she was laughing breathlessly as she pulled away from the kiss.

"Hold on" She was grinning at me but I only pouted back at her, pulling her in for a deep kiss again and feeling the heat in my body rise in waves. She kissed me back and I was reminded again of how delicious her kisses could be as she moved her tongue so perfectly with mine.

Too soon though she pulled back again, "Not that I'm not enjoying this" she kissed me softly between deep breaths. "But give me a minute, please" She put two hands on my waist to steady me. "I have something I want to do" She kissed me lightly again before she slipped out from between me and the door and began to walk away.

"Paige?" I was breathing heavily and I couldn't help but laugh breathlessly as I watched her skip towards the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" I went to follow her but she put a hand up to stop me.

"It's a surprise, stop being so impatient" she flashed me a flirtatious look and I just crossed my arms.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked as I looked her up and down and accepted the fact that the only thing I wanted to do right now was rip each item of her clothing off.

"Wait" she said simply with a wink before she disappeared into her bedroom and I sat on the arm of the couch with a smile; even though she was making me wait she was still adorable.

Five minutes passed before her face returned around the door of the bedroom and she smiled smugly as she approached where I was sat.

"Miss Fields, would you like to follow me?" She bent down to whisper in my ear and offered me her hand, I took it and she placed a kiss on the back of it delicately.

I giggled softly as she led me towards the bedroom and pulled me inside.

The room was glowing from the numerous candles she had placed on every available surface and the stars twinkling through the ceiling window only added to the pleasant light of the room. There were petals sprinkled on the floor and bed and what appeared to be a bottle of champagne on the nightstand.

"Paige" I breathed out at the sight. "It's beautiful"

She let go of my hand and I could see she was grinning. "So are you" she flashed me one of her most adoring smiles and I felt my knees go a little bit weak.

She walked over to where some speakers were in the corner of the room and pressed play on her iPod

"I made a playlist of songs that remind me of you" she seemed so happy with herself as the soft music filled the air.

I couldn't help but smile back at her as I watched her half walk half dance her way back over to me.

"Well most songs make me think of you… but these are the special ones" She had reached me again and she put a hand on either side of my waist tenderly.

"I love you" I gushed as I just admired how her eyes looked this close up.

She made a small sound and I wasn't sure if it was a sigh or a laugh but she dropped her gaze slightly to my body as she did.

"What?" I asked, suddenly conscious of my words and her lack of response, she just shook her head and tightened her grip on my waist.

"Say it again" she said softly, her fingers now tracing the skin of my arms softly.

"What?" I asked with a smile.

"That you love me" She planted her lips on my collar bone gently and peppered gentle kisses there.

I felt my heart flutter and I reached my hand to her face and lifted her chin so she would look at me.

"I love you. Paige McCullers" I spoke softly and slowly and watched her sigh again as I did.

"I will never get bored of hearing you say that" she moved her lips back to my neck and kissed the skin like it was an old friend she had missed dearly.

"Are you not going to say it back?" my voice was slightly breathless due to the way her kisses were making my heart beat.

She kissed my neck harder and just nodded against me. I closed my eyes for a second to fully enjoy the sensation as her hands travelled up my back and found the zipper of my dress.

"I want this dress off first" she flashed me a mischievous look as she slowly began to turn me around and ease the zipper all the way down. She moved my hair out of the way once she had finished with the zipper and kissed the back of my neck slowly.

I helped ease the dress down by wiggling my hips as she pulled the fabric the rest of the way and my dress pooled at my feet.

I felt her hands on my waist, slowly stoking over the skin of my stomach before they moved lower and scraped over the lace fabric of my underwear.

"You are so gorgeous" I wasn't sure where she was looking exactly but I could feel her hands moving over my ass and down my legs. I let her turn me back around and I felt the way she was looking at my body like I was a goddess or something, like I was the most exquisite thing she had ever seen in her life. It was such a turn on to see that much desire behind her gorgeous brown eyes.

"Can I get you out of these clothes yet?" I asked with a mischievous smile of my own, looking down at the offending clothes in question.

Paige hadn't dressed girly in a long time, since the start of our relationship she had always preferred to dress in jeans and a t-shirt and I always loved how she would pick a suit to dress up in over a dress. These days though she seemed somehow even more at home in her smart casual boyish clothes which always had just a hint of femininity. Today she was wearing tight black jeans I had decided I was going to worship for the rest of my life and a fitted low cut shirt which left all the right things to the imagination. She looked sexy in a way I could never really explain, so confident without being revealing… it was almost a shame I had to take them off to reach the perfect sight I knew was under there.

"I thought you'd never ask" she teased and it was my turn to kiss her neck as I pressed my lips there and ran my fingers under the hem of her shirt. Once it was on the floor I smirked at her and took a seat on the edge of the bed. She looked at my new position with an eyebrow raised and turned to face me.

I smirked myself as I reached forward and hooked two fingers through the belt loops in her jeans and pulled her close to me as a sensual laugh escaped her lips.

"I think things would be so much better if you were naked" I bit my lip as I slowly undid the button at the top of her jeans, taking my time with the zipper before I eased them down her thighs smoothly.

I heard her breath catch in her throat as I pressed my lips against the bottom of her stomach which was so easy for me to reach from my position. I ran my tongue over the skin slowly and I felt her shiver as she wrapped her hands in my hair to hold me in place. _She was obviously enjoying this_. I kissed my way up her body as her grip loosened and I finally found her face, pressing a soft kiss to her waiting lips.

The flickering candle light was making her hair seem like it was changing shades every second, the rich and light tones amplified as she looked at me. She smiled at me then and I was sure no one had ever smiled at another person with so much adoration as Paige did to me in that moment; it made me feel like I was the luckiest person alive.

"I love you Emily Fields" She kissed me softly. "I have always loved you from the moment I met you" She kissed me again. "And I will carry on loving you for the rest of my life" she kissed me a final time. "… And probably even longer" she winked this time and I just smiled back in awe. _Happy_ didn't begin to explain what I felt right now.

She tapped my legs softly with her hands and indicated with her head for me to move myself further up the bed, I did what she said and smiled as she followed me until I was resting against the head board.

She sat down with a thigh either side of my legs, positioning her weight in a way that made her feel almost weightless. She leant forward so her chest was pressed against mine and I relished in the feel of it, she kissed me lightly before she leant back and twisted her body so she could reach what was on the nightstand.

I watched as she carefully poured two glasses of champagne into the tall flutes. She passed me mine and I took it with an appreciative smile.

"A toast" She said with a grin.

"To what?" I ran my finger along the bottom of the glass as Paige began to think.

Her eyes dipped down to my body "lace panties?" she gave me an almost devilish grin as she ran her free hand over the top of my underwear. "They're worth a toast, surely?" she raised her eyebrows suggestively at me and I would have laughed if I hadn't been so turned on.

"For sure" I agreed with her for a moment before I leaned forward and whispered in her ear "But I think you might like what's underneath them even more" I knew straight away the effect that had on her and it was like I could almost feel her increase in temperature.

"I don't doubt it" When she spoke now her grin had gone and it almost looked like she was dazed. I stroked the bottom of the glass again.

"To us" I said simply, knowing it wasn't flirtatious of earth shattering but feeling like it was everything that mattered. The fact that we could be 'us' again… that's all I ever needed.

She smiled gently in agreement and raised her glass to meet mine. "To us" she repeated as our glasses clinked together and we both took a small sip.

"Nice" I said as I swallowed the bubbly liquid "I didn't know you could be so flashy."

"Only the best for you" She winked at me and I loved how she was being serious.

I let my eyes wander down to her chest and I smiled when I realised for the hundredth time that night how beautiful she was. Paige told me so many times how gorgeous she thought I was but I guessed I didn't tell her as much as I should have. In the past I guess I couldn't find the right way to express just _how_ gorgeous she was or how much she turned me on so I gave up telling her and committed myself to showing her. But right now I needed her to know.

I took one more sip of the sparkling substance and placed it back on the nightstand, Paige copied me as I began to run my hands along her stomach. I leant forward and raised my arms around her neck to pull her face towards me so I could capture her lips in mine. She moaned into the touch and I smiled in satisfaction.

"You are so gorgeous" I whispered between kisses. "Do you know that?"

"You are" was all she answered back as she kissed me again and I laughed, I needed her to fully understand.

It wasn't hard for me to wrap my arms around her semi naked form and flip us over so she was lying on her back. She laughed softly at my movement and seemed to shiver in excitement and I straddled her hips and grinded gently against her.

I pushed her hands above her head and held them in place for a moment.

"I think this has to be my favourite feeling in the world" the words flowed from her lips in a breathless sigh.

"What's that?" I teased as I grinded into her again and felt her squirm a little.

"The wonderful weight of Emily Fields on top of me… especially when you do that" she closed her eyes for a second as I moved my hips into her again.

"You know what my favourite thing is?" I asked with a grin. She shook her head.

"Your abs" I said as I leaned forward and ran my tongue over the softly defined muscle in front of me whilst my hair fell around my face. I felt Paige brush my hair back softly so she could watch the gentle kisses I was giving her. I could hear her heart beating rapidly.

"Or maybe it's your mouth" She smiled when I said that and I moved to kiss her "or your kisses" I said after a deep and passionate moment of kissing. "Or…" I said as I ran my hand down her body, my hand moving its way behind her to unclasp her bra gently. I tucked the straps down her arms and pulled it out of the way in one slick move. "Oh yeah, we have a definite contender" I smiled as I moved my lips to kiss the newly exposed skin. Paige arched into me as I touched exactly where she needed me with my tongue. Her hands fumbled to remove my bra and I let her struggle while I carried on making her arch into me. Once she had finished her task she threw the black lace item onto the floor and moved a hand to hold onto my head softly; her fingers messing into my hair as I heard a moan curl from her mouth.

_What a sweet sound._

Paige shifted then and she pulled my head up so she could kiss me deeply. This feeling of being this close to her again, physically and emotionally, was electrifying... I wanted her more than I ever had in my life.

The next few hours were magical... I wasn't aware of the passing of time whilst the sensation of being with Paige overwhelmed me. Our hands moved together, our mouths are tongues... they all took up the old dance we had perfected so well but with a new energy that left me feeling the most incredible I had in my whole life.

Paige was mine and I was hers... and that's all I had ever wanted.

* * *

**Soooo review? please...? :D**


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